Heading for home...

I am so happy today. Happy but sayu at the same time. Remember I mentioned in my previous posting my calls to Puan Nur couldn't get through? Apparently her phone went kaput. She got herself another phone now but since all numbers were stored in her old phone instead of the SIM card, she had a hard time trying to look for the phone numbers of her acquaintances, including mine.

Well, she called me this morning. And guess what? She was already on her way to fetch Sharifah and my little Cek Mek from the shelter home. She had initially planned to go next week but since her hubby can only take time off this week, they decided to go today instead so at least they have a car to bring Cek Mek home. So yes, my little Cek Mek is finally heading home today. The little girl's hospital appointment has not been transferred yet due to the last minute decision, but Puan Nur promised me she'd bring Cek Mek back for her next appointment (which is next month I think) and ask for the referral letter then. I will personally make sure Puan Nur keeps her promise. No matter what happens the little girl's health is to be given priority.

Since I'm not seeing the little girl before she heads for home, here's an open letter from me to my little Cek Mek...

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My dear little Cek Mek,

I am so glad you are finally heading for home. Not my home. Not temporary home. Not shelter home. But your own HOME SWEET HOME... with your own family - your young mom, your young grandparents, and not forgetting your young aunts and uncles.

Ever since you came into this world (in a very dramatic manner I must add!) I have been blogging about you a lot, I hope you don't mind. Frankly when I first blogged about your mom, I never thought your birth would somehow leave a rather big impact on me. I thought it would just be another case - like the other cases I've handled before.

Yes, I have dealt with quite a number of babies born to HIV positive mothers. Why was it that you my little Cek Mek dear, got more of my attention?

Were you cuter than the rest of the babies? Naaah... jangan perasanlah, I doubt it. To me all newborn babies are cute. It's when they grow up a little and start throwing tantrums that I start classifying them as cute, cuter, cutest or not cute at all. Hehehe...

The main reason must have been the uncertainty you had to face. Even before you were born, your mom had nobody but me to depend on here in Ipoh. For the other cases, the women at least had homes to go to. They had family members taking care of them. And even though there was another case of out-of-wedlock pregnancy I had to deal with before, her case was handed over to a shelter home in KL before she gave birth. So I didn't have to face any of the delivery kelam-kabutness. Besides, for all the other cases I've handled so far, they all delivered on the scheduled dates. And I didn't have to be the one sending them to the hospital.

Oh yes, that must be another reason you touched my life more than the other babies. Never in my life did I ever have to send someone to the hospital at 3 am to deliver a baby! No doubt I didn't wait at the waiting area like the fathers and suku-sakat kaum-kerabat of the other babies, but still, you, my little Cek Mek, were so impatient to see the world, you made me create a record of my own. That was a first for me.

Then when I found out that your mom gave birth to you thru normal delivery, I got worried. All the other babies I dealt with before were caesarian deliveries, and so my confidence level (about them being safe from HIV) was rather high. Your case was the first normal delivery case I had to deal with. Another first for me. I did consult an expert on this and was told not to worry as your mom was on ARV medication during pregnancy and so the chances of you getting infected were still reduced somehow.

Then came the uncertainties of your future. Were you to be given away for adoption? Were you to be sent to a welfare home? Were you to remain under the care of your own mother? That was only finally decided when your mom and younger-than-me grandma got to see and touch you. Ahh... you were too adorable to be given away... so they decided that you were to stay at a shelter home temporarily while your mom would go home with your grandma. Their plan was to come and get you from the shelter home later after a few months. I objected to that (such a busybody, wasn't I?). I told them that your mom should join you at the shelter home for at least 2 months so that the 2 of you could bond - otherwise you may not want to follow them when the time comes. Actually I suggested that because quietly I was hoping that by the time your mom has to leave the shelter home, she'd be too attached to you she wouldn't have the heart to leave you behind for too long.

So, the decision was made... your mom and grandma agreed to my suggestion. There shouldn't be any more problems, right? Wrong! Due to your mom's status as an unwed 19 year old HIV positive mother, the case was referred to the hospital's social/welfare unit and so your mom and grandma had problems getting you discharged from the hospital. I had to bring them to meet the officer in charge to settle the problem. I never had to do that before. Another first for me - all because of you, my little Cek Mek dear.

By then you were 7 days old but your mother had yet to register for your birth cert. Your grandma was around by then, but she was not familiar with Ipoh and she too never had to do the registration for all her children - she had your grandpa to do all that. So I went with your grandma to the JPN to register for your birth cert. And yeah, you got that right... another first for me!

The problems we encountered caused some delays in sending you and your mom to a shelter home, and since your grandma had to go back to settle some things at home first, for a few days, you had to stay alone with your mom at an unfamiliar territory. While waiting for your grandma to come back to Ipoh, I had to check on you every day during those days. That was when you little rascal managed to steal my heart!

Then we sent both you and your mom to a shelter home. And for the first time too, the shelter home I sent you to was not specifically for HIV cases. It felt rather odd really, leaving you at a place where the other occupants were not in the same category as you and your mom. Both your grandma and myself felt sad when we left you and your mom there.

But the sadness became joy when in less than a week, your grandma told me she finally decided to bring you and your mom home earlier than originally planned. It was a good thing you and your mom didn't look too comfortable there. It made your grandma think again. I was so happy! She had not decided on the date yet but at least she was already making the necessary arrangements. Yes, I knew that would mean I'd be seeing less (maybe even last) of you, but the fact that you were finally going HOME in its true sense made me feel much much better. To me, the sooner you head home, the better.

Well, this morning your grandma called me and surprised me when she told me she was already on her way to fetch you and your mom. The best news I've heard all week!

Truth be told my dear, I was kinda hoping I'd be able to see you one last time before you head for home. But never mind, it doesn't matter what I want. The important thing is what you need - and what you need is a place you can truly call home. So go! Go on home!

My little Cek Mek dear,

I hope you don't get me wrong with my long letter recalling all the tense and blood pressure rising moments I had to endure because of you. I am not complaining - not at all! I thank Allah for choosing ME to provide those little services to you. I enjoyed and appreciate every little moment I got to spend with you. I definitely learnt a whole lot from this episode, and for that I really have to thank you, my little dear.

I may not be seeing you again (although I do hope I will), but I definitely will keep in touch with your mom and grandma to get updates from time to time about your progress, at least until I can be very sure of your HIV status. And I want you to know, no matter what the outcome is, we all still love you no less. You're very lucky my dear, that you have a very open minded grandma.

For now my little Cek Mek dear, my prayer for you is so that you will lead a normal, healthy and happy life full of love. May Allah protect and bless you always.

With loads and loads of love, cuddles and kisses,

Opah Pi

p/s

I am sure some of my blog readers would want to cuddle and kiss you too, if only they could.