Weekend reflections: Then and now...

Oh, don't get fooled by the title of this posting, folks. Am just fooling around... as if I've got nothing better to do.

Then: Postal mail

Now: Email

Then: Cassettes

Now: CD



Then: Walkman

Now: MP3

Then: Long hair

Now: Longing for hair

Then: All-rounder

Now: All round

Any add-ons, folks?

*All images taken from photobucket.com

When I start leter-ing

I am thankful for the chance given to me to get myself involved with my present voluntary work. The exposure had certainly opened up my eyes to a lot of things I never thought of before.

I am more thankful for all the things I have and all the things I don’t have.

I am thankful to be born into a loving and caring family.

I now appreciate all the setbacks in my life - for without these setbacks, I may not appreciate all the good things that came my way. These setbacks had made me a stronger person.

If I had things any easier than I did (compared to many others out there, I consider mine a rather easy life), I may end up as a spoilt brat for all I know.

Witnessing the miseries some others have to go through in life has taught me to be more thankful.

Witnessing the resilience of some people going against all odds for the betterment of their lives has taught me to be more patient (oh well, maybe the patience came in a package when we get older…it’s not so much patience, but more of “no longer bothered”)

So, when I offer to help the PLHIVs, my main intention is to help them become independent. I want to help them to be able to stand on their own, without relying too much on other people’s help. I don’t offer to do things for them; instead I offer to assist them. I don’t tell them, “Give me the documents, and let me do it for you.” Instead I’d offer to go with them and show them how to get things done.

No doubt for some of these poor and uneducated families, they may need extra help initially, but still, they must learn to do things themselves. I won’t be helping them all their lives. They need to know that to get something, they need to work for it. To change their lives, they need to do something about it, and not just wait for help to come their way.

“Verily never will God change the condition of people until they change it themselves.” ~ Ar-Ra’d (13:11)

That’s why I don’t like it when any of my PLHIV clients start to keep seeking my help for every single thing. And I don’t like it too when any of them starts complaining about getting this and that late, when previously they were actually in worse conditions. I don’t like it when they forget to be thankful for all the help they’ve been getting.

You know why? Because when they do that, that’s when I start lecturing (read: leter-ing) them, and when I start doing that, chances are I will also apply my “leter-writing” skills in this blog. Aduuuh…

Oh don’t get me wrong. Most of my PLHIV clients are doing okay. Nuri is doing well with her food stall after our initial help. Now she doesn’t even apply for our Children Education Fund. Ani too is coping well after we helped her out with her EPF withdrawal – she's putting the money to good use. Asiah is almost independent now. Lin, although had sought our help for her children’s education, is not just staying home doing nothing. She’s now looking around for a job and while waiting for one, she’s helping out at her brother’s food stall and gets paid a minimal amount. People like Zainab, Shila and Maria would call me to get advice on how to go about doing certain things, but they would do whatever themselves. They don’t expect me to do things for them.

It’s people like Mrs K, Yah and Fuzi who can drive me mad at times.

Mrs K? I have already mentioned that she doesn’t seem to learn from her past mistakes when it came to money. And after the last SMS I sent her, oh wait, not SMS… it was more of SLS (Short Leter Service), she doesn’t dare call me.

Yah? Ah, wild wild Yah! I had mentioned earlier that she seemed to be taking revenge on all the wrong people. Well, today my suspicion was confirmed. She told a colleague of mine that she wanted to take revenge on MEN – so that’s why she’s sleeping around with men, so she can pass the virus to them. I feel like strangling her… but I don’t want to end up in jail.

Fuzi? She’s the latest to get my SLS recently. She had actually been pestering me for some help (like call me every 2 or 3 days to ask if I had done anything) but I told her I’m pretty busy this month and so I gave her a number instead for her to call and seek help from. During the CNY break I sent her a text message asking if she had called the number. She didn’t answer.

But yesterday she called up my colleague to complain that she hasn’t been getting any of the monthly financial aid she’s supposed to get. So when my colleague told me today, I was like… “Eh? January’s sponsorship for her children already in whaaat?” Despite my busy schedule, I always make sure I disburse the sponsorship money to the recipients on time. The money is held in our trust and I take that responsibility seriously.

So my colleague called her back today to find out and Fuzi admitted she did get that money. The “not getting ANY of the financial aid” she meant was the monthly help from the Welfare Department and the Pediatric Aids Funds (PAF). We had already warned her that the aid from Welfare Department would usually be late at the beginning of the year. It’s like that every year, and while I don’t see why the department can’t make the payment on time, Fuzi should be used to it by now. She’s complaining because her budget is a bit tight this month. Any average parent with school going children would also have a tight budget this month! Looks like Fuzi has forgotten that once upon a time she had no source of income at all. And when we Buddies first came into her life, all she was getting then was a measly monthly aid of RM115 per month from the Welfare Department. Now with all the help that’s coming in, she’s complaining about late payments? Isn’t she thankful at all? Some people have to work hard day and night to get half of what she’s getting now and she’s not even working!!

Then my colleague passed the phone to me without Fuzi realizing it. And the first thing I heard was, “Saya dah tak tau kat siapa saya nak minta tolong dah.” I bet she was shocked when she heard my voice instead asking, “Nombor yang saya bagi hari tu dah talipon belum?”

No, she has yet to call that number despite her pestering me earlier. When asked why, she said because if she makes the calls herself people will not layan her. All the while despite my advice against it, she has been paying unreliable people money for jobs that finally never got done. Now I gave her the number of a reliable party which she doesn't even have to pay for and she didn’t even ATTEMPT to call?

So yep, she got that long leter from me today. I told her it’s not that I don’t want to help her, but she’s got to help herself first. She can’t depend on people her whole life. At least take the initiative to make that call, and after that if she still needs help, then she can call me for advice.

If my PLHIV clients want to hate me because of my leter, well, they can hate me all they want, I don’t care. All I want is for them to empower themselves with knowledge, skills and confidence.

As per the verse in Surah Ar-Ra’d I mentioned above, God will not change her situation if she doesn’t attempt to make any changes herself.

Besides, if I had any magic wand so I can simply go “WHOOOSH!!” to get things done, I’d already be using it for myself first…

Fuzi, Fuzi... kan dah kena leter...

I got the reports done!

Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork! Paperwork at the office, paperwork at home (my NGO’s paperwork lah if at home…)

January being one of the peak periods in the office (the other being July), I’ve already told my PLHIV clients I’d be busy this month. That of course, didn’t stop a few of them from sending me text messages just to ask, “Kak tengah buat apa tu?” and expecting me to reply on the spot. I guess they must be bored not knowing what else to do… while here I am struggling to meet deadlines.

With the CNY holidays also this month, things are even more hectic at the office, especially if we’re dealing with companies whose auditors are firms with majority Chinese staff. The annual returns and audited accounts for companies with financial year end June 2008, must be submitted by end of January. And it doesn’t help when some of the business clients, when given our bills together with some documents to be signed and returned to us – would return the whole stack of documents to us, together with the bill meant for them, and without any payment! Tak faham or buat-buat tak faham I’m not sure…

As for my NGO, our AGM will be held in March. Still some time to go… but the various coordinators will need to submit their reports by early February for compiling. On my part, I’m supposed to write the chairperson’s report and another report on the Children Education Fund and our Sponsorship Programme. I tried to write the reports earlier, but every time I parked my butt in front of the computer, I simply didn’t know how to start – ilham tak mau mari! So I ended up bloghopping… and there goes my report-writing attempts… hehehe…

Well, guess what? I was determined to use the long CNY break to do those reports and that was exactly what I did… other than mowing the lawn lah which I had been postponing since last week (semua oso mau postpone! Lazy bum betul lah ini perempuan!).

Today is the last day of the CNY break and here’s my checklist:
- CEF/Sponsorship report… done!
- Chairperson’s report… done!
- Photos of activities… printed! (most taken using my camera so the photos are in my PC)

Oh, one more thing:
- Mow the lawn… DONE!

Yayyy!! Mission accomplished! Mental and physical exercise both done!

And my desk at home is just as messy as it was before the long break I took in December, so yeah, looks like things are returning to normal!

Gong Xi! Gong Xi!

To all my Chinese friends and blog readers...
Click on the cow!

And now they're bickering...

I remember once I was organizing a particular event and there was this lady who had agreed to help out to coordinate one of the programmes for the day. With everything set to go, the evening before the event, the lady called me up to tell me she was not able to make it as her son was very ill and she didn't feel good leaving him at home in such condition. She apologised profusely to me. I told her, "It's okay, I understand." She then replied, "How can you understand? You will not understand until you have children of your own."

I thought (and I still think) that last statement was not necessary. Had I persuaded her to attend the function no matter what her circumstances were because it was such a last minute notice, I would understand her statement. But I was in no way persuading her... as a matter of fact, I was empathizing. As someone who believes that "family comes first", I too, if I were in her shoes, pull out of the event. And when I told her I understood, it came from my heart. I may not have felt what she felt, but that didn't mean I didn't understand. Just because I am not married and I don't have children, doesn't mean I don't have feelings. Or does it?

Well, in the voluntary work that I'm doing right now, I never tell my PLHIV clients that I know how they feel, because really, I don't. I do however, understand their fears and their worries. But I have learnt not to say to them I understand because I may get the same response as I did in the above situation. Still, when we try to motivate them to move on with life, some may still say, "Easy for you to say, you don't know what it feels like."

So, we try to get these PLHIVs connected with each other, so that they'd get to know others "in the same boat". They'd probably understand each other better. I organised the deeparaya-do for the ladies so that they can get to know each other and so they may exchange ideas as to what they can do to get on with life after HIV. I encouraged them to exchange phone numbers so they can get in touch with each other. I brought Jah along with me during my house visits.

Well, Jah and Shila have become very good friends. And Asiah too would contact Jah from time to time. The rest, oh well, they may not be contacting each other, but when they do see each other at the hospital, they would at least talk to one another.

Fuzi and Yah too got to know each other during the deeparaya do. They exchanged phone numbers, and they do contact each other from time to time. But things are not well between those two now. Those who have been following my postings in this blog may remember I mentioned about Yah asking for the phone number of Fuzi's friend, which Fuzi gave without question and without even getting the friend's permission. Well, Yah did call up that friend and ended up telling him about Fuzi's HIV status.

Now things are getting worse. While they no longer talk to each other on the phone, they have been sending text messages accusing each other of this and that. Fuzi's message to Yah was to tell her to stop spreading news about her to others. Yah, on the other hand, denied she was involved in spreading lies about Fuzi, and in return she accused Fuzi of reporting bad things about her to me (yes, ME) and as a result she is no longer getting most of the financial assistance she used to get. Even a colleague of mine told me that when he met Yah recently, she was telling him the same thing.

Whoa, wait a minute! I must be such a powerful person to actually decide who should get assistance and who should not, as and when I like! Terror jugak Pi Bani ni ek...

To badmouth Fuzi further, Yah told my colleague that she once met Fuzi at a particular hotel in Ipoh. My colleague and I both know that Fuzi seldom gets out of her house and it was very unlikely that Fuzi was there. So he asked Yah back, "You jumpa Fuzi kat hotel tu, apa you buat kat situ?" Muahaha! With no way to say she wasn't there, Yah just said, "Jumpa kawan." OK fine, so if Fuzi really was at the hotel, if Yah herself could meet a friend there, why not Fuzi huh?

I am sick and tired of listening to their bickering. All the while I was afraid about a "Yah vs Lin" confrontation over Mr Darling but Lin is so fed up of Mr D she couldn't be bothered whoever wanted to be his girlfriend. I never thought the confrontation would be between Yah and Fuzi instead.

Ah, so much for getting them connected. Oh well, at least it proves that PLHIVs are humans like the rest of us. Some get along very well and become best of friends. Some are rather anti-social and not bothered to get in touch with the others. Some, end up bickering like Fuzi and Yah.

Maybe the next event I need to organise for my PLHIV clients is a ladies wrestling competition.

Am now imagining Fuzi and Yah in the ring, twisting each other's arms, pulling each other's hair, scratching each other's face... uhhh... I wouldn't want to be the referee lah...