Arranging for a shelter home…

When I texted SN on Saturday to inform her of Shila’s passing, despite it being her off day, SN immediately called me back as she too, like the rest of us, was shocked with the news.

And since she was already on the line with me, SN took the opportunity to ask about Faridah (see my earlier posting here). I told SN I had not called the shelter home to ask if they’d accept Faridah, because when I spoke to Faridah’s sister-in-law last week, I was made to understand that both sides of the family agreed that even if Faridah were to leave her MIL’s home, it should be after her iddah is over.

When I told SN that they wanted to wait until Faridah’s iddah is over, and that would be in another 4 months time, SN got worried. Due to Faridah’s condition (she had defaulted her appointments before this and her CD4 had gone down) the doctor wants her to start her antiretroviral (ARV) soonest. However, if she continues to stay with her MIL, we can be very sure she will not be compliant in taking her ARV.

You can teach Faridah that she’s supposed to take her medication, say at 10 am for example, but Faridah isn’t even able to tell the time. Seriously! And since her MIL is also unwell, we can’t depend on her MIL to be reminding her either. And nobody else stays there with them. In other words, for as long as Faridah continues to stay with her MIL, there is no point letting her start her ARV. Her side of the family, as mentioned in my earlier posting, is not willing to take her to stay with them, which was why they wanted her to go to a shelter home.

I had earlier agreed to help them find a place for Faridah after her iddah is over – at that time I had not discussed with SN or the doctor about her condition. But after listening to SN, I must agree that the sooner Faridah gets proper care, the better.

So this morning I called up the person in charge at a shelter home for HIV+ Muslim women, and she had no problem accepting Faridah anytime. I then called up Faridah’s SIL, the one I met last week. After explaining things to her, she too agreed that maybe we shouldn’t wait until the iddah is over. I also asked if they could arrange to send Faridah to KL themselves, and by the sound of it, I think it shouldn’t be a problem. Since she will be bringing Faridah for another appointment in Ipoh GH next week, we agreed to meet up and discuss matters further then. I’d need them to decide on a date so I can inform the person in charge at the shelter home.

So far the women I had arranged to send to shelter homes had been young 20-something year old women. This is the first time I’m arranging to send an HIV+ woman who’s almost half a century old to a shelter home. Well, at least part 1 of the problem is settled…

Another positive child

Remember Selvi, the homeless lady whose case was referred to us from Taiping Hospital before we started our support services there? She had been hospitalised for a few months when we visited her, and when we asked where she’d go when she’s discharged, she told us she had nowhere to go.

Selvi has 5 children. The 2 younger ones, aged 5 and 6, were sent to an orphanage run by an NGO, while the older 3, aged 11, 12 and 13, stayed at a different shelter home.

When Selvi got discharged, it became a problem for us to get hold of her.  A fellow volunteer who works in Taiping Hospital took the address and phone number given to the hospital by Selvi before she was discharged. The address was that of her sister who stays in a nearby town. But calls to the number given never got through.

After a while, Selvi herself called the volunteer, saying she was not staying with her sister, and gave an address. Supposedly, the house was empty house belonging to a friend who wanted her to take care of the house.

When the volunteer tried to look for the house, there was no such address. Adoi, how lar?

Then we were told that her 6 year old daughter was hospitalised. But how were we to inform her about it when we didn’t even know where she lived? She had defaulted her hospital appointments again and so we weren’t able to meet her there either. Not much we could do.

Today a call came in on my hand phone from an unfamiliar number. It was a welfare officer from the district where Selvi’s 2 younger children stay. The lady officer was asking if I knew of any homes which would take in HIV+ children as there was a child who had just recently been diagnosed HIV+ and the people at the home where the girl stays now is scared to take care of the little girl. So they referred the case to the welfare department and the lady officer who called me was the one who was assigned to handle the case.

When she mentioned that the orphanage was a private home run by an NGO, somehow it just clicked in my mind that this could be Selvi’s child the officer was talking about.

Me: “Budak ni maknya ada lagi kan?”

Welfare Officer: “Dengarnya macam tu lah, tapi tak dapat dihubungi. Nama budak ni *Becky.” (*not real name)

Me: “Oh kalau yang tu saya taulah. Kami pun memang tengah mencari mak dia.”

Anyway, the officer asked me if I could tell her where she could send the child to. I wasn’t able to answer off hand, so I told her I’d have to call her back. She immediately gave me her personal mobile number so that I could easily get in touch with her even when she’s out of the office.

First thing was I got the fellow volunteer in Taiping Hospital to get more info on Becky’s condition. Then I called another colleague in Ipoh to ask him to find out if there are any homes in Ipoh willing to accept an HIV+ child. There definitely isn’t any home specifically for HIV children, but who knows, there may be those who are still willing to accept.

Then I remembered Becky’s younger brother who stays in the same home. It didn’t occur to me earlier to ask if they only intend to send Becky alone to another home, or are they planning to send both? They are already separated from their 3 older siblings, I certainly wouldn’t want these 2 to be separated as well.

I decided to go to the Buddies Center to get the necessary contact numbers, and I also asked my colleague (the one whose favour I sought to  find out if there are any homes in Ipoh willing to accept Becky). Before long my colleague in Taiping Hospital sent me her report via SMS. Becky has a CD4 of only 21! Oh dear! She had been on treatment since November. Her younger brother however, has been confirmed negative.

I then called the welfare officer.

Me: “Bukan ke ada adik *Becky sorang lagi kat rumah tu?”

Welfare Officer: “Ha’ah ada, tapi dia dah confirm negatif.”

Me: “Habis tu, yang nak dipindahkan ke rumah baru ni sorang ke berdua?”

Welfare Officer: “Yang positif sorang je puan, yang sorang lagi tu negatif.”

Apparently, the welfare officer thought the homes for HIV children are only meant for infected children. I told her that these homes would usually accept HIV affected children as well as the infected.

“Oh, saya kalau boleh memanglah tak nak pisahkan budak-budak tu!” she said.

OK good, now that matter is clear. Place them together if possible. I asked if she could arrange for the transportation to send the children to the shelter home if the place is out of Perak. I told her we are all volunteers and so it would be a bit difficult for us to find the time to go all the way. The officer said she’d have to ask her boss first, but assured me there shouldn’t be any problem.

When my colleague arrived at the center, he told me he asked 2 homes in Ipoh, and both were not willing to accept HIV cases.

Frankly, after knowing that Becky’s CD4 is so low at only 21, I thought probably it would be in Becky’s best interest if she goes to a home where the caretakers have enough knowledge about HIV cases.

So I immediately called the lady in charge of a particular home in Selangor, specifically handling HIV cases. Usually for cases involving Muslim ladies/children, I’d be calling Rumah Solehah. This time since the clients involved are non-Muslims, I called up Rumah Jaireh. The lady in charge confirmed that she was willing to accept not only Becky and her younger brother, but also their mother if we manage to get hold of her.

After getting that confirmation, I immediately called the welfare officer again, but this time, there was no answer. So I sent her a text message, giving her the contact number of the lady in charge of the shelter home. If the welfare department is to send Becky and her brother to that home, then might as well, they deal direct with the home.

Meanwhile, I am still hopeful that we’d be able to get hold of Selvi, although frankly, I’m not even sure if she is still alive…

Shelter home

When a JKM officer called me up last Friday regarding arranging for a home for Amy’s father, Ramli, I told the officer about the existence of a non-religious based shelter home up north. I told her I’d have to check with the home and then discuss the matter further with Amy.

Since it was already a Friday, I figured I’d make the necessary calls on Monday.

Came Sunday evening, a text message came in from Amy, saying that the JKM officer told her that I had managed to find a home for her father. Wah, kita belum apa lagi the officer already told her dah dapat tempat??? Was she trying to lepas tangan or what?

I told Amy I’d be calling her on Monday after I call up the shelter home. Even though chances were that there should be no problem for them to accept Ramli at the home, I’d still have to check first… who knows, they may be fully occupied, or they may have changed policies on accepting people to the home.

On Monday morning, before I could call up the home, I received another call, this time from a district hospital. A doctor sought my help to find a place to stay for a male patient, Chong, who had been hospitalised for a few months already. Chong could have been discharged earlier, but because he didn’t have a place to stay, he was transferred from Ipoh GH to the district hospital. Now even the doctors at the district hospital felt that despite his HIV, Chong is already healthy enough to work. Only problem is, before he can start finding a job, he’d need a place to stay.

Again, I told the doctor about the existence of the shelter home up north. The doctor then passed the call to Chong so I could speak to him personally. After confirming that Chong was indeed agreeable to move up north, I jotted down his contact number and told him I’d call him back once I could confirm the home would accept him. Chong then asked if I could get a Chinese-speaking volunteer to call him. I agreed, to reduce the possibility of miscommunication.

Good thing that call came in before I called the person in charge at the shelter home. Otherwise I would have had to call the home twice.

Anyway, by now the lady at the home had already stored my number in her handphone, so there was no longer a need for introduction when I called. There was no problem whatsoever for the home to accept the 2 cases. They are even willing to help out Chong to look for a suitable job. Only thing was that the lady reminded me to remind Ramli’s family to come and visit from time to time and not just dump him there and goodbye forever! Well yes, that was what I had in mind too – to advise Amy to visit the father whenever possible.

Immediately after the call to the shelter home, I called a Chinese colleague of mine, to inform him of Chong’s situation. I told him I’d be giving him all the necessary details, after which he’d need to call and talk to Chong, and tell him what to do. Chong’s problem, settled.

Next person to call was Amy. I told her about the home, and, not wanting her to be too dependent on others, told her to make the necessary arrangements to transfer her father’s appointments from Ipoh GH to the hospital nearer to the shelter home, to make it easier for the people at the shelter home to bring him for his hospital appointments. I taught her how to go about, and that she need not bring her father to Ipoh to get the necessary referral letters from the doctor.

When I gave her a friendly advise that she should be visiting her father from time to time once she sends her to the shelter home, Amy said, “Memang kami nak melawat, bukan nak tinggalkan terus. Nak hantar ni pun saya serba salah, tapi saya betul-betul dah tak upaya nak jaga dia.”

I hope she meant what she said.

So who wants to take care of him now?

I had to attend a meeting in Lumut this morning, final preparations for next week’s exhibition (organised by MAC) in TLDM Lumut. It had been quite a while since I last went to Lumut, so I wasn’t really sure how long it would take to get to Lumut from Ipoh. I wasn’t really worried about how to get to TLDM as I know all I had to do was get on the Ipoh-Lumut highway…. jalan lurus, jangan belok-belok… lalalalalala…

However, there were quite a number of traffic lights I had to pass along the road, and it so happened every time I reached the traffic lights, the lights turned RED! When I finally reached TLDM, I had to stop at the main entrance to leave my IC and get a pass. Then to ask for instructions how to get to the place of meeting. And so I ended up for the meeting 15 minutes late, which is something that seldom happens to me. Now, if the meeting was the usual meeting I had to attend on the “Men Against Violence” campaign, being 15 minutes late means you’re not late. However, today’s meeting was at a Navy base, so meeting started 9 am sharp!

Anyway, on my way back after the meeting, a call came in from a lady, a JKM staff. Apparently a few days ago she did call, but her 2 calls (one after another) came in while I was performing my solat asar, and since the number wasn’t a familiar number, I didn’t return call.

This time she called while I was driving, but since I was on handsfree, I answered the call. Besides I was no longer in a hurry, so I could take my own sweet time driving. The lady wanted to discuss with me about Ramli. Remember Ramli? The guy who had 4 wives when he was healthy, and now that he is bedridden, all 4 wives left him. One died (the one his daughter, Amy, suspected he got the virus from), while the other 3 simply left him. I can understand wife #4 who had no kids, but wife #2 not only left him, she left 3 of her 4 kids as well! She only took the eldest one with her.

Now that Ramli is not even capable of taking care of himself, his 3 younger sons are without proper parents care. Lucky for them, Amy, their half sister from wife #1, took over the responsibility of becoming their guardian. That includes supporting them financially. She herself is not working, dependent on her husband, but now that they have a baby of their own, surely it is not easy for them, financially, physically and emotionally. The financial problem is easier to solve. Other than our help for the children’s educational needs, the welfare department is also giving them some assistance.

The problem now is, Amy is already feeling all stressed out. Her father now needs 24 hour care. He is totally dependent on others. The burden is getting too much for her. Right now her husband may not complain, but what if later he gets fed up. Besides, Amy has got a young 3 month old baby of her own who needs her attention. Amy has no problem taking care of her 3 younger half-brothers. She has never complained about taking care of them.

Taking care of Ramli is not an easy task. He needs help to be bathed, to change his diapers, to eat, in fact almost everything! With this HIV status, Amy couldn’t even pay people to do the job even if she could afford it. Amy was asking the JKM if they could arrange for a home for him. The JKM officer handling her case (the one who called me) was sympathetic, but according to her JKM’s homes don’t cater for PLHIVs, especially since Ramli needs someone to care for him all the time. The officer tried liaising with the hospital, but the people at the hospital said they couldn’t cater for him unless someone from the family can stay at the hospital to take care of him. Duh, if a family member can take care of him, might as well stay home, no?

Amy does have an elder brother staying together with the father (at the father’s house), but he works as a security guard. The welfare officer did suggest that maybe he should quit his job for the moment and depend on financial aid, so he could take care of his father. But Amy’s brother has a history of depression, and Amy is afraid that if her brother quits his job, when he’s broke he may get into his depression again. Which will make it even worse for Amy.

The poor girl, only 20 and already having to shoulder too many responsibilities.

So yeah, with Amy almost giving up, who’s going to take care of Ramli now?

Settled at last

In my previous posting, I mentioned about having to go to the hospital the next morning (that’s yesterday morning) to see the doctor to arrange for the PLHIV’s referral letters to enable him to change his appointments to another state. His friends were willing to send him in their car so I didn’t have to worry about arranging for transportation.

There was no problem for me to get a place for him at a shelter home up north, but we couldn’t simply transfer him just like that. We’d need to get all the referral letters so that the caretaker at the shelter home can continue to bring him for his hospital appointments.

I made plans to meet up with his friends (who came all the way from up north) at 8 am yesterday so we could make the necessary arrangements with the doctor. But at 3.45 am while I was fast asleep, a call came in from my cousin saying that my aunt had just passed away.

Between voluntary work and family, of course family comes first. So I had to cancel my earlier plan. At about 6.30 am, I sent a text message to the PLHIV’s friend, telling him about my emergency and that I could not go to the hospital to meet them. However I told them to try meet the doctor, explain the situation and try to arrange and get their friend discharged and appointments transferred.

But when I texted them last night asking if they managed to settle the problem, I was told they hadn’t done a thing as they weren’t sure how to go about. They had gone back to their place up north. So I told them I’d try to settle things today.

I had already made arrangements to send my car for servicing this morning, so I called a fellow volunteer to ask if he could help. Coincidentally he was planning to go to the hospital this morning, so he promised to get things done.

So yes, this morning while I was waiting for my car to be serviced, my colleague made arrangements at the hospital while I made a few calls here and there, particularly to the lady in charge of the shelter home where we intend to send this guy. By about 12 noon or so, the friends of the PLHIV called, telling me they were already on their way to Ipoh to fetch this guy and send him to the shelter home. They called to ask if things could be settled today.

I immediately called my colleague and was told that the people at the ward were already planning to send this guy to a district hospital which could accommodate cases like this one. However the place is rather far and it will be difficult for his friends to visit him. The doctor told my colleague that if we need to make any other arrangements we’d need to do so at the district hospital where this guy was supposed to be sent.

Duh! Why make matters complicated? They needed him out of the ward anyway, why not transfer him direct to the shelter home instead of having to be transferred to the district hospital first?

I’m not sure what he mentioned to the doctor earlier, but this time I told my colleague to see the doctor and explain that we already have a shelter home for him and that a few friends are already on the way to send him there. We just needed them to give us the official discharge letter and the referral letters to enable his appointments to be transferred to the hospital nearer to the shelter home.

And yes, finally we managed to get what we needed. Of course the friends had to wait for while for all the documents to be ready, but they did manage to make that trip back north today without having to wait for tomorrow.

In fact the friend called me up at 8 pm to ask for directions to the shelter home (hmmm… wrong person to ask, I’ve never been there either!) as they had already reached the town but couldn’t find the place. They tried calling the number I gave them (the hand phone number of the lady in charge) but there was no answer. So I gave them the shelter home’s office number.

After a while I texted them to ask if they managed to find the place.

The reply came… “Trim kcih dah jumpe dah,,, kmi ada kt cnie”.

Alhamdulillah. Problem settled.

Young, single and ... (part 2)

I was in Putrajaya over the weekend for some alumni matters. Despite Sunday's events not over yet, I had to leave the function by about 3.30 pm as there was an urgent matter I needed to attend to here in Ipoh.

You see, I had promised to help out Sharifah, the 19 year old HIV+ single girl who's pregnant. She has appointments in Ipoh GH today, Wednesday and Friday. She can't be travelling up and down every alternate day from her hometown just to go for her appointments. We are still trying to arrange for her to stay at a shelter home for problematic teenagers here in Perak, but we are still getting the "nanti kami akan hubungi" answer.

So, where on earth is Sharifah supposed to stay during the 5 days? My home? No way, we are not supposed to allow clients to know where we stay for reasons I've stated before.

A colleague of mine managed to arrange for Sharifah to stay at a flat during the 5 days. The owner for the time being has to stay at his parents home in another town to take care of his mother, so for the moment the flat is vacant. After listening to Sharifah's plight, he agreed to let Sharifah stay at his small flat for free for the 5 days. He even allowed Sharifah to use whatever facilities like the stove, radio, bed, etc.

Sharifah did SMS me earlier, telling me her bus is expected to reach Ipoh around 7 pm. Which was why I needed to be sure I'd be back in Ipoh by then. If I had waited for the function in Putrajaya to end before making a move, I'd probably reach Ipoh rather late. As such, I made it a point to leave by 3.30pm and managed to reach home about 6 pm, during heavy rain.

At about 7.30 pm, Sharifah called to tell me she was already at the bus station. I told her to wait at the "tempat mengambil & menurunkan penumpang", then off I went to fetch her. On the way, I called up my colleague to tell him I was already on my way to pick up Sharifah. He was by then already waiting at the flat, together with the owner of the unit. Suddenly I remembered, Sharifah & I have never met each other before. How on earth was I supposed to recognise her? It would have to be her who had to look out for my car, but she didn't even know what car I was driving. So, I called her, gave her my car make and registration number, and told her to look out for me.

When I reached the bus station, I saw a young chubby looking girl who looked as though she was looking out for me. I waved at her asking her to come to my car. Luckily she was the right person... :)

Sharifah was rather calm - unlike the description I got from the contact report handed over to me by my colleague who met her during clinic duty. Probably by now she has managed to compose herself, knowing that her parents are not disowning her... and knowing that there are people out here trying to help her. I have to admit, I pay extra attention to pregnant HIV positive ladies. My main concern is to avoid HIV infection to the baby. Worse, with cases of out-of-wedlock pregnancies, where there is always the possibility of the young mother defaulting hospital check-ups and appointments, increasing the chances of the baby getting infected.

Anyway, I brought Sharifah straight to the flat where my colleague and the owner of the flat were already waiting. After explaining a few things to her, I took her for dinner at the Medan Selera at the flat area, which is just within walking distance, so there shouldn't be any problem for Sharifah to get food during the 5 days.

We had a good chat during dinner. The moment Sharifah told me she was the eldest of 5 siblings, I could immediately figure that her mother is probably younger than I am. True enough, her mother is only 39. Her mother had to attend a work related course in another state, otherwise she would have followed Sharifah to Ipoh. Her father couldn't accompany her either as there'd be nobody to take care of her younger siblings at home. But they gave her their blessings, gave her enough pocket money to last her for the 5 days and told her to take care of herself.

Her younger siblings do not know anything about her predicament. They thought she's on leave (from her studies). They do not know she's HIV positive, and believe it or not, they do not even know about her pregnancy. Yes, her tummy is a bit buncit but she can easily pass off as someone chubby (I have met people who got asked "dah berapa bulan?" when they weren't even pregnant!). Neighbors do not know of her condition either as most of the time she just stayed home. That's why if possible Sharifah and her parents do not want her to deliver in their home state where there are too many relatives around.

I asked Sharifah what her plans are after she delivers. "Bagi kat kebajikan lah kot..." came the answer. I asked if she didn't want to take care of the baby herself. She said she'd love to but she didn't know how that would be possible. When they first found out about her pregnancy, her mother did manage to arrange with a friend to get a childless couple willing to adopt the coming-soon baby. Then later when Sharifah was diagnosed HIV positive, they opted out as they were afraid they may need to take care of an HIV infected baby, and they simply weren't willing to face whatever future lies ahead for the child. So that plan got cancelled.

While care is being taken to avoid the baby from being infected, whoever the caregiver still needs to bring the baby for follow-ups with the doctor for a year or so, just to be safe. So frankly, I'm not sure myself if it is advisable to get someone to adopt the baby, unless they are willing to bring the baby for the necessary follow-ups.

Whatever it is, I told Sharifah I'd like to meet up and discuss the matter with her mother if possible. It would be best to discuss the matter with a more mature person. After all, the future of a young girl and a baby are at stake here.

Oh dear, dear Boboy...

During my last visit to the home of the new guardians of Lily’s children, I was there to explain to them on how to fill up the form for PAF application, as the new guardians weren’t too sure how to go about.

I was informed by the aunt that everything was fine. The children were doing okay in school while Boboy who had problems with his kindergarten teacher (after the teacher found out Boboy was HIV positive) had stopped going to the old kindergarten. However the guardians were already contemplating enrolling Boboy to a new kindergarten nearer to their home.

After a few visits to the children’s new home, I was under the impression that the new guardians no longer have any worries about taking care of Boboy. (Read about the uncle’s earlier dilemma here.)

A few days ago I called the aunt to find out if she had any problems in filling up the PAF form. I was surprised by her answer.

The Aunt: “Eh, kami tak jadi hantar borang tu. Abang takde bagitau puan apa-apa ke?” (Abang here refers to her husband.)
Me: “Bagitau apa? Dia takde cakap apa-apa pun kat saya…”
The Aunt: “Kami dah hantar Boboy ke KL. Mak sedara dia yang kat KL tu suruh hantar dia pergi Rumah Pernim. Bukan apa puan, kat situ dia orang taulah macam mana nak jaga budak-budak yang sakit macam Boboy ni.”
Me: “Habis tu, kakak-kakaknya macam mana?”
The Aunt: “Budak bertiga tu masih tinggal dengan sayalah.”

Aarghh! I was heartbroken. I was worried initially when the uncle brought up the topic earlier, but eventually I was given the impression that they were abandoning the idea of sending Boboy elsewhere. As a matter of fact, they were already talking about enrolling Boboy to a nearby kindergarten… surely that meant they were already willing to take care of him!

My guess is that the turn of events took place when another aunt working in KL made all the arrangements and convinced them that the shelter home was the best place for Boboy, even if it meant he had to be separated from his sisters!

Sensing that I was taken by surprise, the aunt tried to convince me that they did it out of their love for Boboy. “Rumah Pernim tu tak jauh dari rumah mak sedara dia puan. Boboy pun nampak happy je kat sana dapat ramai kawan. Lagipun raya nanti dia balik. Kalau puan nak nombor telefon tempat tu saya boleh bagi.”

Oh I already have the phone numbers of shelter homes for HIV kids. I was just disappointed that the boy had to be separated from his sisters. First he lost his father, then his mother… and now this?

But I’m trying to be positive about this…

The family does intend to visit (I hope they meant it) from time to time and Boboy will also be coming back from time to time during holidays and special occasions. They are not sending him away for good. They’re just sort of sending him to a “boarding school” (but at a very tender age).

The other positive thing is that Boboy will have many new friends at the shelter home. I guess that’s why the aunt mentioned that Boboy looked happy at his new home.

One thing I do know for sure is that the lady running the shelter home is a very motherly, loving and caring person. Come to think of it, I think Boboy will have better spiritual upbringing at his new home. I hope Boboy will get better motherly care over at his new place. Click here to find out more about the home.

Yes, I am disappointed with the fact that Boboy is separated from his own siblings, but I’m still trying to think positive here (more to put my mind at ease actually!).

All the best to you my dear Boboy. May you find love and happiness at your new home…

The problematic young woman - Part 4

When I first brought Zana to the shelter home for HIV women in KL, she was desperate. She was a single pregnant woman and had to leave her kampong. There was no specific home for HIV women in Perak so I had no choice but to send her to KL. Zana was lucky I had my contacts in MAC who helped me find a place for her. Those who may have missed this part can read about it here.

After she delivered and Kak Hawa was on MC for a while, Zana had problems with the other occupants of the home, moved to another home for a while before she went back to the same shelter home before Hari Raya as the other home did not have any other Muslim occupants for her to celebrate Hari Raya with.

After some time, Zana had wanted to go back to her parent’s home. I went all the way to KL to fetch her after I was made to believe that her family was ready to accept her back. It was only after I reached the shelter home that I was told that her sister just called to tell her not to come home as her father was fuming mad. More details on this in part 2 of Zana’s story.

I tried to get in touch with Zana’s family after that to find out if they could give her a second chance. I was quite taken aback by the SMS I received. I was told Zana no longer had a place in the family as she had already been given a second chance but she blew it. There was no way I could bring Zana home to her family – not yet anyway. More details on this in part 3 of her story.

Then one of Zana’s twin babies died. It must have been a big blow to Zana… or so I thought….

More than a week after her baby died, I received another SMS from Zana. She was asking me why I wouldn’t let her leave the shelter home. She said she couldn’t stand it any longer over there. In her own words…

“Kenapa kakak tak benarkan Zana keluar dari sini? Dah lebih seminggu anak Zana mati, kenapa masih kecoh-kecoh lagi? Zana sendiri tak rasa apa-apa pun!”

She wasn't sad her baby died??

I forwarded that SMS to Kak Hawa. Kak Hawa then spoke to her personally as to why she wouldn’t let Zana leave. The home had its own rules and regulations. Somebody would have to sign her out if she was to leave. If she leaves on her own she may go back to her old ways. In addition to that she now has a baby to look after.

About a month ago, Zana sent me another SMS saying she wanted to leave. She was no longer on talking terms with the other occupants of the home. I asked where she wanted to go… and she replied asking me to find another shelter home for her. I told her I would have to ask around but the fact was that I needed to discuss the matter with Kak Hawa first.

Early this week, I received 2 more SMS from Zana. The first one was a forwarded message to Zana from another occupant of the home who got so pissed off with Zana’s attitude. In the second SMS Zana told me she’d now leave the home on her own as I was not helping her find another place.

From the first SMS, and knowing Zana personally, I could already figure out what the problem was. The problem was not the shelter home, but Zana herself. She wanted a home where she could do as she pleased. She wanted a home where she was not subject to rules, regulations and duties.

I informed Kak Hawa. Kak Hawa asked me to call Zana and tell her to talk to Kak Hawa personally. I tried to call… twice. The first time there was no answer. The second time the call ended after just the first ring. It appeared as though she didn’t want to answer my calls. So I had no choice but to send her a text message asking her to talk things over with Kak Hawa.

Until today she still has not answered my SMS.

The other occupants of the home are getting fed up with her attitude. She’s not helping out with the housework unlike the rest of them. She locks herself in the room most of the time.

Kak Hawa has run out of ideas on what to do with her. So have I. Here we are trying to help her and she’s treating us as her enemies.

I don’t really know what’s on her mind right now. For all I know she’s planning her escape from the home.

Sheeeesh… this is frustrating…

The problematic young woman - part 3

After I was informed by Zana that her mother told her not to come home, I took down her family's address and phone numbers. My task - to talk to the family members.

We didn't know what really went on with Zana's family. All we knew was that when Zana's sister called, all she said before she hung up the phone was, "Abah mengamuk!"

No, I was not (and am still not) prepared to walk into a lion's den. Going to the house to meet the family before finding out more details is definitely out of the question. Zana gave me 2 handphone numbers, both belonging to her sisters.

I tried sending a text message first. I introduced myself and asked about Zana's situation. Same message sent to both numbers. I waited for a response from any one of them... there was none. A few hours later, received one SMS from an unidentified number. The message:

"Assalamualaikum. Saya family Zana. Maaf ye, Zana dah takde tempat dalam family kami. Dah 2 kali dia buat kerja bodoh tanpa fikirkan kami. Kami dah bagi peluang tapi dia tak gunakan peluang yang diberi."

Since the number did not belong to any of Zana's sisters, I assumed one of the sisters showed my message to their father and someone else in the family had replied on their behalf. Or it could be the father himself.

I translated the message as...
1. Zana is no longer accepted in our family.
2. Stop bothering us.

Hmmm... from the message it looked as though her family had already given her a second chance. But what did they really mean?

I immediately forwarded the message to Kak Hawa so she could maybe talk to Zana.

The next day I called up Kak Hawa. According to Kak Hawa, she had a heart-to-heart talk with Zana earlier in the morning. Zana cried when Kak Hawa showed her the text message I had earlier forwarded.

Kak Hawa pestered Zana to explain what was meant by "Dah 2 kali dia buat benda bodoh tanpa fikirkan kami." By now both Kak Hawa and I know very well that Zana usually doesn't tell the whole truth unless and until she is forced to.

Zana finally admitted that her first child was also a result of out-of-wedlock pregnancy. The only difference was the family managed to get hold of the guy (Zana's late husband) and so they were married off before Zana delivered. This time however, by the time Zana's mother found out about the second pregnancy, Zana herself had lost contact with the guy whom she only knew by his nickname! Oh how easily she fell into the arms of this guy... all for her need of the so-called "love".

Now I understand what the family meant. They gave her a second chance - she blew it! The way I see it, the only way she can be accepted back into the family is for her to actually beg for her parent's forgiveness. And I mean really, really BEG - on her knees. For that to happen, Zana will first have to change. She needs a total change of attitude. When she asks for forgiveness she will have to do so sincerely - not by force and not just for the sake of having a place to stay. Then only MAYBE I have a chance to coax the family to accept her back into their lives. But it will still not be easy.

The very next day (after I called Kak Hawa), I received a text message from Kak Hawa saying that one of Zana's twin babies died. Kak Hawa was still at the hospital when she sent that message - waiting for the post mortem results.

I was shocked. Just the week before when I visited them the twins looked just fine. I even held them in my arms. What could have happened? My mind began to wonder...

I didn't want to disturb Kak Hawa that day. Surely she'd be busy, what with the post-mortem... funeral arrangements etc. So I had to wait to know the answer...

The problematic young woman - Part 2

After sending off Zana to a shelter home in KL, I thought I had her problem settled. Initially it looked that way. Zana would SMS me from time to time telling me of her latest developments. And what a shock I had one day when she told me that she went for scan and was informed that she was carrying twins! Whoa!! Earlier on I was worried about ONE additional life at stake if we didn’t take precautionary measures, now we’re talking about TWO!!

Things went quite well, until one day when Kak Hawa (the lady in charge at the home) got ill and was told by the doctors to take a break. She was overworked! Kak Hawa is the motherly figure at the home, and respected by everyone there.

It was during Kak Hawa’s absence that things began to go a bit haywire. The occupants at the home did not seem to get along well with Zana (or each other for that matter!). Zana had just delivered her twins (both boys) at that time. I got a call from someone at the home asking me to arrange to take Zana home after she and her babies get discharged from the hospital.

Oh dear!! It had to come at a time when I was busy with other PLWHAs in Ipoh. It was fasting month and I was arranging to get donations of raya goodies for the poor PLWHA families. There was no way I could go to KL at that time. And even if I could, where was I to send her? I spoke to Zana and she said her mother would only let her come back if she did not bring along the babies. Zana herself didn’t want to give her babies away. So how?

Again, I got desperate and sought the help of the same people from MAC. Zana and her babies were about to be discharged from the hospital and we had to find a place soon. So the people from MAC arranged to send her to another shelter home. Only this time, there were no other Malays/Muslims at that home and Zana would not have any fellow Muslims to celebrate Hari Raya with.

When Kak Hawa got back, she was furious to find out that Zana was sent to the other home. I told Kak Hawa that the best way to bring Zana back there was for Kak Hawa herself to speak to Zana as she was the only one Zana had any respect for. Eventually Zana herself wanted to move back as she felt rather lonely at the new home without any fellow Muslim/Malay to celebrate Hari Raya with.

Thank goodness, another problem settled. At least for the time being. I did visit Zana and the twins after Raya. They seemed to be coping well. Or so I thought.

After some time Kak Hawa called me up telling me that the other occupants at the home were beginning to complain about Zana again. She was too busy SMS-ing her boyfriends sometimes she’d just leave her babies crying for some time before attending to them. Oh, she loves her babies alright, it’s just that the motherly touch seemed to be lacking. Kak Hawa had to resort to confiscating her handphone.

This time Zana herself wanted to come back to Ipoh. Kak Hawa and I made arrangements for me to fetch Zana and send her back to her parent’s home. We were made to believe that the family was ready to accept her and her babies.

Apparently when Zana told her mother she wanted to come home, she didn’t tell the mother she would be bringing the twins as well. One day before I was supposed to fetch Zana, Kak Hawa called me up to say that Zana’s mother would only let Zana come back if she didn't bring along the babies. Apparently, Zana’s father never knew about Zana’s pregnancy and so, bringing the babies home would definitely create chaos at home. So, Kak Hawa and I thought that maybe I should just bring Zana home for a few days for her to see her family, especially her daughter whom she had not met for 8 months. Then Zana would have to go back to KL to the shelter home to be with her babies.

On the very day itself, after attending a meeting in KL, I went to the shelter home to fetch Zana. I met Kak Hawa first, then we both went to see Zana. She was attending to the twins with the help of another occupant of the home. Boy… the twins looked chubby and adorable!

We were told by both Zana and the other lady that Zana just got a call from her sister in Ipoh. The sister was passing a message from Zana’s mom to tell her NOT to come home because her father was really furious! Then Zana’s sister just switched off the phone without explaining why the father was furious. We just suspected that maybe Zana’s mother was trying to tell him about Zana and the babies. But we don’t know for sure.There may be other reasons.

So, no, I couldn’t bring Zana back to Ipoh. Not yet anyway. But despite Zana's attitude problems, we're not about to give up on her yet. It will be an uphill task especially when dealing with people's attitude (in this case Zana's and her family's), but we still got to try. Kak Hawa will still try to guide Zana while my next task is to talk to Zana’s family.

Yikes! This is the part I dread most…

The problematic young woman - Part 1

When I first met Zana during one of my clinic duties, she was rather quiet. She didn’t say much, but she did say she had support from her family. That was more than 2 years ago.

Zana is 25 years old. She was married to a guy who eventually became hooked on drugs. They were blessed with a child. The girl is now 5 years of age.

When Zana’s husband died about 2 1/2 years ago, they suspected he had AIDS. So Zana’s family told her to go for tests, together with her daughter. Her daughter was tested negative, but Zana was not as lucky. She was then referred to the HIV clinic, and that was when I met her.

I was assigned as Zana’s buddy, and after the clinic, I managed to call her once to find out how she was doing, and she said she was okay. No problems whatsover, so she said.

After a few months I could no longer get through the number she gave. So I lost contact with her for a while. That was some sort of a blessing for me I guess, as at that time I was too busy with Rose, who was getting weaker and weaker by the day.

Just one week after Rose died, I received one SMS from an unfamiliar number. It was Zana, who said she had some problems and needed to see me. So I promised to meet up with her the next day, at a food stall near her home.

Zana said her handbag got snatched, and so she lost her handphone, her hospital card and other important documents. No wonder I couldn’t get hold of her earlier. And because of that too, she missed her hospital appointments, as she had forgotten the exact date of her appointment. Being somehow a bit immature, Zana was afraid she may get scolded if she went to the hospital without her hospital card etc, and especially so since she missed her appointment. She asked if I could help her out as she needed to see the doctor. It was during this time that I found out that Zana was no longer staying with her parents. Instead she stayed with her so-called mak angkat, in the very same kampong. However, Zana from time to time would go back to her parents home to visit her daughter, who was being taken care of by her (Zana’s) parents.

I made arrangements with the staff nurse at the HIV clinic to fix another appointment for Zana. But as I mentioned earlier, Zana is rather immature, and careless too if I may add. She lost her handbag again, together with her new hospital card. So she decided to give her appointment a miss because she’s afraid she may get a scolding from the nurse.

I just so happened to check on her that morning to make sure she didn’t miss her appointment. But to my disappointment, when I called she was at home – giving the excuse that she didn’t feel well enough to go. I offered to fetch her at home and drive her to the hospital. She didn’t have any other excuse to offer, so she had to follow me.

When I fetched her at home, somehow I suspected that she may be pregnant. Her husband died quite some time ago and she had not remarried. Since she didn’t say anything, I just kept quiet.

After her check-up, the staff nurse called me in to discuss Zana’s attitude problem. Zana’s CD4 was already below 200 and she should already be on medication, but the nurse was not too confident that Zana would be the compliant type. Anyway, I noted down the date of Zana’s next appointment so I could check on her when the time comes.

Just a week later, I got another SMS from Zana. This time she asked if I could find a shelter home for her to stay as she needed to get out of the house by the next day. This time I became even more suspicious. When I called her to ask what was actually going on, initially she didn’t want to say anything about her pregnancy. All she said was, “Entahlah kak, diorang nak saya keluar dari rumah ni.” She had told me earlier that her mak angkat knew about her HIV status, so she couldn’t have been asked to leave because of HIV. I pestered her to tell me truth if she wanted me to help her. Finally she admitted, “Sebenarnya saya mengandung, kak.”

Hah! I knew it!! I felt like slapping her (but I couldn’t even if I wanted to as we were just communicating by phone), not only because she got pregnant out of wedlock, but also because she knew very well she had HIV and what the consequences were, and yet.... SIGH!! But come to think of it, Zana was looking for “love” outside as she didn’t get enough love at home. When someone offered her the so-called “love”, somehow she felt wanted. She didn’t think about her future, all she cared about was what she could get hold of there and then.

Well, I guess that was disaster for both Zana and whoever the guy was. Zana got pregnant, and the guy, could have got infected with HIV. We couldn’t get hold of him to arrange for tests as Zana herself had by then lost contact with him.

My main concern then was not just to find a shelter home for Zana, but I needed to bring her to see the doctor again. There was another life for concern here, and I sure didn’t want the baby to get infected. If Zana had kept quiet to the very end, ran away somewhere without getting proper treatment not just for her HIV but also for her pregnancy, chances were the baby would be infected too.

There weren’t any shelter homes in Perak specifically for Muslim women. Well, yes, there were a few, but they were either only for teenagers with problems, or, the ones for women were not ready to accept HIV positive people. I had no choice but to resort to MAC for help. The people there were very helpful in getting a place for Zana in a shelter home in KL, specifically for HIV women and children. Okay, so problem on a place to stay was settled.

Next day, first thing in the morning I called up the nurse at the HIV clinic to arrange for immediate appointment for Zana. The nurse was shocked when I told her Zana was pregnant. She told me to immediately bring Zana to see the doctor. Luckily the specialist so happened to be in that day. It was a Friday and usually the doctor would only be around at the HIV clinic on Wednesdays.

Zana was told to start medication immediately to protect the baby. And as I needed to send her to KL the next day, all the necessary referral letters were passed to me, so I could pass them to whoever was in charge of the shelter home in KL.

That Saturday, I sent Zana to the shelter home in KL. And so began a new episode in Zana’s life, together with a few other infected women and children.