Poor, poor Sofie...

When my colleagues who were on clinic duty were trying to decide on who should be Murni's buddy some time back, they said they had no choice but to refer the case to me as Murni comes from a hard core poor family. Then when Sharifah's case came, again they said they had no choice but to refer the case to me, not because Sharifah was poor, but because hers was a rather problematic case (out-of-wedlock pregnancy & all).

Likewise, during the weeks that we don't have any volunteers going for the HIV clinic duty, sometimes SN would call me up from the HIV clinic to inform me of any new problematic cases. SN wouldn't usually call if the cases are not THAT urgent. If a call comes in from her, I would immediately know that she had either a complicated case she wanted to refer, or a hard core poor.

I'm already having too many cases under me, and as such, during the Buddies meeting this coming Tuesday night, I intend to hand over some of the less problematic cases to other buddies. Cases like Fuzi's, Zainab's and Jah's I think other volunteers wouldn't have any problems taking over. Like one of my fellow volunteers mentioned, I can hand over the more manageable cases to others, but please continue handling the "drama swasta" cases. :) But I can only hand over those who are more "open". I cannot hand over clients like Maria and Lin because although their cases are manageable, it is not easy to gain their trust. These two I noticed, are not ready to open up to others.

Anyway, one of the new cases I'm handling is the one referred to me direct by SN last week - that of Sofie's, the one I mentioned in my previous posting.

I promised Sofie I'd visit her this week, and so this morning, after my usual pasar tani routine, and after dumping whatever necessary into the slow cooker for my sup tulang, off I went to visit Sofie. Ahh... getting lunch cooked while at the same time doing one of my house visits - can I call that multi-tasking? :)

I had my car filled with rice, flour, noodles, bread, cooking oil, canned food etc. Although I had never met Sofie before, from the little details I managed to get from my earlier phone conversation with Sofie, plus the fact that it was SN who referred the case to me directly, I knew this had to be a genuine case of poor family.

Sofie lives in a small town, unfamiliar territory to me. Ever since the PLUS expressway was open, I hardly ever pass through that town. But ever since joining Buddies, I am getting quite used to doing house visits based entirely on the address given, even if the place happens to be in unfamiliar territories. Apa susah, ada mulut tanyalah...

So yes, once I reached the town, I did stop by a petrol station to ask where this particular kampong was. Apparently it was just 3 traffic lights away from the petrol station and easily accessible from the main road.

Once I got to the kampong, looking for the house was not a problem, as the place is more of a kampong tersusun where the house numbers are in order, very unlike my kampong where it is hard to find a specific house based on the house number. Sofie's house, or her sister's house to be exact, was a wooden house right at the end of the lane. There were a few children at the door when I got there - I just asked if Sofie lived there, and they all nodded.

I got in, and immediately saw Sofie on my right, lying on a thin mattress. She looked so weak I wondered how she managed to go to the hospital in Ipoh by bus. According to Sofie, one of her children would accompany her, for her to hold on to when she walks.

Sofie got her divorce papers finalised just a few months ago. Yes, she was the one who filed for divorce. What was the point hanging on to a marriage when the husband disappears without any news and only comes back once every 2 or 3 months. And even when he does come back, he never gives his family a single sen. It was Sofie all the while who had to support her family.

When Sofie first filed for divorce, her husband threatened to kill her if she proceeded with the divorce case. He said he'd make her suffer her whole life. Sofie ended up having to file a police report in addition to going in and out of the Syariah Court for her divorce case.

Well, Sofie got her divorce papers, but her ex-husband did manage to make Sofie suffer - he infected her with HIV, didn't he? Sofie herself never knew her husband had HIV. It was only a few months ago when she fell ill, got hospitalised and tests revealed she was HIV positive. In fact, based on her condition, the doctors believed she could have been infected more than 10 years ago. That gave Sofie another worry - if indeed she had been infected that long ago, her youngest daughter, who is 7 this year, may have been infected too. She intends to bring that daughter for blood tests soon.

Before this Sofie had been working very hard to support her children. She helped out at a canteen, and did some odd jobs here and there to earn about RM400 to RM500 per month. Hardly enough to pay for house rental and support 4 schooling children, but at least she had an income.

However, Sofie had not been working for the past 3 months due to her weak condition. How was she going to pay for her house rental? What was she going to feed her children with?

Thank goodness her sister and brother-in-law sympathised and took the whole family in to stay with them at their house - the house I went to visit today. But Sofie's BIL only earns about RM800 per month and they have 6 children of their own to feed - 5 of them schooling while the youngest is still a toddler. Every night Sofie's sister stays up to 3 am to make some kuih to be sent off to a few stalls early in the mornings to be sold. That's their only source of extra income.

But Sofie's sister & BIL aren't complaining. Whatever they & their children eat, Sofie and her children will get to eat too. But with 13 people staying under the same roof, and with the kind of income they earn - obviously they have to ration their daily food intake. And the groceries that I brought along with me in my car today? They welcomed it very much. I got the children to help me carry the stuff out of my car. And I was amazed when Sofie's fragile looking 11 year old boy managed to carry a 10 kg bag of rice on his left shoulder, and another heavy bag of other stuff with his right hand - with ease! Obviously he's so used to carrying heavy stuff and doing hard work.

I got hold of the photocopies of whatever supporting documents needed to help Sofie apply for financial assistance. I also requested her permission to come and visit again with at least 2 other colleagues - that's a requirement if we are to consider her children for our Education Sponsorship programme. Sofie agreed as long as we don't come in a Jabatan Kesihatan van. Apparently before this, there was one such visit to a neighbour's house and within hours the whole neighbourhood knew about the neighbour being HIV positive. I assured Sofie that we don't work with the Health Ministry - we're only volunteers and any visits will be in our own personal vehicles. The neighbours know Sofie is poor and so if anybody asks about the visits from me and my colleagues, we can always say we're from a charitable organisation. Besides, during our house visits, we NEVER tell people we're from an HIV support group.

Sofie and her children definitely need all the help they can get. If my colleagues who assigned me to Murni earlier thought Murni was a hard core poor; Sofie's situation is even worse than Murni's. And people like Mr and Mrs K who are both working are always complaining "tak ada duit" to pay for this and that. Yes, they don't earn much I agree, but I wish they could see Sofie's sufferings to really understand the meaning of "tak ada duit". Sofie now doesn't earn anything. Nothing at all - not a single sen. Zero! Zilch! Not because she's not willing to work, but because she's unable to work. When she needs to go for her hospital appointments, her sister would have to fork out some of her hard earned money to give to Sofie.

I will get my colleague to help Sofie apply for welfare aid and MAC's Paediatric AIDS Fund; while I myself will bring up this case to be considered for my NGO's Education Sponsorship programme. Right now I am also looking for donors to buy bicycles for Sofie's children who for the time being have to walk to school...

And we have been complaining about what... lauk tak best?