Blur!!

In my previous posting under the topic “When we help those in need…”, I mentioned that Hana had improved a lot in terms of independence and that she no longer needs to confide in me with all sorts of problems like she did when I first got to know her.

I guess I spoke a tad too soon. Maybe she had just been keeping things to herself. Maybe she thought Buddies would be able to help her out for every single problem that she has. Maybe she simply didn’t have any new problems… yet…

Last night, Pat, the fellow volunteer who stays in the same town as Hana, called me up. She just spoke to Hana and that woman was crying and crying, Pat didn’t know what to do.

Apparently Hana did a mistake at work (according to her just a small mistake, but that’s her version of the story; we don’t know for sure the real version at her workplace) and as a result her supervisor penalized her – not allowing her to do overtime for the next 3 months! That means she will be getting less income for the next 3 months. She had been depending on overtime all these while to earn more for the family.

Hana had always been rather “slow” in understanding what people tell her. Even when she was first diagnosed HIV positive, she didn’t really get it at first. I suppose the doctor and the nurse didn’t want to be too direct when breaking the news to her, so instead of going straight to the point saying “You got HIV”, they sort of delivered the news subtly. That’s what they always do so they should know better how to deliver the news.

But when Pat went to visit her initially, Hana was saying that the doctor told her she was NOT infected. Pat got confused, the fact that she was assigned as Hana’s main buddy was reason enough to believe that Hana was indeed infected. But Pat didn’t dare say otherwise to Hana. So she called me, and I called SN just to be sure what they had told Hana. SN said loud and clear that Hana was indeed positive and that she was told so. Either Hana was confused and didn’t understand or she was in denial.

So when Pat and I went to visit Hana the next time, I had no choice but to tell Hana straight in the face that she was confirmed positive. She cried.

There were also other things that Hana didn’t understand. When we told her we’d try to help her out with her children’s education and told her to fill in the form for each of her schooling children, she even filled in the form for her youngest son who is not even in kindergarten yet.

Now her 2 daughters are under the Education Sponsorship for Children program. I told her to list down her monthly expenses needed in relation to her children’s schooling needs. She wanted to give me the list when she came to Ipoh for her blood test last week, but since I couldn’t take time off to meet her at the hospital, I told her to pass the list to Pat.

Last night Pat got the list. It was quite an extensive list Pat couldn’t believe her eyes especially when she saw one particular item on the list. Other than the list of tuition fees, bus fares, uniforms and shoes for co curricular activities; also included in the list of needs was “Motosikal – RM2,500”.

Aiyo!! What was this woman thinking? I clearly stated to her to list down her children’s schooling needs, but a motorbike? Whoa… don’t go overboard lah woman!!

Funny thing was I remembered that her late husband, Rashid had a motorbike. And I remembered clearly asking her why she didn’t use the motorbike to go to work. Her answer was that she didn’t know how to ride a bike and so the bike was taken by her brother who stays elsewhere. Why would she want a motorbike now? Just got herself a license?

I guess it was just another case of Hana being blur. She probably thought just because we’re helping her out, we would spoil her rotten by giving her anything she’d ask for. Never mind, I guess I will just have to resort to another “direct to the point” talk the next time I meet her, not that Pat or myself have been using twists and turns all these while, but I just have to be more direct than direct – whatever that means!

What worried Pat even more was something else Hana told her. According to Hana, a few people purportedly from a bank came to visit her at home, saying that they will arrange to repair her house. They asked for her particulars such as her IC number etc, all of which she gave without question. When Pat asked her for details of who’d be paying for the repairs, who directed the bank officers to go to her house etc, all Hana said was, “Saya tak tahu.” Of course she didn’t know, she didn’t even ask. Even if she did ask, I doubt she’d understand. Blur and blank all the time!

We don’t know for sure yet what the visit was all about. Hopefully those people genuinely wanted to help her. But just to be sure, Pat told Hana to call her the next time those people come to visit so that Pat could go over and ask them herself. They may indeed repair the house but we sure don’t want Hana to get duped into signing an IOU letter instead! If that happens, Hana will call either Pat or myself and end up crying and crying again.

There is something else that’s bothering me about Hana. From the list of monthly expenses that she gave, most of the expenses were for her eldest daughter. And she also asked for milk for her 4 year old son despite me asking for the list of schooling needs for the other 2. There wasn’t much listed for her 9 year old daughter who has to walk to school. (We are still unable to find any bus/van drivers willing to take her although we already have sponsors). Hana didn’t seem to worry too much about that. She’s more concerned about the expenses needed by the older daughter.

This made me think… does Hana treat her 2nd child differently than the rest? I may not be a mother myself, but I have seen mothers who give preferential treatment to some of their children. Maybe she doesn’t like her 2nd child? She does have a motive. (Ah, does Pi sound like a P.I. now?) You see, her first child’s name comes with binti *her first husband*, her 3rd child’s name comes with bin *her 2nd husband*, while her 2nd child doesn’t even have a binti at all! (In other words, all her children don’t share the same father!) Even worse, the 2nd child’s birth cert was only done when the child was about to go to school.

I don’t really know the history behind the 2nd child’s birth, but I do suspect something amiss here. But it’s hard to get the facts from Hana and as such I don’t know for sure what’s going on in her mind.

Susahlah ini macam… Hana also blur... myself also blur already...