THEY WILL ASK thee as to what they should spend on others. Say: "Whatever of your wealth you spend shall [first] be for your parents, and for the near of kin, and the orphans, and the needy, and the wayfarer; and whatever good you do, verily, God has full knowledge thereof." - Al-Baqarah (2:215)

Friday, 16 April 2010

Blame the victim? What about the perpetrator?

While we were chatting after a meeting yesterday, a doctor active in fighting for women’s causes, told me about a girl who got pregnant and gave birth thrice by the time she was 14.

The first time was when she was 12. She was brought to the hospital and didn’t speak a word as everybody including the nurses handling her case had already passed judgment on her, saying all sorts of unpleasant things about her…

“Kecik-kecik lagi dah gatal! Orang pergi sekolah belajar, dia buat kerja lain.”

“Hah, padan muka, menggatal lagi!”

And when she shouted in pain during delivery…

“Ha, ni lah akibatnya. Nak seronok berapa minit punya pasal, tanggung aje lah sakitnya. Kenapa sekarang nak menjerit pulak?”

She then gave birth, the baby given up for adoption and she went back to stay with her parents.

About a year later, she was sent to the hospital again… and again she was pregnant. She had to go through the same thing all over again. She just kept quiet, didn’t say a thing. I wonder why nobody took the effort to really investigate what happened. Everybody took for granted she was the one who willingly got into the whole mess.

At 14, again she became pregnant. And again she was sent to the hospital, only this time, the doctor who met her was the doctor I mentioned above. After looking through the file and her history, the doctor decided to investigate further. She saw the need to “jaga tepi kain orang” in this case. So in a motherly way, she asked the girl who the perpetrator was. The girl’s eyes lit up. For the first time, somebody bothered to ask instead of just putting the blame on her!

And yes, the doctor did get the answer. For all 3 pregnancies, the perpetrator was the same person…


Needless to say, the doctor proceeded with making all the police reports and all those stuff. Apparently, the mother knew her own husband was the culprit, but to save the family from shame, she just kept quiet. Oh bummer, she let her own daughter take the blame for being “gatal” because she didn’t want the whole world to know that her own husband was the “haruan makan anak”! And being someone who’s not financially independent, she was also worried that if any action is taken against her husband, who would then feed the family?

I have nothing further to say.

Sendiri fikir lah…


Cat-in-Sydney said...

Phew! God forbid if ever I meet that irresponsible mother. Bad enough the father did bad things to her, the mother covered up for the "beloved" hubby? Brace yourself Aunty Pi. I'm about to burst into a long list of expletives here..... grrrrrrrrr

Anonymous said...

Sad. Seems "PRECIOUS/PUSH" is not so fiction after all.

Saya... said...

yang hairan..kalau 12 years old pun have sex...considered statutory rape kan...kenalah report gak..tapi seriously..gomen hospital nurses macam devil's spawn.banyak tul perangai camtu kat labour room,,padahal sama2 pompuan

Typhoon Sue said...

it's sad that ppl who jumps to conclusion always place the blame on females, whatever the issue is. a girl got pregnant, she must be gatal. a girl got raped, must be bcoz she's sexy. a woman's handbag was snatched, must be bcoz she carries it carelessly. a car hit the lamp-post, the driver must be a woman!

even sadder when these accusers are women themselves.

a 12 yr old girl getting pregnant is not a matter to be taken lightly. they have a duty to investigate what happened. Even if the girl was 'gatal', (which she wasn't), there must be some form of abuse there, by boyfriend or anyone, as a 12 yr old is a child still. She can easily be manipulated by ppl. So an adult coming into contact with her in the situation that she was in have a moral obligation to get to the bottom of it. Shame on those nurses for behaving the way they did!

Shahieda said...

Astaghfirullah! I've heard of so many of these cases, it's a totally insane situation innit.

The mere fact that the mother knew what was happening right under her nose and did nothing about it makes her an accessory to the act.

May Allah forgive the mother for her for stupidity. I hope that she has not lost the trust and faith her daughter has in her :)

Shahieda said...

Btw, Sis Pi, I love the music on your blog! There are times when I visit only to listen to the music :D

Anonymous said...

Sedihnya Pi. Masyarakat kita memang cepat menghukum dan melebel tanpa usul-periksa. A friend took anak angkat. Budak tu dibesarkan dgn penuh kasih-sayang. Tak ada beza-beza. Bila pergi sekolah, budak tu balik menangis-nangis. Cikgu laknatullah kat sekolah 'permainkan' namanya (tak ada binti) so that satu kelas tahu dia anak angkat or 'anak pungut' (ini nama yg classmates dia panggil dia). How can anybody ask a 7 year old girl to face/handle something like this? Memang cilaka punya cikgu dan cilaka punya sistem pendaftaran anak angkat. Terbaru, mesti ber'bin/binti' salah satu dari 99 nama-nama Allah. Kecil-kecil dah di label. Apa salah kalau maintain sistem lama yg attach nama bapa angkat tanpa bin/binti? Tuhan pun tak marah rasanya sebab kita treat nama bapa angkat as part of nama budak. Rasanya Tuhan memang marah kalau kita melebel dan menyusahkan hidup budak. Apa dosa budak tu?

BTW, my friend dah pergi kerja di Australia bawa anak-bini. Selesai masalah budak tu kena ejek dan kena dera perasaannya kerana sekolah di sana dan kawan-kawan serta guru-guru di sana menerima anak itu seadanya. Malaysia mengaku negara 'Islam". Di mana nilai keIslamannya?

Makcik Tijah

Naz said...

Salam Kak Pi,
I've written a long respond to this but decided to delete. Too long!
What happens to the girl now?

I am beyong being angry with the parents.
And those hospital staff....agghh!
Semua sepatutnya dikenakan tindakan disiplin for their negligence. Kalau jadi kat sini, dah habis dah all these people. They can kiss goodbye to their career forever.

Naz said...

mak! beyond pun dah jadi *beyong*.
Beyong tu yang nyanyi nyanyi tu kan, Kak Pi ;D

Pi Bani said...

Dear all,
Frankly, I don't know what else to say. Didn't have enough time to ask for further details from the doctor, like what happened to the girl thereafter, but I know that with the doctor in the picture, insyaAllah, she'd give all the necessary help to the girl, including maybe psychological help.

But yes, many of our people tend to be so judgmental. And true, even if indeed the girl was gatal (although in this the father yang gatal), that also meant she needed help, which she wasn't getting during and after the first 2 pregnancies.


Salt N Turmeric said...

Oh that poor poor poor girl! I hope Allah would not forgive her mom and dad. :(

Some female nurses kat Msian hospitals memang nak kena belasah. I wonder wht would they do/say if their daughters were rape and got pregnant.

mamasita said...

Kesian nya budak tu!
Mak dia diam jer kenapa..takkanlah sampai gitu sekali reason dia..mabuk betul si bapaknya!