THEY WILL ASK thee as to what they should spend on others. Say: "Whatever of your wealth you spend shall [first] be for your parents, and for the near of kin, and the orphans, and the needy, and the wayfarer; and whatever good you do, verily, God has full knowledge thereof." - Al-Baqarah (2:215)

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

The problematic young woman - part 3

After I was informed by Zana that her mother told her not to come home, I took down her family's address and phone numbers. My task - to talk to the family members.

We didn't know what really went on with Zana's family. All we knew was that when Zana's sister called, all she said before she hung up the phone was, "Abah mengamuk!"

No, I was not (and am still not) prepared to walk into a lion's den. Going to the house to meet the family before finding out more details is definitely out of the question. Zana gave me 2 handphone numbers, both belonging to her sisters.

I tried sending a text message first. I introduced myself and asked about Zana's situation. Same message sent to both numbers. I waited for a response from any one of them... there was none. A few hours later, received one SMS from an unidentified number. The message:

"Assalamualaikum. Saya family Zana. Maaf ye, Zana dah takde tempat dalam family kami. Dah 2 kali dia buat kerja bodoh tanpa fikirkan kami. Kami dah bagi peluang tapi dia tak gunakan peluang yang diberi."

Since the number did not belong to any of Zana's sisters, I assumed one of the sisters showed my message to their father and someone else in the family had replied on their behalf. Or it could be the father himself.

I translated the message as...
1. Zana is no longer accepted in our family.
2. Stop bothering us.

Hmmm... from the message it looked as though her family had already given her a second chance. But what did they really mean?

I immediately forwarded the message to Kak Hawa so she could maybe talk to Zana.

The next day I called up Kak Hawa. According to Kak Hawa, she had a heart-to-heart talk with Zana earlier in the morning. Zana cried when Kak Hawa showed her the text message I had earlier forwarded.

Kak Hawa pestered Zana to explain what was meant by "Dah 2 kali dia buat benda bodoh tanpa fikirkan kami." By now both Kak Hawa and I know very well that Zana usually doesn't tell the whole truth unless and until she is forced to.

Zana finally admitted that her first child was also a result of out-of-wedlock pregnancy. The only difference was the family managed to get hold of the guy (Zana's late husband) and so they were married off before Zana delivered. This time however, by the time Zana's mother found out about the second pregnancy, Zana herself had lost contact with the guy whom she only knew by his nickname! Oh how easily she fell into the arms of this guy... all for her need of the so-called "love".

Now I understand what the family meant. They gave her a second chance - she blew it! The way I see it, the only way she can be accepted back into the family is for her to actually beg for her parent's forgiveness. And I mean really, really BEG - on her knees. For that to happen, Zana will first have to change. She needs a total change of attitude. When she asks for forgiveness she will have to do so sincerely - not by force and not just for the sake of having a place to stay. Then only MAYBE I have a chance to coax the family to accept her back into their lives. But it will still not be easy.

The very next day (after I called Kak Hawa), I received a text message from Kak Hawa saying that one of Zana's twin babies died. Kak Hawa was still at the hospital when she sent that message - waiting for the post mortem results.

I was shocked. Just the week before when I visited them the twins looked just fine. I even held them in my arms. What could have happened? My mind began to wonder...

I didn't want to disturb Kak Hawa that day. Surely she'd be busy, what with the post-mortem... funeral arrangements etc. So I had to wait to know the answer...


ruby ahmad said...

Aduhai Pi, this is such a complex situation. When a father does not accept a daughter on those grounds and the father is well..'old style', I'd say it again, this is a toughy. On the other hand Zana needs her family. I don't see an easy reconcilation here. I can't even see how Zana can change for now. Not in the mess she's in. Don't force this issue on her please. Go easy.

Sayang, in my head stalemate for now. Lemme ponder and see if I can be clever...I have self doubt for now if I can be clever on this issue.

Zana only have you & K Hawa for now.

Monster Mom said...

As what kak ruby said, this issue has been going on for some time and for zana to change requires a lot of commitment which i dont think she'll be able to handle...
and now that she'd lost one of her twins...

raden galoh said...

Adeh Pi...
Menghiris sembilu betul baca entri part 2 and 3 ni...

Semoga Zana tabah dan kuat mengharungi ujian Ilahi ini....Amin.

Pi Bani said...

K.Ruby, Monster Mom and Raden,

I don't expect Zana to change overnight. As K.Ruby said, this is a toughy. But one way or the other, if there is any chance at all for Zana to be accepted back into her family, she HAS to change... slowly pun tak apa, janji there is a commitment on her part to at least try. Otherwise I don't think there will be much effect however hard I try to convince the family.

Who knows, there may be a big hikmah coming from the death of one of the twins. Who knows, it may open up Zana's mind to THINK about her future. For the time being I notice whenever she decides anything she doesn't think long term. As I mentioned in part 1 of Zana's story, she is very immature despite her age.

On the positive side, one of her sisters has finally responded to my SMS. Am trying to make friends with her now so that I have contact with someone inside the family.

Nantilah, bila cukup updates I may come up with part 4 of Zana's story.

Apandi said...

Pi, am at a loss for words.Thank you for this update.

Athene said...

Saya kagum dengan kerja amal yang Pi lakukan ini, tak ramai yang sanggup, that's for sure.

Zana's life is in her hands, her choice, her decision. What you are doing is to guide her from continuing her 'silly, stupid & childish' way. Kesabaran Pi memang dikagumi.

In the end it is really up to her to really comprehend that what goes around comes around and for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.

Tahniah atas usaha Pi, I know your effort has touched so many lives in the most wonderful way.

Hi&Lo said...


I am also deeply touched by your deep conviction to go the full distance to help Zana reconcile with her family.

One credit I give to Zana, she tak buang anak despite knowing her family won't be forgiving this time.

God, help Zana, please.

Pi Bani said...

Sometimes I run out of ideas of what to do next.

Thanks for dropping by. You are right, at the end of it, the decision is hers to make. K.Hawa and myself can only guide and advise.

True enough, Zana won't let go of her babies even though somebody did suggest to her to give the babies away for adoption.

Anonymous said...

Hi Pi Bani,
1st time I am reading your blog eventhough I read a various lots of different blogs daily.

To me, you are a lady of high standing that many of us can't equate.

My salutation to you on your work with people like Zana and the HIV.

May God bless you and give you that every extra once of strength.

And the best part of all these is that you still find time to blog for us to realise, how massive the social problems are, in a small & young country with a small population like us.

May God bless you.

elviza said...

My friend Pi,

Mudah mudahan sejuk lah hati keluarga dia. air dicincang tak akan putus, itu saya percaya

Pi Bani said...

Thanks for dropping by and thanks for the compliment. I enjoy doing voluntary work and this blog is part of it.

Pi Bani said...

You're so right. Air dicincang takkan putus. I'm sure deep down inside his heart, Zana's father still has a place for her although he may not admit it. Now ni both sama-sama keras hati - not the right time to reconcile yet.

Apandi said...

What to do next ? Take a deep breath, close your eyes and think about what YOU need, what YOU want, what YOU would like. You deserve to give some quality time to yourself too. Take care.