The "Drama Swasta" cases for the last 5 years

I can't remember the exact date of my joining the Buddies of Ipoh, but I do remember the year - it was 2004. Which means this year I have been a volunteer in HIV support services for 5 years.

When I first joined Buddies, I had anticipated that the problems faced by the PLHIVs would basically be stigma and discrimination problems; and maybe some financial problems due to the inability of some of these PLHIVs to work. And yes, initially those were the kind of problems I saw. I didn't really do much house visits then as I was not yet allowed to visit them on my own due to my status as a trainee still.

Then I got confirmed... assigned to a few cases and that was when the drama swasta cases started emerging. Drama swasta cases? Well yeah, the kind of situations which I thought I would only see in the local dramas on TV. But reality is, there are many real-life situations out there, which, if shown in dramas on TV, you would brush them off as being exaggerated.

Some of the problems are like normal problems faced by others not infected with HIV. Marriage problems, for example, would still occur with or without HIV - although in certain cases, like Lin's, being infected with HIV was indeed the turning point. Lin had known about Mr Darling (her ex-husband)'s promiscuous activities since early in their marriage, but it was only after she was diagnosed HIV+ve that she felt she couldn't take it any longer. By then they already had 6 children.

As for Mr Darling, those who had been following his story may remember the time when he asked Yah to marry him during their FIRST meet at the HIV clinic. And no, it wasn't a blind date or anything of that sort. They were just waiting for their turn to see the doctor, started chatting with each other, and when he found out she was a single mom, immediately proposed to her. Seriously, I never thought anyone would do that unless he had gone bonkers. (Oh well, maybe he was bonkers!) It wasn't even love at first sight. It was a case of a man desperately wanting to get married (so he can have sex!) after his wife filed for divorce.

What made me even more baffled was the fact that Yah started falling heads over heels over him after spending one night at his mother's house. Am not really sure what went on then, but Yah went really ANGAU to the highest level, the tough lady I once knew changed overnight to someone more like a troubled teenager. Her children were no longer her prioritiy. Well, Mr Darling is now married to another lady (who was never in any of my drama swasta), but Yah has yet to recover from her angau-ness... in fact, knowing she has HIV, she started sleeping with various men to seek revenge!

Anyone remember Lily, the lady with such a complicated life? Her husband's family took him back to their hometown without informing Lily he had HIV. And because they were not in good terms with Lily, they didn't bother to inform her or her children when her husband died. Ada ka patut?! It was only when Lily asked her eldest daughter to call the grandma to ask how the father was doing, were they informed of his death. One problem lead to another, and when Lily finally died due to complications arising from dengue, I figured that was the end of all the complications. Well yes, that was the end of Lily's own complicated life; but her children, especially Boboy, the one infected with HIV, continued enduring one problem after another. Well, Boboy is now in a shelter home for HIV infected children, after being sent there by the new guardians of Lily's children.

Another one with marriage problem was Maria. Her half brothers married her off to someone of their choice right after her SPM so they would no longer have to be responsible for her. It wouldn't be so much of a problem if they got her Mr. Right; but nope they got her a Mr. Wrong - he was a hard core drug addict. But Maria, never taught to be independent, stayed on in her marriage. They had 3 children. His addiction came to the extent that he started stealing right in front of his son and his son's school friends, much to the boy's embarrassment! They did finally get divorced, and again, Maria's half brothers arranged for another marriage for Maria - although this time, the husband seemed more responsible. It was during her pregnancy in this second marriage did Maria find out of her HIV infection and how she panicked when her present husband was tested negative. For someone who had always been dependent on others, Maria was afraid her husband would leave her. Her confidence level is almost zero.

Other than marriage problems - the other PLHIVs I was assigned to, had other complications. Fuzi, for example, an Indonesian who got married to a Malaysian in Narathiwat, Thailand, all the while thought her husband had registered their marriage in Malaysia. It was only after he died, and her daughter wanted to get her IC done, did she realise that her marriage cert was not accepted here - the result of which is having to solve one problem before solving another problem before solving yet another problem.

Well, I had initially thought Fuzi's case was complicated enough. But at least she has some papers - whether they are legal or not is another matter.

Then came another case I would never have thought existed - a case of an HIV positive lady who existed physically but not on paper. An adult without an IC I've heard of, but without even a birth cert, she doesn't even have any nationality! Oh, forget nationality, it's like she doesn't even exist! You see, Hasnah's mother got married in Thailand, her marriage never got registered, then they got divorced, and she gave birth to Hasnah somewhere in Thailand, without registering the birth. Hasnah was then brought back to Malaysia, never went to school, grew up, and got married. Without identification, how on earth did she get married? Like mother like daughter lah... in Thailand. I doubt it was legally recognised. We've lost touch with her... she has not even gone for her hospital appointments it seems...

And the above cases are not even half of the cases I've handled! There are definitely more of these drama swasta cases.

And we thought WE had problems, huh?