And now they're bickering...

I remember once I was organizing a particular event and there was this lady who had agreed to help out to coordinate one of the programmes for the day. With everything set to go, the evening before the event, the lady called me up to tell me she was not able to make it as her son was very ill and she didn't feel good leaving him at home in such condition. She apologised profusely to me. I told her, "It's okay, I understand." She then replied, "How can you understand? You will not understand until you have children of your own."

I thought (and I still think) that last statement was not necessary. Had I persuaded her to attend the function no matter what her circumstances were because it was such a last minute notice, I would understand her statement. But I was in no way persuading her... as a matter of fact, I was empathizing. As someone who believes that "family comes first", I too, if I were in her shoes, pull out of the event. And when I told her I understood, it came from my heart. I may not have felt what she felt, but that didn't mean I didn't understand. Just because I am not married and I don't have children, doesn't mean I don't have feelings. Or does it?

Well, in the voluntary work that I'm doing right now, I never tell my PLHIV clients that I know how they feel, because really, I don't. I do however, understand their fears and their worries. But I have learnt not to say to them I understand because I may get the same response as I did in the above situation. Still, when we try to motivate them to move on with life, some may still say, "Easy for you to say, you don't know what it feels like."

So, we try to get these PLHIVs connected with each other, so that they'd get to know others "in the same boat". They'd probably understand each other better. I organised the deeparaya-do for the ladies so that they can get to know each other and so they may exchange ideas as to what they can do to get on with life after HIV. I encouraged them to exchange phone numbers so they can get in touch with each other. I brought Jah along with me during my house visits.

Well, Jah and Shila have become very good friends. And Asiah too would contact Jah from time to time. The rest, oh well, they may not be contacting each other, but when they do see each other at the hospital, they would at least talk to one another.

Fuzi and Yah too got to know each other during the deeparaya do. They exchanged phone numbers, and they do contact each other from time to time. But things are not well between those two now. Those who have been following my postings in this blog may remember I mentioned about Yah asking for the phone number of Fuzi's friend, which Fuzi gave without question and without even getting the friend's permission. Well, Yah did call up that friend and ended up telling him about Fuzi's HIV status.

Now things are getting worse. While they no longer talk to each other on the phone, they have been sending text messages accusing each other of this and that. Fuzi's message to Yah was to tell her to stop spreading news about her to others. Yah, on the other hand, denied she was involved in spreading lies about Fuzi, and in return she accused Fuzi of reporting bad things about her to me (yes, ME) and as a result she is no longer getting most of the financial assistance she used to get. Even a colleague of mine told me that when he met Yah recently, she was telling him the same thing.

Whoa, wait a minute! I must be such a powerful person to actually decide who should get assistance and who should not, as and when I like! Terror jugak Pi Bani ni ek...

To badmouth Fuzi further, Yah told my colleague that she once met Fuzi at a particular hotel in Ipoh. My colleague and I both know that Fuzi seldom gets out of her house and it was very unlikely that Fuzi was there. So he asked Yah back, "You jumpa Fuzi kat hotel tu, apa you buat kat situ?" Muahaha! With no way to say she wasn't there, Yah just said, "Jumpa kawan." OK fine, so if Fuzi really was at the hotel, if Yah herself could meet a friend there, why not Fuzi huh?

I am sick and tired of listening to their bickering. All the while I was afraid about a "Yah vs Lin" confrontation over Mr Darling but Lin is so fed up of Mr D she couldn't be bothered whoever wanted to be his girlfriend. I never thought the confrontation would be between Yah and Fuzi instead.

Ah, so much for getting them connected. Oh well, at least it proves that PLHIVs are humans like the rest of us. Some get along very well and become best of friends. Some are rather anti-social and not bothered to get in touch with the others. Some, end up bickering like Fuzi and Yah.

Maybe the next event I need to organise for my PLHIV clients is a ladies wrestling competition.

Am now imagining Fuzi and Yah in the ring, twisting each other's arms, pulling each other's hair, scratching each other's face... uhhh... I wouldn't want to be the referee lah...

Is it possible?

During the Q&A session of the talk I gave last week, the boys were the ones who mostly stood up to ask questions, while the girls preferred to ask me privately – both before and after the talk.

One of the questions asked before the talk started while I was chatting with the organizing committee was whether it was possible for a baby not getting infected if the mother has HIV. You see, they had watched this one Malay drama on TV and in that drama, although the mother was diagnosed HIV+ during her pregnancy, the baby, when born, was spared from the virus. So, they were wondering if such a thing was logical.

Another girl was asking if it would be better for pregnant HIV infected women to opt for abortion.

Obviously many still think that pregnant HIV+ women are sure to give birth to HIV+ babies.

So I told them about the necessary precautions that need to be taken to minimize the chances of infection – the pregnant mothers are to be given AZT (a type of drug to help suppress the virus), delivery must be caesarian and not normal delivery, and the mothers must not breastfeed the babies. And I told them about the HIV positive ladies I personally know who ALL gave birth to HIV negative children. (There’s Zainab, Fuzi, Yah, Sha, Zana, Anita, Ani…)

Usually, cases where the babies get infected are when the mothers’ HIV infection is not known during pregnancy. Most of the cases of infected children that I know of are those older than 7 years of age. I’m not sure, but probably at that time, pregnant women were not tested for HIV. Nuri and Lily only knew about their HIV when their youngest born were already 5 or 6 years old. It was definitely heartbreaking for them to find out that their children became victims as well.

Or there may also be cases where the mothers don’t go for proper check-ups during their pregnancy and as such their HIV status are not known. Zana almost fell into this category – it was an out-of-wedlock pregnancy and she didn’t want people to know about her pregnancy. Even the doctors at the HIV clinic were unaware of her pregnancy as she wore loose clothing to hide her pregnancy. It was only when she was chased out of her house that she had to seek my help to find a shelter home for her, and upon my insistence that she’d better tell me the whole truth if she wanted me to help her, that she finally admitted she was pregnant. And it was right on time too. She gave birth just 2 months later – to twins! (and nobody noticed her pregnancy earlier!)

Of course there may also be unfortunate cases like Fuzi’s 4th child, Ijam. Although her youngest child Iwan was spared from the virus, Ijam was not as lucky. When Fuzi went through all the tests during her pregnancy with Ijam, her HIV test came out negative. How could that be? My unprofessional guess is, the tests were done during the window period and as such, the HIV antibodies were not detected then.

And while we’re into the topic of the possibilities of babies getting infected from their mothers, we must remember that while chances are high that the babies would be infected if the necessary precautions are not taken, there is still that small possibility that even without taking the said precautions, the child would be spared. And there are indeed lucky ones out there who are spared.

Rose, for example, found out about her HIV infection only after her husband died, and only after she gave birth to her youngest son through normal delivery. Worse still, Rose had been breastfeeding him for almost a month. But yes, the lucky boy was spared. He is 12 this year and is free from the virus.

So folks, just because a mother’s HIV positive, don’t assume the child would be positive too. Just because a husband’s HIV positive, don’t assume the wife would be positive too.

The important thing is to learn the facts – don’t assume.

ASS-U-ME

The word doesn’t look so nice either… :)

Delivered...

...the talk... and the bikes... finally!

Yes, the talk to a group of UTP students who just registered this week. It's their Minggu Aluan Siswa, and the talk on HIV/AIDS was included in their programme, thanks to one of our volunteers who happen to be a staff of UTP.

When we were first informed about the programme, the talk was supposed to start at 9 am. So my initial plan was to go direct to UTP in the morning, and after the talk I'd drop by Lin's place on the way back to Ipoh to deliver the bicycles, and then go to my office as it is peak period in the office right now.

Then I was informed that our talk was rescheduled to 11 am. Alamak... kena tukar program. So I figured I might as well go to the office first, do some work first before heading to UTP, then on the way, I'd drop by Lin's place to drop off the bikes so when I go to UTP my car wouldn't look like a delivery van.

Suddenly yesterday evening, my colleague (the fellow volunteer who works in UTP) called me up and asked if it was okay with me if they changed the time to 10 am instead. Aduuuh... kena tukar program lagi! Thank goodness I do have flexi working hours, so okay, I agreed.

There were still some matters I needed to settle at the office, so I went to the office first and left the necessary instructions to the staff at the office. I left my office slightly before 9 am, although I knew it would take just slightly more than half an hour to reach UTP. I was afraid that if I had waited a bit longer, some business clients may drop by to see me, making it difficult for me to leave the office on time.

Just as I was leaving my office, I got a text message from my colleague, saying that the speakers who were supposed to give the talk before mine were running late, so I'd have to expect some delay. Whaddaheck I thought... I was about to leave my office anyway, I might as well just go ahead. Besides, I always prefer to be early when I have any appointments anywhere (unless I know for sure the person/s I have an appointment with are regulars at not being punctual!) so I'd have time for a breather before I start with whatever I'm supposed to do.

I didn't want to drop by Lin's place first as she did mention that usually in the mornings she'd help out her brother at his food stall. Besides, I had a tough time yesterday getting the bicycles into my car and arranging them so that I could close the back door! I didn't want to be struggling to get the bikes out of the car as fast as possible to rush to UTP, so might as well deliver them after the talk.

And so yes, I was early. While waiting for the 2nd talk (yes, mine was the 3rd talk for the day - why lah I always get to speak only when the students' brains are already filled with facts from too many talks... the last time that happened, the students (form 4 students) were sooo rowdy they didn't even bother to listen anymore!), I had a chat with my fellow volunteer and a few senior students who were in the Minggu Aluan Siswa organising committee. So I didn't really feel like I had to wait. To me it was just nice timing for me to relax first before the talk.

Then the time came for my talk, and as I entered the hall, I heard the emcee mention something like, "Announcing the arrival of ........" and then all the students stood up and they sat only after I sat on stage. Muahaha! Like VIP like that.... aiyo, we Buddies are soooo used to being so low profile and so casual, I must admit I did feel rather awkward. Luckily I was not wearing slippers... hehehe...

Despite that being the 3rd talk for the day and after a week of hectic activities for the newly registered students, and in addition to that, the students had to prepare for their freshie talent night this very night, I must commend the students for still paying attention when this makcik was up on stage presenting her facts. There were questions asked in relation to my presentation... which means they were indeed listening. It did amaze me though, when I asked them if anyone knew what vaginal microbiocides were, the girls were shaking their heads not knowing the answer but the "yes" answer came from the boys. Waaa... it's the female version of the condom and the boys knew better?? :)

During the Q&A, the questions came more from the boys. However, some of the questions were more medically/scientifically inclined, I definitely was not the right person to answer. I could only mention the findings of researches so far, no further then that. When finally one girl stood up to ask, she was given a round of applause. And she ended up as the only girl asking a question during the Q&A. The girls were shy I guess. I did tell them that they were welcomed to ask me questions personally outside the hall after the talk, and yes, a few of the girls did.

I didn't stay long after the talk. I did try to call a friend of mine who's also a UTP staff but her phone was off. So, I headed off for my next mission - to deliver the bicycles to Lin's house. It was about time I cleared the inside of my car which all the time while parked in UTP looked like this...

The inside of my Kenari... as seen from the back...

When I got to Lin's house, her 14 year old son, for whom one of the bikes was for, was outside. Great, I thought... there's someone to help me get the bikes out of my car!

When I told Lin earlier that I was going to deliver 2 bicycles, Lin was thinking I wouldn't be driving my Kenari. So when I got to her house and she saw my Kenari, she must have thought I brought only one bicycle. Then I opened the back door and she exclaimed, "Eh, MUAT??!"

Yes, the car may look rather compact, but I have been using this very same loyal old car to deliver lots of goodies, big and small, to the poor PLHIV families.

Of course, this morning when the bikes were in there, had I met with anyone who needed a ride, I wouldn't have been able to offer them the ride... not even at the front passenger seat.

I Got The Bikes!

No, not motorbikes. I bought the school bikes for Lin's 2 younger children...

 

2 readers responded to my earlier posting on my visit to Lin's house, where I mentioned that I'd need to find sponsors to buy bicycles for Lin's 2 school-going children. Not only were they quick in pledging to sponsor the bicycles, they were also quick to bank in the money. By Sunday, I had RM350 in my bank account - for me to buy the bikes.

And so yesterday, I went to buy them... and the 2 bikes in the pic above cost RM340. Got extra RM10 some more... so I think I'll include that in the funds that I usually use to buy groceries for the poor families.

Thank you very much to the 2 donors.

My task is not over yet, though. The above bikes are now temporarily placed in my NGO center. I will need to deliver them to Lin's house.

Buddies were invited to give a talk to a group of university students this coming Friday. Initially, another volunteer was supposed to give the talk as this month I am pretty tied up with office work. But he has some family matters to attend to, or more specifically, his elderly parents need more attention. Family comes first, so he's out. Another of our speakers has to be in KL on that day, again for some family matters, so she's out too. No choice, I had to reschedule my time-table to include the talk. Luckily the materials (slides in powerpoint) are readily available, courtesy of Malaysian Aids Council, all stored in my thumb drive; so at least I don't really have to prepare anything. Of course, I still need to go through the slides again before this Friday to make sure the powerpoint presentation still works fine. Who knows, the file may have been infected with viruses (not HIV of course - this one only infects humans!).

Anyway, I'm thinking of delivering the bicycles on my way back after the talk. Which means I will need to stack both bicycles into my Kenari, bring them all the way to the university, leave them in my car during the talk, and then go over to Lin's house after the talk to deliver them to the rightful recipients. Why not deliver the bicycles on the way TO the university, before the talk? You see, the talk is rather early in the morning, and I don't want to be late...

House Visits

After not having visited any of my PLHIV clients for more than a month, this week alone I managed to do 3 house visits. YAYYY!!

I’ve already posted the story on my visit to Lin’s place. Remember I mentioned in that posting that one of my tasks would be to look for donors to buy bicycles for Lin’s children? I posted the story on Wednesday – and by Thursday I’ve already got 2 people willing to sponsor the bicycles. By Friday one of them has already banked in the money while the other will do so soon. Thank you blog readers! I love you all!!

My next task will be to buy the bicycles – I hope to do so within next week. Will keep you all posted.

On Thursday I went to visit Zainab, whose house is quite nearby my office area. The door was wide open when I got there. Upon seeing me, Zainab immediately called out to the neighbour’s house, “Adiiik… balik! Makcik datang ni!” Her younger daughter, affectionately called Adik, was playing at the neighbour’s house, since her usual playmate, her older sister, affectionately called Kakak, was at school.

As mentioned in an earlier posting, Zainab who works at a factory, is affected by the global economy crisis as her working hours are now cut down and she gets to do much less overtime – which means she gets less income, when she actually needs more as Kakak starts schooling this year. Everything has to be bought as the girl has no older siblings or cousins to pass down old uniforms to her. I filled in the CEF (Children Education Fund) form for Kakak to lessen Zainab’s burden.

When I read the list/letter given by the school, I couldn’t help noticing in particular one sentence mentioning that they will be collecting another fee in April. They didn’t mention what fee or how much, they just mentioned it has to be paid in April. They have already collected all sorts of fee at the beginning of the year. What is this? I hear politicians talking about free education… yet this school will be collecting more fees come April. Free education my foot!!

Whatever it is, Zainab is still thankful she hasn’t lost her job. Although she had to spend quite a lot for Kakak’s schooling needs, she knows for a fact there are many people out there who are in a worse situation than hers.

Today, Saturday, I brought along 2 new volunteers to visit Fuzi and her children. Neither of the volunteers have done any house visits since they joined, so this was their first experience.

When we got to the house, I saw someone bathing naked outside the house. Woi… ni bukan x-rated posting lah. The one naked was Fuzi’s sweet looking 2 year old boy (he’ll be 3 this year) – playing at the tap right outside their back door which was by the side of the house so I could see him when I drove into the house compound. His hair has grown a bit longer now so he looks even sweeter than ever – my colleague at first thought he was a girl.

I had actually informed Fuzi earlier that I was coming today, and I told her to get ready all the necessary receipts and the results of her children’s exam results for last year, which I need in order to prepare the reports to be given to the individuals sponsoring her children under our Education Sponsorship for Children programme. I must say Fuzi was really organized this time around – everything was in order, all ready to be passed to me without me having to write down any details.

Fuzi however still has one big problem. Remember in one of my earlier postings I mentioned that her 2nd child faced no problem in getting her MyKad done because her Malaysian uncle came along when doing the necessary at the JPN office? The only problem earlier was that her first child had to resubmit her MyKad application as her earlier application was cancelled after more than a year.

Now it seems the 2nd child’s MyKad is ready, but when Fuzi resubmitted the 1st child’s application (again with the help of the uncle whom Fuzi had to pay to get him to go to JPN), JPN held back the 2nd child’s card. Now both of them are stuck and unable to get their MyKad. JPN still insists that Fuzi gets their citizenship status confirmed first at JPN Putrajaya. And the Putrajaya office on the other hand, wants Fuzi to legalize her marriage cert first at the Syariah Court.

And since her husband has died, the Syariah Court insists that Fuzi brings to court the 2 witnesses to the akad nikah in Narathiwat held more than 14 years ago. Otherwise, they wouldn’t legalize the cert. One of the witnesses is staying quite near but after consulting his family members, has refused to trouble himself to go to the Syariah Court to help Fuzi out. Not their problem, so they said. Subpoena? Can be done, but they warned Fuzi not to do that – otherwise they will make life difficult for her (as though life is not already difficult for Fuzi).

The other witness? He’s from another state near the border. This one we weren’t able to find. From the IC number written in the Narathiwat marriage cert, I can’t even be sure if this man is still alive – he’s even older than Fuzi’s late husband (who was elderly person himself!). And if he’s dead, forget the subpoena! (If he appears in court – the judge will run first!!)

So guess what? We’re back to square one!!

Oh dear…

Anyone out there has any suggestions on how to solve this matter? Anyone who knows who’s who in JPN Putrajaya? Fuzi doesn’t care anymore if her marriage cert doesn’t get legalized (her husband is dead anyway!) but she just wants her children to get their MyKad. For heaven’s sake, it is clearly stated in their birth cert that their father’s a Malaysian!!

Up till now, Fuzi has already paid quite a sum of money to people who claimed they would be able to help (despite me advising her against it). All she wanted was for her children to get their citizenship status confirmed. The money is long gone, but she is back where she started. It’s like playing snake and ladders but always sliding down the snake, never going up the ladder.

Please folks, is there any other option she can take?