3 different ladies, 3 different stories

I was on clinic duty again today. This time in Ipoh. And this time alhamdulillah I managed to get a parking space without having to go 3 or 4 rounds around the hospital.

After notifying the nurse that I was already there, and was told that there was supposed to be one new case, I headed straight to the counselling room. The room is shared between 3 different groups – us Buddies as support group, the pharmacists giving counselling to HIV patients and pharmacists giving counselling to patients with heart/hypertension/diabetic problems. I’m not quite sure what kind of work was being done on the rooftop, but there were sounds of drilling and knocking right above our heads. The pharmacists had to speak louder to the patients and so the room today was rather noisy.

Well, I ended up not seeing any new PLHIVs today. The supposedly new case wasn’t really a new case but one that was just transferred to Ipoh from elsewhere.

But I did meet 3 of my old clients today as they were there for their appointments. The good thing about sharing a room with the pharmacists giving counselling is that all the PLHIVs would have to go to the counselling room to see the pharmacists, and so I’d know if any of my clients were there.

Lady #1:

The first familiar face I saw was Nuri’s. Somehow she looked even skinnier than the last time I saw her. I took the opportunity to have a chat with her while she was waiting for her turn to talk to the pharmacists.

Nuri had always been the quiet type and never wanting to join our activities. I had wanted her to get to know the other PLHIVs but she never seemed interested. So after helping to arrange for some financial help for her initially, our contacts after that were more of phone calls once in a while… and if I so happen to be on duty on her appointment day, then maybe we’d bump into each other.

Nuri has a child who’s HIV positive. Nuri herself knew about her HIV after her husband died and so no, precautions were not taken when she was carrying her youngest child. So now, both of them need to come for Ipoh for their appointments – Nuri at the ID clinic and daughter Farah at the paed’s clinic. It has been a long while since I last saw Farah. She was just a small girl then… so I was rather shocked today when Nuri told me that Farah will be in form one next year! My, how time flies!

Nuri makes a living by opening a food stall outside a school near her place. Business is okay during school days, but no school means no business. So during the school holidays, there’s no business. For the moment, since SPM is still going on, she still opens her stall, but once SPM ends, there’ll be no business for her until school reopens. I asked her if she can afford to buy her children’s  stuff using her savings first. “Entahlah kak,” came the answer. Well, if she can’t, then I’d need to bring them shopping. We agreed that maybe we should meet at a nearby town, and then I’d take them shopping before sending them home.

Lady #2:

The next familiar face that I saw today? Anyone remembers Yah… the lady who had “starred” in many of my blog postings before this, particularly in 2007/2008? Yep, it was her. For those who may have just started reading this blog recently, when I first met Yah, her husband was still alive. She found out about her HIV infection when she was pregnant. Her late husband, Azman, had some mental problems as well and so it wasn’t easy for Yah. But I must say she was quite a tough lady – strong and determined. Then after Azman died, Yah had problems with her in-laws who behaved like out-laws, trying to take control not only of her late husband’s house (and whatever properties inside the house) but also her children! Yah ended up having to “run away” from the house at her husband’s kampong, back to the home of her own parents up north of Perak.

Yah then started to change after she met Mr Darling (for the history of how the nickname Mr Darling came about, please click here). After spending a night at the home of Mr D’s mother, Yah somehow turned “angau” and fell head over heels over Mr D. As a matter of fact, it came to a point where she somewhat started “stalking” Mr D (although I must say, serves him right!). Well, you’ve got to read back all the old postings (esp 2007 postings) to find out whatever happened but suffice to say, Mr D (who is the ex-husband of another client of mine, Lin) is now married to somebody else and as far as I know, they are no longer in touch with each other (otherwise you’d probably be reading another “drama swasta” posting from me… about Mr D’s wife having a wrestling match with Yah!). For a number of years even her 2 older daughters stayed at an orphanage, at their own request.

Well, today when I met Yah, she was wearing her tudung (otherwise before this sometimes she’d wear the tudung, sometimes tudung melayang… and during one Family Day, she hurriedly took out a scarf from her bag, wore it, and mentioned to another PLHIV sitting beside her, “Takut nanti K.Afizah marah!” Ada ka patut? Takut kat orang pulak whereas I never said anything to her about her dressing or anything personal…

Yah now has a permanent job at a factory and all her children are staying with her, including the 2 who had earlier requested to stay at an orphanage. To me it’s a good indication – the fact that they themselves wanted to stay with her now may probably mean that Yah has changed. Kak Long, the eldest girl, sat for her UPSR recently and managed to get 2A’s, 2B’s and 1C. Not bad, especially the fact that the subjects which she scored A’s were Maths and Science! Kak Ngah, and Abang Chik, although both are in standard 4 this year, are in different classes. Angah in a normal class while Abang Chik has to join a class for special children. (btw, they aren’t twins but born in the same year, one in March while the other in December.) Abang Chik, who had earlier joined the normal classes (for he looked nromal), finally was sent to the special class for special children. He was somewhat rather hyper and wouldn’t listen to anyone at all, giving problems to his teachers. I’m not sure what exactly Abang Chik is suffering from, but Yah just said that “Abang Chik kena masuk kelas OKU.”  I suspect ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).

Well, Angah had always been doing well in school, got second in her recent exams, while Abang Chik, who was always at the bottom of his class previously, managed to get second in his special class. Yah’s youngest, Aini, who was just a baby when I used to visit them, will already be 5 next year! Yah’s late mother used to tell Aini to call me “mama” everytime I went to visit… simply because I regularly became the “milk supplier” for her. (aiyo, not my own milk la… ini kes lembu punya susu, si Pi dapat nama…) Well, I bet Aini doesn’t remember me at all now, for she was hardly 2 years old the last time I saw her.

Whatever it is, since all her children are back with her, I will arrange for CEF for her children’s back-to-school expenses. No doubt Yah is already working now, but she just started work recently, and she doesn’t earn much either. I may not agree with some of the things that Yah did, but her children must not be deprived of basic education at least.

Lady #3:

Right after Yah left the room, another lady came straight towards me and smiled. As I responded to her salam, I guess it looked obvious to her that I was trying to recall who she was. “Sayalah kak, *Ani!” (*bukan nama sebenar, of course) Ah, of course, Ani! It had been a long while since I last met her. In fact I had lost touch with her after my calls didn’t get through and after she defaulted her hospital appointments. After that I found out she had moved to her home state to stay with her mother (she was earlier staying at her husband’s kampong in Perak). Ani and her husband moved to her own mother’s kampong after her mother somehow suspected that her daughter may have been infected with HIV, and asked her directly to be honest with her. But Ani’s mother is very understanding, she did a lot of reading herself (she’s 65) to find out more about HIV/AIDS.

So why did she suspect that Ani was infected? You see, Ani’s present husband is her second husband. Her first husband died, and based on his background (IVDU) and the circumstances in which he died, Ani’s mother somehow suspected that he could have been HIV positive. Well, Ani herself only knew about her HIV status after she remarried, when she got pregnant. Now even her present husband is infected, but he is understanding enough and doesn’t blame her for it. But he told Ani not to tell his mother about it as his side of the family is not the open-minded type. Now that they stay with her mother who knows about their HIV status, at least Ani doesn’t feel so stressful anymore. That’s a load of burden off her shoulders.

But Ani & husband still comes to Ipoh for their appointments as the hospitals nearer to their place don’t have ID specialists. So now when the time comes for their appointment, they’d take the opportunity to balik kampong to her husband’s side of the family.

Well, those were the 3 ladies I met today. The ladies whom I had blogged about during my earlier blogging days. It was good to have met them again. They may not be doing too well financially, but at least they are a lot better than when their cases were initially referred to me. At least I can see that they are now heading towards the right direction, especially Yah whom I had almost given up on once…

Staying in touch with the clients…

We’re already in the final week of February (already?!). I was looking through my log book (I have one book specifically for me to note down and scribble matters pertaining to Buddies), scribbling down things to be discussed in the coming Board meeting on Tuesday night, when I noticed that I had not been doing any house visits at all in February. Other than the month being shorter than the rest, there was also the CNY break when I decided to take a break for myself as well. Besides, basically all the children’s back-to-school expenses had been settled and so I didn’t really need to run around as much as I had to in December/January.

I did visit Azimah at the beginning of this month, but since she didn’t want me to visit her at home, I met up with her elsewhere in town.

I also met Asiah when she came to Ipoh for her blood test, but then again, it wasn’t a house visit. As a matter of fact, I have never visited Asiah at her home before. The last time I and 2 other volunteers went to visit her at her hometown, we met her in town, not at her home.

I met up with Halimah at the hospital, again not a house visit. While Halimah and her husband do not mind us Buddies visiting them at home, I have yet to do so. Halimah, along with Azimah, are my latest clients and I went to visit Azimah first as I consider her case more urgent. For the moment Halimah needs to come to Ipoh quite often for her appointments before she delivers her baby, I will probably only visit her at home after she delivers.

Other than the above, all other contacts with the PLHIV infected/affected families were either by calls or SMS.

Mrs K sent me a text message during the CNY break, asking me when I’d be visiting her at her new place. I had been keeping a distance from her ever since she tried time and again to borrow money from me, and I think she knew I got rather pissed off with her. I am only monitoring her children’s school bus fares, which are banked in direct into the account of the bus operator.

Shila too sent me a text message even though I am not her buddy… asking me if I was busy and if I had started work (after the CNY break). The moment I told her I was already at my office, she replied, “Tngah kerja. OK x nk gnggu.” Obviously it wasn’t any serious matter – she just wanted to chat with somebody. I have introduced the PLHIV women to each other, and told them to exchange contact numbers so they could call/SMS each other whenever they feel like chatting with somebody. But I guess sometimes they don’t get the replies from their felllow PLHIVs due to “habis credit”, so they end up contacting me instead.

Today Rosnah’s SMS came in – informing me of her new phone number. Sigh, why lah these people like to change their phone numbers so often? I bet most of the contact numbers of our PLHIV clients that are kept in the files at our centre are no longer valid! I personally have been using the very same number ever since I first started using the hand phone more than 15 years ago. The only change made was the change from 010 to 019 (the earlier one didn’t use SIM card) but the rest of the 7 digit numbers had remained the same.

Anyway, I intend to visit Lin and send this month’s supply of groceries to her before my office trip this Friday, so that will probably be my only house visit for the month.

There are quite a number of clients whom I have not contacted for quite some time – Ifa, Sha, Ani, Nuri, Suhaila, Maria amongst them. I’d better call them up to find out how they’re doing… but I think I’ll wait until I come back from my trip.

What about Yah? Oh forget it, I’d have to wait for her to call me – she changes phone numbers as often as she changes her clothes! (Ok, ok, I’m exaggerating of course, but really,  every time she calls it’d be from a different number…)

A day at the clinic

It has been quite a long while since I was last on clinic duty. The last time, if I remember correctly, was in November last year. Even SN was pleasantly surprised to see me this morning - she probably thought I had opted out of the Buddies HIV Clinic team.

I got to the hospital rather early today, and when I got to the room for support group, to my surprise the room seemed rather crowded. Usually we (the support group) would have to share the room with the pharmacists for HIV clinic, who'd be giving detailed explanation to the patients on their medication.

Today we also had another group, albeit a smaller group, of pharmacists giving advice to heart patients about their medication.

In addition to the above, there was also a group of pharmaceutical students doing their attachment - also in the same room.

Wow! So many people in the same room - and to think that we're supposed to talk to the patients in private, confidentially! Thank goodness it was a rather a large room - so I could still have the heart to heart talk with the patients - by getting them to sit right beside me and lowering my voice when talking to them. Besides, the others in the room were busy doing their own thing - I doubt they heard our conversation. We've brought this matter up before (about the need for privacy especially when talking to newly diagnosed HIV patients who may not want to talk when there are so many people around), but the hospital simply doesn't have any more rooms to spare.

Anyway, I got the duty roster for this year's clinic duty last week during our Board Meeting. We still have 3 groups - 2 groups consisting of 2 volunteers each, while the 3rd group, that's my group, has 3 volunteers. Waaa... I'm so lucky to have 3 in the group, huh? Not exactly. You see, the other 2 in my group are both new volunteers, still under training, and so for the time being, I still have to do all the talking while they observe. But I did get one of them to write down the patient's details in our contact report based on the medical file given to us. Today was their first ever clinic duty, so there are still lots of things for them to learn.

We had 3 cases referred to us today. The first case was a Malay-speaking Thai Muslim lady, Aminah, who has been working in Malaysia for more than 2 years. She got divorced about 4 years ago, and has no child.

Aminah came to Malaysia with a friend to work. Late last year she had to do a medical check up to renew her work permit and that was when she found out she was HIV infected. When I asked her what she knew about HIV, she admitted she didn't know much. Her concern was if her condition would in any way affect colleagues and customers at her workplace. She seemed relieved when I told her she wouldn't harm the others if she continued working there.

Aminah seemed rather calm and while she agreed to be assigned a buddy, I don't think she'd be much of a problem to the buddy assigned to her. The only worry is, the friend whom she's staying with, doesn't know she has HIV although this very same friend accompanied her to the hospital. Aminah may need our help later on when and if the friend begins to suspect something.

The second case referred to us was a young pregnant lady, Jayanthi. When I looked through her file, I got a shock when I saw her age. Oh my goodness, she's only 17!! She got married last year at the age of 16! Yeah, so my late grandma got married at the age of 13, but that was 83 years ago!

Jayanthi got pregnant recently and that was when she found out about her HIV. She does look rather mature for age. If I had not looked at her medical file, I would have thought she was in her early 20's.

Like Aminah, Jayanthi too seemed rather calm. Well yeah, she admitted sometimes she still feels angry and confused, but still, she remained calm and could even laugh when I talked to her today. She's definitely more mature than some of the older ladies I've handled before.

Jayanthi however, wasn't too sure if she wanted a buddy. Probably she needs to talk it over with her husband first. I gave her our brochure, told her to think things over, and to call us whenever she feels like talking to someone about it.

After Jayanthi left the room, we waited a while but no other cases were referred to us. So I went over to the doctor's room to see SN and find out if there were any more new cases. There was supposed to be one more new case, a single mother, but that lady didn't turn up for her appointment.

However, there was one old case which had never been referred to us before. There's this lady whom SN thought may need our help and since she was at the clinic today (she didn't have any appointment but needed to see the doctor), SN figured she might as well let me talk to this lady.

Before calling the lady, Nora, to see me, SN briefed me about Nora's background. Nora, a young lady in her 20's, is a divorcee. She has been admitted to a mental hospital before and seemed to be a very very stubborn lady. Her family could accept her HIV, but due to her stubbornness, they don't seem to get along very well. Nora used to stay with her parents, but later moved out to a town outside Perak, and stayed with a male friend.

Nora had actually been on medication before, but stopped going for follow-ups at the hospital when she moved out of Perak. Now she's back in Ipoh, and back on medication. She's still not staying with her parents though, instead she's staying with another male friend. When I spoke to Nora, she just mentioned she was staying with a friend, without mentioning if the friend was male or female. I didn't ask much though. This was our first meet, and I didn't want to dig too much.

I did ask Nora how she initially found out about her HIV. Apparently it was during her pregnancy with her youngest child 7 years ago that she found out she was HIV positive. And according to Nora, her 2 older children, aged 11 and 10, are staying with their father, her ex-husband, who has since remarried. The youngest one is staying with Nora's mother.

I think I may need to speak to Nora's mother to find out what Nora's problem really is. Nora reminds me so much of Zana, the problematic young woman I had handled earlier. The difference is, in Zana's case, her parents had disowned her. In Nora's case, the parents are still willing to talk.

As I got home today and wanted to touch up a bit on the contact reports, I realised something. Nora is 24 years of age. If she really has a child who is already 11, that means she gave birth to the child when she was 13. Younger than Jayanthi!!

But, but, but... SN did mention about Nora's earlier mental problems - could Nora have just created the story? Maybe she was like Zana, who tells a different story to someone and another story to someone else? Or was it because of her early pregnancy that she needed psychiatric help?

Alamak, right now I'm the one who's confused...

And now they're bickering...

I remember once I was organizing a particular event and there was this lady who had agreed to help out to coordinate one of the programmes for the day. With everything set to go, the evening before the event, the lady called me up to tell me she was not able to make it as her son was very ill and she didn't feel good leaving him at home in such condition. She apologised profusely to me. I told her, "It's okay, I understand." She then replied, "How can you understand? You will not understand until you have children of your own."

I thought (and I still think) that last statement was not necessary. Had I persuaded her to attend the function no matter what her circumstances were because it was such a last minute notice, I would understand her statement. But I was in no way persuading her... as a matter of fact, I was empathizing. As someone who believes that "family comes first", I too, if I were in her shoes, pull out of the event. And when I told her I understood, it came from my heart. I may not have felt what she felt, but that didn't mean I didn't understand. Just because I am not married and I don't have children, doesn't mean I don't have feelings. Or does it?

Well, in the voluntary work that I'm doing right now, I never tell my PLHIV clients that I know how they feel, because really, I don't. I do however, understand their fears and their worries. But I have learnt not to say to them I understand because I may get the same response as I did in the above situation. Still, when we try to motivate them to move on with life, some may still say, "Easy for you to say, you don't know what it feels like."

So, we try to get these PLHIVs connected with each other, so that they'd get to know others "in the same boat". They'd probably understand each other better. I organised the deeparaya-do for the ladies so that they can get to know each other and so they may exchange ideas as to what they can do to get on with life after HIV. I encouraged them to exchange phone numbers so they can get in touch with each other. I brought Jah along with me during my house visits.

Well, Jah and Shila have become very good friends. And Asiah too would contact Jah from time to time. The rest, oh well, they may not be contacting each other, but when they do see each other at the hospital, they would at least talk to one another.

Fuzi and Yah too got to know each other during the deeparaya do. They exchanged phone numbers, and they do contact each other from time to time. But things are not well between those two now. Those who have been following my postings in this blog may remember I mentioned about Yah asking for the phone number of Fuzi's friend, which Fuzi gave without question and without even getting the friend's permission. Well, Yah did call up that friend and ended up telling him about Fuzi's HIV status.

Now things are getting worse. While they no longer talk to each other on the phone, they have been sending text messages accusing each other of this and that. Fuzi's message to Yah was to tell her to stop spreading news about her to others. Yah, on the other hand, denied she was involved in spreading lies about Fuzi, and in return she accused Fuzi of reporting bad things about her to me (yes, ME) and as a result she is no longer getting most of the financial assistance she used to get. Even a colleague of mine told me that when he met Yah recently, she was telling him the same thing.

Whoa, wait a minute! I must be such a powerful person to actually decide who should get assistance and who should not, as and when I like! Terror jugak Pi Bani ni ek...

To badmouth Fuzi further, Yah told my colleague that she once met Fuzi at a particular hotel in Ipoh. My colleague and I both know that Fuzi seldom gets out of her house and it was very unlikely that Fuzi was there. So he asked Yah back, "You jumpa Fuzi kat hotel tu, apa you buat kat situ?" Muahaha! With no way to say she wasn't there, Yah just said, "Jumpa kawan." OK fine, so if Fuzi really was at the hotel, if Yah herself could meet a friend there, why not Fuzi huh?

I am sick and tired of listening to their bickering. All the while I was afraid about a "Yah vs Lin" confrontation over Mr Darling but Lin is so fed up of Mr D she couldn't be bothered whoever wanted to be his girlfriend. I never thought the confrontation would be between Yah and Fuzi instead.

Ah, so much for getting them connected. Oh well, at least it proves that PLHIVs are humans like the rest of us. Some get along very well and become best of friends. Some are rather anti-social and not bothered to get in touch with the others. Some, end up bickering like Fuzi and Yah.

Maybe the next event I need to organise for my PLHIV clients is a ladies wrestling competition.

Am now imagining Fuzi and Yah in the ring, twisting each other's arms, pulling each other's hair, scratching each other's face... uhhh... I wouldn't want to be the referee lah...

What would you do...

… if you found out that your husband had been infected with HIV? How would you feel, knowing that you too may have been infected? Would you be angry? Sad? Confused? Unsure what to do?

Would you react differently, if your husband got HIV through different ways? Would you be able to accept your husband more if he got infected through drug injections instead of through promiscuous activities?

Actually, the recent talk for the Perak Women for Women (PWW) Society, where the matter of the empowerment of women were brought up, had me thinking. Would things have been different if the women under my charge had been empowered with more knowledge?

Would it have been easier for the women to make decisions for their future?

Ahh… so many questions!!

I do wonder how different people would react to the different situations faced by my clients. So this time, I am hoping my blog readers can give some input on how they think these women should react. Let me just refresh your memory with some of their stories…

In the case of Zainab, she found about her HIV infection before her husband found out about his. She was pregnant with her second child then, and when they found out that Zainab was HIV positive, her husband Zaki had the cheek to ask Zainab if she had any affairs with any Mat Banglas at her work place since he himself did not have HIV. Only later when he did his blood tests and found out that he too was infected did he admit that although most of the time he took pills for his drug addiction, there was once or twice that he resorted to sharing needles for injection. Zainab readily forgave him. After all she thought, since both of them had already been infected, they might as well just live positively as husband and wife for the sake of their children.

Then there was Mrs. K, who found out about her husband’s HIV infection when she was pregnant – but she herself miraculously was not infected. The doctor had her blood tests done twice to be doubly sure she was not infected. Mr. K, despite being a former policeman, somehow got involved in drugs and that was how he got infected. Mrs. K’s family was mad with Mr. K and told Mrs. K to leave her irresponsible husband, but Mrs. K remained loyal to him despite herself being confirmed negative.

In the above cases, the husbands were injecting drug users. They didn’t play around with other women.

Then there’s Lin… yes, Mr. Darling’s ex-wife. Lin had known about her husband playing around with other women for many years, but being someone who believed that she had to sacrifice for the sake of the children; she just tolerated him and prayed that one day he’d change. Well, he did not. And after keeping everything to herself without letting her feelings out to anyone, when she found out her husband was HIV infected and that she too was infected, that was the last straw. She was mad at him for being the reason of her infection. She asked for divorce. By then, although 3 of her 6 children were still schooling, they were grown up enough to understand her situation.

Recently, a blog reader, R, contacted me to relate her story as she needed to talk things out with someone. Now, to regular readers of my blog, don’t get so curious… she never left a comment in my blog and no, she’s not someone you know, ok? She actually contacted me direct to my email address and later on I gave her my number so we could talk. Let me just summarise R's story without going into the nitty gritty details.

In R’s case, when the husband was found to be HIV positive, he admitted to her that he had been “naughty” before their marriage. For a moment there, R did feel a bit relieved although she was still worried about getting infected as well. The fact that he did not cheat on her after marriage somehow did make her feel a bit better. Then after some thinking, she remembered that her husband had been quite a regular blood donor… surely his blood would have been tested for HIV. If indeed his HIV infection occurred before their marriage, surely he would have been detected positive during one of his blood donation and he would have been informed earlier. When cornered, R’s husband finally admitted that he did “have some fun” during his recent overseas assignment. Yes, just recently!

The first blood test done 6 months ago for R was negative. But not long before that the couple had been planning to have another child and when the first blood test was done, it was still during the window period and as such R was not 100% safe yet. R had just done her 2nd test and is now waiting for the results before she can be sure of her status.

For the moment R is still with her husband, although she no longer feels for him the way she did before. Her decision on her future will depend on the outcome of her blood test. Unlike the other women I mentioned in my stories, R is an educated and independent person. By the way, R has 2 kids, aged 3 and 8.

What do you think her decision will be? And what would you do if you were in her shoes?

And to all out there, please... you may think that any action of yours, no matter how bad, is OK because it’s your life and it’s your problem if you get into any trouble. Just remember that your decision now may not only affect your own life, but also the lives of others in the future… your wife, your children, your loved ones...

So, THINK, THINK and THINK before you act.

Introducing Buddies...

Yesterday we were invited by the Perak Women for Women Society (PWW) to give a talk to their members and some of their guests. The talk was an informal one, more to introduce Buddies to them and to form some sort of networking.

What's PWW? It is an independent voluntary organisation [like us Buddies] committed to improving the lives of women in Perak. Their vision is to create a just and equitable society where women are treated with respect and free from all forms of violence and discrimination. The society is affiliated to the All Women's Action Society (AWAM) [while Buddies is affiliated to Malaysian AIDS Council (MAC)].

3 representatives from Buddies attended the talk - our honorary secretary, the assistant secretary and yours truly. As for the audience, other than members of PWW, we had also a few foreign students under AFS (locally known as Antarabudaya Malaysia). We had students from US, Australia, Germany, Japan and Egypt.

Since this event was meant for networking, Dr Sharifah started off the talk by giving a brief introduction of PWW to us Buddies and to the AFS representatives.

Our honorary secretary then introduced Buddies to the audience - explaining about how we started off back then just as a project under the Perak Family Planning Association, and then later we decided to move on our own, as an independent organisation registered under the Registrar of Societies. She also highlighted our various services/activities other than providing support services to PLWHAs - HIV clinic, Children Education Fund, Sponsorship for Children, Outreach, Buddy Bears, Welfare, etc.

After the brief introduction to Buddies by our honorary secretary, I then took over from her. Since the event was organised by PWW, a society for women, I thought it would be good to talk a bit about Women and HIV. To talk in depth about the issue would actually need a whole session by itself, so I just talked a bit about the problems faced by HIV positive women in general. Dr Sharifah had after all, mentioned about the empowerment of women in her earlier introduction speech, which I found to be very related to our HIV positive clients.

As I mentioned, somehow people tend to look down more on HIV positive women as compared to HIV positive men. People tend to get the impression that HIV positive women are the "itchy-itchy" or gedik kind. Whereas in actual fact, at least in the Malaysian context, 90% of the women were infected by their own husbands! Now, how fair is that?!

I highlighted too my own personal experiences in dealing with the HIV positive women - those who were not given the right to make their own decisions, those who didn't get family support, those who didn't have anyone to talk to - all because of the stigma and discrimination they had to face.

The audience also shared some of their own experiences. One talked about a good friend of his who had AIDS... how when this friend died the family didn't want to touch him. Only one sister-in-law was willing to handle the body; but after that, the family insisted she goes for blood tests every 3 months! And oh, they also had the house sprayed!!

Another lady suggested that the awareness should start at the hospitals first! She mentioned about a friend of hers, suspected to be HIV positive (it was false alarm actually), and was isolated in a separate room at the maternity ward. That reminded me of Maria, a client of mine - while warded at the maternity ward, after one of her meals when one of the hospital staff came over to her bed wanted to clear her fork and spoon, the staff didn't dare touch the fork and spoon with her bare hands! How do you think Maria felt then?!

Some of the audience including foreign students.

Anyway, overall it was a good event. Not only did we manage to get to network with other societies, we also managed to share our experiences. We all agreed that more should be done to create awareness amongst the public.

Before the whole thing ended, Dr Sharifah on behalf of PWW handed over a token of appreciation, which I accepted on behalf of Buddies.

The token - this basket was actually made from recycled paper!

While we were having some refreshments prepared by PWW, a few of the PWW members came over to personally ask further about our support services and our experiences.

Hopefully this will be a start to a better networking and cooperation between the different NGOs.