THEY WILL ASK thee as to what they should spend on others. Say: "Whatever of your wealth you spend shall [first] be for your parents, and for the near of kin, and the orphans, and the needy, and the wayfarer; and whatever good you do, verily, God has full knowledge thereof." - Al-Baqarah (2:215)
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Saturday 23 May 2009

Poor, poor Sofie...

When my colleagues who were on clinic duty were trying to decide on who should be Murni's buddy some time back, they said they had no choice but to refer the case to me as Murni comes from a hard core poor family. Then when Sharifah's case came, again they said they had no choice but to refer the case to me, not because Sharifah was poor, but because hers was a rather problematic case (out-of-wedlock pregnancy & all).

Likewise, during the weeks that we don't have any volunteers going for the HIV clinic duty, sometimes SN would call me up from the HIV clinic to inform me of any new problematic cases. SN wouldn't usually call if the cases are not THAT urgent. If a call comes in from her, I would immediately know that she had either a complicated case she wanted to refer, or a hard core poor.

I'm already having too many cases under me, and as such, during the Buddies meeting this coming Tuesday night, I intend to hand over some of the less problematic cases to other buddies. Cases like Fuzi's, Zainab's and Jah's I think other volunteers wouldn't have any problems taking over. Like one of my fellow volunteers mentioned, I can hand over the more manageable cases to others, but please continue handling the "drama swasta" cases. :) But I can only hand over those who are more "open". I cannot hand over clients like Maria and Lin because although their cases are manageable, it is not easy to gain their trust. These two I noticed, are not ready to open up to others.

Anyway, one of the new cases I'm handling is the one referred to me direct by SN last week - that of Sofie's, the one I mentioned in my previous posting.

I promised Sofie I'd visit her this week, and so this morning, after my usual pasar tani routine, and after dumping whatever necessary into the slow cooker for my sup tulang, off I went to visit Sofie. Ahh... getting lunch cooked while at the same time doing one of my house visits - can I call that multi-tasking? :)

I had my car filled with rice, flour, noodles, bread, cooking oil, canned food etc. Although I had never met Sofie before, from the little details I managed to get from my earlier phone conversation with Sofie, plus the fact that it was SN who referred the case to me directly, I knew this had to be a genuine case of poor family.

Sofie lives in a small town, unfamiliar territory to me. Ever since the PLUS expressway was open, I hardly ever pass through that town. But ever since joining Buddies, I am getting quite used to doing house visits based entirely on the address given, even if the place happens to be in unfamiliar territories. Apa susah, ada mulut tanyalah...

So yes, once I reached the town, I did stop by a petrol station to ask where this particular kampong was. Apparently it was just 3 traffic lights away from the petrol station and easily accessible from the main road.

Once I got to the kampong, looking for the house was not a problem, as the place is more of a kampong tersusun where the house numbers are in order, very unlike my kampong where it is hard to find a specific house based on the house number. Sofie's house, or her sister's house to be exact, was a wooden house right at the end of the lane. There were a few children at the door when I got there - I just asked if Sofie lived there, and they all nodded.

I got in, and immediately saw Sofie on my right, lying on a thin mattress. She looked so weak I wondered how she managed to go to the hospital in Ipoh by bus. According to Sofie, one of her children would accompany her, for her to hold on to when she walks.

Sofie got her divorce papers finalised just a few months ago. Yes, she was the one who filed for divorce. What was the point hanging on to a marriage when the husband disappears without any news and only comes back once every 2 or 3 months. And even when he does come back, he never gives his family a single sen. It was Sofie all the while who had to support her family.

When Sofie first filed for divorce, her husband threatened to kill her if she proceeded with the divorce case. He said he'd make her suffer her whole life. Sofie ended up having to file a police report in addition to going in and out of the Syariah Court for her divorce case.

Well, Sofie got her divorce papers, but her ex-husband did manage to make Sofie suffer - he infected her with HIV, didn't he? Sofie herself never knew her husband had HIV. It was only a few months ago when she fell ill, got hospitalised and tests revealed she was HIV positive. In fact, based on her condition, the doctors believed she could have been infected more than 10 years ago. That gave Sofie another worry - if indeed she had been infected that long ago, her youngest daughter, who is 7 this year, may have been infected too. She intends to bring that daughter for blood tests soon.

Before this Sofie had been working very hard to support her children. She helped out at a canteen, and did some odd jobs here and there to earn about RM400 to RM500 per month. Hardly enough to pay for house rental and support 4 schooling children, but at least she had an income.

However, Sofie had not been working for the past 3 months due to her weak condition. How was she going to pay for her house rental? What was she going to feed her children with?

Thank goodness her sister and brother-in-law sympathised and took the whole family in to stay with them at their house - the house I went to visit today. But Sofie's BIL only earns about RM800 per month and they have 6 children of their own to feed - 5 of them schooling while the youngest is still a toddler. Every night Sofie's sister stays up to 3 am to make some kuih to be sent off to a few stalls early in the mornings to be sold. That's their only source of extra income.

But Sofie's sister & BIL aren't complaining. Whatever they & their children eat, Sofie and her children will get to eat too. But with 13 people staying under the same roof, and with the kind of income they earn - obviously they have to ration their daily food intake. And the groceries that I brought along with me in my car today? They welcomed it very much. I got the children to help me carry the stuff out of my car. And I was amazed when Sofie's fragile looking 11 year old boy managed to carry a 10 kg bag of rice on his left shoulder, and another heavy bag of other stuff with his right hand - with ease! Obviously he's so used to carrying heavy stuff and doing hard work.

I got hold of the photocopies of whatever supporting documents needed to help Sofie apply for financial assistance. I also requested her permission to come and visit again with at least 2 other colleagues - that's a requirement if we are to consider her children for our Education Sponsorship programme. Sofie agreed as long as we don't come in a Jabatan Kesihatan van. Apparently before this, there was one such visit to a neighbour's house and within hours the whole neighbourhood knew about the neighbour being HIV positive. I assured Sofie that we don't work with the Health Ministry - we're only volunteers and any visits will be in our own personal vehicles. The neighbours know Sofie is poor and so if anybody asks about the visits from me and my colleagues, we can always say we're from a charitable organisation. Besides, during our house visits, we NEVER tell people we're from an HIV support group.

Sofie and her children definitely need all the help they can get. If my colleagues who assigned me to Murni earlier thought Murni was a hard core poor; Sofie's situation is even worse than Murni's. And people like Mr and Mrs K who are both working are always complaining "tak ada duit" to pay for this and that. Yes, they don't earn much I agree, but I wish they could see Sofie's sufferings to really understand the meaning of "tak ada duit". Sofie now doesn't earn anything. Nothing at all - not a single sen. Zero! Zilch! Not because she's not willing to work, but because she's unable to work. When she needs to go for her hospital appointments, her sister would have to fork out some of her hard earned money to give to Sofie.

I will get my colleague to help Sofie apply for welfare aid and MAC's Paediatric AIDS Fund; while I myself will bring up this case to be considered for my NGO's Education Sponsorship programme. Right now I am also looking for donors to buy bicycles for Sofie's children who for the time being have to walk to school...

And we have been complaining about what... lauk tak best?

22 comments:

Unknown said...

aduii...tak bersyukurnya diri ni~~~

Pi Bani said...

Akmal,
Terasa ke? But indeed, sometimes we need to be reminded of all these things - kalau tidak memang kurang bersyukurlah kita...

elara said...

I could use a telling off like that for self reflection. Ya kita patut bersyukur..dan tak sepatutnya mengeluh memanjang

Pi Bani said...

Elara,
Itu pasal to me it's a blessing that I'm involved in this voluntary work. Seeing for myself their sufferings betul-betul menginsafkan...

Anonymous said...

Sedihnya Pi. Susah-susah we all dulu membesarkan anak-anak, Alhamdulillah makan cukup. Duit untuk sekolah pun ada. Rata-rata Nenek tengok (dah lebih 60 tahun hidup ni)kalau suami i.e. ketua keluarga tak melaksanakan amanah Allah, memang susahlah keluarga tu. Kalau mewah wang-ringgit pun, anak-anak macam setan atau macam-macam penyakit dan bala yang datang. Ramai orang kata nanti ramai wanita masuk neraka. Mereka tau dari mana tak taulah. Dalam Quran tak ada pun. Kalau tengok realiti, macam lebih ramai lelaki yang jadi ahli neraka jer. Mungkin asalnya "Ramai lelaki jadi ahli neraka kerana tidak melaksanakan amanah ke atas wanita dan keluarga". Nak short cut, 'lelaki' dan 'amanah' hilang terus. Bila mereka ni nak sedar hah??

Nenek Rock

mamasita said...

Again..sedih bila dengar pasal kes macam Sofie..left terbongkang dapat HIV from her husband..so very sad!

And probably got infected 10 years ago? O my goodness! Scary for everybody I'd say!

Pi Bani said...

Nenek Rock,
Memang selalunya keluarga yang problematic ni are those where the so-called "ketua keluarga" tak bertanggungjawab. Tak bantu keluarga satu hal, ni tinggalkan masalah pulak lagi! Tak taulah apa nak jadi...

Pi Bani said...

Mamasita,
Memang ramai mangsa HIV amongst the housewives selalunya tau about their infection rather late. Some tu husband dah meninggal baru tau.

Sheisawesome said...

Learn to be grateful and you will be amaze how lucky you are compare to others. :)

Pi Bani said...

LaiPing,
Exactly! If we keep on complaining about all our shortcomings, we will never realise the good things that come our way. We must always remember that there are always people out there who are much worse off than us!

Mia's Mom said...

Salam Pi Bani,

This is sad.... And it's time for self-reflection too. When I quit my job some time ago, I felt soo... poor (I can't get anything I want when I want it - selfish!) but your story makes me realised that my condition is far far better than I thought. I felt so selfish. And at the same time I am thankful for being blessed with a responsible Ketua Keluarga. Syukur Alhamdulillah! I hope that there'll be good news for Sofie & family soon. And I hope too that the Al-Mighty will have mercy on her sister's family who so selflessly come in to help , little as it may seem. At least she is blessed with a good sister & BIL.
BTW Pi, how do one go about with donation? I do not have much (no income, ma... just the little that I managed to scrap, mind you!) but I guess Sofie needs it better.

Pi Bani said...

Mia's Mom,
At one time when I was doing freelance work, there were times when duit tak berapa masuk. Sakit juga rasa masa tu... but compared to the situation Sofie is in now, I was a thousand (maybe even a million) times better than Sofie. We are so blessed, aren't we?

As for the donation bit, can you please email me personally at pibani@yahoo.com?

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

i think in comparison to some other cases, Sofie's lucky to have moral backings from her family, which we all know is essential given the situation she's in. but ofcos the family could do with some improvemnet which ever way they can get. i'd say lets squeeze the JKM, becos she rightly deserves it.

Pi Bani said...

Kerp,
Yes, Sofie is lucky her sister is backing her. But aiyo, sister also got too many mouths to feed already. We're definitely going to push this one for JKM.

Ez said...

Pi Bani,

u're such a strong gal..
no way i could do what u do.. i'm sure i'll just cry my eyes out.. keep doing ur thang, & who knows, maybe 1day GOD will make me as strong as u! ~ Amin..

Anonymous said...

Pi Bani,

ada akaun number dia dak...ni qualify for fidyah tak?

please post her akaun number here...thank you

Cik Kiah said...

Dear Kak Pi,

I would like to contribute towards getting the kids bicycle or whichever way i can help. Please let me know how i can bank in some money.

Pi Bani said...

Ez,
I have to admit, kadang2 I sebak tengok keadaan some of my PLHIV clients. But we are their "tempat mengadu", so mau tak mau, we have to be strong for them. InsyaAllah, if you put your heart into it, boleh.

Pi Bani said...

Anonymous,
Dari kaca mata I, memang this lady qualify for fidyah. In fact, when I went to visit hari tu, my office mate memang ada kirim bayar fidyah kat dia. However, I dare not expose her account number in this blog, as that will also expose her real name - something I'm not supposed to do. Please email me at pibani@yahoo.com if you want discuss options.

Pi Bani said...

Cik Kiah,
Tried to look for your email address at your profile but couldn't find it. So can you email me at pibani@yahoo.com please?

Eh, I think dah tiga kali mention dah my email address ni... :)

Typhoon Sue said...

ouch! i was just complaining abt my mom eating in my car when other ppl don't even have anything to eat

:-)

my heart goes out to sofie, and i pray her youngest child is not HIV+ as well

Pi Bani said...

Sue,
Oh well, terkena le pulak... :) Tapi nak buat macam mana, ramai kita ni (myself included) jenis kaki complain. Bila sekali-sekala exposed to stories like this, insaf sekejap. (tapi lepas tu buat balik...)

I too hope Sofie's child is spared from the virus.