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Showing posts with label Maria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maria. Show all posts

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Maria’s dilemma

When I got home after my clinic duty last week, Maria called me up. I did meet her earlier at the hospital, but she had not seen the doctor yet then. So while we did have a short chat, there was nothing new she had to tell me.

By the time she was done with her appointment with the doctor, I had already gone home. So she called, saying that the doctor had given her a referral letter for an appointment at the psychiatric clinic. Maria got a bit nervous and told me she was afraid to go there alone. Well yes, she’s got a husband, but as far as possible, he avoids going to the hospital with her. The only times I ever met him were one during the initial stage when Maria was diagnosed +ve (he was called to get tested as well) and the other time was after Maria delivered.

I promised Maria I’d accompany her for her first appointment at the psychiatric clinic. That was supposed to be yesterday afternoon. On Monday I sent her a text message to confirm if I got the right date and time. Maria told me she’d have to reconfirm with me. Not that she got confused with the dates, but because she wasn’t sure if she would be able to come.

You see, Maria works as an assistant at a private kindergarten. Not wanting anyone to know she has HIV, every time she has to come to Ipoh for her appointments, she’d take annual leave without telling her boss that she needed to go to the hospital, to avoid questions being asked on why she needed to do so. Her appointment at the HIV clinic was last week. Which means she already took a day off last week. Having to go to the psychiatric clinic this week would mean she’d need to take another day off. She doesn’t want to tell her boss that she needs to go to a psychiatric clinic either!

Gurubesar saya dah bisinglah kak, banyak sangat ambil cuti bulan ni.”

Yesterday morning, the day of the appointment, Maria sent me another text message to inform me that her leave was not approved. She then asked me if she should postpone or simply cancel her appointment. “Akak tengok saya macam mana? Perlu pergi ke?”

Woah! She was asking my opinion on her and if I think she really needs to see a psychiatrist? Alamak, I’d better be careful in answering her question. Both yes and no would have implications. Luckily she asked via SMS so I had time to think. And while I was thinking of what to tell her, another text message came in from her, asking if I knew the psychiatric clinic’s phone number. She wanted to call them to arrange for a postponement. Phew! Saved me from having to answer her question.

Anyway, some people may say Maria should discuss the matter with her boss so that the boss may understand her situation better and empathise. But we must also remember that another possibility is, if told that Maria has to go to the HIV clinic, and now psychiatric clinic, her boss may just tell her to quit the job! And the news about her being HIV positive and needing to see a psychiatrist too may just be made known to others as well. Maria didn’t want to take that risk.

So looks like Maria’s appointment has to be postponed. I hope she managed to get that postponement without much hassle. Poor thing… it’s such an awkward situation for her. She’s probably getting even more depressed trying to get that leave without telling anyone why she needs it.

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Rainy day at the clinic

I was outside my house early this morning - sweating it out trying to chop down a small tree... kapak kata golok tajam... golok kata kapak tajam... :) when suddenly the sky darkened. Within minutes it rained heavily and so the status for the small tree is "work-in-progress" - half way done, to be continued tomorrow...

I had initially thought I'd work a little extra outside the house today. I was to be on clinic duty and since the clinic starts at 10 am, I figured I'd go straight to the clinic instead of going to my office first. And since the hospital is not that far from my house, I wouldn't have to go out too early. But since I had to stop my "kampong exercise" prematurely due to the heavy rain, I decided I might as well go to my office first. Didn't stay long at the office though - more to just inform my staff on what is to be done etc.

By 9.30 am I left my office, and within just 10 minutes I reached the hospital. Finding a parking space at the hospital had always been tough, but today it was extra torture! There was traffic jam within the hospital compounds! Am not too sure why, was it because of the rain? I finally parked my car at a proper parking lot but further than my usual parking space (which is already far). It was still drizzling then, so I had to use an umbrella; and to add to that I had also brought along one heavy bag full of booklets on Positive Living, requested earlier on by SN. So with my right hand carrying the heavy bag, and my left hand holding the umbrella and a file under my armpit, the walk from the car park to the HIV clinic today seemed soooooo far!! I had to stop a few times to adjust my grip on the bag of booklets. Should have burned some fat and calories along the way... but nope, the 2kgs gained during Hari Raya Haji last year seem to be getting comfortable and had decided to stay put!!

When I got to the counseling room, to my surprise, it was rather quiet. The pharmacists were not there yet. So I left my file there, and went to the doctor's room to send the booklets to SN. SN was surprised to see me. She had forgotten that this is the 3rd Wednesday of the month and so she thought none of the Buddies would turn up (we send our volunteers every 1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month). She did mention there were a few new cases, so she'd be sending them over to us once the patients turn up.

Well, we had to wait quite a while for SN to send over the new cases. SN herself seemed to be pretty busy despite now having assistance from one or two other nurses (previously SN was the only nurse at the HIV clinic, so she could hardly find the time to send over the files to us). While I was chatting with my colleagues, Jah turned up at the door. I was expecting to meet Jah today since she had told me earlier about her appointment, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Maria together with Jah. It had been quite a while since my last contact with Maria. They both stay in the same town and had actually taken the same bus to come to Ipoh this morning and while they had met each other before (once I think), that was quite some time ago. So, although they did see each other on the bus, and they both had that "rasa macam kenal orang ni" feeling, but because they were unsure if they got the right person, it was only when they reached the HIV clinic did they start talking!

Frankly, I was rather surprised with Maria this time around. The usually quiet woman today seemed more talkative and smiled a lot more. Yes, she's still the introvert type, but I could really see the positive difference this time around. When Jah mentioned she wanted to go to the counseling room to look for me, Maria was the one who wanted to follow. Usually, Maria would be the type who'd just sit there quietly. Maybe it was Jah, the live wire. She is so talkative and happy-go-lucky, she somehow managed to "infect" Maria as well. As an uncle of mine used to say to describe his wife (who is also a talkative person), "Orang bisu pun boleh bercakap dibuatnya!"

Anyway, we only had 2 new cases referred to us today. There was supposed to be 3, but the other one didn't turn up. The first case was a guy, Lim, who found out about his HIV when he went for medical check-up to renew his work permit in a country down south. He's in his late thirties, but I thought he looked younger. He leads an active life, goes jogging etc. When he found out about his HIV, he lost his job and had to come back to his hometown. His brother and sister know about his HIV, but he dare not tell his parents for fear of worrying them. A few of his close friends know of his status, but they have been very supportive. Lim now has to start from scratch. His close friends offered to let him work with them at a salon, and that's where he earns his living now. Not much as compared to his previous job, and he can no longer spend as and when he likes, but at least he has something to do and he has a source of income.

His mind does wander, thinking about a bleak future ahead of him, about how long he has to live etc, but one thing about Lim is, unlike many HIV positive guys out there, Lim is the type who'd talk it out. Oh I tell you, if we let him continue just now, he could talk until 1 o'clock! Which is good, really, but there was another guy referred to us already waiting outside the room, so I told Lim I'd assign a buddy to him and this buddy will call him soon. His CD4 is still rather high, 900+ and I told him to keep himself busy so he wouldn't be worrying too much about his HIV.

The next guy referred to us, Tan, was on a wheelchair and he was pushed into the room by his brother. I asked why he needed the wheelchair. Apparently this guy tires easily and there is no short distance walk when you're at the hospital, so they had to get him a wheelchair. Unlike Lim, Tan's CD4 is already very low, only 28. Without a doubt he'd already need to start on medication this time around. Tan's whole family knows about his HIV, and from what I've been told by the brother, they all give him full support. Tan himself said a buddy was not necessary for him. But we just gave them our brochure anyway, in case at any time they may have some questions to ask.

In the same room where we talk to new patients, the old and new patients who are on medication would be referred to the HIV clinic pharmacists, to be given counseling on their medication. Both Maria and Jah were sent in to see the pharmacists too. After Maria was done with her turn with the pharmacists, she pulled me aside and asked if she could talk to me privately. Earlier on she came in with Jah, so she didn't say anything. I followed her out to a quiet corner outside the room, hoping it wasn't about any more marriage problems like she used to have before.

Maria: Macam mana nak cakap ni ye... segan le pulak.

Me: Segan apanya, cakap aje lah!

Maria: Kak, kat mana saya boleh dapat kondom kak? Saya pergi kat klinik diorang kata takde.

Me: Kan banyak ada jual, kat 7-11 pun ada.

Maria: Seganlah nak beli kat kedai kak, nanti orang nampak.

Me: Pulak dah. Selama ni macam mana?

Maria: Selama ni belum pernah lagi kehabisan stok kondom. Suami saya ni bukan boleh harap sangat, takde kondom dia hentam je.

Me: Suruh lah dia pergi beli.

Maria: Suruh dia lagi tak payah!

For those who haven't read Maria's story, Maria was infected by her first husband, an IVDU. She remarried, got pregnant and it was during that pregnancy she found out she was HIV +ve. Her husband was tested once, which came out negative, but he refused to go for further tests. So the condom is to prevent the husband from getting infected. Where and how she got the earlier stock of condoms, I didn't even think of asking.

But there you go... with the general Melayu-mentality that those buying condoms are "rendah akhlak", even those who want to buy them for "legal" purposes become too embarrassed to buy them in the open - like in Maria's case.

I told Maria, if she's willing to wait after her appointment, join me and Jah for lunch, I'd stop over at our NGO centre to give her a few. Maria was okay with the idea. She's on leave today anyway, so she was in no rush to go home.

Asiah was also at the clinic today. She came rather late and when she saw Jah, she actually shouted out Jah's name. I wanted to ask Asiah to join us for lunch after the clinic, but Asiah came with her husband, and as usual, he never wants to join us. As a matter of fact, he doesn't even want to show his face to Asiah's friends. Susahlah like this.

So, after clinic, I took both Maria and Jah, first to my NGO centre to grab a few condoms to be given to Maria, and then off we went for lunch. Jah was already excited asking me where our Family Day would be held this year. She was telling Maria of her excitement going to Teluk Batik, Lost World of Tambun and Taiping Zoo during our previous years' Family Day. Maria was saying, "Takde siapa ajak saya pun?" I quickly told her off, "Eh, yang dulu ajak payah nak dapat izin suami tu siapa?"

"Dulu tu pasal ajak dia pergi sekali!" she quipped. So I told her this year when I invite her she MUST go. She can always plan to come to Ipoh with Jah. Let's see how it goes this year then...

Jah had the biggest plate for lunch. Definitely more than what both Maria and I ate combined. All she does is eat-sleep-eat-sleep, yet she has not gained an ounce! As a matter fact when she was down with fever recently, she lost some weight. She is now.... ready for this?? 36 kgs!!!! Nope, no typo error there. Even SN earlier at the HIV clinic wanted to give Jah some of her own flesh... if only she could!

After lunch, I sent both Maria and Jah to the bus station. It was good seeing them both getting along quite well. No doubt Jah can easily get along with almost anybody, but to see Maria in such a happy and talkative mood was indeed refreshing.

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

Worrying about problems...

After coming back from KL on Monday, I got a text message from Shila - this time to tell me that she was warded at Ipoh GH. Then Mrs. K’s daughter sent me a text message telling me about her little sister being warded at the district hospital and asking if I was going to visit (that usually means she wants me to visit). I just paid them a visit last week before the girl got warded and with so many things to do I really can’t slot in the time to visit again that soon. Earlier on Monday when Maria SMS-ed me about her problem, I told her I’d call her when I’m back in Ipoh.

But by the time I got home on Monday, I was rather tired so I decided to get myself a good rest before I started calling/visiting.

Tuesday came, and having taken Monday off, there was additional work at the office. I still needed to follow up on my clients, but with a few of them waiting for me to contact them, I had better prioritize. Shila is actually under another buddy, not me. So, although she likes to “mengadu hal” to me (or whoever else she could get hold of), I shall let her own buddy follow up on her. I have my own problematic clients to follow up with.

I contacted Mrs. K to find out more on her little girl’s condition. Apparently when Mr. K got his pay on Friday, he went to get back their hand phone from the kedai pajak gadai, so this time I could contact them. I was informed by Mrs. K that since her daughter’s condition did not improve, the doctor arranged for a blood test on the little girl. The doctor did ask Mrs. K if anyone in the family had any problems with their blood. Not wanting anyone in the district hospital knowing about her husband’s HIV status, she just said no. Then she started worrying if her daughter had been infected.

I told her that her baby girl would only get infected if Mrs. K herself was infected. But since Mrs. K’s latest blood test showed negative results, I told her that it must be some other problems. The results of the girl’s blood tests are not out yet. I am sure Mrs. K will get back to me once the results are out.

Yesterday morning I also called Maria. Maria usually would only contact me when she really has problems; so when she did contact me on Monday telling me about how depressed she was, I knew it was serious. I didn’t want to call after office hours, as by then her husband would be home and as such Maria would be reluctant to talk. So I had to call during office hours. True enough, only Maria and her 2 year old son were at home. Her other children were at their grandparents’ home during the school holidays.

It seems of late Maria had been feeling really depressed. She tends to get worried over nothing, and with her mother’s passing recently, she seemed to be getting worse. It is school holidays and she doesn’t have to go to work (she’s helping to teach at a nearby kindergarten) and as such, sitting around with nothing much to do, all sorts of worries seem to come to her mind. Having had to go through a problematic family background didn’t help. She said she tried zikir and all, but somehow her mind tends to wander off again. She even asked if she could get some pills from the hospital to help calm her down.

Personally I feel Maria doesn’t talk enough. She’s already the quiet type, and with her HIV, she has even less people to talk to. Amongst her family members, only her husband knows of her HIV status. But her husband is not a good listener. Every time Maria wants to talk things over with him, particularly about her HIV, he’d avoid by telling her to just forget about it and just act as though nothing happened.

The thing is, even when I introduced her to other HIV positive women, she never talked much either. Even Jah complained that talking to Maria was like a one-way communication. I guess she finds it hard to open up to simply anyone – even those in the same boat.

I think Maria’s main problem is that she’s been keeping too much inside her. When she can’t stand it, she’d call/SMS me. Talking to me may solve the problem for the short term. Then after some time, those feelings keep bothering her again.

Anyway, I told Maria to try and keep herself busy with other things so she wouldn’t be worrying too much about her problems. Sometimes the problem doesn’t even exist – it’s her who keeps thinking of all the “what if” questions…

I’m thinking of visiting her one of these days, and probably I’d get the ever so-jovial-Jah to tag along.

I also need to start calling all my clients to ask if they’d like to join this year’s Family Day. We had our Fellowship committee meeting last night to start discussions about this year’s Family Day in August – and the destination this year is the Taiping Zoo. We need to start planning ahead – the plan, logistics, prizes etc.

Last year we had some of my blog readers contributing toys to be given to the children. So, if any of you have got any stuff to be given away to the children… hey, kecil tapak tangan, lori kontena saya tadahkan