A strong-willed woman

When Nuri was first referred to the Buddies during one HIV clinic, she made it clear that she didn’t want a buddy. To her, having a buddy meant someone would be calling her from time to time reminding her she has HIV. She didn’t want to be reminded, she wanted life to continue as it was before, and she didn’t want anyone to know she’s HIV positive.

We respected her decision. We offered our support services, but if the PLWHAs felt they didn’t need or want our services, so be it. However, in any case, we would still give them our brochure with our contact number to enable them to call us in case one day they need our help.

That was the case with Nuri. About 8 or 9 months later she called one of the volunteers she met at the HIV clinic. She needed help with her welfare application. After helping her out with the necessary, this volunteer handed over the case to me. No, not because he didn’t want to help her, but he figured Nuri, being the “kampong girl” type, would feel more comfortable with a fellow Malay lady. And there being no other Malay lady volunteer in my NGO, I was the only choice.

I became her buddy from then on. I started off with a phone call to introduce myself. She seemed comfortable enough talking to me. But to be able to really help her, I would need more information about her and her family. I asked her permission to meet up with her. She was not comfortable with the idea of having me visit her at home, for fear her nosey neighbours may be asking all sorts of questions. But it would be troublesome for her to take a bus all the way to Ipoh just to meet me, so I offered to go to the small town where she lived and we could meet somewhere in town. She agreed.

So during one of the weekends, I drove to the town where she lived. We met up in town and went over to a food stall where we could chat while having something to eat and drink. She finally opened up and told me her story.

When Nuri’s husband died about 3 years earlier, Nuri never knew he had HIV. According to her, her husband had been going to the hospital for routine check-ups but he never told her what illness he was suffering from. As such, Nuri never bothered to go for tests – not for her, and not for her children.

Being a non-working single mother to 4 children, friends/neighbours tried matchmaking her into a second marriage. She however was never interested. Although her late husband’s pension money may not be enough to cover her family's needs, she was determined to figure a way out without having to marry another man. She'd rather apply for welfare help to get her back on her feet while she tried to figure a way to generate more income for her family.

Somehow, one day when a drug user in her kampong died, and the kampong people were saying that the guy had HIV, Nuri remembered that her late husband too was an injecting drug user. So she went for blood tests just to be sure. What a shock it was when she found out she was HIV positive, and her CD4 count was already below 200! Immediately she brought all her children for testing. While 3 of her children were confirmed negative, her youngest daughter, Fara, was not as lucky. Fara had actually been infected since birth but Nuri only knew about it 7 years later – all because she was never informed about her late husband’s HIV status!

Little Fara had always been the sickly type, but Nuri never suspected this girl had HIV. Fara’s CD4 was only about 60+ when she was first diagnosed. She was already having lung infections by then… always missing school from time to time due to illnesses. All Nuri told the school teachers was that Fara had lung infections. Telling them that Fara had HIV may result in the poor girl facing discrimination in school. Fara herself still doesn’t know she has HIV.

Now Fara is 9 years old and not as sickly as before. Nuri makes sure she doesn’t miss her hospital appointments and her medication.

Nuri herself is now operating a food stall near her children’s school. Her income may not be fixed, sometimes business is good, and sometimes it’s not. But this is one strong-willed woman. I believe she'll survive.

And she now doesn’t mind having a buddy. She understands now that the buddy is there not to remind her of her HIV status, but just as a friend to talk to or to seek help from without the fear of having to hide anything.