Divorced... and so the children are no longer your responsibility, huh?

I finally managed to do my first house visit for this year.

After going to my NGO center and stuffing some groceries into my car (the groceries were donated by some good Samaritans), off I headed to Lin’s place. I sent her a text message to inform her I was on my way; just to be sure she’d be home. It took about half an hour to get to her place from Ipoh town.

Only Lin and her youngest daughter were home when I got there. Her 3 older daughters are all furthering their studies elsewhere – all under scholarship, alhamdulillah. Her 4th child, who’s also her eldest son, currently waiting for his SPM results, is seldom home. The 5th, also a boy, was in school (afternoon session).

It was when I was chatting with Lin when her son (the one waiting for results) came in, and after a while, left again. I asked Lin what her son was doing while waiting for his results to come out.

“Macam itu lah,” said Lin. “Bila lapar dia balik rumah. Dah kenyang dia keluar balik.”

Unlike his 3 older sisters who back then were all busy doing temporary jobs to earn extra income for the family, this boy prefers to lepak-lepak with his friends before the exam results are announced.

Lin had called me earlier, wanting to apply for our Children Education Fund to help out with her 2 younger children’s back-to-school needs. I am also submitting her application for our Sponsorship program, but this one will take some time as the sponsorship committee will need to do a house visit for assessment purposes, and once approved, we will need to find individual sponsors first.

But the children’s father is still alive, and working! Yep, their father, our dear Mr Darling! Well, apparently he only gave them money as and when he felt like it. Lin had to resort to bringing the matter to the Pejabat Agama. She didn’t bother to do that earlier because she was working then and as she said, “Tak nak cari gaduh.” But ever since she had to quit her last job when she was hospitalized, she was no longer earning any income for her family. If Mr Darling didn’t give anything, then his own children will not have enough to eat. But he only gave when the children asked – and even then he didn’t give much.

When Lin brought the matter to Pejabat Agama, Mr D scolded her. He said she could have just asked from him for the money. Yeah right! Even when they were both in front of the Ustaz to settle the matter and Lin was asking for nafkah for their 3 younger children, Mr D had the cheek to ask if he still had to pay for the older son who had just finished his SPM. Duh! The Ustaz told him straight in the face that even after his SPM, the son is still his responsibility. Maybe Mr D thinks that as long as the children don’t stay with him, they are not his responsibility.

Ahh yes, Mr D got married recently, didn’t he? That’s why his budget is quite tight. He needs to spend more on his new wife. So much so that he had been suggesting to Lin to seek help from welfare bodies. “Perempuan senang sikit dapat bantuan”, so he said. “Mintaklah dengan Buddies. Boleh dapat RM600 sebulan”, he added.

Waaah, so clever one! He expects Buddies to take over his responsibilities as the father, huh? Hello Mr konon-konon soft spoken guy! You were the one who gave HIV to Lin… the reason for her to be hospitalized recently, and causing her to lose her job, and now you expect others to take over YOUR responsibility as the father to your children??! Kirim salaaammm!!!

In the first place, other than our Children Education Fund meant only for children’s schooling, we don’t give out financial aid to our clients. We assist them to ask for financial aid elsewhere, yes, but we ourselves don’t give money to them. And RM600 a month? I wonder where he got the figure from!

My guess is his ex-gilafriend… oops, I mean ex-girlfriend… (YAH lah, who else!) had told him about the monthly aid she had been receiving from a particular anonymous donor. I had told her time and again the money was from an anonymous donor, not from Buddies, but every time she’d still be asking me when the money was going to be banked in.

Adoii, dah ada orang tolong tu pergi cerita pulak kat orang lain berapa dia dapat! Dok je lah diam-diam! I myself don’t know how much the donor gives – Mr D seems to know better!

Well, maybe the donor has stopped giving the monthly donation – because Yah called me recently and asked if she could apply for our CEF for her son as she didn’t have enough money to buy her son’s schooling needs. Frankly, I think it is better for us to consider her children for CEF and/or sponsorship. Since we control the money, at least we can be sure the money is only used for her children’s education – not for her to go karaoke-ing away!

But that’s a different story.

Back to Lin and Mr D, it was decided that Mr D is to give RM100 for each child – meaning he has to give a nafkah of RM300 per month to Lin. It is officially in black and white. But RM300/month is barely enough to buy basic necessities for her children and to pay for her utility bills. There is definitely not enough to spare for her children’s back-to-school expenses. So Lin has to look for other options, including as she said, to “buat muka tak malu minta bantuan”.

At the moment, Lin sends/fetches her children to/from school. She is however, looking around for a job and if she gets one, she will need to look for other means of transportation for her children. It would be good if they can get a bicycle each so they can cycle to school, but Lin can’t afford to buy bicycles. So yes, one of my tasks right now is to look for donors to buy bicycles for her children.

One thing I noticed is that Lin’s children are doing quite well in their studies despite their family problems. To me it is definitely worth helping them out with their educational needs. Hopefully one fine day when they have succeeded, they will help out their mother and others like her.

Oh, I forgot one thing, didn't I? Who married Mr Darling?

No, not Yah. Not any of my other PLHIV clients either. He got married to a northerner - am not sure if she is a fellow PLHIV or not as I don't know who she is.

Anti-climax, huh? :)