As mentioned in my previous posting, I'll be away in Cameron Highlands this weekend. So today after my asar prayer I decided to visit Sharifah at the maternity ward again, to find out if there are any updates.
The moment I got into the room, from their faces I knew they had something to tell.
"Kak, ada orang dah ubah fikiran..." said Puan Nur.
"Apasal?" I asked. "Nak bela sendiri pulak ke?"
Apparently, after we brought her to see her cute little baby yesterday, and after touching her baby with her own hands, Sharifah couldn't sleep last night. Her mind wandered... that little darling may be the one and only child she'd ever have... if she gives the baby away, she may not ever have another baby again.
Not just Sharifah, Puan Nur herself held her granddaughter in her arms yesterday, and suddenly she felt so sad about having to give the baby away.
They are after all, in the process of moving to a new home, in a new housing area, so they figured they can start afresh at the new place. They were thinking of maybe telling people that Puan Nur herself is adopting the child without having to mention that the little girl is actually Sharifah's own daughter.
All I could say to them was... "Akak dah cakap dah hari tu kan?"
Yes, I had already reminded Sharifah that the baby may be the only child she'd ever have. I had even suggested the part about Puan Nur being the foster mother. Yes, I had actually encouraged Sharifah to take care of her own child. I saw Sharifah as a soft-spoken and obedient girl - unlike the stubborn Zana, the other out-of-wedlock pregnancy I handled before. Somehow Sharifah made the wrong move that once and got into this trouble. I had anticipated that she may feel differently once she delivers. But no, at that time all Sharifah said was, "Susahlah kak..."
I asked both Puan Nur and Sharifah more than once, if they really, really wanted to give the baby away - they seemed firm in their decision.
That was of course, before she gave birth and before she saw and touched her own baby. After going through the trouble of giving birth, and after seeing and touching her baby, suddenly the motherly side of her is taking over the worries of what others may say.
Sharifah was actually thinking of leaving the baby at the shelter home for about a year or so before she takes the child to stay with her. But I reminded her that after a year or so, the child may not be too comfortable with her. And I reminded her to also think of whoever's going to be the caregiver for the baby during that one year. After getting attached to the child for a year, the caregiver will then have to give the child back to Sharifah.
I suggested to Puan Nur and Sharifah that if they do want to take care of the child, but they need time to adjust some things before bringing the baby back to their home, then maybe both Sharifah and the baby need to be sent to a temporary shelter for about 2 months or so; and then both of them go home together. Let Sharifah take care of the baby at the shelter home. Get the mother and child to bond.
And what about Aida who already had such high hopes of adopting the baby? If we don't tell her about the change of plan soon, she may start buying baby clothes and other needs. So I sent her a text message, telling her that Sharifah is now rather reluctant to give away her baby and that she and her mother will decide by Monday. I didn't want to tell her no straightaway.
After a while, as we were chatting, I was surprised to see Aida coming in. I didn't think she'd come after seeing my message. I asked her if she got my message. "Entah, tak perasanlah pulak," she said. UH OH! She then checked her handphone and said there were no messages. I then checked MY handphone - in case I sent the message to the wrong number. But no, Aida's name appeared on the message, somehow Aida did not, or had not, received the message. But while I was checking, Aida read the message on my phone.
"Kenapa? Dah tak jadi nak bagi pulak ke?" She asked.
Then we started explaining Sharifah's reluctance after yesterday's visit to ward 6C. Aida was frustrated I'm sure - but she remained calm and could still chat with us. Maybe, just maybe, she saw it coming. After all, the baby had not been officially given to her yet, and as such she knew she had no right to insist.
I told Aida we'd give her the decision by Monday. Aida then left, this time without too much hope.
As of today, Sharifah seemed determined to take care of the baby, but I didn't want them to make the decision there and then. Meanwhile I told both Sharifah and Puan Nur to think things over thoroughly over the weekend. I reminded them that they need to be prepared for whatever's coming - what the neighbours may say... what their relatives may say... oh you get the drift. I reminded them that this baby MAY be infected as well and they must be prepared to accept that as well.
So yeah, let them think things over while I get my break in Cameron Highlands. Who knows, when I come back, I may need to rewrite the script yet again...
7 comments:
In my humble opinion..I hope Pn Nur and Sharifah will take care of the baby..afterall its their own flesh and blood kan?
Yes I pun fikir the same. I really can't think of anybody who'd simply give up their 1st born whatever the circumstance is. Biarlah orang nak kata apapun. Sampai bila mulut orang tu nak nyok nyeh kan?
Yep! I agree with Mamasita and SNT. In this case, the mother and the grandmother are the best people to take care of the baby.
pi, bila baca ttg mak dgn tok budak gi tengok dan handle bayi tuh saya dah rasa dah mesti nanti jatuh hati dan tak jadi nak beri org.
we're talking primal instinct here.
sbb tu unwed [or any other] mothers yg nak give their babies up for adoption kat sini are discourged from sneaking even a glimpse of their newborns. perhaps even disallowed if there's a legal contract involved with the adoptive parents.
even surrogate mums, who wouldn't techincally be carrying their own biological children, often have similar contractual obligations.
lucky kat negara kita bab adopt2 anak ni tak pakai loyar bagai, ek?
Mamasita, Farina, Naz & Mekyam,
I sebenarnya dari awal memang mencuba to get Sharifah to take care of her own baby. Her only reason for wanting to give away the baby is not so much because dia tak nak bela, but more shame-driven - nanti apa orang lain kata and what nots.
When Puan Nur came, I saw the bond between Puan Nur and Sharifah, and I was convinced that they could actually pour the same love to the baby. Kalau boleh I nak elakkan pisahkan mak and anak, but I asked and I asked, they still wanted to give the baby away.
And Mekyam, memang I had warned them if they really wanted to give the baby away, then they should do so from the start sebab kalau kalau dah belai walau sekejap, alamatnya tak payahlah. As for the couple who wanted to adopt the baby, memang belum ada any contractual obligations. Belum ada anything black and white, and in fact baru the day after she came to see the baby Sharifah and mother changed their minds already.
Hopefully they will stick to their decision this time. Tengoklah nanti macam mana. There will definitely be a continuation to this story.
Salam Pi,
I applaud what you are doing - may god bless and reward you here and in the hereafter, insyaallah.
I think the baby would have been better off being cared for by someone who could care for her - read: Aida and her husband. There are many adopted kids in my extended families and these children couldn't have been loved and cared for more if they had been born of the adoptive parents' flesh and blood.
Having said that, I understand why Sharifah and her mum would want to keep the bay, after all, it is her baby. I pray the right decision is made here, regardless of who takes care of the baby. The thing to do now is to provide the best option for the baby.
Farizahb
Farizahb,
I understand what you mean - but to me my opinion (I cannot make decisions for them, anyway) will have to be on a case to case basis. And based on what I've seen of Puan Nur and Sharifah, I strongly feel they are very loving people who will be able to provide the much needed love and care for the baby. This case is very much different than another unwed mother case I've handled before - that one the mother did want to take care of her baby but she was so irresponsible I was hoping she'd give the baby away.
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