To tell or not to tell...

"Lawat siapa?" asked a kampong folk of mine when we bumped into each other in one of the wards at the Ipoh General Hospital once. I was at that time right beside the bed of a PLWHA client of mine.

"Kawan", I said. I didn't want to say my visit was part of my voluntary work - next she may ask what kind of voluntary work and I definitely didn't want to disclose that the person I was visiting had HIV.

"Kawan tempat kerja ke?"

Oh boy... must she ask more? I've said kawan, enough lah... don't make me lie! Instead of answering her question, I just smiled and asked what SHE was doing at the hospital.

Then there was another time when, after my voluntary duty at the HIV clinic, I bumped into a nurse who was also a kampong folk of mine. With a surprised look (I just got out of the HIV clinic!), she asked, "Buat apa kat sini?!" Wonder what was playing in her mind then... hehehe... Before she starts spreading all sorts of stories in the kampong where I stay, I told her, "Kerja volunteer." She probably didn't expect me to be a volunteer - all she knew was that I had an office to go to... where got time for all these volunteer works! Well yeah, I guess many people don't quite understand my flexi work arrangements...

Some of my clients, when fixing for a place to meet, didn't want to meet up at a place where people knew them. They're afraid people may ask too many questions. Nuri for example, met up with me in town to make sure her nosey neighbours wouldn't be asking too many questions as to who I was. I understood why later when I got to know Ani, another PLWHA who happened to stay in the same kampong as Nuri. Ani said her kampong folks suspected Nuri had HIV and had been talking behind her back. Because of that, Ani was determined not to let even her own family (other than her husband who's also positive) know about her HIV status.

Many of my PLWHA clients hide the facts from their family members for various reasons. Some, because they didn't think their family members would understand. Like as what happened to Ifa.

Some, had elderly parents with the 3-in-1 package of hypertension, diabetic and heart problems, so the PLWHAs simply didn't want to worry their parents.

Some, because they didn't trust their siblings would be able to keep secrets.

Some, simply because they felt conscious that everybody around them may know they're HIV positive. One of my clients even asked me if people knew I was doing HIV voluntary work. To her, if people knew, then when I sat with her, people may suspect she's HIV positive...

There was one particular PLWHA, a young Malay woman, who, during the HIV clinic (I was not on duty then) wanted a buddy but specifically mentioned she didn't want a Malay to be her buddy. While others prefer buddies of the same race so that nosey neighbours wouldn't be too suspicious, this particular lady didn't want a fellow Malay lady.

I found out later from her assigned buddy, a Chinese lady, that this particular client has many relatives in Ipoh and she was afraid I may know her, or, even if I don't, I may know someone who knows her. She was afraid I may tell. She was afraid fellow Malays may look down on her. She was ashamed.

One particular client of mine even admitted that once upon a time she was one of those who actually looked down to people living with HIV/AIDS. So when she got infected, even when people around her didn't say anything, she just FELT as though everybody was talking about her. And of course when people actually did say bad things about her, she felt even worse.

While I do tell about their stories in my blog, I make it a point never to mention their real names and I don't even mention where they stay. The whole idea is just to share with bloggers and blog readers about the trials and tribulations they face. People need to know actual stories of real life PLWHAs and not just the data and facts on HIV we usually get in the news.

I hope and shall to continue to hope that these stories will open up people's eyes...

Yah's Story: Part 2

When I got to Azman's mother's house to attend Azman's funeral, his body had already been bathed. They were almost done. Since Azman died at home, the people from the hospital were called to their home to manage his body. 2 officers from the health department were also there.

I pulled Yah aside, I needed to know who was paying for the services. I knew the amount needed was not a small amount. As I had expected, the family did not help out. To them it was Yah's responsibility to pay for the funeral of her husband. I asked Yah if she had any money, she said she just received RM100 from the welfare officers who came to visit. That's not enough. I didn't want to make it obvious to Azman's family that I was passing some money to Yah, so it was a hush hush thing... I gave it to her when the others were not looking.

I told Yah to call me once things were settled down a bit. I needed to know what her future plans were. I couldn't call her as she didn't have a phone, so she would have to call me. She had a handphone when Azman first got his EPF money, but when Azman was hospitalised and Yah needed to charge her handphone, she sought the favour of Azman's sister to help charge the phone for her. Well, the phone remained in the hands of Azman's sister since then!

The next week Yah called me. She told me she'd be "running away" to her parents home in another town during the weekend. Azman's family wouldn't let her move out. They said the children were their strong "waris" so they must remain at their kampong. Funny... how come when it came to the financial needs of these children, they never helped out, yet now they're claiming that these children were theirs. The mother's side of the family had no rights whatsover, so they claimed. They threatened Yah that if Yah took the children elsewhere, they'd lodge a police report against Yah's family. I'm not sure which school of thoughts or which laws they followed! Sigh...

They probably thought Yah was dumb. Oh how wrong they were! This woman went to the police station and lodged her own report about her in-law's threats! And no, I had nothing to do with this. My policy is never to meddle with family matters. If they needed help, I'd help (if I could). If they asked for advice, I'd give one but would still leave the decision up to them. Yah only told me about all these after she had done things herself. She even quietly arranged on her own for the transfer of her children's school. I knew about her "escape" plan only because she told me about it. She was planning to move out in the wee hours of the morning before her in-laws realised it. Moving out during the daytime would be too obvious as her house was right in front of her in-law's house. She told me her plans before hand so that I would not visit her at her old house that weekend. Wow! She had everything well planned. And the only job she ever had was as a cleaner! Not in any planning department! This was one helluva lady I must say!

But because she had to move quietly with her kids, she couldn't take along too many things with her. Just whatever necessary, including her children's schooling needs. Although she had the rights over the house, she was willing to let go for her own peace of mind. All the furnitures, bicycles and other big items had to be left behind.

As soon as she made it safely to her parent's home, she called me again. I took down her new address and phone number.

The next weekend, Yah's father went over to Yah's old house to try get some other things belonging to Yah and her children. Coincidentally, Yah's in-laws chose the same day to look for Yah at her parent's place. So when Yah's father was at her old home, Yah's in-laws were at Yah's parent's home. While Yah's father tried to get whatever that was left at the old house, Yah's mother had a big quarrel with Yah's mother-in-law. Sounds more like a TV drama don't you think? But this one's for real.

Anyway, Yah's father couldn't get anything much from the old house. All the bicycles and furnitures were gone. And Yah's in-laws couldn't bring Yah and the children back with them either. Yah wouldn't budge a bit. Funny isn't it? Her in-laws not only wanted to bring the children with them, they insisted Yah came along because they said Yah belonged to them after she married Azman. Got ah such things??! My guess was they wanted Yah to come along so that Yah would be the one who'd have to pay for all the children's needs. Somehow they treated Yah and the children as their "property" but they were not willing to pay for the "taxes". They wanted to claim their rights but didn't want to carry out their responsibilities.

Tough!

It has been a few months now. So far no action has been taken by Yah's in-laws. Yah's family may not have any fixed income, but they're so used to living a hard life, it's no big deal to them. They looked like any other happy family every time I visited them. I thought things were going fine.

That was until Yah called me last week. She needed help to withdraw her EPF and asked if she could see me next week when she comes to Ipoh for her blood test. I asked if there was any urgency for her to withdraw her EPF. I know for a fact that getting the medical report from the hospital may take some time. Yah said the landowner did not give them any time-frame but has already asked them to move out.

Landowner? I just found out that the house her family has been staying in all these years was actually built on somebody else's land. They had to pay rental for the land. They had not been paying rental for the past few months. Yah's father no longer works, and he has no pension either. So now the landowner wants them to leave as soon they can get another house.

Oh dear, one problem after another. Which reminds me, I wonder if Yah has got her welfare aid yet... I'd better check on that when I meet her next week.

Yah's story: Part 1

Sorry for the lack of ideas for the title of this post. But since I've already introduced Yah to you people, I guess the title is apt enough.

I've written about Yah's welfare woes before, and I've written about my visit to her house once. But I've never really written about her background, have I?

Well, when I first got to know Yah, her husband, Azman, was still around.

I got to know Yah and Azman not through the usual HIV clinic duties. We don't have enough volunteers to cover the weekly clinic so we only send our volunteers once every 2 weeks. Yah's and Azman's appointments never coincide with our duties, so they were never introduced to us during clinic.

However, there came a time when Azman had to start medication and at that time, one of the anti-retroviral drugs had to be bought. The cost? About RM200+ for a month's supply. They couldn't afford to buy. So the doctor gave them a recommendation letter for them to bring to an organisation which provided such help to HIV infected persons who couldn't afford to buy the anti-retroviral drugs. [note: now the drugs are given free for first regime]

But Yah and Azmi didn't even know how to get to this place. That was when the staff nurse, gave them my number and told them to try and call me to get the necessary assistance.

So Yah called me up. Since we never met each other before, I told them to wait at the clinic and I'd meet them there. HIV clinic was over by then, so when I got there and saw a man, a woman and a baby, I figured it had to be them. After interviewing them to get some details of their background, I brought them to the center (to apply for aid for Azman's medication).

Azman was initially found to have TB. Further tests confirmed he had HIV. That was when Yah too went for tests and was confirmed to be HIV positive... AND pregnant! Yah's baby was safely delivered in June last year. The baby was 2 months old when I first met them.

Many years ago Azman was involved in an accident and lost one arm. He lost his job. Due to stress maybe, he resorted to drugs. He went in and out of jail a couple of times. Maybe things became too unbearable to him, he got mentally disturbed, to the extent of being rather violent. His own sister called the police, and he was then admitted to Hospital Bahagia Tanjung Rambutan.

By the time I met them, he had already been discharged from TR and he seemed rather stable although he still had to go for follow-ups at the mental hospital. So they had to come down to Ipoh quite often... HIV clinic... TB clinic... mental hospital... and for that they needed money.

Since Azman was no longer in a position to work, Yah then worked as a cleaner at a school near their home. But she had to stop work after she delivered, to take care of her baby AND her husband. Although at that time they were staying at Azman's family's kampong, the family couldn't really be relied on to take care of Azman and the kids when Yah was at work. As a matter of fact, Azman's mother, who had a small sundry shop, actually kept a book (the famous buku 555) to note down all the stuff taken by Yah's children from her shop. She showed the book every month to Yah so that Yah would pay for them. Azman's mother knew Yah was no longer working, she knew they only got RM115 welfare aid each month, and she knew the couple needed money to travel to Ipoh frequently. Yet she still asked Yah to pay for the foodstuff her own grandchildren took from her sundry shop.

Anyway, probably due to his HIV and financial problem, Azman became stressed again. Before long, his mental problem started to show again. Maybe not too violent to hurt his family physically, but Yah had to face mental torture. Nobody could say no to Azman, he always had his way.

After a few months, Yah figured she'd need to work again. She sent her baby to stay at her parent's place and she applied for the same job as a cleaner at the same old school. Azman would have to take care of himself at home. But he seldom stayed home. The people in the kampong already knew of Azman's mental condition, so they'd be reporting to Yah as soon as they found him to be at unnecessary places... like in the padi field... so Yah would rush back to help him home.

One time when Azman needed to come to Ipoh to get his medication and Yah couldn't apply for leave, Yah had to send her 8 year old daughter along to accompany Azman. It was quite a horrifying wait for Yah as they only made it home almost midnight. Wanna know what happened? As soon as they got back to the town near their kampong, Azman actually went to a karaoke - singing (croaking?) away till almost midnight... leaving his daughter outside crying!! That was the last time Yah let her daughter accompany Azman anywhere alone!

Finally Yah had to quit her job again. She needed to take care of Azman and her children, and her in-laws were not offering any help. They even told her to quit her job as it was her duty to take care of her husband! When they found out she also got another RM160 per month for her children under MAC's Paediatric Aids Fund, they actually treated her as though she had loads of money. Yeah, with RM115 welfare and RM160 PAF? The poor woman!!

But Yah was firm. Whenever her in-laws asked her to use the money, she insisted the PAF money was for her children's educational needs. Although I never said anything to her about the PAF, whenever she got cornered, she'd just say, "Tak boleh, kakak tak bagi." Kakak? She meant me. Yah always used my name to counter them. One time Azman insisted he wanted a new t-shirt (by then he was already acting like a child), and since Azman's condition had then deteriorated, and Yah was afraid it could be his last request, she bought him a cheap t-shirt. When her in-laws found out, they cornered her, "Ha, ada duit! Kata tak cukup duit!" Her answer? Standardlah... "Kakak yang bagi." (I never even knew how the t-shirt looked like!)

Her in-laws usually wouldn't say anything further whenever my name got mentioned. They knew I had been visiting the family on a monthly basis to send over groceries and baby's needs, so they didn't want to be in my bad books. They were always nice to me whenever they got to meet me.

After some time, Azman managed to withdraw all his EPF money under permanent disability. And boy, did he know how to spend! He spent his money on unnecessary things! He bought a 29" TV, he installed Astro (and told his wife to pay for the monthly fee!), he bought new furnitures and he repainted his house. Bright yellow some more!! Nobody could do anything, not even his own mother. It's his money he said, so "Aku punya sukalah!"

Within 2 weeks he finished his EPF. I asked Yah if he had kept some of the amount in the bank. Yah said there was only RM10 left in his bank account. Luckily the PAF money was banked into Yah's account, not Azman's.

After he finished his EPF money, Azman's condition worsened. He fell at home, and after that he could no longer control his movements. Yah had to call an ambulance, and they sent him straight to Ipoh GH. For almost a month, Yah had to stay at the hospital with him. Luckily it was school holidays, so the children were all sent to stay with Yah's parents, who were poor people, but not the calculative type.

Due to his inability to control his movements, especially his legs which kept kicking things around him, Azmi had to be tied to his bed. Sometimes when I visited them during the afternoon visiting hours, Yah actually had not eaten since the night before. I always had to persuade her to come and have lunch with me. But she felt uncomfortable about leaving her husband at the ward. After that every time I visited them, I'd just bring along something for Yah to bite. Family members? Never saw them. Not even his sisters who were staying in Ipoh.

Doctors told Yah to be prepared for the worse. Azman was discharged, but was required to come back for some other tests in 2 weeks time. Yah thought it would be troublesome to bring him back to their home and then bring him back to Ipoh after 2 weeks. She thought it would be a better idea to just bring him to his sister's house in Ipoh. The moment his sisters found out, they went to the hospital. They wanted to make sure Yah didn't bring him to their house. They were afraid he might die at their house. Send him back to their mother's house, they said.

Yah had no choice but to bring him home. Only problem was, there was no ambulance available to bring him back to their home. All had been booked. The ones there were on standby; they would only send Azman if his house was anywhere within Ipoh town. Azman's sisters didn't offer any help either. Yah ran out of ideas and sought my help. I simply couldn't say no to the poor woman!

So, yes, I went to the hospital. When his sisters found out I was to bring Yah and Azman in my car, they came up with all sorts of excuses why they couldn't offer their own cars. And since Azman couldn't sit, one of the sisters even suggested that I lowered the front seat and let Azman lie there, and let Yah sit at the back. WHAAAT? Her brother had gone whacko... in addition he couldn't control his movements, and she suggested that Azman sit beside the driver?? No way! No doubt he was not violent, but what if he moved to the driver's seat while I drove?

Anyway, my car may be small, but it's flexible enough. I lowered down the left back seat, pushed the front seat further to the front so there'd be space for Azman to lie down. It was also easy to carry him into the car. They just lifted him together with the bedsheet and carried him into the car through the back door. Yah sat behind the driver's seat, right beside Azman, so it was easier for Yah to take care of him that way instead of having him sit in front!

However, because he couldn't control his movements and Yah didn't have the energy to hold on to him, by the time we got to their home, Azman was already on the floor (in the car!!). We had to get the help of some youths in the kampong to get him out of the car into his mother's house. Boy, that was quite an experience.

Exactly a week later, right after my maghrib prayers, Yah called to tell me that Azman had just passed away.

~ to be continued...

After 3 years...

It has been 3 years since I got involved in HIV voluntary work. I remember the first ever HIV+ person I met face to face was Wani. I was still under probation then and I had to follow a senior volunteer for house visits. Wani is a young mother with 2 kids - although her kids were confirmed negative when they were tested for HIV, the older son has hearing disability. So they always shout at home... even the younger brother. Oh I remember when I visited those kids at their home, as I left and said goodbye to them, the younger boy waved at me and shouted, "BYE OPAH!" (hah? Opah engkau panggil aku? Alahai... opah pun opah le cu oii...) Wani and her family have since moved back to Wani's hometown in another state.

I didn't get to meet many PLWHAs before I got confirmed. My NGO buddies desperately needed a Malay female volunteer and so they confirmed me before they could really assess my abilities. I was simply confirmed based on their impression that I looked comfortable with the job.

4 PLWHAs were assigned to me immediately upon confirmation. They were Ifa, Cikgu Maznah, Nina and Zainab.

I've already written about Ifa, the young lady who got infected due to her problematic teenage years, and is now having problems with some of her family members. I've also written about Zainab, the over-burdened wife and since her husband Zaki is positive, I do follow up on his case as well. But I haven't written anything on Cikgu Maznah and Nina.

There's nothing much to tell about them actually. Nina works daily from morning till night as a shop assistant. She always gave excuses for not wanting us to visit her at home, and it's hard to get hold of her on the phone. The way I see it, she seemed rather reluctant to have a buddy. I guess she only said yes the first time she was asked if she needed a buddy simply because she didn't know how to say NO outright. She has family support, so she doesn't really need a buddy. If anything, she has my number. I still send her raya cards every year with my phone number written, so if she needs me, she'll call.

At least I managed to speak to Nina. One person whom I have never got the chance to speak to was Cikgu Maznah. Like Nina, she seemed reluctant to have a buddy. Either reluctant, or simply scared of her husband. I was told my by fellow volunteers that Cikgu Maznah has one fierce husband. Once he even shouted at the staff nurse of the Ipoh ID clinic simply because he had to wait for so long. Not much the staff nurse could do... HIV clinic at Ipoh GH was only once a week then - so the long wait for the patients is to be expected.

When my fellow volunteers managed to get hold of Rose after they lost contact for some time, I was assigned to be Rose's buddy. I only got to know her for about 2 months before she died but I became quite close to her. Even now that she's gone, I still get invited to the family's kenduris. Check out her story here.

And remember Zana? The problematic young woman? She never bothered me much initially, but right after Rose died, Zana started calling me to talk about all sorts of problems. I guess God wanted me to concentrate on Rose during the last 2 months of her life before I moved on to other PLWHAs.

Then there's Maria, the woman who got HIV from her first husband, and only found out about it after she got pregnant from her second marriage. Maria most of the time does not bother me, but when she does call, it usually involve marriage problems. Her present husband, who was tested negative can sometimes be supportive, but does "explode" from time to time (probably due to the fact that he refuses to talk about Maria's HIV status), causing them to quarrel and making Maria feel unwanted.

I've also written about Nuri, the strong-willed woman. Nuri was the first of my clients who had a HIV+ child. So far her youngest daughter, Farah, is doing okay. Nuri is a very determined woman.

Another woman whom I have not written about is Sha. Like Maria, Sha got HIV from her first husband. But unlike Maria's husband, Sha's husband is very supportive although he has been tested negative. I may write about Sha in my future postings.

Then, there's Noni, another young single woman like Ifa. But Noni's parents are supportive. I've met both of them... they are nice people.

I have mentioned Yah's and Fuzi's welfare woes but I haven't really written much on their trials and tribulations other than their financial problems. I had in fact been following up on Yah's husband, Azman, before he passed away end of last year. I may get to write on that one day.

Then there's Lily, whose death recently was due to complications arising from dengue fever, not long after I wrote her story. Although Lily is no longer around, I still need to follow up on this family as her youngest son, Boboy, is also HIV+.

My newer PLWHA clients include Ani, another woman who got HIV from her first husband. Only in her case, her present husband, Saiful, has also been infected but is very supportive and understanding. I've written about them here.

I've mentioned about Jah and Shila in my posting on the International AIDS Memorial Day. They seem happy but the truth is they had faced tragic incidences in their lives. Two more potential stories to be told here.

Although basically male buddies are assigned to male PLWHAs and female buddies to female PLWHAs, I still get a few male clients. Mainly because the main contact persons are their wives/sisters and they'd feel more comfortable talking to a woman.

The male PLWHAs under my care include Sham, Mr K and Rashid.

Sham is Rose's brother. No, he didn't get the virus from his own sister. He himself was an injecting drug user. Sham is not married, so my contact person is his younger sister, who was very close to Rose.

I've written about the trials and tribulations faced by Mr K's family. But I'm sure there will be updates from time to time on this family, so I may still write about them in future.

As for Rashid whom I had written about here, he is still a new client, and there will more follow ups on this case through his wife who needs all the support she can get.

Some of you may remember Mr X, who had attempted suicide because he thought he had HIV. Well, so far he has been tested negative, so I cannot consider him as a PLWHA client.

I've mentioned 25 HIV positive persons above... men, women and children. One may think I've seen them all. But have I really?

Just when I thought I had seen them all, 2 days ago, my fellow volunteer, who is the coordinator of HIV clinic duties, called me up to inform me that I've just been assigned a new client. Another widowed woman.

Nothing I have not handled before you may think. But trust me, this case is somewhat different. While my other PLWHA clients call me kakak (or makcik to the children), here's one I myself have to call Makcik.

You see, the new PLWHA I've been assigned to, Makcik Minah, is a 74 year old grandma! Curious? Well, so am I...

So there you go... any plain Johns or Janes out there may be HIV carriers. We can't really tell whether or not the people around us are infected, can we? That's why it is very important to create more awareness on HIV/AIDS. We must never take for granted that HIV will not affect our lives or the lives of our family members.

Lily's children: What next?

When Roy called me on Sunday night to tell me of Lily's sudden demise, I didn't want to ask too many questions as I was sure he and Lily's family members would be busy making all the necessary arrangements. I was told that they intend to bring Lily's body to be buried at her father's kampong, so I just asked Roy to send me the address.

The next morning, I tried dialing Lily's handphone number, with the hope that someone in the family would answer. It was the only number I had to get in touch with the family. There was ringing tone, but nobody answered. I then sent a text message asking if the jenazah was already in her father's house, and if so, what was the address. There was no reply.

I really must get in touch with them. The children are now orphans. Somebody will have to take care of them, and most importantly, my main concern - the little boy, or more affectionately known as Boboy, is HIV+. Whoever takes over custody must know about his condition and must be given all the necessary information! The new guardian, must know that Boboy must not miss his hospital appointments; and once on medication, must be strictly compliant! All these need to be explained to whoever gets custody of the children.

I was beginning to get restless, not knowing where to go and what to do to get the details of Lily's funeral. As I was driving to work, it suddenly occurred to me that maybe I should just try to go to Lily's rented house in Ipoh. Who knows, I thought, maybe someone in the family may go to the house to get some things and I may bump into them.

Just as I was about to reach the junction to the housing area where Lily and the children lived, my handphone rang - PLWHA ringtone! As I had hoped, it came from Lily's handphone. And as anticipated, it was Roy, Lily's possessive friend. He gave me the address of Lily's father's home. I was driving then and was in no position to write down the address. So I had to depend on my memory to remember the address given. I asked if the jenazah had already been brought there - was told that they were all still at the mortuary. All the bathing, kafan and sembahyang jenazah were to be done at the mortuary before Lily's jenazah would be brought back to her father's kampong.

Upon hearing that the jenazah was still there, I decided to go to the mortuary. Next junction, took a u-turn and headed to Ipoh GH. Even if nobody there knew me, at least all Lily's children would recognise me.

When I reached the mortuary, I saw Roy (I've met him once before) coming out of his car with Boboy. Took the opportunity to speak to Roy first before I got to meet Lily's relatives. I needed to find out from Roy who knew and who did not know about Lily's and Boboy's HIV status. It was important for me to find out so that I wouldn't be saying the wrong things to the wrong people. Roy said so far only Lily's brother knew.

Roy then introduced me to Lily's father and brother. After Lily's father remarried (Lily's mother died many years ago), Lily only went back to her father's house during special occasions like Hari Raya and the likes. As for Lily's brother, his house is just nearby Lily's, but he never helped her out financially, as he himself earns just enough to feed his own wife and children.

I saw Lily's children trying to be brave. But looking at little Boboy, ohh poor little Boboy... I felt like my heart just got pierced. It is sad that he had just lost his mother... but what made me really feel for this boy is that one day he will find out he is HIV positive - through nothing of his own doing. For now he is quite oblivious to what's happening.

I was looking for the opportunity to speak to any of Lily's family members quietly. The chance came when Lily's brother approached me and told me that he was willing to take care of the children but he may need financial assistance. It wasn't long before Roy saw us and immediately joined in the conversation. I didn't really have the chance to get much information from Lily's brother.

While waiting for the kereta jenazah to come, Roy told me so many things. Too many in fact, even the ones I didn't want to hear. He told me how he (and he alone?) had been taking care of Lily day and night for the past 2 weeks. He told me he had already taught the children to be independant during the time when Lily was in the hospital. He told me Lily's in-laws just want the children to enable them to get Lily's late husband's EPF (was that what he himself had in mind, I wonder...). He told me Lily's father liked him better than Lily's late husband. He told me he had sacrificed a lot for the family. He told me that the children were already like his own children.

I listened, and I just listened. This guy is my only means to get in touch with the children for the time being, so I shall not say anything that will piss him off. I need to get updates, especially on Boboy.

Seeing that Roy was telling me a lot of things (although she didn't hear the conversation), a female relative came over to ask who I was. She knew Roy by now, but had never seen me before. Why was this woman so sibuk at the mortuary, she may wonder. Roy just looked at me... he knew I wouldn't tell I was from a HIV support group, but maybe he got worried I may not know what to tell. Ahh, we volunteers are quite used to this kind of situation. With Lily's status as a single mom, I had no problem saying, "Dari pertubuhan kebajikan."

She then asked who would be taking care of the children (good question, I'm wondering the same too...) and if the children's paternal family would be coming. Roy answered, "Kalau dia orang tak malu, datanglah!" The female relative then said, "Ni bukan soal malu tak malu, dia orang ada hak." Roy then kept bad-mouthing the children's paternal family. The female relative gave up and went back to where she was sitting earlier. I hope she wasn't relying on me to tell Roy off. I couldn't do that as I still have some unfinished business to settle - and I still need to be in Roy's good books to be able to do that! What matters most is the children's well-being, not how I feel.

When Lily's jenazah was finally carried into the kereta jenazah, and the van drove off, we all then got into our cars to follow from behind. Roy was looking for the children. The children by then were already in their uncle's car. Roy shouted, "Hoi, budak-budak mana?" Lily's brother then told the children, "OK, separuh ikut kereta Uncle Roy." Together, the children answered, "TAK NAK!"

Well, now at least I can be very sure Lily was telling me the truth during the earlier days when she said the children didn't like Roy...

So, off we went to Lily's old hometown. I didn't see any familiar cars to follow at the highway, but since Roy had already given me the directions, I wasn't too worried. After having been assigned to PLWHAs from various places in Perak, I am already quite used to finding houses based on addresses and verbal directions. By the time I got to the kampong, the kereta jenazah had just arrived. I recognised the driver, so I knew I definitely got the right house.

At Lily's father's house, again I tried to look for opportunities to speak to any of the family members privately. But it's not an easy task - at least not at a funeral. I was told the burial would be after zohor. I couldn't wait, so after spending some time there, I decided to make a move. I was thinking that maybe on my way out I could just pass my phone number to Lily's brother.

Just as I got out the door, both Roy and Lily's brother got up to send me off... like I was some kind of VIP. Told them to inform me on any updates on the children's well-being, especially concerning their schooling needs. Lily's brother did say he would contact me because there were things he wanted to discuss. Roy didn't want to be left out... he said he had my number (he was holding Lily's handphone!) and so he'd contact me.

So, like it or not, for the time being, any contacts with the family will have to be through Roy.

And I can only hope that any decisions made will be in the best interest of the children... and not based on the adults' selfish needs - like EPF... or ego... or whatever other reasons...