THEY WILL ASK thee as to what they should spend on others. Say: "Whatever of your wealth you spend shall [first] be for your parents, and for the near of kin, and the orphans, and the needy, and the wayfarer; and whatever good you do, verily, God has full knowledge thereof." - Al-Baqarah (2:215)

Thursday, 22 January 2009

And now they're bickering...

I remember once I was organizing a particular event and there was this lady who had agreed to help out to coordinate one of the programmes for the day. With everything set to go, the evening before the event, the lady called me up to tell me she was not able to make it as her son was very ill and she didn't feel good leaving him at home in such condition. She apologised profusely to me. I told her, "It's okay, I understand." She then replied, "How can you understand? You will not understand until you have children of your own."

I thought (and I still think) that last statement was not necessary. Had I persuaded her to attend the function no matter what her circumstances were because it was such a last minute notice, I would understand her statement. But I was in no way persuading her... as a matter of fact, I was empathizing. As someone who believes that "family comes first", I too, if I were in her shoes, pull out of the event. And when I told her I understood, it came from my heart. I may not have felt what she felt, but that didn't mean I didn't understand. Just because I am not married and I don't have children, doesn't mean I don't have feelings. Or does it?

Well, in the voluntary work that I'm doing right now, I never tell my PLHIV clients that I know how they feel, because really, I don't. I do however, understand their fears and their worries. But I have learnt not to say to them I understand because I may get the same response as I did in the above situation. Still, when we try to motivate them to move on with life, some may still say, "Easy for you to say, you don't know what it feels like."

So, we try to get these PLHIVs connected with each other, so that they'd get to know others "in the same boat". They'd probably understand each other better. I organised the deeparaya-do for the ladies so that they can get to know each other and so they may exchange ideas as to what they can do to get on with life after HIV. I encouraged them to exchange phone numbers so they can get in touch with each other. I brought Jah along with me during my house visits.

Well, Jah and Shila have become very good friends. And Asiah too would contact Jah from time to time. The rest, oh well, they may not be contacting each other, but when they do see each other at the hospital, they would at least talk to one another.

Fuzi and Yah too got to know each other during the deeparaya do. They exchanged phone numbers, and they do contact each other from time to time. But things are not well between those two now. Those who have been following my postings in this blog may remember I mentioned about Yah asking for the phone number of Fuzi's friend, which Fuzi gave without question and without even getting the friend's permission. Well, Yah did call up that friend and ended up telling him about Fuzi's HIV status.

Now things are getting worse. While they no longer talk to each other on the phone, they have been sending text messages accusing each other of this and that. Fuzi's message to Yah was to tell her to stop spreading news about her to others. Yah, on the other hand, denied she was involved in spreading lies about Fuzi, and in return she accused Fuzi of reporting bad things about her to me (yes, ME) and as a result she is no longer getting most of the financial assistance she used to get. Even a colleague of mine told me that when he met Yah recently, she was telling him the same thing.

Whoa, wait a minute! I must be such a powerful person to actually decide who should get assistance and who should not, as and when I like! Terror jugak Pi Bani ni ek...

To badmouth Fuzi further, Yah told my colleague that she once met Fuzi at a particular hotel in Ipoh. My colleague and I both know that Fuzi seldom gets out of her house and it was very unlikely that Fuzi was there. So he asked Yah back, "You jumpa Fuzi kat hotel tu, apa you buat kat situ?" Muahaha! With no way to say she wasn't there, Yah just said, "Jumpa kawan." OK fine, so if Fuzi really was at the hotel, if Yah herself could meet a friend there, why not Fuzi huh?

I am sick and tired of listening to their bickering. All the while I was afraid about a "Yah vs Lin" confrontation over Mr Darling but Lin is so fed up of Mr D she couldn't be bothered whoever wanted to be his girlfriend. I never thought the confrontation would be between Yah and Fuzi instead.

Ah, so much for getting them connected. Oh well, at least it proves that PLHIVs are humans like the rest of us. Some get along very well and become best of friends. Some are rather anti-social and not bothered to get in touch with the others. Some, end up bickering like Fuzi and Yah.

Maybe the next event I need to organise for my PLHIV clients is a ladies wrestling competition.

Am now imagining Fuzi and Yah in the ring, twisting each other's arms, pulling each other's hair, scratching each other's face... uhhh... I wouldn't want to be the referee lah...


KillingMyselfSoftly said...

baru jek i nak minta u kenalkan memana PLHIV to me and fiance...takutler plak.hehehhehehehe

Kak Teh said...

Pi Bani, can i have the ringside seat at the competition?
But seriously, I know I've said this before - you sure have your hands full - and that statement abt not having children and not being able to understand tu is uncalled for.
Tapi tak pa, sabar, kata kak teh sambil baca surat khabar.

Anonymous said...

waduh k.pi....real drama lah! :) happy cny!!!

Kama At-Tarawis said...

Isy, tak patutlah the lady cakap like that to you. Kesian Pi, asyik dok kena 'smash' aja in yr amal work. Yr kesabaran is awesome...

Pi Bani said...

Aiya, don't lah let people like Yah and Fuzi scare you off... hehehe...
If you ever come to Ipoh, do inform me. Maybe I can introduce you to one young "magnetic" couple - husband +ve wife -ve.

Kak Teh,
You sure you want the ringside seat? Tak takut nanti one of them gets thrown out of the ring and lands on your lap? :)
Anyway, yes, sabar ajelah I tak nak le bergaduh macam Fuzi & Yah pulak kan?

Pi Bani said...

Depa ni memang drama queens. Letih dibuatnya. Have a good long weekend!

Kak Puteri,
Apa nak buat... depa smash, I retrieve ajelah. I jarang-jarang smash, tapi sekali-sekala when opportunity arises, bagi juga jumping smash kaw-kaw punya!

ray said...

Komen Pak Malim kucing ray yg alim.

Kadang2 kalu nak difikir balik apa yg orang pernah cakap kat kita, memang sakit hati, kata Pak Malim sambil naik pedati. Apa yg pompuan tu kata kat Pi, memang tak patut, kata Pak Malim sambil terkentut. ProooT! Pak Malim kentutkan dia.

Pi Bani said...

Aisehman... siapa punya angin ni yang terlepas? kata Pi Bani sambil tahan nafas. Oh no, Pak Malim kentut! teriak Pi Bani sambil berlutut. (ish, pergi berlutut buat apa... lagi kuat baunya, kata Pi Bani yang teraniaya)

Uncle Lee said...

Hello Pi Bani...I feel so happy you re-surfaced again at my! Been a long time....last was in Taiping cherita? Ha ha.
Saya tada link, so unable to come's wishing the best of everything this year of the kerbau.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

You have a pleasant weekend Pi Bani, best regards, Lee.

Pi Bani said...

Hi Lee, the kuda!
Yep, I know, been quite a while. I don't know what I've been busy with, but I've been busy.

Wishing you a happy and prosperous new year... and happy ____ birthday. (fill in the blank with your own age) ;)

Pi the arnab.

KillingMyselfSoftly said...

Thanks Pi,
Insya allah. If I'm in Ipoh, i'll definitely going to give u a buzz! da lama tak makan mee rebus ramli or mee kicap!!!! nyum2x

Salt N Turmeric said...

Sungguh uncalled for cakap kat you camtu Pi. Bukannya you said/did anything wrong pun. You were just agreeing with her. Imagine if you weren't? Lagipun dia yang volunteer. Nampak sangat tak ikhlas. :P

Yang kisah melibatkan Yah tu pulak, malas lah I say anything.

Selamat Cuti Panjang to you! Eh you can collect ang pow also. lol.

Pi Bani said...

Mee kicap mana you biasa pekena ni?

Agaknya she was expecting me to pester her to still come for the event kot sebab dah last minute sangat. Dah prepare jawapan siap-siap, so bila my response was positive instead of negative, she still continued with her prepared answer... :)