Yah's kampong revisited

During the Buddies Family Day held recently, one of Yah’s daughters asked, “Kenapa makcik dah lama tak datang rumah?” Alamak…. guilty as charged….

The truth is, ever since Yah and her children moved further up north, I simply couldn’t find the time to visit them as often as I did before. Usually those with babies I’d visit more often to send them the baby necessities like milk powder and diapers, but since this family is staying further and Yah for the past few months had been traveling to Ipoh quite often to get things done (hospital appointments, blood tests, EPF withdrawal applications etc) I’d just hand over to her 1 or 2 packet of milk powder for her to bring home each time. I couldn’t give more as it would be troublesome for her to bring the bulky things up and down the buses.

But after her daughter asked me why I hadn’t been visiting them for so long, I thought I’d better make it a point to spare one Saturday or Sunday to do so.

So, yesterday I made sure I had no other commitments. I had called Jah earlier to ask her if she’d like to follow me. Being someone who loves to “jalan-jalan” but never really having the chance to do so, Jah agreed to follow me even before I could tell her where we were going! Jah is the easy-going, fun-to-be-with type of person, so I figured bringing her along for my house visits would not only be good for Jah, but also to the PLWHA families I visit.

I told Jah to be at the bus-station by 9.30 am, but she called me before 9.00 am to say she was already there!! I just came home after my Saturday pasar tani routine… so had to rush off immediately to the bus-station to fetch Jah. Jah was all excited. She had never been anywhere north of Ipoh before, so her excitement was understandable. Anyway, Jah had always been a highly excitable kind of specie…:). The journey at the highway was smooth, but after having to exit the highway and follow the trunk road to go to Yah’s kampong, there were so many lorries on the road. Sigh!

By the time we got to Yah’s house, it was already after 11 am. Yah and the kids were already waiting for me. Yah’s son, Abang Chik was his usual naughty self. Upon seeing visitors coming in, he rode his bicycle into the house, prompting his grandma to shout at him. The more I see Abang Chik, the more convinced I am that he has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Not that I’m an expert, but after listening to Yah’s stories about him, and seeing for myself the kind of kid Abang Chik is, I’ve been searching on the internet on this kind of kids. He never pays attention, he never listens and he’s always up to something. Tak makan saman! Even his teachers in school can’t cope with him. Scolding him day in day out will not help him. I advised Yah that Abang Chik may need professional help. Yah agreed to bring Abang Chik along to the hospital the next time she needs to bring baby Aini to see the doctor.

As for baby Aini, she’s doing just fine. Aini’s already 1 year plus now and she’s a chubby little baby (banyak telan susu free… so her mother says!). During my last visit (I think it was in May) Aini would cry at the sight of strangers in her house. This time she no longer cries. Her grandma (Yah’s mom) kept telling her to “pergi kat mama”, referring to me as the “mama” because I’m the milk supplier (not my own milk, of course… this is a case of lembu punya susu, si Pi dapat nama… haha!). Of course, baby Aini was very cautious… probably afraid that I may take her away from her family… I don’t really visit that often anyway.

Remember I mentioned earlier that Yah has got her EPF money and that she wanted to buy the piece of land her aunt wanted to sell? Well, Yah had already taken out some of the money and went to KL to meet the aunt. But the aunt ended up canceling her intentions to sell the piece of land because her children disagreed. Although nobody stays there any longer, they wanted to keep the house as their “balik kampong” spot.

So, Yah is back to square one… still has to stay in the same old house on a rented piece of land, which, although the landlord has given the OK for them to keep on renting, is still subject to the landlord’s son’s change of mind anytime.

And as for the money that Yah withdrew from her bank account? Well, she put them all back in. That’s how trustworthy Yah is when it comes to money. She doesn’t spend as she likes and she always think of her future. If the money is for the purpose of buying a land, she won’t spend it on anything else even though nobody can stop her from doing so.

Some of the poor, like I said before, would finish off their money in no time the moment they get their hands on a lump sum of money… like Mr. K’s family for example. Aah… this one’s another story… I’d better give them a pep talk soon before they get their EPF money. It will be fasting month soon and they may be tempted to spend and finish the money before Raya!!

Anyway, after leaving Yah’s house yesterday, I brought Jah for lunch… she’s always game for makan free! I even tapau-ed some food for her before I sent her home. Just as we were approaching the town where Jah lives, suddenly I saw a bus heading right towards my car. For a while there I thought I was on the wrong side of the road. Then I realized the bus was trying to overtake a tractor. Lucky thing there was enough space on the left for me to swerve to before I flashed the lights to the bus driver. Knowing pretty well he was in the wrong, the bus driver raised his right hand and smiled to me. Sheeeesh!! The cheek of him! He could still smile!

Thank God nothing bad happened and I am still here to post this entry. It will be fasting month soon and I will have lots of house visits to do to send some Raya goodies to the poor families…

Update on Fuzi

Remember my earlier posting about Fuzi’s problem in getting her Narathiwat marriage cert recognized in Malaysia? Without that her children may not get their MyKad and will only be given PR status. Those who missed that story or may have forgotten what it was about can read it here.

I went to visit Fuzi again yesterday with a load of diapers, milk powder and cereal for Iwan, her youngest child, plus other food stuff for the other kids. Also gave them some photos taken during the recent Family Day.

It was during the school holidays, and so all the children were home when I went to visit. By now the children are used to seeing me; they are no longer shy to open up the packs of food I brought for them.

I asked Fuzi on the latest status of her marriage cert, and was told that now she’s just waiting for the letter asking her to come to the Mahkamah Syariah to formalise things. But according to the guy who was helping her out, most likely it will be approved. Hopefully soon. Wina will be going to secondary school next year and will need to get her MyKad done soon. For the time being, she’s only getting a PR card.

What I’m rather curious about is the money that Fuzi had to pay. I can understand she had to spend quite a lot to pay for some penalties, attestation, travelling and all that stuff. But I found out that other than the penalties and all, Fuzi had to pay a few hundreds to the guy supposedly helping her out. She didn’t know what the money was for – she just wanted to get things done so when she was asked to pay, she just paid. No receipts were issued. She had been putting aside bit by bit, some of the money banked in monthly to her account by an anonymous donor, for emergency needs. That was how she managed to fork out the money.

I began to get suspicious. I asked around and a friend told me that if the amount is in hundreds, then most likely it was “under the table” money. Ahh!! The desperate poor need help and people in the position to help are taking advantage of them instead. The guy probably considered it as his “fee” for helping her out. Just like the scumbags who charges a few hundreds for helping out poor people apply for their EPF withdrawals!

Somehow there are many out there who feel it is okay to gain some side income this way… without considering how difficult it is for the poor to fork out the money. The more desperate the poor are, the easier it is for the scumbags to take advantage of them.

Sigh…

Rina's story

When Rina’s brother in KL first called to ask for help for his sister who was diagnosed HIV+, I didn’t ask much of Rina’s background… whether she was married or single… how she got infected, etc. The main thing was to help her first – and to gain the family’s trust. Only when they trust us will they tell us about their personal stories.

When I called Rina’s mom, she did tell me some basic information; but when I asked if I could visit them at home to assess their situation, Rina’s mom sounded rather reluctant. That is understandable considering it was my first call and she had never met or heard of me before. She didn’t know if I could be trusted as she had never even heard of Buddies. Since Rina couldn’t walk and they didn’t have any transport, I offered to fetch them at home. But still not trusting enough, Rina’s mom said they would go by taxi.

So I let them be.

As mentioned in my previous posting, Rina didn’t turn up for her appointment that day because she couldn’t get up. When the mother called me in the afternoon, it was already too late for me to fetch them to bring them to the hospital as the HIV clinic only opens until afternoon.

So I went to visit them at home and it was obvious Rina was not able to walk on her own. I immediately told them to call the HIV clinic to fix another appointment. They got the appointment for yesterday morning so off I went to fetch them at home to bring them to the hospital. Thank God Rina’s younger brother came along, as Rina had to be carried into my car, and when we reached the hospital, she had to be carried from my car onto the wheelchair.

Due to her condition, the doctor called her in first before the other patients. And as I had suspected from the beginning, Rina had to be warded for further tests.

It was while waiting for the doctor to examine her in the room that I managed to have a private chat with Rina’s mom. Here’s Rina’s story…

Rina is a 40 year old lady. She was married about 9 or 10 years ago and the couple was blessed with a son, who is now 8 years of age. What Rina and her family didn’t know back then was that Rina’s husband was a drug addict. Although he didn’t have any permanent jobs (he was doing all sorts of odd jobs) the family accepted him into the family because Rina loved him. Initially when they were newly married, they rented a separate house to stay on their own, but Rina’s husband was always broke and it was Rina all along who had to support him. Eventually they moved back to Rina’s parents house.

Rina, being the soft-hearted kind, always fell for her husband’s pleas whenever he asked for anything. He needed a handphone, she bought him one. He needed a motorbike, she bought him a motorbike. Although Rina’s mother and siblings didn’t like what was going on, there wasn’t much they could do as it was Rina’s money.

When Rina’s father was still alive, Rina’s husband sometimes even asked for money from him, listing down all sorts of needs. And much to the mom’s dismay, the father always relented.

Rina’s younger brother always saw the husband going to a particular alley. The brother began to get suspicious as he knew that the place was famous amongst drug addicts. So he went back and told his mom about it, and they decided to tell Rina. But Rina scolded them saying that they were just lying to her because they didn’t like him.

One day when the couple went back to the husband’s kampong to visit Rina’s in-laws, her mom and brother ransacked their room. And as they had suspected, they found drugs hidden in his belongings.

Now Rina stays with her mom while her husband stays with his mom. They are not divorced, just separated. In fact, they have been living separately since their son was about 2 years old. Nowadays, he does come to visit once in a while but the son usually never wants to see the father. Furthermore, usually if he drops by, he always asks Rina for money. Even recently, when Rina had already stopped working, he did come to tell her his “sad story” about his motorbike needing repairs… about him losing the hand phone Rina bought for him… and whatever else that indirectly meant he needed money.

However, this time around Rina could not help him even if he managed to melt her heart with his sad stories. Rina herself was not working so where on earth was she supposed to get the money? The only way she could get money was from her own family members – obviously they wouldn’t give a single sen to her good-for-nothing husband! They’d take care of Rina and her child, but no way were they going to support him! Not when they know the money would probably be used to buy drugs!

Ever since Rina was diagnosed HIV positive, she became hyper-sensitive. Although she never said it directly, from the things her mom told me about her, I think deep down inside her she’s wishing she’d just die and not bother anyone any longer. She doesn’t care about her health. Her mother kept reminding her of her hospital appointments, but it was Rina herself who was so stubborn – giving all sorts of excuses. Whenever her siblings nagged to her that she should take better care of herself, she said they hated her. She wouldn’t listen to them.

That was why her brother sought our help. And true enough, coming from an “outsider”, Rina didn’t say anything much. When I told her she MUST go to the hospital, she relented. So that was how we managed to get her to the hospital yesterday. I found out from SN that Rina was supposed to have started her medication already (meaning her CD4 level is already quite low) but because she didn’t go for further blood tests as required by the doctor, they couldn’t start her on medication yet. In addition, by the time I brought her to the hospital yesterday, her blood pressure was already too low. There was no way the doctor would let her go home. Whether she liked it or not, she had to be warded for further tests.

I told her mother to call me if Rina starts being stubborn again. Now that I have been given the green light to visit them at home, I can drop by from time to time to check on her. I will need to lift up her spirits – right now she probably thinks she’s the most unlucky person in the world.

What she doesn’t realize is that she’s lucky to have her family support – something that not all the PLWHAs seem to get.

New cases, old cases...

Usually on Sunday mornings, I’d spend a bit more time outside doing all sorts of ‘kampong’ exercises – mowing the lawn, pruning the trees, gardening etc. Now it is rambutan season so plucking the fruits comes into the list as well. And since the fruits are quite high up I also need to climb… (Not the tree lah, I climbed up a ladder!) On other days I’d stop by 8.30 am as I need to go to my office. Saturdays are my off days as I’d be going to the Pasar Tani. But on Sundays, I can actually spend more time sweating out.

Now, what has the above intro got to do with my voluntary work? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. :) It’s just to explain the missed call I saw on my hand phone last Sunday when I went back into the house after some extra sweating out. The call came from the secretary of my NGO, who also left me a text message asking me to call her back ASAP. She wouldn’t leave such a message unless it was really important.

Apparently she got a call from a Malay guy who was seeking help for his sister who was diagnosed HIV positive. Since my friend was then in Cameron Highland for holidays with her family members, she promised this guy she’d get another volunteer to help out. I was the other volunteer she meant.

The guy actually works in KL and his mother had been telling him to come back to Ipoh to help out his sister who needed to go for her hospital appointment. The family is not a well to do family and they don’t have their own transport. Since he cannot get leave from work that easily, he looked through MAC’s list of affiliates to see if there was any operating in Ipoh from whom he could seek assistance. When he saw Buddies in the list, he called. The number listed so happened to be the number of our secretary, and so that was why he called her.

After getting some information from him, I promised him I’d call his mother in Ipoh to discuss how I could help out. I also told him to inform his mother that I’d be calling so that the mother would not be too suspicious as to how I got their number. When I called and spoke to the mother, she explained the problem. Her daughter, Rina, who was diagnosed HIV positive slightly more than a month ago, had swollen feet and was unable to walk on her own. However, still somewhat ‘new’ to HIV, and being the stubborn type, Rina wouldn’t even let her mother help her out when she needed to go to the toilet.

Her mother told me that Rina’s appointment would be on Wednesday (today) but when I asked for her permission to visit them at home to assess her situation, she sounded rather reluctant to let me come. Maybe she didn’t really know if she could trust me. Maybe she was afraid I may spread the news to the whole neighborhood that her daughter is HIV+. When I asked if she needed help to bring Rina to the hospital, she said they’d get a taxi. So, I let them be. It is my NGO’s policy that before we do any house visits, we MUST get their permission first. If they are reluctant, we simply don’t visit them at home.

I was not on clinic duty today, but I promised to meet up with Rashid’s wife at the hospital so I still went to the HIV clinic this morning. Rashid’s wife, Hana, had also been diagnosed positive recently and therefore today was her first appointment at the HIV clinic. Funny thing was, Rashid, who had been warded for over a month already, from Ipoh GH transferred to the district hospital at the town where they stay, also had his appointment today, and was brought to Ipoh in an ambulance from the district hospital… without Hana’s knowledge. Nobody called her to inform her about it. If she knew she could have just followed them in the ambulance without having to come to Ipoh by bus.

Hana is in a dilemma. She’s frustrated; she’s confused; she’s afraid. When Rashid was warded in Ipoh GH, she seldom visited as she needed to work. With her 12 hour shifts and odd working hours, she finds it hard to find time to come to Ipoh. When she came, there’d be one or two people scolding her – telling her that she should visit more often so that Rashid wouldn’t feel as though he had been abandoned.

The problem is she is the lone breadwinner for the family. Her pay is calculated on daily basis, so if she takes leave, it will only mean lesser pay at the end of the month. If she gets paid less, how is she supposed to support her children – two of whom already schooling?

When Rashid was transferred back to the district hospital, Hana was not informed. Probably the hospital staff tried to call her during her working hours, during which she had to switch off her phone. Hani is rather concerned about having her husband warded at the district hospital as it is such a small hospital and so many of her kampong folks, including some kay-poh type, works at the hospital. As a matter of fact, a particular kay-poh lady, who works as an ayamah, told her she’d look at Rashid’s medical records to find out what’s wrong with him.

Well, Rashid has been diagnosed with a long list of illnesses other than HIV. Amongst them that I know include Hepatitis C and meningitis. Hana is worried that if her kampong folks find out that Rashid and herself has HIV, her children may be affected.

Rashid’s mother (staying in another state) has already been informed about Rashid’s illnesses, but to date, she has not visited. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see on this couple’s developments.

When I was at the hospital, I asked SN about Rina. She was supposed to come for appointment but according to SN she never turned up. So my colleague called up Rina’s brother to ask what was happening. We found out that since Rina could not get up on her own, she and her mother did not come. We told her brother that the mother was reluctant to have me visit at home. So finally the brother called up Rina’s mother to tell her to trust me and let me come to their house.

When I was heading home for lunch, Rina’s mother called. She misunderstood her son and she thought I’d be fetching them at home to bring them to the hospital today. I had to explain to her that the HIV clinic only opens until 1 pm and therefore bringing Rina to the hospital would be a waste of time as it would already be too late. But I promised to visit them at home to assess the situation.

So I went to visit them just now, and yes, Rina obviously needed help. Both feet were badly swollen and there were also some red spots on them. She was in pain. I told her mother to call the HIV clinic immediately to fix for another appointment. They got the appointment for tomorrow morning at 8.30 am. So will fetch them tomorrow and send them to the hospital…

Money, money, money...

For the past week, I’ve been getting a few calls from my PLWHA clients, informing me of the status of their EPF withdrawal applications.

Right after she got her cheque by mail, Ani called me up to thank me for helping her with the application. I didn’t do anything much, but she still wanted me to know first. And I really appreciate her telling me about it without me asking. Not that I’m such a busybody wanting to know whatever goes on with her life, but I prefer to know the latest status of all my clients so I can prioritize whoever needs help more.

Just 2 days after Ani called me, Yah called me. She said she went to update her bank book and found out that her EPF money had already been banked into her account. Great news indeed! Now she can settle the purchase of land and house from her aunt and no longer need to worry about being chased out of the present house by her landlord’s son as what happened previously.

Both Ani and Yah applied for EPF withdrawal to build/buy a house. Ani is currently staying in a small kampong house together with her in-laws including her husband’s younger siblings. Since nobody else knows about the couple’s HIV status, it can be quite difficult staying in the same house with so many others. With the EPF money, Ani’s husband can now build a separate house on a nearby piece of land.

I was told by a fellow volunteer that he had brought Mr. and Mrs. K to EPF office last week for the same purpose. Mr. K’s medical report was signed by a specialist so hopefully he doesn’t need to go to any panel clinics to confirm his health status. My friend (the volunteer) did ask the EPF officer about the question I posed to him earlier, as to why the applicants need to go to private panel clinics when they have already submitted medical reports issued by government hospitals… it didn’t sound quite right. And the officer’s answer was, “Itu keputusan Lembaga KWSP, bukan keputusan saya.” Yes, the typical “that’s not my job” answer. This means they don’t care about the logic behind any procedures that need to be carried out… if the big bosses say the applicants need to jump off a building to prove their disability, the applicants WILL be asked to jump off the building! (Of course I’m exaggerating here, but you get the drift…)

Well, Mr. K’s EPF withdrawal should be approved soon and hopefully the money will help the family get back on their feet.

While I’m not too worried about how Ani and Yah will use their money, I am a bit concerned about Mr. K’s family. I have seen how Yah manages her finances, and I believe her EPF money will be put to good use.

But Mr. K’s family being the “gali lubang tutup lubang” type (first borrow from A, then borrow from B to pay back A, and so on and so forth). They have never seen big amount of money in their life, so seeing a big amount in their bank account may tempt them to use up the whole amount of money in no time, thinking there’s a lot more to spend! I have already seen quite a few of such cases, especially the men (sorry, men… but I’m saying this based on what I’ve personally seen). But Mrs. K promised me they’d put aside at least RM10K in ASB, so I hope she’ll keep her word when the money comes in.

Hopefully, they will spend the money WISELY.