THEY WILL ASK thee as to what they should spend on others. Say: "Whatever of your wealth you spend shall [first] be for your parents, and for the near of kin, and the orphans, and the needy, and the wayfarer; and whatever good you do, verily, God has full knowledge thereof." - Al-Baqarah (2:215)

Wednesday, 4 July 2007

The problematic young woman - Part 4

When I first brought Zana to the shelter home for HIV women in KL, she was desperate. She was a single pregnant woman and had to leave her kampong. There was no specific home for HIV women in Perak so I had no choice but to send her to KL. Zana was lucky I had my contacts in MAC who helped me find a place for her. Those who may have missed this part can read about it here.

After she delivered and Kak Hawa was on MC for a while, Zana had problems with the other occupants of the home, moved to another home for a while before she went back to the same shelter home before Hari Raya as the other home did not have any other Muslim occupants for her to celebrate Hari Raya with.

After some time, Zana had wanted to go back to her parent’s home. I went all the way to KL to fetch her after I was made to believe that her family was ready to accept her back. It was only after I reached the shelter home that I was told that her sister just called to tell her not to come home as her father was fuming mad. More details on this in part 2 of Zana’s story.

I tried to get in touch with Zana’s family after that to find out if they could give her a second chance. I was quite taken aback by the SMS I received. I was told Zana no longer had a place in the family as she had already been given a second chance but she blew it. There was no way I could bring Zana home to her family – not yet anyway. More details on this in part 3 of her story.

Then one of Zana’s twin babies died. It must have been a big blow to Zana… or so I thought….

More than a week after her baby died, I received another SMS from Zana. She was asking me why I wouldn’t let her leave the shelter home. She said she couldn’t stand it any longer over there. In her own words…

“Kenapa kakak tak benarkan Zana keluar dari sini? Dah lebih seminggu anak Zana mati, kenapa masih kecoh-kecoh lagi? Zana sendiri tak rasa apa-apa pun!”

She wasn't sad her baby died??

I forwarded that SMS to Kak Hawa. Kak Hawa then spoke to her personally as to why she wouldn’t let Zana leave. The home had its own rules and regulations. Somebody would have to sign her out if she was to leave. If she leaves on her own she may go back to her old ways. In addition to that she now has a baby to look after.

About a month ago, Zana sent me another SMS saying she wanted to leave. She was no longer on talking terms with the other occupants of the home. I asked where she wanted to go… and she replied asking me to find another shelter home for her. I told her I would have to ask around but the fact was that I needed to discuss the matter with Kak Hawa first.

Early this week, I received 2 more SMS from Zana. The first one was a forwarded message to Zana from another occupant of the home who got so pissed off with Zana’s attitude. In the second SMS Zana told me she’d now leave the home on her own as I was not helping her find another place.

From the first SMS, and knowing Zana personally, I could already figure out what the problem was. The problem was not the shelter home, but Zana herself. She wanted a home where she could do as she pleased. She wanted a home where she was not subject to rules, regulations and duties.

I informed Kak Hawa. Kak Hawa asked me to call Zana and tell her to talk to Kak Hawa personally. I tried to call… twice. The first time there was no answer. The second time the call ended after just the first ring. It appeared as though she didn’t want to answer my calls. So I had no choice but to send her a text message asking her to talk things over with Kak Hawa.

Until today she still has not answered my SMS.

The other occupants of the home are getting fed up with her attitude. She’s not helping out with the housework unlike the rest of them. She locks herself in the room most of the time.

Kak Hawa has run out of ideas on what to do with her. So have I. Here we are trying to help her and she’s treating us as her enemies.

I don’t really know what’s on her mind right now. For all I know she’s planning her escape from the home.

Sheeeesh… this is frustrating…

19 comments:

kina said...

kak Pi,

If she leaves, what will happen to the baby?

alamak... ni yg tak tahan ni...

She cares for the baby kan? kan? kan?

Apandi said...

Well, Pi, bagi penampak se das dua buleh ?

Sorry, good luck with this one.

Hazia said...

Tak insaf2 perempuan ni...
Perhaps should give up d baby for adoption (HIV free?)..

elviza said...

Pi,

Arghhh, feel like shaking the correct answer out of her. Literally!

So selfish. At times like this, I rasa sungguh lah nagi bagi ceramah motivasi kat dia.

I m disturbed (read: menyebok jer)

Pi Bani said...

Kina,
Apasal you pulak yang tak tahan ni? Sabar dik oii...

Well, I don't know lah how much she cares for the baby. I've asked her many times, she said she wants to take care of the baby. But I was told between her baby crying and SMS on her handphone, she'd attend to the SMS first, THEN her crying baby. Go figure...

Pi Bani said...

Apandi,
Bagi penampaq? Bukan apa... takut nanti tapak tangan I yang pedih, dia dok lagu tu jugak... entah-entah lagi teruk! Dia ni jenih melawan jangan tak tau. Kena perang psychology... tapi silap perang takut2 jadi psycho le pulak!

Pi Bani said...

Hazia,
The baby so far is free from HIV but still needs follow up tests. As for giving the child up for adoption, well, she was the one who insisted she wanted to take care of the baby.

Pi Bani said...

Elviza dear,
I welcome it kalau you nak bagi ceramah motivasi kat dia. Cuma I takut lepas ceramah tu nanti you yang balik tak boleh tidur... siap mengigau strangling her pulak lagi... :)

nyonyapenang said...

That's a beautiful quote from Francis Maitland Balfour.....it rings so true.

Re: Zana, I can feel your frustrations. For things to work well, she has to do her part. You can only do so much, Pi but I know you will be around for her.

J.T. said...

I could be wrong but I suspect she may be feeling lonely and abandoned. The problem is she is not talking to anyone about it. She seems to be putting up a barrier (thus a little cold and nasty) so that no one gets to know what she is really feeling.

I can understand how you feel Pi. It is frustrating. You want to help but she is not allowing you and neither is she helping herself.

Hope this case works out eventually.

Pi Bani said...

Nyonya Penang,
Yep, she doesn't seem to want to change. She just expect people to understand what she wants. One way street how can meh...

Pi Bani said...

JT,
The way I see it, she misses her freedom. Problem is, everytime she gets her freedom, she also gets into trouble. Her handphone is (still) full of x-rated pictures and messages.

She has not changed a wee bit. She's just as stubborn as her father. Both hard headed, SHE won't apologise, and HE won't accept her back.

Susahlah ini macam...

kina said...

Kak Pi, I tak tahan la when it comes to babies ni kan.

Kesian la kat budak tu, kalu the mother nak screw-up, that's her choice la, but to drag a baby along, I rasa sedih yang teramat.

Kalu dia tak nak baby tu, bagi la kat I pun tak pa, i can take care of him/her. (lupa lak, the baby is a boy? girl?) InsyaAllah.

kak pi, toys belum kemas lagik ni, after my audit abis on tuesday, I can start the process. Dah tak tertahan tgk toys bertong tong bawah tangga tu... aduiiii...

Anonymous said...

Masa kecik dulu, bila buat 'jahat', mak akan paksa kepala saya dalam tempayan sampai hampir lemas.

Agaknya, Zana perlu dilakukan begini. Geramnya.

Mungkin kita ni inherit sifat mak & ayah kita. Susah nak buang jika sendiri tak sedar utk membuang nya.

Good luck with Zana.

Nani, Cheras

elviza said...

Betul lah Pi! Susah betul jadi org yang banyak sangat perasaan macam I nih! hahahaha

Pi Bani said...

Kina,
Cepat cair when it comes to babies, eh?

About the toys... you're not gonna send me sampai bertong-tong are you?! Errkk!

Pi Bani said...

Nani,
Saya taklah berani nak paksa kepala Zana masuk tempayan sampai hampir lemas... nanti tak pasal je kena saman... kena naik turun court pulak. Dah masuk court kang, ada siling runtuh pulak... :)

Pi Bani said...

Elviza,
Banyak perasaan takpe... jangan terlebih perasan sudah... ;)

Apandi said...

Pi, we are still on for the 8th. Jangan lupa pulak...nanti I bawak chaperone.