When I was first assigned as Sharifah's buddy, somehow her status as an unwed pregnant girl reminded me of Zana. Those who have not been following Zana's story, you can read my posting on The Problematic Young Woman - Part 5. Links to her earlier stories are in that posting, if you're interested.
Well, Sharifah reminds me of Zana only because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy. Otherwise they are totally different personalities with totally different attitudes. Yes, they both got into the same kind of mess, but Sharifah is more obedient and would listen to your advice. And she also seemed to have regretted what she did. Plus she still has her mother to go back to. Zana on the other hand is so so stubborn, and would put on that selamba "I-did-nothing-wrong" face each time you try to give her any advice. I've even had blog readers who wanted to slap her (if only they could lah) just from reading my stories.
So, whatever happened to Zana? I haven't been able to contact her of late. Usually, even for clients whom I have not been in touch for some time because they have moved to another state, I would still send them Raya wishes via SMS and they (including Zana) would usually reply. But for last year's Raya wish, Zana never replied my SMS.
My guess is, she had changed her phone number for the umpteenth time and since she didn't have any favours to ask from me, she didn't see the necessity of informing me of her new number.
Well, recently I called Kak Hawa, the lady in charge of the HIV shelter home in KL where I sent Zana way back in 2006. Zana was then 7 months pregnant, not accepted by her family back home, and didn't have any place to stay. Zana's attitude really drove the people at the shelter home up the wall... even after giving birth to a pair of twins, she was always busy sending/replying text messages on her hand phone even when her babies were crying.
One of the twins died (no, not of HIV) and a few months later, Zana left the home with her other baby; but later when seeing that the baby boy was obviously neglected, Kak Hawa went to get the baby from Zana's care, with Zana's permission. Kak Hawa told her to come visit the child from time to time. Zana promised she'd get her son once she gets married.
Well, that child is now almost 3 years old, free from HIV and still staying at the shelter home with Kak Hawa. Zana herself? Kak Hawa herself isn't sure of Zana's whereabouts. Every time she called, Zana claimed she was in different locations. Sekejap cakap kat Johor... sekejap cakap kat KL, sekejap cakap kat Perak...
But what I'd like to touch on this time is Zana's 7 year old daughter. Yes, Zana has an older daughter. She was married before, to a drug addict, who died of AIDS-related diseases. The daughter now stays with Zana's parents. Earlier when I was trying to get Zana to reconcile with her parents so she could go back and stay with them (I failed because her father simply refused to accept her), I found out that even her first child was a result of out-of-wedlock pregnancy. The only difference was that they managed to get the guy (yes, the drug addict) to marry her. After the husband died, when Zana got herself into another out-of-wedlock pregnancy, her father could no longer take it.
Due to her father's refusal to accept her, Zana had not gone back to see her daughter (at least not openly... am not sure if she had made any secret arrangements with her sister to meet outside). But Zana's daughter is 7 years old - she should be in school this year shouldn't she?
Apparently Zana's parents had problems when they wanted to register the girl for school. Why the problem when the girl is their own grandchild, right? You see, Zana's father, when registering the girl for school, indicated that the girl was his adopted child. Why didn't he just say the child was his own grandchild?
My guess is the birth cert stated the girl's father as "unknown". I don't know, it had always been difficult to get 100% truth from Zana. If such was the case, and based on the fact that Zana's father had always been ashamed of Zana, maybe he was ashamed to admit that the fatherless child was his own grandchild.
Fine! But when you want to register the girl for school, and you say the girl's your adopted daughter, surely the authorities would want you to show the necessary papers to prove that the girl is your legally adopted child, right?
Aduuuh, takde problem, cari problem...
Zana's sister must have conveyed the problem to her. Zana then called Kak Hawa and asked Kak Hawa to help out. She even 'taught' Kak Hawa to do this and that. Kak Hawa refused. She had not even met the girl nor Zana's parents. Why should she go out of her way to get them out of a problem they themselves created?
The matter could easily be settled. All they had to do was to get Zana herself to go back home and register the girl for school. Zana's name is clearly written in the birth cert as the little girl's mother - so there shouldn't be any problem of providing the necessary documentation.
BUT... was Zana willing to go back home? And was Zana's father willing to accept her back? Or did the father finally admit that the little girl was his own grandchild? Both Zana's and her father's ego don't seem to make things any easier.
Right now I don't know if the problem has been settled. Zana changes her phone number so often we can't call her to find out. We'd have to wait for her to call, if she ever calls again.
All these problems came about because of SHAME. We live in such a shame-driven community, when something like this happens, all we think about is what others may think of us if we admit so and so is family. We don't think of the real victim - THE CHILD!
Which reminds me... Sharifah and Puan Nur did mention to me that when they do bring Cek Mek home, they will tell neighbours that the girl is adopted. Hmmm.... I hope they don't use the same story when Cek Mek grows up and goes to school.
But having said that, whatever happened to Cek Mek's case? Frankly I don't know. Puan Nur didn't call me as promised. But the necessary documents for Sharifah's blood tests in Ipoh are with me, and so I should be meeting up with Sharifah next week. Unless of course, she intends to skip her own hospital appointments...
14 comments:
These shame-driven mentality of us malays (mostly) have got to stop esp when it involves a child's life. neighbours pun bilalah nak berhenti mengata orang? macam lah life diorang tu any better. dah sure ke masuk syurga nak mengata orang lain? grrr.
Farina,
In this case, neighbours belum mengata lagi, orang yang berkenaan dah malu siap-siap dah... entahlah, maybe sebab dia pun akan pandang rendah kat orang if that person has to face the same situation.
By right, in cases like these, we should help guide whoever (people like Zana and Sharifah) so that depa tak tersesat terus. Kalau dia betul-betul taubat, and kita pulak terus-menerus asyik nak mengata orang, harus lah dia dulu masuk syurga dulu dari kita.
As for the child, budak tu tak salah apa, he/she definitely should not be looked down upon and the grandparents or whoever the guardians should not be ashamed to admit their family relationship with the child.
bebudak tu tak salah apa-apa. the problem in our society is that we label people so easily. so what if that child is anak haram or anak halal. it's just a child, period.
Sue,
Tu lah pasal... bebudak tu tak salah apa-apa, tak perlulah panggil anak haram kan? Ni nama aje dah buruk benor bunyinya, padahal bukan dia yang buat hal. And kalau ye pun anak haram, kalau baik didikan, mau dia grow up nanti jadi jauh lebih baik dari manusia-manusia yang ingat depa dah cukup baik tu...
Aunty Pi,
How glad I am that I'm a cat and not a human. It's a totally different ball game over here...To adopt or not to adopt, that's a decision for only those in front of cages at the SPCA...teehee
Anyway, I'm praying for all those babies. Poor things being abandoned by their mamas. We'll know what to do with those irresponsible mamas and papas if they were cats. You know what I'm talking about...any vet can do it. Easy does it, no more irresponsible procreation. purr purr meow...
Poor children. They are really the victim here.
If nothing is being done while still at this young age...going to be harder when they grow older. It might lead to history repeating itself.
Hope everything will be fine for them as they grow up.
Cat-in-Sydney,
For kitties at least we don't have to worry about "maklumat bapa tidak diketahui" indicated in their birth certs! And cats... errmmm... have no shame.... hahahaha!! (I know I'm not getting any hugs this time!)
Nightwing,
That's what I'm afraid of most... history repeating itself. I wonder how the children themselves will react when one fine day they find out about their life history.
Aunty Pi,
Are you going to a certain bowling event this weekend? *winks*
My Mama could be there too...
Cat-in-Sydney,
Actually I'm attending another gathering in PJ for lunch; but if I get to PJ early enough, I may just drop by.
Is your mama taking part? Or is she going to be jumping up and down cheering for her team?
One day my child came back from school and asked "Mama Maulad tu apa?". Cikgu dia (guru Darjah 1 satu sekolah di Shah Alam) asyik called one of her friends "A maulad B". Kesian budak tu. Taulah bila bebudak dapat info kenapa how kejam and zalim they can be. Budak tu di 'dera' hatinya dengan teruk sekali. Penjaga budak tu pindahkan budak tu to private school soon after that. Guru apa tu? Sepatutnya tunjuk contoh yang baik. Ini macam sial je.
Anonymous,
Mungkin cikgu tu tak fikir kesannya pada budak tu. Dia ingat tak jadi hal lah kalau bagitau satu dunia budak tu anak angkat. Cikgu macam ni bahaya sikitlah kalau dapat surat beranak budak, ada tulis nama mak tapi kat nama bapak tulis "maklumat tidak diketahui". Confirm lagi tension budak tu nanti.
Yang jadi mangsa... budak yang tak buat salah apa-apa.
Stealing a few minutes to have a fast read - and send a rare comment... I simply have to say this - you, your self, your humanity... as compared to you, I'd be of a sub-human or troll category.
This woman, Zana - I haven't read about her, but I'll take your word for it - I 'd probably jump the queue to slap her. Reading this post gives me an idea of what/how she is. I'm in a "level" state of mind and self right now, and in this frame, am more tolerant than in "below level" or "depressed/angered"etc.
I also *try* to understand, be in her shoes the best that we possibly can. And there's sympathy - she had suffered/most likely still suffering. The problems with her addict husband, family - the pressure from society No one wants these but they had fallen on her lot in life...
And the child - already 7. An innocent; but imagine what she'll probably go through - the acidic and crushing words about her parents etc from other children, `friends'... And maybe from a few insensitive self-centred teachers too - monkeys that have a teaching diploma, unfortunately...
Mat Cendana,
I have only met Zana in person, and I've never met her family - so I don't really know for sure why she became how she is now. But I do know for sure that the victims are definitely the innocent children. That is oh so frustrating!
Post a Comment