The excitement begins...

Yesterday, together with a fellow volunteer, I went to survey the place where we are supposed to have our Family Day outing next month. At the same time, we were supposed to negotiate for a special rate as this is a charitable organization and the people joining us will be underprivileged children and families. They need a break but they can’t afford a luxury holiday.

Well, we ourselves are funded by donations from friends and the public who understands our work, so we can’t afford to give them a luxury holiday either. But we honestly hope the Family Day, which we organize every year, will be able to let them forget their plight and their sufferings, and just enjoy themselves, at least during this one day of the year. Of course, at the same time, we volunteers too will get the chance to let our hair down and enjoy ourselves silly (and maybe even act more childish than the children themselves!!).

So, yesterday I had the chance to have a “sneak preview” of the place – free of charge. We had a half hour tour of the place… so at least we now know what to expect, and as such it will be easier for us to plan our programmes for the day. The nice gentleman who showed us around even offered a free spinning chair ride… but my friend just had a cup of coffee and she was afraid she may throw up after the ride… while I was not in the proper attire… in my jubah and tudung labuh, which would probably be flapping all over when the chair goes spinning in the air! (Now, that may look like a different version of the movie “The Flying Nun”, don’t you think?) But come that day, I will make it a point to go properly attired so I will not miss any of the thrilling rides available.

Our main concern was the children. We need a strategic place so that we can easily keep an eye on the children. Kids being kids, they are bound to try anything… and especially because most, if not all, of these kids have never been exposed to such fun and amusement before. We just have to be extra careful. So yes, we got ourselves a strategic place where the mothers can easily supervise their children.

Now, coaxing the families to come is another story. For the first timers especially, they ask all sorts of questions… will their illness be discussed in any way? What if their children find out about their illness? What if people look down on them? But once we managed to convince them that there is nothing to worry about as it will be just like any other family day outings, they agreed to join. In fact, the kids are already excited the moment they found out where we’re going. (Oh okay, this overgrown kid here is just as excited…)

Actually, in organizing such events, we volunteers too tend to be caught in a dilemma. On one hand, we want to show the public that there is no harm mixing around with PLWHAs, but on the other hand, on the issue of confidentiality, we promised our clients that we will not disclose their status to anyone without their consent. And so, even in organizing this event, we have to be on low profile…

But THAT will not stop us from having fun!

These next 3 weeks running up to the Family Day, we have meetings every week to ensure the smooth running of the event. We want to make sure it will be a day the families, especially the children, will remember for a long long time…

Loving and Giving

I'm pretty tied up these few days... I can't really come up with another story to post. So, I'd like to share this poem ~ something for us all (myself included) to think about...

***********************************************


Whatever you give away today,
or think or say or do
will multiply about tenfold
and then return to you.

It may not come immediately,
nor from the obvious source
but the law applies unfailingly,
through some invisible force.

Whatever you feel about another,
be it love or hate or passion
will surely bounce right back to you
in some clear (or secret) fashion

If you speak about some person,
a word of praise or two,
soon, tens of other people
will speak kind words of you.

Our thoughts are broadcasts of the soul,
not secrets of the brain.
Kind ones bring us happiness;
petty ones, untold pain.

Giving works as surely as reflections in a mirror.
If hate you send, hate you'll get back,
but loving brings love nearer.

Remember, as you start this day
and duty crowds your mind,
that kindness comes so quickly back
to those who first are kind.

Let that thought and this one
direct us through each day.
The only things we ever keep
are the things we give away.

-author unknown-

"It is one of the beautiful compensations of this life that noone can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."

~ Charles Dudley Warner ~

When a woman has no say - Part 2

This week and last week I’ve been calling almost all my PLWHA clients inviting them to join our Family Day outing on 5th August. It’s confirmed, from the families under my care, there’ll be 10 adults and 23 children going.

Joining will be the happy-go-lucky Jah, Yah and her 4 children, Fuzi and 5 children, Zainab/Zaki and their 2 daughters, Mr. and Mrs. K and their 4 children, Sha and her 2 boys and finally Lily’s children with their new guardians plus their 2 young cousins.

Nuri, as I had expected, declined. From day one she had been reluctant to join such activities where she could meet up with fellow PLWHAs. I’ve been trying to call Ifa, but each time I called, she wasn’t home (she doesn’t have a hand phone) and the man who answered the call (I think it was her father) sounded like he was going to eat me up so I dared not ask any further… :)

But I really feel so sorry for Maria.

When I called Maria last week informing her of the Family Day, she sounded so excited. She really wanted to go… bring her family along and get the chance to meet other families with HIV. But she would have to discuss the matter with her husband first to make sure they don’t have any other events or appointments on that day. I told her I’d call her again this week.

So 2 days ago I called her. Since she didn’t answer the call I sent her a text message. Apparently Maria didn’t answer my call because she had left her hand phone in the car. It was only later that night she replied my message…

“Saya tak pergi. Suami saya tak nak pergi. Dia mana nak campur dengan orang macam kami ni. Dah tau jawabnya dah tentu dia tak nak.”

I understand how she felt. Her husband had always been her problem since day one. Maria never had any say in any decisions.

I’ve posted Maria’s story sometime in March during my early blogging days. You can read her story here. But if you’re too busy or lazy to read the old posting, let me just summarize her story here.

Maria got infected with HIV from her first husband, a drug addict. It was an arranged marriage. After being blessed with 3 children, they got divorced and through another family arrangement, Maria got married to her present husband. Her present husband seemed to be the more responsible type. Everything went well… until Maria got pregnant again. When tests showed that Maria was infected with HIV, her husband was called to the HIV clinic to get tested as well. He was declared negative.

Then the problem began. Nobody else in the family knew about Maria’s HIV status… only Maria and her husband knew. While Maria needed to talk things over, her husband preferred to avoid the problem by not talking about it. So Maria got all tensed having to keep things inside her. She had no choice but to talk to me whenever she needed to let something off her chest.

Whenever Maria did try to open up to her husband, they would usually end up in a fight… sometimes even to the extent of the husband chasing her out of the house. However, each time Maria tried to get out of the house, he’d stop her… saying he didn’t mean what he said. He didn’t apologize; he just said he didn’t mean what he said earlier. To him, if he didn’t mean what he said, things would be alright. To Maria, he wouldn’t have said it if he didn’t mean it.

After some time, Maria didn’t call me as often as she did before. I thought maybe after the baby was delivered, things would turn out for the better. Each time I called to ask how she was doing, she’d just say she was okay. I thought maybe her relationship with her husband had improved. Apparently there wasn’t much improvement. Instead Maria was just getting used to the situation. She was getting used to having no say in any decision.

From her latest SMS I could tell she was frustrated. To her, there was nothing she could do about it because she’s just a woman. I really feel sorry for her.

If only Maria’s husband was more like Sha’s. Sha’s husband was also tested negative but had been very supportive. Although he is not joining the Family Day outing due to work commitments, he encouraged Sha to go with the 2 children.

Financially, Maria’s family is better off than most of the other families under my care. But emotionally, Maria is not.

Frankly speaking, I think Maria’s husband would feel much better if only he’d talk things over with someone. But he simply refuses to do so. Joining the Family Day outing will mean he will be meeting other HIV families. He’s afraid someone may end up talking to him about HIV.

He’s not solving the problem; he’s just avoiding it…

*Sigh*

The problematic young woman - Part 4

When I first brought Zana to the shelter home for HIV women in KL, she was desperate. She was a single pregnant woman and had to leave her kampong. There was no specific home for HIV women in Perak so I had no choice but to send her to KL. Zana was lucky I had my contacts in MAC who helped me find a place for her. Those who may have missed this part can read about it here.

After she delivered and Kak Hawa was on MC for a while, Zana had problems with the other occupants of the home, moved to another home for a while before she went back to the same shelter home before Hari Raya as the other home did not have any other Muslim occupants for her to celebrate Hari Raya with.

After some time, Zana had wanted to go back to her parent’s home. I went all the way to KL to fetch her after I was made to believe that her family was ready to accept her back. It was only after I reached the shelter home that I was told that her sister just called to tell her not to come home as her father was fuming mad. More details on this in part 2 of Zana’s story.

I tried to get in touch with Zana’s family after that to find out if they could give her a second chance. I was quite taken aback by the SMS I received. I was told Zana no longer had a place in the family as she had already been given a second chance but she blew it. There was no way I could bring Zana home to her family – not yet anyway. More details on this in part 3 of her story.

Then one of Zana’s twin babies died. It must have been a big blow to Zana… or so I thought….

More than a week after her baby died, I received another SMS from Zana. She was asking me why I wouldn’t let her leave the shelter home. She said she couldn’t stand it any longer over there. In her own words…

“Kenapa kakak tak benarkan Zana keluar dari sini? Dah lebih seminggu anak Zana mati, kenapa masih kecoh-kecoh lagi? Zana sendiri tak rasa apa-apa pun!”

She wasn't sad her baby died??

I forwarded that SMS to Kak Hawa. Kak Hawa then spoke to her personally as to why she wouldn’t let Zana leave. The home had its own rules and regulations. Somebody would have to sign her out if she was to leave. If she leaves on her own she may go back to her old ways. In addition to that she now has a baby to look after.

About a month ago, Zana sent me another SMS saying she wanted to leave. She was no longer on talking terms with the other occupants of the home. I asked where she wanted to go… and she replied asking me to find another shelter home for her. I told her I would have to ask around but the fact was that I needed to discuss the matter with Kak Hawa first.

Early this week, I received 2 more SMS from Zana. The first one was a forwarded message to Zana from another occupant of the home who got so pissed off with Zana’s attitude. In the second SMS Zana told me she’d now leave the home on her own as I was not helping her find another place.

From the first SMS, and knowing Zana personally, I could already figure out what the problem was. The problem was not the shelter home, but Zana herself. She wanted a home where she could do as she pleased. She wanted a home where she was not subject to rules, regulations and duties.

I informed Kak Hawa. Kak Hawa asked me to call Zana and tell her to talk to Kak Hawa personally. I tried to call… twice. The first time there was no answer. The second time the call ended after just the first ring. It appeared as though she didn’t want to answer my calls. So I had no choice but to send her a text message asking her to talk things over with Kak Hawa.

Until today she still has not answered my SMS.

The other occupants of the home are getting fed up with her attitude. She’s not helping out with the housework unlike the rest of them. She locks herself in the room most of the time.

Kak Hawa has run out of ideas on what to do with her. So have I. Here we are trying to help her and she’s treating us as her enemies.

I don’t really know what’s on her mind right now. For all I know she’s planning her escape from the home.

Sheeeesh… this is frustrating…

Happy Birthday Aisya!

Remember Aisya? The girl whose story was highlighted by Daphne Ling? If you haven't read about her before, you can read her story here and here.

No, this has nothing to do with any of my HIV families. But today, 1st July 2007 is Aisya's 4th birthday and Daphne and I promised each other that we'd both do a posting on this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear Aisya!

Yesterday, Daphne and I went to menyibuk to Aisya's house to celebrate her birthday. Daphne had earlier just told Aisya's parents, Shahidan and Hayati, that we were paying them a courtesy visit... just to be sure they'd be home.

First, we went to Kinta City, to buy whatever. Whatever??! You see, given her condition, we didn't really know what to buy for Aisya. Clothes? What's her size? Toys? What does she play? Birthday cake? She cannot eat! Aiyoo... banyak susah lor...

Well, we ended up buying some t-shirts for her. The ones for 3-4 years looked rather small, so we bought the ones for 5-6 years. Then Daphne bought some chocolates for Syazwan, courtesy of Nenek (Daphne's mom). And finally we bought KFC (ooops... they don't ban fast food ads on blogs do they? :) ) for our lunch.

Then off we went to their house. That was my 3rd visit. But this time, there was a difference. A pleasant difference. Aisya was no longer the girl who was scared of strangers. This time we saw her smile! This time we saw the playful side of her! What a pleasant sight...

The happy family:
Shahidan, Syazwan, Aisya & Hayati

Oh, of course, she still throws her tantrums from time to time when she doesn't get what she wants. Like when we went yesterday, Shahidan had actually said "Jom" to her... and to little Aisya when her father says "Jom", that means he's taking her somewhere. When he did not, she started to cry. So, off they went on the motorbike for one round around the taman. For a girl who previously would simply cling on to her dear mom wherever she went, I was happy to note that this time she was not so scared of people. She's a very brave girl now!


Feeding time for Aisya. Sorry dear, no birthday cakes for you...

By the time they came back, Aisya was much happier. Syazwan was happy enough with the chocolates given by Nenek Ling :) and the Chicky Meal we bought for him; while we had fried chicken. Aisya? Sorry dear, no cakes or any solid food for that matter... just her usual liquid food (see pic above).

Big brother Syazwan, enjoying his drumstick.

And the t-shirts? They fit Aisya just fine!

You can read more about the visit and updates on Aisya at Daphne's blog.

But wait, there's another thing I wish to highlight. Yesterday we also found out that Aisya's a big fan of................. ready for this?

M A W I !!!!! (world!)


According to Hayati, since Aisya was younger, she always seem to love listening to Mawi's voice. Well, she can't see, so she can't be going ga-ga over his looks, right? At first I thought maybe there was one particular song she loved. But no, Hayati says Aisya had been a fan of Mawi since his Akademi Fantasia days, it didn't matter what song he sang. And whenever Aisya cries, if suddenly she hears Mawi sing ANY song, she'd stop crying. Oh wow...

I'm not a fan of Mawi, but hey, since Aisya loves him so much, maybe for Aisya's 5th birthday, we can put Mawi in a big box, tie a ribbon around it and send the box over to Aisya?

OUCH!

Oii, who threw that rotten egg?!