Get Tested, Get Treated

Public Service Announcement - World Aids Day 2010

Meeting & Jalan-jalan Home Visits

After being earlier notified by a staff of Malaysian Aids Foundation (MAF) that there'd be a meeting held at Pertubuhan Komuniti Intan (PKI), Teluk Intan on Saturday, 27th November; I made plans to bring along my mother with me as my sister’s clinic and house happens to be in the same town. And since both Cek Mek and Baby So’od also stay in a home in the same town, I figured I might as well visit them too.

So on Saturday morning, after my usual pasar tani, off we (my mother and I) headed to Teluk Intan. Earlier on Friday, I had already loaded 2 boxes of used clothes into my car. The used clothes had been collected earlier, given by various people. I had of course, chosen only the good ones. I don’t know how some people could even think of giving torn clothes… white-turned-yellow shirts… crumpled clothes… to be given to others. The recipients may be poor, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have any dignity! So no people, before anybody else asks me if I’d accept any more used clothes, the answer is no! I have better things to do than to help throw away the “not fit to be worn” ones.

Anyway, 2 boxes of clothes chosen were mainly adults clothing. I intended to send them to the home where Cek Mek and So’od are staying. You see, the home run by Kak Ana not only caters for children, but also for adults, men and women. I also brought along a small box of babies’ needs, posted to me by a blog reader, for So’od’s use. Other than that, I needed to get a copy of So’od’s birth certificate, to be submitted together with the PAF application for Liza, together with a few other applications to the MAF officer coming for the meeting in Teluk Intan.

Immediately after sending my mother to my sister’s clinic, I went straight to Kak Ana’s place. Kak Ana had earlier told me that she’d be heading to Ipoh, but when I got to her place, she was still home. Apparently, the girl whom Kak Ana was supposed to bring to Ipoh, was unwell, so they cancelled the plan.

We had a chat… Kak Ana, Liza and myself. Basically it was about whether or not Liza should go back to her husband. I told Liza that at the end of the day, it would have to be her own decision, but she should consider all the advice given, by me, by Kak Ana, by her aunts, by her sisters. Frankly, after what she had gone through before when she was still staying with her husband, I’m not too keen on the idea of them getting back together again. I don’t know what her husband had sweet-talked her into, but Liza really looked like she was seriously considering the matter. Hopefully she will use her head when making the decision, not just her heart.

Both Cek Mek and So’od were asleep when I was there, so no, I didn’t want to disturb them.

After lunch at my sister’s house, off I went to PKI for the meeting with the MAF people. They were there to explain to us on the various financial schemes available for the PLHIV families – the Paediatric Aids Fund (PAF), Keep In School Scheme (KISS) and the Medical Assistance Scheme. The meeting didn’t really take that long. The MAF people had also wanted to do home visit assessments to the homes of 3 PAF recipients/applicants. There was one HIV positive child in each home. 2 of them were clients of PKI, while the other one was my client, ie Farah, daughter of Nuri.

Since the MAF people (3 of them) weren’t too sure of the way, they sought our help to show them the way. Hajah Suraban of PKI was initially supposed to bring them meet 2 of her clients only. Nuri stays a bit further away, and so Hajah Suraban was afraid if she joined all the way to Nuri’s place, she’d have to drive back home rather late. She had initially thought I’d be heading straight back to Ipoh after the visits, while the MAF trio, who’d finish their job after the 3rd house, would be heading elsewhere.

After finding out that I’d be coming back to my sister’s house in Teluk Intan after the visits, Hajah Suraban agreed to come along in my car to visit all 3 homes.

So we went in 2 cars, Hajah Suraban in my car while the MAF trio in another car. First stop was the home of a 9 year HIV+ girl whose parents have both died. Her mother died just a few months ago and she’s now being taken care by her aunt. The girl knows she has HIV, but she’s too young to know what HIV is all about. And so she told her schoolmates that she is now taking medication for HIV. Oh dear! So yep, while an HIV+ child must one day know about his/her HIV status, we must really choose a suitable time to be telling them about it. At least we must make sure they know what HIV is all about.

Next stop, another client of PKI, another HIV+ girl. Since the mother makes a living by opening a food stall, and the MAF trio were hungry (they reached Teluk Intan rather late as they had to attend another function in KL the night before, and so they got up late and didn’t have breakfast & lunch), we decided to stop by her stall first to let the hungry trio fill their tummies first.

The hungry faces…

Not wanting to make the lady uncomfortable, we just went to the stall as customers (with 3 very hungry ones!). Hajah Suraban and I just ordered drinks while the three hungry youngsters from MAF had their breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner at 5 pm! Yes, I said youngsters. One of them even said, “Rasa macam keluar makan dengan mak-mak pulak.” (aku lesing kang baru tau!)

After that, we went to the lady’s home, to get more details for the MAF trio to write in the home visit assessment report. It rained while we were there, but since it was getting late, and there was another house we needed to visit, we didn’t wait for the rain to stop. The next house was also in a kampong, and it wouldn’t look too good if suddenly they had visitors so late in the evening, especially nearing Maghrib. So yeah, while I had an umbrella, it was in the car! No choice but to get a bit wet… how wet would depend on how fast I could run to the car.

Next stop, Nuri’s house. Although she’s my client, I’ve never been to her house before. I’ve been to the town where she stays, but at that time, she wasn’t willing to let us visit her at home, afraid that kaypoh neighbours may be asking all sorts of questions. So, while I had no problem showing the way to the town, I wasn’t sure how to get to Nuri’s house. When we reached the town, I called Nuri, telling her exactly where I was, and asking for directions to get to her house. She said I wasn’t far off, but I should turn back and she’d wait by the roadside.

It was almost 6 pm by the time we reached Nuri’s house. The moment we got in, I sought her permission to perform my asar prayer at her house. I knew it would be too late by the time I’d get back to my sister’s house.

Nuri’s daughter, Farah, is such a small girl although she’ll be in form one next year. I got to meet Nuri’s other daughter when I performed the solat asar in her room. She didn’t get out of the room to meet the other visitors even when we were leaving at about 6.30 pm.

Anyway, after the visit to Nuri’s home, we went separate ways. Hajah Suraban and I headed back to Teluk Intan while the MAF trio headed the other way. Their jobs were done and since they were already in Perak and the next day was a Sunday, they figured they might as well make full use of their trip to Perak.

We finally reached Teluk Intan after 7 pm. It was already dark by the time I managed to send Hajah Suraban back to her house. I understood why she wasn’t willing to drive home late. When I sent her home, she showed me the way, and when she finally showed me where to stop, the moment I stopped in front of her house, she said, “Eh, rumah siapa pulak ni?” Hehehe… we missed her house by 2 doors… she showed me the wrong house!

Today being Sunday, and my sister having 2 boxes of milk powder (free samples given to her clinic), we decided to visit Kak Ana’s home. Yep, my 2nd visit in 2 days but first visit for my sisters. Now that they know the place, if they want to send anything there, they can go on their own.

This time both Cek Mek and So’od were wide awake. In fact, Liza’s aunt was also there to visit her. I took the opportunity to talk to the aunt while Kak Ana entertained my sisters in her office. So’od, now almost 3 weeks old, looked fine and healthy. No problem for me to carry him in my arms as he’s too young to recognise people to be choosy as to who he’d allow to carry him. As for Cek Mek, I’m no longer a familiar face to her, and so I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t want me to carry her. But when I asked her if I could borrow a ball she was holding in her hand, she gladly gave the ball to me. And when I carried her in my arms, she didn’t struggle. Even Liza said that Cek Mek is such a good girl. Very unlike Liza’s 2 year old son who now stays with her at the home, who throws a tantrum every time he doesn’t get what he wants.

After we left the place, I purposely sent a text message to Sharifah (Cek Mek’s mother) telling her that I just visited her little girl. I was told by Kak Ana that it had been quite some time since she last visited her daughter. I know Sharifah loves her daughter, but when she gets too comfortable not having to take care of her daughter, sometimes she may forget that she should be visiting the girl more often. By telling her that I had just visited her daughter, she’d be reminded that she should visit soon.

Well, she’d better visit soon, before Cek Mek becomes uncomfortable with her…

A third chance?

When Liza first sought my help to get her a shelter home for her and her young kids, and I told her that it would be easier to get a home for HIV+ ladies in KL, Liza clearly mentioned that she’d prefer to stay in KL and away from Perak. She said she’d feel stressed if she continued staying in Perak since there are so many kaypoh relatives of hers here in Perak.

So I arranged a place for her in Rumah Solehah. But the day she was discharged from the hospital after giving birth to So’od, she was still too weak to travel all the way to KL. So after discussing with her, and after getting permission from Kak Ana who runs the home where I had earlier sent my little Cek Mek last year, I sent Liza and So’od straight to Kak Ana’s place first. The plan was to send Liza and her kids to KL maybe a week later, after she’s a bit better.

However, the next time I called to find out when she’d be ready to be sent to KL (I needed ample notice to make all the necessary arrangements), Liza had changed her mind. After Kak Ana offered to let Liza stay at the home longer, and after Liza discussed the matter with her sister, Liza decided to stay on at Kak Ana’s place until after her confinement. So I cancelled the place at Rumah Solehah for her.

Tomorrow I will be heading her way as I need to attend a meeting in the same town with a few people from the Malaysian Aids Foundation who’d coming over to Pertubuhan Komuniti Intan, another NGO dealing with HIV/AIDS. So I shall take the opportunity to go over to Kak Ana’s place to get some documents from Liza and also to hand over some other stuff to Liza. I had earlier on kept the stuff with me because according to the earlier plan, I’d be fetching Liza later to send her over to KL.

I had already informed Liza that I’d be coming this Saturday. But this morning I decided to call Kak Ana, just in case Liza had not told her that I’d be coming tomorrow. True enough, when I called Kak Ana this morning, she wasn’t aware that I would be coming. Kak Ana would be coming to Ipoh tomorrow while I’m heading to her place. But anyway, she said she’d get the photocopies of the documents ready for me.

Anyway, remember in my previous posting I mentioned about Liza’s last text message saying that she felt guilty when she found out that her husband too had been infected? Well, today Kak Ana told me that she heard Liza may want to reconcile with her husband.

Hmmm… again? You see, Liza had earlier filed her divorce papers when she was staying in KL before she got pregnant with her 2nd child. But her hubby managed to coax her, telling her he promised he’d change. So Liza retracted her divorce papers and gave him a second chance. She got back together with her husband, and in the process, got pregnant as well. But her husband did not change. He remained his old lazy, hot-tempered self. Liza gave up and left him again, bringing along her son. She was pregnant then and so did not file for divorce. She was adamant that she’d make the necessary arrangements to file for divorce after her confinement when she intends to move back to KL.

I believe what Kak Ana heard (that Liza wanted to reconcile with her husband) was true. Liza herself, in her text message to me, although she did not mention anything about getting back together with her husband, said that she managed to call her husband, who told her that he too had been infected, making Liza feel guilty, because it was Liza that he got it from.

Hmmm… has he really changed and want to take over responsibility as a husband and a father? Or was he purposely making Liza feel guilty so that she’d go back to him? And after being so sure about ending the marriage before this, does Liza really want to get back together with her husband? Mind you, this will not be a second chance she’s giving him, but a third chance!

I don’t know her husband personally, in fact I have never met him before, so I don’t really know what kind of a person he is. It’s Liza’s life, so she’s got to decide for herself. But I do hope she’d consider all things before coming up with a decision. Hopefully her decision will not be based solely on her feeling of guilt for passing the virus to her husband. As I mentioned before, her husband knew she had HIV, and he knew the risk. It wasn’t Liza’s fault alone that they weren’t practising safe sex.

Will they or will they not get back together? Guess we’ll just have to wait and see…

 

3 different ladies, 3 different stories

I was on clinic duty again today. This time in Ipoh. And this time alhamdulillah I managed to get a parking space without having to go 3 or 4 rounds around the hospital.

After notifying the nurse that I was already there, and was told that there was supposed to be one new case, I headed straight to the counselling room. The room is shared between 3 different groups – us Buddies as support group, the pharmacists giving counselling to HIV patients and pharmacists giving counselling to patients with heart/hypertension/diabetic problems. I’m not quite sure what kind of work was being done on the rooftop, but there were sounds of drilling and knocking right above our heads. The pharmacists had to speak louder to the patients and so the room today was rather noisy.

Well, I ended up not seeing any new PLHIVs today. The supposedly new case wasn’t really a new case but one that was just transferred to Ipoh from elsewhere.

But I did meet 3 of my old clients today as they were there for their appointments. The good thing about sharing a room with the pharmacists giving counselling is that all the PLHIVs would have to go to the counselling room to see the pharmacists, and so I’d know if any of my clients were there.

Lady #1:

The first familiar face I saw was Nuri’s. Somehow she looked even skinnier than the last time I saw her. I took the opportunity to have a chat with her while she was waiting for her turn to talk to the pharmacists.

Nuri had always been the quiet type and never wanting to join our activities. I had wanted her to get to know the other PLHIVs but she never seemed interested. So after helping to arrange for some financial help for her initially, our contacts after that were more of phone calls once in a while… and if I so happen to be on duty on her appointment day, then maybe we’d bump into each other.

Nuri has a child who’s HIV positive. Nuri herself knew about her HIV after her husband died and so no, precautions were not taken when she was carrying her youngest child. So now, both of them need to come for Ipoh for their appointments – Nuri at the ID clinic and daughter Farah at the paed’s clinic. It has been a long while since I last saw Farah. She was just a small girl then… so I was rather shocked today when Nuri told me that Farah will be in form one next year! My, how time flies!

Nuri makes a living by opening a food stall outside a school near her place. Business is okay during school days, but no school means no business. So during the school holidays, there’s no business. For the moment, since SPM is still going on, she still opens her stall, but once SPM ends, there’ll be no business for her until school reopens. I asked her if she can afford to buy her children’s  stuff using her savings first. “Entahlah kak,” came the answer. Well, if she can’t, then I’d need to bring them shopping. We agreed that maybe we should meet at a nearby town, and then I’d take them shopping before sending them home.

Lady #2:

The next familiar face that I saw today? Anyone remembers Yah… the lady who had “starred” in many of my blog postings before this, particularly in 2007/2008? Yep, it was her. For those who may have just started reading this blog recently, when I first met Yah, her husband was still alive. She found out about her HIV infection when she was pregnant. Her late husband, Azman, had some mental problems as well and so it wasn’t easy for Yah. But I must say she was quite a tough lady – strong and determined. Then after Azman died, Yah had problems with her in-laws who behaved like out-laws, trying to take control not only of her late husband’s house (and whatever properties inside the house) but also her children! Yah ended up having to “run away” from the house at her husband’s kampong, back to the home of her own parents up north of Perak.

Yah then started to change after she met Mr Darling (for the history of how the nickname Mr Darling came about, please click here). After spending a night at the home of Mr D’s mother, Yah somehow turned “angau” and fell head over heels over Mr D. As a matter of fact, it came to a point where she somewhat started “stalking” Mr D (although I must say, serves him right!). Well, you’ve got to read back all the old postings (esp 2007 postings) to find out whatever happened but suffice to say, Mr D (who is the ex-husband of another client of mine, Lin) is now married to somebody else and as far as I know, they are no longer in touch with each other (otherwise you’d probably be reading another “drama swasta” posting from me… about Mr D’s wife having a wrestling match with Yah!). For a number of years even her 2 older daughters stayed at an orphanage, at their own request.

Well, today when I met Yah, she was wearing her tudung (otherwise before this sometimes she’d wear the tudung, sometimes tudung melayang… and during one Family Day, she hurriedly took out a scarf from her bag, wore it, and mentioned to another PLHIV sitting beside her, “Takut nanti K.Afizah marah!” Ada ka patut? Takut kat orang pulak whereas I never said anything to her about her dressing or anything personal…

Yah now has a permanent job at a factory and all her children are staying with her, including the 2 who had earlier requested to stay at an orphanage. To me it’s a good indication – the fact that they themselves wanted to stay with her now may probably mean that Yah has changed. Kak Long, the eldest girl, sat for her UPSR recently and managed to get 2A’s, 2B’s and 1C. Not bad, especially the fact that the subjects which she scored A’s were Maths and Science! Kak Ngah, and Abang Chik, although both are in standard 4 this year, are in different classes. Angah in a normal class while Abang Chik has to join a class for special children. (btw, they aren’t twins but born in the same year, one in March while the other in December.) Abang Chik, who had earlier joined the normal classes (for he looked nromal), finally was sent to the special class for special children. He was somewhat rather hyper and wouldn’t listen to anyone at all, giving problems to his teachers. I’m not sure what exactly Abang Chik is suffering from, but Yah just said that “Abang Chik kena masuk kelas OKU.”  I suspect ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).

Well, Angah had always been doing well in school, got second in her recent exams, while Abang Chik, who was always at the bottom of his class previously, managed to get second in his special class. Yah’s youngest, Aini, who was just a baby when I used to visit them, will already be 5 next year! Yah’s late mother used to tell Aini to call me “mama” everytime I went to visit… simply because I regularly became the “milk supplier” for her. (aiyo, not my own milk la… ini kes lembu punya susu, si Pi dapat nama…) Well, I bet Aini doesn’t remember me at all now, for she was hardly 2 years old the last time I saw her.

Whatever it is, since all her children are back with her, I will arrange for CEF for her children’s back-to-school expenses. No doubt Yah is already working now, but she just started work recently, and she doesn’t earn much either. I may not agree with some of the things that Yah did, but her children must not be deprived of basic education at least.

Lady #3:

Right after Yah left the room, another lady came straight towards me and smiled. As I responded to her salam, I guess it looked obvious to her that I was trying to recall who she was. “Sayalah kak, *Ani!” (*bukan nama sebenar, of course) Ah, of course, Ani! It had been a long while since I last met her. In fact I had lost touch with her after my calls didn’t get through and after she defaulted her hospital appointments. After that I found out she had moved to her home state to stay with her mother (she was earlier staying at her husband’s kampong in Perak). Ani and her husband moved to her own mother’s kampong after her mother somehow suspected that her daughter may have been infected with HIV, and asked her directly to be honest with her. But Ani’s mother is very understanding, she did a lot of reading herself (she’s 65) to find out more about HIV/AIDS.

So why did she suspect that Ani was infected? You see, Ani’s present husband is her second husband. Her first husband died, and based on his background (IVDU) and the circumstances in which he died, Ani’s mother somehow suspected that he could have been HIV positive. Well, Ani herself only knew about her HIV status after she remarried, when she got pregnant. Now even her present husband is infected, but he is understanding enough and doesn’t blame her for it. But he told Ani not to tell his mother about it as his side of the family is not the open-minded type. Now that they stay with her mother who knows about their HIV status, at least Ani doesn’t feel so stressful anymore. That’s a load of burden off her shoulders.

But Ani & husband still comes to Ipoh for their appointments as the hospitals nearer to their place don’t have ID specialists. So now when the time comes for their appointment, they’d take the opportunity to balik kampong to her husband’s side of the family.

Well, those were the 3 ladies I met today. The ladies whom I had blogged about during my earlier blogging days. It was good to have met them again. They may not be doing too well financially, but at least they are a lot better than when their cases were initially referred to me. At least I can see that they are now heading towards the right direction, especially Yah whom I had almost given up on once…

Marrying her late hubby’s brother…

Today being the 4th Tuesday of the month, it was time for me to head to Taiping Hospital again for clinic duty. With the other volunteer joining me for today’s support service works a doctor at Taiping Hospital, I drove alone from Ipoh.

Usually I’d drive non-stop from Ipoh to Taiping, but today somehow it was rather cold (it was rather foggy at certain stretches at the expressway) and so I had to make a pit-stop… errm… I mean pee-stop at Bukit Gantang… :) And when I reached Taiping Hospital today, I didn’t even bother to drive inside the hospital compounds to get a parking space; I headed directly to the metered parking spots right outside the hospital fences.

I headed direct to the doctor’s room to notify the nurse that I was already there, then to the nearby praying room which had been used as our counselling room ever since we started our support service in Taiping. However, there were no cases referred in the morning… thank God I brought along my netbook and wireless broadband modem. I also used the time to update the sponsorship account.

Meanwhile I had made arrangements with 2 earlier clients to meet me at the hospital. One of them was Jay, whom I met during last month’s clinic duty. I had promised her I’d help her apply for PAF, but I needed all the necessary supporting documents from her including her children’s birth certs. So yep, today she gave me all the necessary documents.

Then there was Maya, whose case I highlighted earlier in September. Well, her children are all covered under our sponsorship programme, and since the sponsors are entitled to see a picture of their sponsored child, I requested Maya to send photos of her children. So today she came to give me the photos.

We then discussed about taking her children to shop for their schooling needs for next year. My colleague who works at Taiping Hospital would be the better person to take them shopping, so I told Maya to keep in touch with my colleague.

After a while Maya said, “Kak, mak mertua saya nak saya kawin dengan adik arwah suami saya dulu kak. Macam mana?”

Me: “Dia tau tak awak ada HIV?”

Maya: “Memang keluarga semua tau.”

Me: “Ye jugak. Dia pun tau awak dapat HIV dari anak dia kan? Adik arwah tu tau tak?”

Maya: “Tau.”

Me: “Dia faham tak kesan dan akibatnya?”

Maya: “Tau. Memang selama ni pun dia yang tolong kerjakan sawah tu semenjak arwah takde.”

Me: “Kalau dia tau dan dia masih sanggup, terpulanglah pada dia. Tapi saya mintak cubalah elakkan dari berjangkit pulak HIV ke dia. Dah ada orang terangkan ke pasal pakai kondom?”

Maya: “Ya kak. Tapi kalau saya kawin, bantuan tu masih dapat ke? Dia pun bukan kerja apa sangat.”

Laaa… takut kena stop bantuan rupanya…

Well, we had already wanted to arrange for financial help for the children’s education even when Roslan, Maya’s late husband, was still alive. Right now the brother is doing the same type of job Roslan used to do. So no, they don’t earn much. Getting married is not a reason for us not to help with the children’s education.

Well, they are not married yet as Maya’s iddah is not over. Maya’s mother-in-law is arranging for them to get married after Maya’s iddah is over. Since Maya had always been dependent on her husband, I guess she needs a man in her life. I am at least happy to note that Maya’s in-laws still care about her and the children.