Lily's children: An Update

Remember Lily, the woman with such a complicated life? For those who did not follow her story, you can read about her here and here.

In Lily’s life story, so many things should not have happened. Amongst others, her husband, who was taken by his family members back to their hometown in another state when he got too weak, did not tell her he had HIV. Then when he died, his family members did not inform Lily or any of her children about his death. It was only a few days later they found out about his death – that too because Lily told her eldest daughter to call her paternal grandma to find out how the father was doing.

Lily’s relationship with her in-laws worsened and even to get her husband’s death cert, Lily had to resort to going to JPN. When she got the copy, she got a shock upon seeing HIV/AIDS indicated as the cause of death. Then she brought all her children for tests, and how sad it was for her to learn that not only she herself was infected, but also Boboy, her youngest 4 year old boy.

Coincidentally, not long after I posted Lily’s story, Lily died. It came as a shock to me, because when I saw her the week before, she looked fine. Lily did not die of HIV-related illness, but instead due to complications related to dengue. I wrote about her funeral here.

Lily’s complicated life may have ended then, but life continued to be complicated for her children, especially for Boboy, the HIV-infected child. Although Lily’s brother, Bashar, took over the responsibility of becoming the children’s new guardians, he was very concerned about taking care of Boboy. Not that he didn’t love the boy, but being someone who didn’t know much about HIV, he was thinking maybe he should give Boboy to someone who knows more about HIV to take care of him. I wrote about this here.

I have never met the children after Lily’s funeral. Initially I wasn’t too sure who would be taking care of the children. Then I wasn’t too sure how Bashar’s wife would take it, so my contact with the children was only through my telephone conversations with Bashar. They were supposed to have joined our Family Day outing last month, but pulled out last minute as one of Bashar’s own children was not well.

Recently I decided to call Bashar again to find out if he’s getting enough financial assistance to take care of the orphans. Apparently he had already submitted his application for financial assistance from the Welfare Department, but to date nobody has visited them yet to assess their situation.

This time I took the opportunity to ask for permission to visit the kids at Bashar’s home. Although Bashar said most of the time he’d be outstation (he’s a lorry driver), he gave me the green light to visit anytime as his wife is always home. She sells some tidbits at home to get extra income for the family.

So, today I went to visit them. They live in a small low-cost terrace house which is comfortable enough for Bashar, his wife and their 2 small kids. It is a bit packed now that they have 4 additional children staying with them, but they seem to be coping. All the children were home except for one who was in school (afternoon session).

Bashar was not in town, but his wife seemed welcoming enough. Although I have never spoken to her before (she seemed to avoid me on the day of Lily’s funeral), this time she was talking freely about the kids and the problems they face.

Apparently, the children’s paternal side of the family are still trying to get at least one of the children under their custody. Just to be sure that they weren’t forcing the children; Bashar and his wife had a heart to heart talk with the children and asked to them to decide for themselves who they wanted to stay with. The children chose to stay with Bashar.

I don’t know how true this is, but I was told the children's paternal aunt needed at least one of the children to be with her to enable her to withdraw the EPF of the children’s late father. This one… I tak mau masuk campur…

On a lighter note, the children’s late father’s Socso has been channeled to Bashar as the children’s new guardian. At least there’s extra cash to cope with the sudden extra dependents. They have also applied for Lily’s Socso, but this may take some time to be approved.

However, I’m a bit disappointed to learn about what happened to Boboy. You see, the little boy has already started on his HIV medication recently. For HIV medication, it has to be taken regularly at a fixed time. No delays. So the boy’s guardians must ensure that the boy takes his medicine right on time. Since Boboy’s new guardians are loving and responsible enough, that’s not a problem.

So, what’s the problem? You see, Boboy has been going to a certain kindergarten ever since his mother was still alive. Now that the boy has to take his medication at a specific time, Bashar and his wife had to tell the kindergarten teacher to make sure Boboy takes his medicine at a specific time. When the teacher saw the medication, somehow she knew it was for HIV.

Since then, although the teacher didn’t say it directly, she kept on insisting that Boboy didn’t need to go to school yet as he was still young. Even Boboy himself is reluctant to go to kindergarten now because he said, “Cikgu tak layan.”

Boboy doesn’t know heads or tails what illness he has and he doesn’t know heads or tails the stigma and discrimination some people seem to have against HIV infected people. He must be wondering why his teacher didn't seem to layan him of late.

Oh the poor boy…

Free education? More help for the poor?

So, the yearly school fees have been abolished. Last year the exam fees were abolished. Text books will be made available to all. And the reports say we now have FREE primary and secondary education.

Really?

I have seen various lists given by various schools to their students at the end of last year and the school fees were only a small fraction of the total amount that the students need to pay. The fact that different amount needs to be paid by students of different schools shows that whatever fees that need to be paid or things that need to be bought are determined by the respective schools.

Let me recall the various items that I’ve seen on the various lists provided by the various schools…

They have PTA fees… tuition fees… computer fees… co-curriculum fees… and whatever else they can think of. In addition, the students must buy exercise books and a whole load of workbooks, some are written as optional, but most are compulsory.

There you go… that’s called FREE education.

OK fine, so some NGOs like mine try to help out by providing financial assistance through our Children Education Fund and the likes…

But just when we thought we settled their schooling needs, after a few months we find out that some of them are required by their class teachers to buy certain other books… not as an optional additional book, but a MUST for them to buy to be used in class. They even get scolded when they don’t buy the book.

I have to admit, there are some dedicated teachers from some schools who’d go out of their way to help the poor students. They visit the students at home if the students don’t turn up in school for a few days. They find out the family’s background if the students don’t pay their fees. But there are also teachers who don’t think of their students’ welfare and simply assume that these students lack discipline.

Speaking of visiting the students at home, it’s not what the teachers are paid to do, right? It’s just a social responsibility. Since the teachers are already burdened with a whole load of other things to do, I shall not say anything further on that.

So let me just move on to another issue… welfare.

Just recently my colleague who’s in charge of client’s welfare, liaised with the Welfare Department, asking about the status of Fuzi’s welfare aid. He was told that Fuzi’s monthly welfare aid (of RM115 per month to feed 5 kids) had been extended for another 6 months. But Fuzi has not been getting the monthly financial aid on a regular basis and I think I’ve highlighted this story a few times already.

What we’re trying to do now is to get Bantuan Kanak-kanak (BKK) for the single mothers like Fuzi instead of Bantuan Am. They’d be able to get more through BKK. My colleague asked the officer why Fuzi was given Bantuan Am instead of BKK. He was instead asked by the officer why Fuzi herself didn’t come to the welfare office to apply. God knows Fuzi had been to the welfare office before. She came in the morning; the officer was not in yet. The other staffs don’t seem to be able to help, only this ONE officer. She waited and waited, and finally she was told to come back after 2 pm. Since it was troublesome for her to go home first, she waited until 2 pm. Still, no sign of the officer-in-charge. Then she was told the officer had a meeting to attend.

When my colleague told this story to the officer he was liaising with, the lady officer asked, “Kenapa dia tak telefon dulu?” Yeah right… my colleague (who is OKU himself) had his own share of making appointments but still end up with disappointments! Most of the time, the officer-in-charge is in a meeting called at the very last minute.

My colleague then asked why the officers from the welfare department can’t visit Fuzi at home instead. Surely they’d need to assess the family instead of just interviewing Fuzi at their office. And guess what was the answer given to my colleague?

“Tak ada masa. Tengah sibuk sangat ni.”

Hmmmph!

So, while I am not complaining about the Budget, I am very, very skeptical about the funds reaching the intended recipients.

Will the hard core poor really benefit? For the moment I will just have to wait and see…

Hospital visits

I was on clinic duty again yesterday. After the usual driving around the hospital a few times trying to find a parking space, I finally found a spot, again, where the sign says…

P: KAKITANGAN HOSPITAL SAHAJA

I’d only use that spot whenever I’m on clinic duty (and when I’ve given up driving around) although I cannot be considered a “kakitangan hospital”. After all there was the big letter P there… and I am… ehem… P! :)

We only had one new case referred to us yesterday, so there is not much to tell about yesterday’s clinic duty. We (the volunteers) spent more time talking to each other. As the afternoon visiting hours start at 12.30 pm, I excused myself from the clinic by then to visit 2 of my PLWHA clients in the wards.

Remember how I helped to bring Rina to the hospital for her appointment and she was immediately admitted to the ward due to her weak condition? Well, it has been 3 weeks since then, she’s STILL in the ward. The swollen feet doesn’t look so bad now but Rina is still unable to walk. Even when trying to sit down she’d feel one kind.

But emotionally Rina looks a lot better now. At least yesterday I saw her smile. And she talked a lot more than when I met her earlier. Of course she’s already feeling restless having to stay in the hospital for so long, but since she’s still unable to walk, she doesn’t really have much choice.

I don’t know what it is about Rina but since day one when I brought her to the hospital, I always seem to bump into people who either know me or people who don’t know me but still ask what my relation was to Rina. 3 weeks ago when Rina was being helped from my car onto a wheelchair, I happened to bump into a kampong folk of mine. She’s not the kay-poh type, but seeing that the “patient” came down from my car, of course she became interested… in case the person was a family member of mine. Not much problem with this one, I just told her that Rina was a friend, and immediately the kampong folk of mine assumed that Rina was a colleague at work. Doesn’t matter lah… just don’t ask anything further…

Then yesterday when I visited Rina in the ward, the first person to ask was a hospital staff. She asked if I was Rina’s auntie. Auntie?! According to the staff we both looked rather similar. OK la… but why assume auntie? Why not sister? Do I look so old? Rina is after all, already 40 years of age. But I have to admit, Rina’s mom (whom the staff sees every day) looks young so maybe that’s why the staff thought I was an aunt. (I’m trying to console myself here… hehehe)

Then the makcik whose bed was besides Rina’s came back from the toilet to her bed. The moment she saw me she said, “Ha, ada maknya!” Huh?! She thought I was Rina’s mom?? Haiya! Do I look that old? Hmmm… maybe I look motherly? (I doubt it, really!) Aduuuh…. never mind…

After visiting Rina, I went down to another ward at the floor below to visit Mr. K who had been hospitalized since last week. Mrs. K was there too. Since Mr. K needed help to go to the toilet etc, someone had to stay at the hospital with him. Mrs. K has been accompanying him at the hospital since day one which means that her children are by themselves at home. That’s not too bad considering they have a reliable 16 year old boy taking care of his younger siblings including the 8 month old baby. But the bad thing is that it also means the boy has been missing school since last week. And Mrs. K too has been taking leave from work since then and that means much lesser pay this month!

Ah well, problems… problems…

The bimbo in a limbo

Bimbo? Who me? Heck no! I can’t seem to remember any bimbo moments of mine. Not that I have a lack of memory… but this surplus of forgetfulness that I have ain’t helping me. Oh okay, maybe I purposely deleted the embarrassing moments in my life…

I’ve actually been tagged by Typhoon Sue to reveal my blonde bimbo moments. Blonde? I do have some strands of grey hair (maybe even more than my grey matter, really) , but since none of my hair has gone blonde yet, (as if it ever will!) let me just tell you about a grey-haired bimbo instead…

*trying to recall*

Urgh… I think this grey-haired bimbo is getting too old to remember lah. Sorry Sue, unable to respond to your tag… you’re not going to sue me, are you?

Instead, allow me to tell you about the problematic teenage girl whom I was asked to talk to. This case had nothing to do with my usual HIV cases. The girl was simply a stubborn, problematic girl whose mother had given up trying to change her into a better person. As a matter of fact, the mother was the last person this girl would listen to.

So, how was I pulled into talking to this girl? Actually a friend of mine sought my help. The problematic teenager so happened to be my friend’s… emmm… niece… or cousin… I forgot (Ahh! My surplus of forgetfulness is showing again!!).

Anyway, as I had never met the girl before, my friend promised to bring the girl to meet me at a specified time in front of a specified restaurant. After introducing us, my friend left the girl with me. We figured the girl wouldn’t talk if my friend lingered around, so I told my friend I’d call her once we’re done.

I took the girl into the restaurant, ordered some food and started chatting. It wasn’t so difficult getting this girl to talk. She even admitted that she had been giving problems to her mother. She used to be so close to her father that after her father died she became rather rebellious. She never listened to her mother. Actually what made it even worse was the fact that her mother made decisions for her without even consulting her – with good intentions of course, the mother simply wanted the best for her daughter.

There was however something about this girl that reminded me of Zana. Remember Zana, the problematic young woman whom I sent to a shelter home before? The similarity between the 2 was that both of them tend to tell different stories to different people. In this girl’s case, I could sense that some of the stories she was telling me were simply made up by her creative mind. The stories simply didn’t tally and didn’t make sense.

After about an hour or so talking to this girl, I figured it was time to go. So I called my friend to come back and fetch this girl. We both then got up to leave the restaurant. Just as I was about to walk out the door, one of the waitresses in the restaurant chased me, and said rather loudly, “Kak, belum bayar!”

Alamak… malu… malu…

Already embarrassed, I apologized to the waitress, saying that I had truly forgotten to pay (I told you I had a surplus of forgetfulness, didn’t I?!) . After looking at the bill, I gave her a sum of money and told her to keep the change. Not much, just a few ringgit balance, but the main reason for telling her to keep the change was because by then I was too embarrassed to wait even a second longer.

Imagine, there I was, trying to help a problematic teenage girl who was always giving problems to her family… yet I ended up walking out without paying for my food. For all I know, the problematic girl may have thought I purposely walked out without paying but got caught instead!

BIMBO!!! How could I simply walk out just like that without paying?! (Ooops, did I just reveal a bimbo moment of mine?)

Anyway, since I mentioned Zana’s name, here’s a little update on Zana. Zana and her baby need to leave the shelter home by the end of this year. Due to lack of space, only HIV infected children are given priority. The rest will have to leave. While the other ladies are going back to the home of their parents, Zana’s family has still not accepted her. Or rather, her father still cannot accept her back into the family, and in that family, whatever the father says is law. With Zana herself still too stubborn to apologize to her father, I’m in the dark as to how I can get them to reconcile…

If Zana is to live on her own, she will need to find a job. But who is going to take care of her baby when she goes to work?

I’ve got to start thinking on what to do with Zana and her baby.

Yo! This grey-haired bimbo is now in a limbo…

Merdeka eve house visit, and more house visits to come

I got a call from Mrs. K last Monday, saying that Mr. K had to be hospitalized at the district hospital near the town they’re staying. The problem was, the moment the staff at the ward found out he had HIV, they gave Mr. and Mrs. K the “one kind” of treatment. Mrs. K too was stared at as though she was an alien. To think that there are even some hospital staff who still has some sort of stigma against HIV patients, imagine those not in the medical line. So Mrs. K asked for her husband to be discharged so she could bring him straight to Ipoh GH. At least in Ipoh GH they won’t be treated as aliens. Furthermore, Mr. K’s medical records are all in Ipoh.

So by Tuesday morning, Mr. K was brought to Ipoh by his wife and accompanied by their eldest son, Shah. Mr. K was quite weak so they needed Shah to accompany them just in case. You know what that meant? That meant…
- Mrs. K had to take leave from work, and given that her salary is calculated on daily basis, she'll get less pay this month.
- Shah had to miss school to accompany his parents.
- The couple’s 12 year old daughter who will be sitting for her UPSR next week also had to miss school, because since Shah had to follow them to Ipoh, somebody else would need to stay home to take care of the 8 month old baby.

Anyway, I was supposed to visit them earlier in the week and bring along some groceries for them, plus the baby’s supply of milk powder and diapers. Since they were busy with Mr. K’s hospitalization, I postponed my house visit. But on Wednesday I was told the baby’s milk powder was almost finishing, so on Thursday, the eve of Merdeka, despite both Mr. and Mrs. K being at the hospital, I still went to visit the children at home.

I know for sure Shah didn’t go to school again that day. Mrs. K is accompanying Mr. K at the hospital and so Shah has to take over the responsibility of taking care of his siblings at home, particularly his youngest baby sister.

The children were waiting for me when I got to their house. I sought Shah’s help to get the things down from my car – milk powder, diapers, rice, oil, sugar, bread, biscuits, canned food, eggs, Milo, noodles, etc. All bought using the money contributed by various donors including readers of this blog. The moment the 10kg pack of rice was brought in, the 5 year old girl said to her 12 year old sister, “Akak, hari ni adik nak makan nasi…” Oh dear… I think they have not been eating rice for the past 2 days at least… maybe even more.

As usual, I didn’t stay long. Knowing they would not open up any package of food stuff while I was still around, and suspecting that they may not have had proper lunch yet, I left so they could eat whatever I brought for them. And I lost count of how many times the children said “Terima kasih makcik” when I was leaving….

After the visit, I headed straight to my NGO centre. There I decided to call Bashar, the uncle and guardian to Lily’s children. I wanted to know if the orphans are getting any help from the welfare department. According to Bashar, an application had been submitted and he received a call from an officer of the welfare department saying they would be visiting the family at home to assess their situation. It has been quite some time since that call… still no sign of any visits. I sought his permission to visit the children at his home. I have not met the children since Lily’s funeral. Bashar said he may not be home as he works as a lorry driver and may be outstation, but I can always liaise with his wife. The HIV infected child, Boboy, is already on medication and Bashar is very concerned about making sure Boboy takes his medication on time. The good thing was that Bashar was no longer talking about handing Boboy over to somebody else who knew how to take care of an HIV infected child.

On a happier note, I was told that Lily’s eldest daughter got good results in her UPSR trial exams. I sure hope she will do well in the UPSR exams next week.

Yesterday Malaysia celebrated her 50th year of independence. I had wanted to post this entry on Merdeka day but since the eve of Merdeka, right through the whole of Merdeka day, the phone lines in my kampong went dead. The last time that happened, somebody stole the telephone cables. I guess to some people out there, Merdeka means they are free to take what they want as and when they wish!

So, while I had more time during the long weekend to blog, there was no internet connection. Sigh…

I took the time to reflect…

While I have had a blessed life, there are still some people out there who are not as lucky.

While I have more than enough to eat day in day out, some children are just happy at the sight of the little amount of food at their home.

While I now have the opportunity to take care of my mother, there are kids who had lost both their parents at such a tender age.

Well, there is still hope. As long as there are caring Malaysians out there who are willing to walk the talk, the not-so-fortunate families can still be helped to build a better future for them, particularly the children.

WE can help, can’t we?

I am already beginning to get contributions to be distributed to the unfortunate families before the coming Raya celebrations, followed by Deepavali in early November. Come Ramadhan I will have to do more house visits to make sure the contributions reach the intended recipients in time.

I would like to take the opportunity to thank all those who had been giving their support to me in carrying out my voluntary work. Your support has motivated me to try to do even more for the unfortunate families.

THANKS A LOT, FOLKS!