When the children get depressed...

When I was first introduced to Mr & Mrs K, they were facing lots of problems. With Mr K rather weak then, and Mrs K's ATM card in the hands of a money lender, they never earned enough. Their house rental, the children's bus fares, the children's school fees, and whatever else had not been paid for a few months. They often ran out of groceries at home. Their children hardly had enough to eat. One time when I went to visit, their eldest son (then 16) and his younger sister (then 11), were having lunch by sharing a cup of instant noodles.

We tried to help them get back on their feet. With donations from friends and blog readers, I frequently delivered foodstuff, also diapers and milk powder for their baby. The children's educational needs were covered by our Children Education Fund.

Mr K then was trying to apply to withdraw his EPF. Due to his weak condition, his EPF withdrawal was approved. They managed to pay off their debts, and still had some extras. Mrs K got back her ATM card from the money lender, and as such, she'd have access to all her salary instead of being left with only the balances.

Earlier, as per their own request (before the EPF withdrawal was approved), we helped them to apply renting one of the DBI flats. The rates were cheap, and there were some job openings in Ipoh suitable for both Mr and Mrs K. It is not easy getting approval for those flats - but we managed to get their application approved.

But the approval came after they got the EPF money. By then they figured they could survive without moving to Ipoh. The house they're renting is a terrace house which is more comfortable than a flat. So they turned down the flat. And health-wise Mr K himself was better by then and managed to get himself a job - low paying but still a job nonetheless. They figured his salary could be used for rental and Mrs K's salary for household needs. Logically they should be able to survive, and I thought I didn't have to worry about them anymore.

But what did they do with the balance of their EPF money? They finished it quickly paying for their wants rather than their needs. They don't seem to think about future needs. My advise went into one ear and out the other. I was really pissed off.

After a while, they were back to square one. Mrs K even tried to borrow money from me. I simply refused. I was not about to let them make use of us Buddies. We too have to work to earn an income, they shouldn't be expecting us to give them money as and when they need it. I have to be firm with these people. Otherwise they'll never learn.

But when their depressed teenager starts contacting me directly to seek help from me, what do I do?

Yes, their 13 year old daughter, exchanged a few text messages with me. I didn't want to call her to talk to her as she was home, curi-curi using her mother's handphone. Her mother was at work, doing overtime, but her father was home. It's her father that's causing her to feel so depressed. She thinks he's back to his old habit - drugs.

According to her, she's always worried whenever her father's siblings come over to their home. They too, it seemed, are taking drugs, and it looked as though they are influencing Mr K to get back to his old habit. The girl admits, sometimes when her older brother goes out to do some odd jobs, she ended up missing school to take care of her younger siblings. Although her father was around, she was afraid he may bring them with him to meet his siblings.

Sigh...

The house rental had not been paid for quite some time now, but at least the landlord was kind enough to let them stay until end of this year. After that, they will have to move out, by hook or by crook.

According to the girl, her teacher was already making noise because she had not bought her workbooks. Whatever fees, for her and her younger sister, had not been paid either. Well yes, schooling needs can be covered by our CEF, but usually we'd bank in the amount into the guardian's bank account - in this case, Mrs K. But given their situation, and knowing their weakness in dealing with temptations, if I banked in the money into Mrs K's bank account, chances are the money would be used for something else, not for schooling needs.

Mrs K also owes the nearby grocery shop quite a sum of money. She had been getting her food supplies from that shop, promising to pay at the end of the month, but always running out of money before paying for them. Just recently the shop owner came over to their house when Mrs K was still at work. He scolded the 13 year old girl who at that time just got back from school - telling her how irresponsible her parents are. The girl didn't tell her mother, as she didn't want to worry her.

The girl openly told me she and her older brother do not wish to stay there any longer. They prefer to stay in Ipoh so that their father will be further away from his siblings and so they won't be able to visit him as often as they are doing now. She asked if I could help them get the flat.

Too late for that my dear. The rental for the flat is darn cheap, it is not easy to get approval. And since they did get the approval earlier, but they turned it down, they are now blacklisted and cannot re-apply.

At the end of her message, the girl said, "Sorry lah makcik, dah tension tak tau nak luah kat siapa."

I'm running out of ideas what to do with this family... we tried to help them get back on their feet, they blew it. There are others I know who earn much less than the K's, yet they manage.

The children need help, but how do I help them when their parents are not even attempting to improve their own lives? The only thing I can think of right now is to send foodstuff from time to time. But then again, until when?

Sigh...