More phone calls... and the "tak makan saman" child...

OK, done with the tagging business, now back to my usual postings.

Actually after my NGO’s board meeting last Tuesday night, my task now is to call ALL my PLWHA clients to invite them to our Family Day outing due to be held on 5th August. Being the one with the most clients assigned looks like I’ve got to make the most calls! And the children attending the Family Day will mostly come from the families assigned to me.

I’ve already made a few calls. And some, coincidentally, so happened to call me these past few days. So I took the opportunity to tell them about the outing.

Jah is definitely coming: She had decided on that long before we decided on the date and venue!
Yah will be coming with her children: 1 adult + 4 children
Fuzi will also be coming with her children: 1 adult + 5 children
Zaki and Zainab will be coming with their 2 daughters: 2 adult + 2 children
Lily’s children will be coming with their new guardians and the guardian’s 2 kids: 2 adults + 6 children.

Yesterday I called Sha and Maria. Both sounded very keen and most likely they will be joining but will confirm by next week after they discuss with their respective husbands. If they do join, then there will be additional 2 adult + 2 children for Sha and 2 adults + 4 children for Maria.

That’s already 11 adults and 23 children – more than the total number of PLWHAs and children who joined us in last year’s family day. And I haven’t finished calling all my clients yet. I’ve still got to call Mrs. K, Nuri, Noni, Ifa and Ani. I do believe Mrs. K’s family would want to join.

You see, during last year’s Family Day, I didn’t have as many clients yet. And the ones already assigned to me couldn’t join for various reasons. Maria at that time just gave birth… Sha was heavily pregnant… Zainab had to work. The ones with many children were only assigned to me AFTER last year’s family day…. Yah, Fuzi, Mr. & Mrs. K, Lily…

Anyway, remember I said last Tuesday Yah called to tell me Angah got second in class? Well, yesterday, she called again. This time her eldest daughter, Kak Long, also insisted that Yah called me. You see, Kak Long too, got second in class! Yeah, I think they do expect presents from me…

I’m so happy for them! Despite all the difficulties the family had to face, the children did well in school. And since Yah has confirmed that she and her children will be joining the Family Day, I will congratulate the girls personally when I see them on that day.

But Yah’s son, Abang Chik, has problems in school. He never pays attention… he never listens… everything said to him goes in one ear and goes out the other. Class ends at 1.10 pm, by 1 pm he simply walks out of the class. Teacher calls him in; he’d still walk out as though he didn’t hear anything. He never does his homework no matter how you force him. His mother buys him pencils to use in school; he “donates” them to his friends, so he ends up with no pencil every alternate day. The school arranges for special classes for problematic students, he simply refuses to attend. You pull him into the class; he’ll just walk out again. The teachers are running out of ideas on what to do about him. His sisters got 2nd in their class, Abang Chik got first… from the bottom laa…

Abang Chik, if you remember, is in standard one this year: same with Angah. Initially they sat beside each other in the same class. But since Angah did well she was transferred to a better class.

Any of you had any experiences with children like Abang Chik? The tak makan saman type? Care to share tips?

Generate RM127 the easy way!

Does the title of this post sound like one of those work-at-home money making opportunities?

Well, maybe it is in a way...

The difference is that for this one the money generated will be going to charity!

So yes, how would you like to contribute RM127 to an orphanage without having to fork out your own money? All you have to do is to complete at least seventeen of 27 sentences, and one taukeh by the name of Idham will contribute RM127 to the Darul Izzah orphanage! Easy, isn't it? And there are no wrong answers!

Actually I was tagged... by K.Ruby and Kata Tak Nak. Since this tag is for charity, I shall oblige. While I'm not fond of tags, I do support charity. I shall not tag anyone, but if any of my blog readers wish to participate, by all means, please do! Don't forget to leave a comment at Idham's blog after you've done so.

OK, so, I'd better get this done before something else crops up!

*These can be copied and pasted to your entry*

1. A person is only as good as ................... what's in his/her heart

2. Friendship is always ................. so meaningful when you have true friends.

3. To love is to.................... care for someone unconditionally.

4. Money makes me................... normal. Without them very susah lor...

5. I miss ....................... my school days (minus the exams laa...)

6. My way of saying I care is by .................... being there when I'm needed.

7. I try to spread love and happiness by................ caring for people.

8. Pick the flowers when................... you really need to do so. Otherwise just leave them as they are.

9. To love someone is to............................. do so unconditionally.

10. Beauty is........................... something that is not ugly. hehehe

11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was............ I was in form one lah!

12. When I was twenty one, I remember.................. wondering bilalah nak habis belajar ni...

13. I am most happy when ........................ something I've been worrying about ends well.

14. Nothing makes me happier than .................. having happy people around me.

15. If I can change one thing, I will change......... a frog into a handsome prince. (hahaha... kidding, kidding...)

16. If smiles were........ able to change bad guys to good guys.... then I..... would smile to every crook! (for the moment I don't think I dare do so... they may get other ideas...)

17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could....................... just snap our fingers to get things done! (I wouldn't have too many outstanding things to do if I could do that!)

18. If you want to ...... pee .......then you have to ....... go to the toilet lah! Jangan buat hal merata-rata!

19. Money is not everything but........................... lack of it can give me BIG headache.

20. The most touching moments I have experienced is.................. when an orphan came and suddenly just sat on my lap uninvited...

21. I smile when............ I am happy.

22. When I am happy, I....... smile. (hey, if A=B, then B=A right?)

23. If only I don't have to .........see other people's sufferings......, then....... I wouldn't be too appreciative of the good things that come my way.

24. The best thing I did yesterday was............ hug a 6 year old orphan.

25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title, "The Untitled Book" :)

26. One thing I must do before I die is...................... to forgive everyone and hope that everyone forgives me too!

27. Doing this meme, I feel like ............... Hey! I just made RM127!! ;)

Things that upset, things that excite...

When SN called me last week asking me to help look into the case of a jobless PLWHA who has to look after 2 kids, I thought I heard SN mention that this PLWHA “kena tinggal dek laki” (left by the husband). Well, either I wrongly heard what SN told me, or SN wrongly mentioned it to me. Apparently this PLWHA “kena tinggal dek bini” (left by the wife). I guess I must have assumed that the kids were left behind with their mother.

On Monday, when I told SN I’d be coming to meet this PLWHA on Tuesday, then only SN gave me the name and then I realized that this was a man. His wife left him with the kids! My first thoughts were what kind of a mother is this?! I understand if she left because she thought this guy was a good-for-nothing kind of guy, with his drug addiction and all… BUT if she was responsible enough, she wouldn’t have left the kids with an irresponsible guy, would she?

No, I shouldn’t come to my own conclusions. I need to meet and talk to them first. Without knowing heads or tails it is not fair for me to make assumptions. There may be a thousand and one reasons for whatever had happened.

So yesterday morning I went to the HIV clinic. Upon seeing me, SN immediately called the methadone clinic telling the staff there to send Zali to the HIV clinic before giving him his methadone treatment for the day. We needed to twist his arm a bit, otherwise he wouldn’t come. He wouldn’t even set his foot at the hospital if not for the methadone treatment. And if SN didn’t use the “arm-twisting” method, he would have defaulted his HIV clinic appointments as well.

Zali knew about his HIV since 15 years ago even before he got married, and according to him, his wife knew about this but still married him anyway. I’m not sure how true this is (about the wife knowing his HIV status before marriage). They were blessed with 2 daughters – a 5 year old who is in kindergarten this year and the other is about 1 ½ years old. I asked if his wife and kids had gone for HIV tests. According to him, his wife refused to go for tests (based on the story I heard from SN, I think the wife feels ashamed to set her foot at the HIV clinic for fear people who know her may see her there) and Zali had not brought his 2 daughters for tests either. Zali said his children looked fine and therefore he didn’t see the need to bring them for tests.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear… he was waiting for them to look sickly before he brings them for tests?!! He had known of his HIV for 15 years and he was waiting for the kids to fall sick before he brings them for tests?!! Argh!! Now I understand why SN was so mad with him! I begged him to bring his daughters for tests. I told him if he didn’t cooperate it will be very difficult for me to help get the much needed financial aid for his children. He has to come to the hospital everyday anyway to get his daily methadone treatment… so it’s not like he has to go out of his way to get his children tested. And it’s not like he has to pay… just get the letter from SN and go to the blood clinic.

I tried asking him how I could contact his wife. I figured if she was ashamed to meet SN at the HIV clinic, maybe I could arrange to meet her outside where people won’t suspect anything. If she didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore, at least she needs to take care of herself (and her children, for heaven’s sake!) and go for tests just to be sure. I could tell Zali knew how to contact his wife; he just didn’t want to tell me or anyone else for that matter. All he said was, “Nantilah, saya cuba pujuk dia dulu.”

Well, his wife just left him about 2 weeks ago. She had been the family’s sole breadwinner for so many years. I guess she couldn’t take it any longer. But to leave behind her children as well??!!

You see, while the wife was out at work, Zali was home to take care of his children as he wasn’t working. His children became closer to him. I guess the children haven’t really missed their mother. And maybe for the time being the wife has not really missed her children yet. It’s just 2 weeks. I’m not sure how it will be later. If she doesn’t miss them at all then I don’t know what kind of a mother she is. I really wish to meet her so I know what’s in her mind.

For the time being, Zali isn’t working. To feed his children, he asked for money from his mother. His mother would scold him and nag, nag, nag… but she’d still give him some money. Not much, but he’s still surviving for the moment. I'm not sure how long he can last living that way. He has not been paying rental for the flat he’s staying in, and his utility bills are outstanding for 2 months. Not much, but still outstanding. He has thought of moving to his mother’s kampong house (his mother now stays with his younger sister in another town), but if he does that he will miss his methadone treatment – something he is not willing to let go of at the moment. (He even complained to SN that his HIV medication “potong steam” his methadone treatment…)

I don’t know yet how to help the children. I’ve told him that I’d only help him if he doesn’t miss his appointments and he brings his children for tests. I wouldn’t want any financial help to be misused by him to buy drugs instead and then he will start missing his methadone treatment. No way is help coming his way if he doesn’t want to help himself first. If he doesn’t take the necessary actions, then we may need to resort plan B to protect his children. What’s plan B did you ask? Heck I don’t know yet!!!

It’s really upsetting when innocent children suffer because of their parent’s doing.

Anyway, not long after I got home yesterday afternoon, my hand phone rang. It’s that James Bond ring tone again. Oh please, don’t let this be another problem, I hoped.

The call was from Yah. Like Fuzi, Yah is lucky that one of my blog readers is contributing a fixed amount every month into her bank account. It seems this month all welfare recipients are getting their financial aid late due to some technical problems. Yah had in fact tried to call the welfare office herself to enquire and was told, “Sabarlah sikit!” Yeah right, if the welfare staff got their salary late and told to “Sabarlah sikit”, I wonder what their reaction would be…

But Yah didn’t call me to complain about the welfare department. It was her 2nd daughter, Angah, who insisted that Yah called me. Angah came home from school and excitedly told her mother to “Taliponlah makcik, bagitau Angah dapat nombor 2.”

Yes, Angah got second in class in her recent school exams.

Well, Angah wasn’t the only one who got excited. I got excited as well. No, not so much because Angah got 2nd. Of course I am happy for her. I’d be happy if any of these children do well in their studies. It makes it worth all the effort of getting the much needed financial help for their schooling.

What made me excited was the fact that this seven year old girl herself asked her mother to call me and inform me of her achievement in school. Now THAT made it even more meaningful.

“Angah my dear, you really made my day… THANK YOU! Hugs, Makcik Pi.”

House visits/Phone calls: What do I say to them?

I was going through my PLWHA contact log book and noticed that most of my house visits are to the homes of Fuzi, Yah, Mr. K and Zainab. The first 3 families are not only poor, they also have babies. Zainab’s house is quite near my office and so visiting her is not a problem at all. Although Fuzi and Mr. K are staying out of Ipoh, I still visit them quite frequently as the journey usually takes just about ½ hour from Ipoh town. (some people need more time than that just to get to their office!) As for Yah, now that she has moved to further up north, my visits are limited although I still try to visit her as often as I can. My car would serve as a delivery van each time I visit them – full of groceries, diapers, milk powder and whatever other things donated.

When Rose was alive, she was the one I visited the most, not so much because she was poor, but mainly because she was very weak at that time (her cancer of the cervix had spread by then) and needed lots of support, physically and spiritually. My car was then more like an “ambulance”, ferrying Rose to and from the hospital.

The not-so-problematic PLWHA clients, I’d usually just pay them a courtesy visit from time to time, sometimes just once. Most of my contacts with my PLWHAs are by phone.

Before any first time house visits, I’d have to seek my clients’ permission first. Sometimes they do not wish us to visit them at home – they’d rather meet outside. Either they’re scared kepochi neighbours may ask all sorts of questions… or they have other family members staying in the same house who don’t know about their HIV. Coincidentally, the 2 clients whom I’ve met a few times but never visit them at home are both staying in the same kampong – Nuri and Ani. With the 2 of them giving the same reason why they don’t want me to visit at home (reason being kepochi neighbours), I have no reason not to believe them. And I can imagine what kind of neighborhood they live in.

Even those whom I visit, I cannot simply bring any of my colleagues (I’m supposed to bring trainee volunteers to come along with me when I visit my clients). I will have to assess the situation first – got kepochi neighbors or not… is the PLWHA comfortable or not if I come with another volunteer…

You see, sometimes when I bring along a fellow volunteer, the PLWHAs I visit don’t talk much. In cases where I need to know more details about their background, I’d usually go alone. They are usually more ready to open up if I go alone. Sometimes they even tell everything from A to Z – even if it meant to highlight their own weaknesses. Rose’s sisters were surprised when they found out I knew quite a lot of things about Rose’s past.

And even if I do go alone, whether or not they open up will also depend on who is at home during my visit. Maria for example, had so many things to say when I visited her, but the moment her husband got home (husband knows me, we met earlier at the hospital) suddenly she became quiet.

Ifa’s like that too. To get her to really talk things out, I will have to be with her alone – nobody else around. She has this female cousin who is very close to her, but even if only this female cousin was around when I met Ifa, Ifa would just say yes or no to any of my questions. Nothing further. But during that one time that I managed to talk to her alone, she even told me all her wrongdoings in the past.

The late Lily too, wouldn’t talk much whenever Roy was around. Thank goodness after she moved to another house, I managed to visit her quite often without having Roy hanging around so Lily could share her problems without having to filter whatever she needed to say.

But with people like Jah, the happy-go-lucky PLWHA, you can visit her anytime with anyone, she’d be happy to see you. And you won’t have much of a chance to talk – she’d be doing most of the talking! Even her mother commented that the house was always quiet when Jah wasn’t around.

Some people ask what do I say or do to make them talk. Well, not much really. I don’t know, somehow they just talk. I’m not their counselor. I’m just supposed to be their buddy. Someone they can trust and talk to without fear. The important thing is to gain their trust.

The first few meets all I do is just listen and listen, and only ask questions when there is a need. I don’t give them advice unless they ask for it. Only after I’ve gained their trust, I can slowly talk some senses into them if I feel they’re not doing something right. If from day one I tell them they shouldn’t do this, they shouldn’t do that, they’d probably think I’m just another kaki leter and they would probably try to avoid future contacts.

Tomorrow night my NGO will be having our monthly board meeting. We always meet on the last Tuesday of each month. And tomorrow we will decide where we will be going for this year's Family Day. I will then have to start calling my clients to invite them and to confirm how many people are going to join us. Lots of phone calls to do...

And I thought Fuzi's case was complicated enough...

I wasn’t on clinic duty last Wednesday, but I still went to Ipoh GH nevertheless. I promised Ani I’d accompany her to the medical records unit to find out what happened to her request for her medical report; and after that I had to help get Rashid admitted to Ipoh GH. Rashid was already bedridden and his wife simply didn’t know what else to do.

Anyway, in the afternoon when HIV clinic was over, I dropped by the clinic to meet up with SN. She was not as busy as always so she invited me to sit down in the room (on the doctor’s chair some more!) so we could discuss on some of the patients. I needed to get updates on some of my PLWHA clients while SN wanted to know if I was in contact with some of her patients whom she could not contact. I must add that SN is a very dedicated nurse who remembers her HIV patients by name!

SN’s main concern was Makcik Minah, the grandma. Since we both only have Makcik Minah’s house phone number, neither one of us managed to contact her. I’ve tried calling her in the morning, I’ve tried calling her in the afternoon and I’ve even tried calling her at night. And every time nobody answered the call. Both SN and I assumed that Makcik Minah’s only son may have taken her with him to KL where he works. This is good, really, rather than have Makcik Minah staying all alone at her kampong house. But our worry is that from the last conversation SN had with Makcik Minah, the son still didn’t know about his mom’s HIV. Chances are even now he thinks his mom’s only suffering from illnesses elderly people usually have. Since Makcik Minah’s kampong is quite far from Ipoh, SN finally decided that she’d contact the people at the Pejabat Kesihatan Daerah to visit Makcik’s house to find out where she is. Even if she’s not home maybe her neighbors know how to contact the son.

I asked SN about Fuzi whose CD4 seemed to have dropped. I told her about Fuzi’s difficulty in getting her daughter’s MyKad done. According to SN at least Fuzi has a marriage cert even though it is not recognized in Malaysia. SN then related to me about Hasnah, a 27 year old woman, whose story was even more complicated…

Hasnah’s parents got married in Thailand. When Hasnah’s mom got pregnant, her father simply left, just like that, to God knows where. Hasnah’s mom then ran to Southern Thailand, and delivered Hasnah there - without any birth certificates. After delivery, she brought Hasnah back to Malaysia (don’t ask me how they managed to cross the border without any documentations whatsoever, okay?) and so Hasnah was brought up in Malaysia. I guess Hasnah didn’t go to any government schools; otherwise she would have had problems entering a government school without a birth cert.

Hasnah grew up and got married. Now, without the birth cert, Hasnah couldn’t have an IC either. So she grew up without any identification documents. How on earth did she manage to get married in Malaysia? She didn’t. Like mother like daughter, Hasnah too, got married in Thailand. Rather than trying to solve the problem of not having any identification documents, Hasnah opted to avoid the problem by getting married in Southern Thailand where the requirements are not as stringent. I’m not sure if it was any kind of syndicate, but the marriage sounded suspicious to me as there was no marriage certificate issued – so no question as to whether the marriage was recognized in Malaysia or not. Obviously it was not.

Hasnah’s husband then died of AIDS-related diseases and when Hasnah herself went for tests, she too was found to be HIV positive. Her in-laws took her 2 kids (I’m not too sure if they had birth certs!) and disowned Hasnah. Hasnah now lives with her aunt, the only person for the time being who can testify who Hasnah really is. Well, Hasnah and her aunt better do something now to get Hasnah the proper identification documents. If the aunt dies before that is done, chances are Hasnah’s status will remain as it is for life – no birth cert, no IC, no marriage cert, not a citizen of ANY country. In short, on paper, she doesn’t even exist! If she dies, what is there to report? Oh boy, if ever this case is passed to me, I wouldn’t even know how to start helping her!!

After SN told me about Hasnah, I thought to myself… wow! Fuzi is at least in a much better position. At least she has a marriage cert to show, although not recognized. And she has identification documents. If her children are not Malaysians, they are at least Indonesians. But Hasnah? No matter where she goes, she’s just like a fugitive…

Wah pening… pening…

And this morning, after my bath, I saw a missed call on my handphone. It was from SN. I wasn’t even ready for work yet and she has already called me. (I usually leave home around 9am… after my usual kampong exercise.) SN’s calls would only mean it has something to do with the PLWHAs, so I returned her call.

SN actually wanted me to look into a new case: Another young woman who was not referred to us earlier because her appointments never clashed with my NGO’s voluntary clinic duty. Disowned by her family, left by her husband, two children to care for and no income to support her living. Oh dear, what does she feed her children then?

Since this woman needs to come to the hospital every day for her methadone therapy, whenever needed, SN can easily tell the staff at the methadone clinic to tell her to come up to the HIV clinic before they give her the treatments she needed. Sort of twisting her arm – you don’t go upstairs first, we don’t give you your treatment for today. Otherwise she may just ponteng her HIV clinic appointments. So SN suggested that whenever I am free to come, just call SN by giving one day notice and SN will make sure this woman comes up to the HIV clinic to meet me on the appointed day.

Well, I’d better make arrangements to see her soon, hopefully by next week. I am very concerned about the 2 children. No matter what the parents have done, the children have the right to live a proper life!