What would you do...

… if you found out that your husband had been infected with HIV? How would you feel, knowing that you too may have been infected? Would you be angry? Sad? Confused? Unsure what to do?

Would you react differently, if your husband got HIV through different ways? Would you be able to accept your husband more if he got infected through drug injections instead of through promiscuous activities?

Actually, the recent talk for the Perak Women for Women (PWW) Society, where the matter of the empowerment of women were brought up, had me thinking. Would things have been different if the women under my charge had been empowered with more knowledge?

Would it have been easier for the women to make decisions for their future?

Ahh… so many questions!!

I do wonder how different people would react to the different situations faced by my clients. So this time, I am hoping my blog readers can give some input on how they think these women should react. Let me just refresh your memory with some of their stories…

In the case of Zainab, she found about her HIV infection before her husband found out about his. She was pregnant with her second child then, and when they found out that Zainab was HIV positive, her husband Zaki had the cheek to ask Zainab if she had any affairs with any Mat Banglas at her work place since he himself did not have HIV. Only later when he did his blood tests and found out that he too was infected did he admit that although most of the time he took pills for his drug addiction, there was once or twice that he resorted to sharing needles for injection. Zainab readily forgave him. After all she thought, since both of them had already been infected, they might as well just live positively as husband and wife for the sake of their children.

Then there was Mrs. K, who found out about her husband’s HIV infection when she was pregnant – but she herself miraculously was not infected. The doctor had her blood tests done twice to be doubly sure she was not infected. Mr. K, despite being a former policeman, somehow got involved in drugs and that was how he got infected. Mrs. K’s family was mad with Mr. K and told Mrs. K to leave her irresponsible husband, but Mrs. K remained loyal to him despite herself being confirmed negative.

In the above cases, the husbands were injecting drug users. They didn’t play around with other women.

Then there’s Lin… yes, Mr. Darling’s ex-wife. Lin had known about her husband playing around with other women for many years, but being someone who believed that she had to sacrifice for the sake of the children; she just tolerated him and prayed that one day he’d change. Well, he did not. And after keeping everything to herself without letting her feelings out to anyone, when she found out her husband was HIV infected and that she too was infected, that was the last straw. She was mad at him for being the reason of her infection. She asked for divorce. By then, although 3 of her 6 children were still schooling, they were grown up enough to understand her situation.

Recently, a blog reader, R, contacted me to relate her story as she needed to talk things out with someone. Now, to regular readers of my blog, don’t get so curious… she never left a comment in my blog and no, she’s not someone you know, ok? She actually contacted me direct to my email address and later on I gave her my number so we could talk. Let me just summarise R's story without going into the nitty gritty details.

In R’s case, when the husband was found to be HIV positive, he admitted to her that he had been “naughty” before their marriage. For a moment there, R did feel a bit relieved although she was still worried about getting infected as well. The fact that he did not cheat on her after marriage somehow did make her feel a bit better. Then after some thinking, she remembered that her husband had been quite a regular blood donor… surely his blood would have been tested for HIV. If indeed his HIV infection occurred before their marriage, surely he would have been detected positive during one of his blood donation and he would have been informed earlier. When cornered, R’s husband finally admitted that he did “have some fun” during his recent overseas assignment. Yes, just recently!

The first blood test done 6 months ago for R was negative. But not long before that the couple had been planning to have another child and when the first blood test was done, it was still during the window period and as such R was not 100% safe yet. R had just done her 2nd test and is now waiting for the results before she can be sure of her status.

For the moment R is still with her husband, although she no longer feels for him the way she did before. Her decision on her future will depend on the outcome of her blood test. Unlike the other women I mentioned in my stories, R is an educated and independent person. By the way, R has 2 kids, aged 3 and 8.

What do you think her decision will be? And what would you do if you were in her shoes?

And to all out there, please... you may think that any action of yours, no matter how bad, is OK because it’s your life and it’s your problem if you get into any trouble. Just remember that your decision now may not only affect your own life, but also the lives of others in the future… your wife, your children, your loved ones...

So, THINK, THINK and THINK before you act.