The problematic ladies...

When I was on clinic duty last Wednesday, I took the opportunity to get some additional info from SN on some of my old clients. SN now has an assistant helping her out at the HIV clinic so at least she has a bit of time to entertain me with my queries. Previously she was all alone in assisting the doctor - so it wasn't a good idea getting info from her on a clinic day. She'd be rushing here and there.

I had been trying to get in touch with a 69 year old lady client to whom I was assigned to as a buddy 2 months ago, but somehow all my calls didn't get through. Every time I called, I'd get the message, "Please try later." So I checked with SN in case I wrongly copied the phone number. SN took out the client's file, and yes, it was the correct number. What SN is afraid of, is that usually if we are unable to call the clients, chances are they'd be missing their next appointment. This lady's next appointment is in February 2009, so let's just wait and see if she's going to turn up. So far the other elderly lady I was assigned to, Makcik Minah, 74, came only for her first appointment and disappeared after that.

I also asked about Ifa, who, during my last meet with her, told me her blood test at a particular district hospital showed that she didn't have HIV. Well, according to SN, the latest blood test done at Ipoh GH showed Ifa's CD4 count had dropped drastically while her viral load shot up. My guess is, at the district hospital Ifa mentioned, they didn't even test her for HIV (she was warded for asthma). So of course the results didn't show anything about her HIV status. Obviously Ifa had not been compliant in taking her ARV medication. In fact, Ifa openly admitted she doesn't take her medication on weekends as she'd usually be at the disco then - and she didn't want the ARV medication to clash with the ecstasy pills she takes when at the disco. Ifa had told me earlier about this, and I've talked to her about the implications then. But whatever said to her seemed to be going in one ear and immediately out the other. Her earlier khalwat case has not been settled, yet she seems to be getting herself into more trouble. Earlier on, she used to cry a lot. Nowadays she doesn't cry anymore, but she seems oh so stubborn! She doesn't seem to care about the implications of whatever that she does. She said she doesn't want to think about her HIV anymore. To me, it looks as though she's not even thinking at all. Susahlah ini macam... we're trying to help her, but she doesn't want to help herself. And the fact that her father doesn't give a hoot about whatever happens to her is making it even worse. Sigh...

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When my colleague and I were on our way to visit Suhaila and Samsul last week, my colleague told me about Yah's latest "adventures". Well, Yah doesn't seem to call me anymore (unless the financial assistance she usually gets are banked in late - even though I told her time and again, all the financial assistance she gets are not under my control) ever since she got herself involved with so many men. First she got herself involved with Mr Darling. Then with one engineer (the one she chased all the way to Kelantan and caught this guy in bed with another woman). Then with one army guy whom she slept with without informing the guy of her HIV status. The army guy did find out later about her HIV and threatened to kill her if tests show he's infected. Hmmm... I wonder what happened to this guy... never heard about him since then.

And remember in my earlier posting I mentioned about Yah getting from Fuzi the phone number of Fuzi's friend and ended up telling this friend about Fuzi's HIV status? Well, according to Fuzi, Yah asked for the number "saja nak kawan-kawan". Aiyo, she wanted to kawan-kawan and Fuzi just gave her the number?? To me Fuzi was at fault too for giving Yah the number. I mean, the least she could have done was to ask for the friend's permission to give his number to someone else.

Anyway, according to my colleague, he spoke to Yah quite recently and she told him about her newfound "Datuk" friend who bought her a RM200 handbag. Well, I'm not quite sure if this Datuk is a spouse to a datin or to a nenek, but as my colleague mentioned, we don't understand why anyone would want to "saja-saja" buy her an expensive handbag. We're quite sure Yah did not mention to him about her HIV. What we're not sure about is what Yah gave in exchange for the handbag... after flirting around from one man to another, you get what I mean lah...

Sigh. First she was just Yah, the tough kampong lady. Then after her angau episode with Mr Darling, she became Yah Ah Ngau. I guess now it's Wild, Wild Yah...

Aduhai Ifa...

No, that's not a title of another song to compete with Mawi's "Aduh Saleha". That's actually the best I can come up with to summarize how I feel about Ifa right now.

As mentioned in my previous posting, I was going to meet up with Ifa aka Baby yesterday. I told her I would be free after 2.30pm and asked her to specify the place and time. She was the one who fixed it to be at 3.00pm at a particular place.

I got to the specified place 2 minutes before 3.00pm. I figured since Ifa was the one who wanted to see me so much, she should be there early. But I waited and waited, after 10 minutes Ifa was nowhere to be seen. Now, those who know me well would know how particular I am about punctuality. OK lah, give and take 5 to 10 minutes still acceptable. More than that, you'd better have a good excuse.

At 3.10pm I decided to call Ifa. Maybe she got stuck somewhere or something cropped up last minute and she hadn't had the opportunity to inform me. When she answered my call and I asked her where she was, her answer was, "Ifa kat rumah ni, tengah makan. Akak tunggu lah kejap ya?"

Waaa... banyak cantik lu punya muka!

I decided to go off elsewhere nearby to run some errands. I drove back 15 minutes later and she just arrived!

"Kenapa lambat sangat?" I asked.

"Tadi Ifa tengah makan."

"Ye lah, dah janji nak jumpa pukul 3 janganlah pukul 3 baru nak makan!"

(hehehe... nasiblah kena lecture dengan head prefect...)

Yesterday being a weekday, I figured either she took leave from work or she was no longer working.

Me: Cuti ke atau dah berhenti kerja?

Ifa: Dah berhenti.

Me: Kenapa?

Ifa: Ada masalah sikit.

Me: Masalah apa pulak?

Ifa: Hari tu Ifa kena tangkap khalwat.

Oh okay, so she got caught for khalwat.

HA?? Khal-WHAT??!!

Ifa was then staying at a rented house alone in the town where she used to work. She then wanted to move to Ipoh and needed to pack her things. So she got her boyfriend to help her out with the packing. After all the hard work done, she offered him to spend the night there. And that very same night, a few pegawai pencegah maksiat came over. The house she was staying in was a Malay neighborhood, so I suppose someone must have skodeng them. I bet that wasn't the first time Ifa's boyfriend spent the night at her house.

Anyway, after being called to the Pejabat Agama a few days later, they were told to get married by hook or by crook. Which is not really a problem since both of them are agreeable to it. The boyfriend had all along knew about Ifa's HIV but he still accepted Ifa. His family had no problems about him marrying Ifa (they don't know that Ifa is HIV infected). Ifa's mother and sisters had no problems about Ifa marrying this guy either.

So what's the problem? The problem is Ifa needs her father, as the wali, to sign the form. And while her father did not mengamuk upon hearing about Ifa being caught for khalwat, he refused to sign the required form to allow Ifa to marry this guy. Nobody could coax him - not Ifa's mom, not Ifa's siblings, not Ifa's uncle. To him, if he says something is white, that means it's white even though in reality it's actually yellow. If he says something is black, that means it's black even though in reality it's actually blue.

Besides the need to get her father to sign the form, Ifa also needs to get 2 male witnesses as well. Better if the witnesses are family members, or at least some friends will do. Just get those who know Ifa to become the witness. Ifa couldn't get anyone willing to become the witness either. Well, not that Ifa didn't have any male relatives or male friends; and it's not that they didn't want to help Ifa out. It's just that they didn't dare become the witness because they're scared of Ifa's father. Wow! This must be one fierce man!

Ifa has informed the kadi about her predicament. The kadi said Ifa and her boyfriend still need to get married before their khalwat case is heard in the syariah court. The pejabat kadi will write a letter to Ifa's father to get his consent, if he doesn't reply then the officers will go to meet him at his house, and if he still refuses, they will arrange for Ifa to get married through a wali hakim.

Both Ifa and her boyfriend also had to do a blood test of course. Although they both already know about Ifa's HIV status, the pejabat agama people don't. Oh I bet when they do get the result, Ifa and her boyfriend will both be called for a long counseling (read: lecture) session. So far her boyfriend's test results are negative, but he will have to do another test after 3 months since it is still within window period.

One good thing I noticed is that Ifa is no longer the crying and whining type like she used to be when I first knew her. But the thing that's bothering me now is what she does to release tension. Her friends coaxed her to join them at the disco. I think she's getting quite hooked to it already. No, not the disco, but the ecstasy pills she takes when at the disco!

Yes, Ifa admitted to me that she took ecstasy. Another thing about Ifa is that when she opens up to me, she tells all. No info held back - unlike some of my clients who'd only tell certain details when cornered.

I asked her if it occurred to her she may get caught in another raid - this time at the disco. Her answer? "Takde, disco ni kawasan Cina."

Woi girl! I was not talking about Jabatan Agama raid lah, I was talking about police raid! Ecstasy pills, remember?? First, she got caught for khalwat and now she's putting herself in danger of getting caught for taking ecstasy pills.

She hasn't even settled one problem yet, she's putting herself in another vulnerable situation. How I wish I can whack her head off to get some sense back into her. But really, is it her fault entirely?

Remember she had already at one time stopped taking drugs? She stayed at her parents' home but never got family support. She needed care and love but she was not getting any. So when she moved out to work in another town, and her boyfriend offered her love, without hesitation she accepted his love.

Then after this khalwat problem, her father still became a stumbling block. She got all stressed again. So she resorted to friends who brought her to the disco and gave her ecstasy pills. She felt better. All her problems out of her mind at least temporarily.

Aduhai Ifa...

New clients, old clients...

During my last clinic duty, after our new client Devi left the counseling room, the three of us (the volunteers) were discussing who would be the best person to be assigned as Devi’s buddy. Somehow one of the volunteers suggested me.

I have lost count of the number of clients I now have while there are a few other buddies who only have one or two clients, yet he still suggested that I become Devi’s buddy?? When I asked him why, he said it’s because Devi’s case is quite complicated with lots of problems attached.

Waaa… banyak cantik… any complicated cases pass to me eh?

We finally decided to pass the client to another female buddy who has been assigned only one client so far. She can always consult me or any other fellow volunteers if need be. If she is not assigned any problematic cases then how on earth is she going to be exposed to this kind of cases?

On the same day, SN gave me the number of a HIV+ couple. The couple’s appointment at the hospital never coincided with our clinic duty and so they have never been referred to us. But SN felt they needed help and so she asked me to call them. Apparently their families (both sides) have disowned them. I did call a few days back and managed to speak to the wife. She seemed receptive enough. I told her to call me the next time she comes to Ipoh so I can talk to them face to face and discuss whatever problems. She said her next appointment in Ipoh will be in early September.

Later the same day, the husband called. I suppose he was not home when I called earlier and when his wife told him about my offer to help them, he decided to call me himself. He asked if I knew what kind of disease he and his wife are infected with. After confirming that I indeed knew, he asked if they could meet me earlier, say some time in mid-August. I told him to call before-hand whenever they decide to come. Even if I am not around in Ipoh I can always get another volunteer to meet up with them.

More about the couple after I get to meet them…

This morning while I was in my office I got a text message from Ifa.

“Kak, Ifa nak minta tolong sikit boleh tak. Ifa nak jumpa akak pasal ada hal penting yang nak baby katakan.”

I had to reread the message. I lost focus when I saw the word baby. What? Baby?! Is she having a baby? Alamak, she’s still single! Is this going to be another Zana??

Then suddenly I remembered vaguely that her family calls her Baby. Oh okay, she's the baby then… :)

But still… this is the first time she uses the name Baby when communicating with me. Since when did she become so manja?

Never mind, I will be meeting my overgrown baby tomorrow to listen to her problems. Nothing too serious I hope.

Positive thinking - the best medicine

I just came back from my Saturday pasar tani routine this morning, sorting out things in the kitchen when I heard the James Bond ring tone from my hand phone. That’s my PLWHA-assigned ring tone. Since Fuzi had been calling me very frequently of late, I thought it was Fuzi again, and my first thought was, “Wonder what problem she has now…”

To my surprise, when I got hold of my phone, I saw Ifa’s name instead. I haven’t been in touch with her for quite some time now.

Remember Ifa? She was one of my clients who did not have enough support from her family, particularly her father. Due to her problematic teenage years, her father lost his trust in her and even said “Biar dia mampus” once when he got fed up paying for Ifa’s medication. Thank God, later the medication was given free.

Ifa had at one time suggested to me that she wanted to stop taking medication so that she’d just die and therefore would not trouble anyone anymore. I told her then that if she didn’t take care of herself, she’d trouble others even more!

Due to the lack of family support, Ifa became such a pessimistic person. During the early months when I got to know her, whenever she called me she’d usually cry because she got so tensed up with her family, particularly her father. Thank God her mother was supportive enough to keep her going. Ifa back then easily fell sick. When I suggested that she should maybe find herself a job to keep her busy so that she wouldn’t worry so much about her HIV, her 2 main excuses were:

- She felt too weak to work
- Her father didn’t trust her enough to let her go out and work.

I remember for our 2006 Family Day in Teluk Batik, I had to personally seek permission from her father to let her come with us. I had to put on my most angelic face then…

Last year for the Family Day at Lost World of Tambun, I simply couldn’t get hold of her. Whenever I called her at home, she was not in and the guy who answered the call sounded as though he wanted to eat me up…

Back to the present… when Ifa called me this morning she asked if I could fetch her as she wanted to come to Ipoh to go to her sister’s house. Since I had not met her for quite some time, I thought it was indeed a good idea for me to fetch her and then send her to her sister’s house. At least I can get some updates on her.

So this afternoon I went to meet up with Ifa. And guess what? The Ifa I met today was a totally different person.

I was happy when Ifa told me she’s now working as a shop assistant at an electrical shop. She is no longer staying with her parents but instead renting a room at the small town where she works. To answer my curiosity, I asked her direct how she got permission from her father, not only to work, but also to stay by herself.

Apparently, too many people, including the doctor, had been asking her when she’d start working. It seems everybody else but her father had suggested that she should find herself a job to keep herself busy. Her mother finally managed to coax her father to let her work.

And the results I must say, is truly amazing. Ifa says she now doesn’t want to even think about her HIV. There are others who are worse off than her, she says. And she doesn’t easily get sick as she used to. Last time all you had to do was to sneeze right in front of her and next thing you knew, she’s down with the flu! But nosirree! Now, she no longer has to worry about that. She’s a much tougher person this time, physically and mentally.

Ahhh… positive thinking… at last! Positive thinking is the best medicine, don’t you think?

What’s that you say? Laughter is the best medicine? Well yeah, maybe, but sometimes if you laugh too much people may think you have gone nuts!

Speaking of going nuts, I think at times people may think I have gone nuts too. With my bluetooth piece worn at my ear hidden underneath my tudung, and my hand phone hidden inside my pocket, sometimes when I answer calls, I may look as though I’m talking to myself. Nobody could see the phone, nobody could see the bluetooth ear piece. All they saw was me talking. Worse, if the caller makes some jokes and I end up laughing myself silly… ALONE!

Aiyohh… what a scene… I must have looked like a makcik-gone-bonkers! Yikes! Look what technology has done to me!!