A day in my voluntary work…

By 9.30 this morning I was at the Buddies center, checking to see if there were any matters needing my attention. As I stepped into the office, I saw the treasurer’s file on the table. Ah, our treasurer must have been updating the accounts to report for tomorrow's board meeting. I opened the file and saw his note saying that the accounts for August didn’t balance. I then switched on the PC to check on the accounts (I had earlier on prepared and formatted everything when I was the treasurer before). Looked to me as though the accounts was balanced, so I thought maybe the treasurer managed to balance the accounts after he wrote that note. The only thing I noticed was that he had not included the FD interest.

I then sent a text message to the treasurer to inform him about the FD and also to print out the notes pages as well so we could have the breakdown of the accumulated funds. After a while he called, asking if I was busy and whether I could check out the accounts for him since he simply couldn’t balance it. When I asked him what he meant, he mentioned that the bank balance at the bank reconciliation statement did not tally with the bank balance as per the ledger.

So yeah, I took a look, and managed to correct it in 10 minutes. There was nothing wrong with the ledger or the accounts – it was his bank reconciliation statement that was wrong.

Meanwhile I noticed there was an incoming fax. It was regarding an exhibition to be held on 16th October. Initially it looked as though the documents were complete, but after looking at the fax cover sheet, there was supposed to be 7 pages altogether but I could only see 4. It was then that I noticed our fax machine had run out of paper. So, off I went to a nearby stationery shop to buy some fax rolls. I asked for 3 fax rolls, then asked for the receipt, then off I wanted to go back to the center. But I took just 2 steps and the guy who passed me the receipt asked, “Aih? Sudah bayar ka?”

Alamak, I forgot to pay! Hehehe, siap mintak receipt lepas tu selamba nak jalan keluar… adoi, so malufying! I apologised and paid. After getting my change, I apologised again. The guy then said, “Tak apa, sudah biasa kena ini macam.”

Back at the center, after putting in the fax roll into the fax machine, a text message came in on my handphone. It was from Amy. Remember Amy & Ramli? No, not Amy Search and not Ramli Sarip. Amy is Ramli’s daughter… and Ramli’s the guy who had 4 wives when he was well, with all leaving him after he got sick. (one of the wives died, the other 3 are still alive but decided to leave him as well). Now that Ramli is unable to even take care of himself, his children from wife #1 are taking over the responsibility to take care of him and his children from wife #2 who not only left him, but left her children as well with him!

With Amy (who is 21 years old) herself already married, just gave birth to her own child, and depending on her husband to support her, it definitely isn’t easy for her. Her husband doesn’t earn much, but he’s not complaining about having to support his wife’s younger siblings.

Since Ramli is unable to do or remember anything, any financial aid cannot be under Ramli’s name. Amy has to take over as the guardian to her younger siblings and so we suggested to her that she should open up a bank account so that all the financial aid can be directly credited into her account to make things easier. And since today was Ramli’s appointment at Ipoh GH, Amy had called me earlier asking if she could meet me to hand over the documents. I told her to text me once she reached the hospital so I could go over to meet her.

And so that’s what the text message I received was about… to tell me that she had just reached the hospital. I packed up my things, locked up the center, and off I went to the hospital. This time I was luckier… got myself a parking space much nearer to the specialist clinic.

As I reached the corridor outside the doctor’s room at the ID clinic, looking for Amy and her father, I simply couldn’t find them. I knew Ramli would probably be on a bed or stretcher as he is not able to sit for too long, so it would be obvious if he was already there. Instead I saw another familiar looking face… and after a while I realised it was Sharifah, my little Cek Mek’s mother! Wei, dah tembam!

“Tak datang dengan Kak Ana ke hari ni?” I asked.

“Dak.. hari ni mai teghuih sini dengan ayah tiri,” she said.

Ayah tiri did she say? Ah, so her mother must have remarried. The last time Sharifah would just describe the guy as “kawan mak”, this time it’s already “ayah tiri”.

We just had a short chat before I decided to call Amy to find out where she was. She was still outside at the registration counter. So I went out to meet her. Her father was lying down, and Amy had brought along her 3 month old son with her. Her husband just got back from photostating the documents I needed to help them apply for financial aid.

It was after 11 am by the time I settled the necessary with Amy. Next stop… the minimarket. It’s the end of the month – time to deliver groceries to the 2 families whose monthly groceries are sponsored by a club until the end of this year. Today I just went to send the list first so that by the time I go to the minimarket tomorrow, the things would be ready to be loaded into my car.

I got home just in time for lunch and decided to stay home for the rest of the day, doing my work at home.

So that was a day in my voluntary work… only for this day lah. I't’s not like this every day… sometimes I’d be busier, sometimes not busy at all.

Tomorrow and the day after? 2 deliveries and 2 meetings…

I am thankful!

I just realised I’ve been a volunteer with Buddies of Ipoh for 6 years now. How time flies…

Some people are still asking me how I got about to joining Buddies (not Buddhist, not Baddies, okay?).

Actually it all started by sheer coincidence. One of the Buddies then (this was in 2004) approached a friend of mine, trying to get her to join Buddies as a volunteer. They didn’t have a single female Malay volunteer then and were desperately looking for one in view of the additional number of  female Malay PLHIV clients. Well no, basically there wouldn’t be any problems assigning non-Malays to the Malay clients, but when you get HIV+ ladies staying in Malay kampongs with somewhat kepochi neighbors, doing house visits could be a problem.

Anyway, my friend who was approached agreed to meet up with the Buddies chairperson then to be ‘interviewed’; and at the same time she asked if she could bring somebody else along. That somebody else was yours truly.

Coincidentally I was looking around for ways and means to somehow ‘contribute’ back to the society. I did join a few other activities and organisations, but somehow I felt as though I was contributing more to the society (as in persatuan) instead of society (as in masyarakat). So when my friend told me about Buddies and coaxed me to join her for the interview, I thought… why not.

And so we were both accepted as trainees. However my friend, who was already an active Rotarian, couldn’t find much time to spare for Buddies and so she finally opted out. She ended up only becoming the “middle person” to pull me into Buddies.

As for me, initially I didn’t really get enough exposure. As trainee, I wasn’t supposed to be meeting any of the clients by myself. A senior volunteer was assigned to be my supervisor (in Buddies term, we’d usually call the supervisor as the Mummy or Daddy to the trainee). I think throughout the whole year I only got to visit just one client twice. Either my “mummy” was busy to bring me to visit other clients, or I wasn’t free when she was.

Luckily for me, with my flexi working hours, I managed to join the HIV clinic team. At least I got to meet newly diagnosed HIV patients and I got to learn how to deal with them.

I finally got myself confirmed as a Buddy in 2005 (actually I think the exposure I got wasn’t really enough, but they were desperately short of volunteers especially with more and more HIV+ Malay ladies referred to us). It wasn’t long before I began getting all the problematic cases such as Ifa, Maria, Zana, Rose… and the list continues.

By 2006 I was pulled into the committee… 2007 treasurer… and by 2008 I got elected (on paksa-rela basis) as the chairperson, a post I’m still stuck with.

Alhamdulillah I finally got to do something that gives me satisfaction. Doing all the ground work and getting myself exposed to the trials and tribulations of the PLHIVs were indeed what I needed. Although dealing with all their problems can sometimes “make my blood go upstairs” ;), the exposure made me appreciate life more than I ever did before.

No, I don’t have regrets doing this. I am in fact THANKFUL. Thank you Allah for giving me this opportunity.

 

Where and when to draw the line...

When many of the comments to my previous posting on Yah and her Mr. Darling, suggested that I should just let them be, my first thought was… aiyah, easy for you people to say lah! You’re not the ones Yah will call every time she lands into trouble! But yeah, I would have probably suggested the same if I didn’t know Yah and more importantly, if I was not Yah’s buddy. When you’re the one she’d end up calling every time, you too would hope she’d think twice before she does anything.

While previously whenever Yah called it’s probably just to tell me about her children’s well-being or any other problems which I could help resolve, of late her calls were more to talk about her own personal feelings. For these ones, I’d probably just listen without offering any solutions. She’d have to decide on her own.

When Fuzi needed a Malaysian citizen’s name to claim the ownership of the land her late husband left behind, she wanted to use my name. She could use her step-daughter’s name, but she trusted me more. But oh, no way was I going to get involved that deep! I don’t mind helping her out with the documentation and all, but to use my name? Sorry!

So, where and when do we draw the line?

Well, my NGO’s main activity is to provide moral and emotional support to people living with HIV/AIDS – not berkorban apa saja for them. We support them so they can become independent. If we help them in every single thing, they will become dependent on us instead, will they not?

When we join the Buddies, one of the guidelines given to us was that we must never bring our PLWHA clients to our homes. Imagine if my clients knew where I live, they may just come to my house every time they have a problem. Maria once sent me a text message at 3 am asking if I knew of a place she could go to as she just had a big fight with her husband. What if she knew where I lived and decided to simply come to my house? And then there was Zana who sent me a text message asking me if I knew of any shelter homes she could live in as she had been chased out of her house because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy. What if she knew where I lived and just appeared in front of my house expecting me to provide her temporary shelter?

Oh no, bahaya ohh…

This is, after all, voluntary work. We have our lives to live, and we have our own priorities. Whatever it is, our own families come first. Our cari makan work comes next. I cannot simply leave my office to meet my PLWHA clients whenever any of them call to say they are in Ipoh and need to meet up with me. The least they can do is to inform me before hand so I can make the necessary arrangements.

Then there are those who tend to think we are paid to take care of the PLWHAs. Ifa’s mother, for example, used to tell Ifa to call me every time Ifa needed to go anywhere. Ifa’s mother didn’t really understand when she was told I was just a volunteer. Only when I told her bluntly that I’m not paid for this job did she stop pestering Ifa to call me every time. Oh yes, Ifa would still call me from time to time to seek help, but only when she really needs to.

A fellow volunteer once received a call from her client telling the volunteer to fetch the client at the bus-station. Like it was the volunteer’s job to do so! And worse, the volunteer was at work. She simply told off her client, “Sorry, I’m not your driver!” At least if the client had the courtesy to ask for help instead of simply telling the volunteer to go and fetch her, the volunteer could have been less blunt.

Oh don’t get me wrong, not all PLWHAs are like that. Most of them are okay. But because of the one or two irritating ones, we volunteers have to take the necessary precautions to make sure our clients don’t take advantage of us. We provide our support services to them for free, but we are not their servants!

I guess we just need to know where and when to draw the line. Oh, we’ll learn how to do that somehow…

After 3 years...

It has been 3 years since I got involved in HIV voluntary work. I remember the first ever HIV+ person I met face to face was Wani. I was still under probation then and I had to follow a senior volunteer for house visits. Wani is a young mother with 2 kids - although her kids were confirmed negative when they were tested for HIV, the older son has hearing disability. So they always shout at home... even the younger brother. Oh I remember when I visited those kids at their home, as I left and said goodbye to them, the younger boy waved at me and shouted, "BYE OPAH!" (hah? Opah engkau panggil aku? Alahai... opah pun opah le cu oii...) Wani and her family have since moved back to Wani's hometown in another state.

I didn't get to meet many PLWHAs before I got confirmed. My NGO buddies desperately needed a Malay female volunteer and so they confirmed me before they could really assess my abilities. I was simply confirmed based on their impression that I looked comfortable with the job.

4 PLWHAs were assigned to me immediately upon confirmation. They were Ifa, Cikgu Maznah, Nina and Zainab.

I've already written about Ifa, the young lady who got infected due to her problematic teenage years, and is now having problems with some of her family members. I've also written about Zainab, the over-burdened wife and since her husband Zaki is positive, I do follow up on his case as well. But I haven't written anything on Cikgu Maznah and Nina.

There's nothing much to tell about them actually. Nina works daily from morning till night as a shop assistant. She always gave excuses for not wanting us to visit her at home, and it's hard to get hold of her on the phone. The way I see it, she seemed rather reluctant to have a buddy. I guess she only said yes the first time she was asked if she needed a buddy simply because she didn't know how to say NO outright. She has family support, so she doesn't really need a buddy. If anything, she has my number. I still send her raya cards every year with my phone number written, so if she needs me, she'll call.

At least I managed to speak to Nina. One person whom I have never got the chance to speak to was Cikgu Maznah. Like Nina, she seemed reluctant to have a buddy. Either reluctant, or simply scared of her husband. I was told my by fellow volunteers that Cikgu Maznah has one fierce husband. Once he even shouted at the staff nurse of the Ipoh ID clinic simply because he had to wait for so long. Not much the staff nurse could do... HIV clinic at Ipoh GH was only once a week then - so the long wait for the patients is to be expected.

When my fellow volunteers managed to get hold of Rose after they lost contact for some time, I was assigned to be Rose's buddy. I only got to know her for about 2 months before she died but I became quite close to her. Even now that she's gone, I still get invited to the family's kenduris. Check out her story here.

And remember Zana? The problematic young woman? She never bothered me much initially, but right after Rose died, Zana started calling me to talk about all sorts of problems. I guess God wanted me to concentrate on Rose during the last 2 months of her life before I moved on to other PLWHAs.

Then there's Maria, the woman who got HIV from her first husband, and only found out about it after she got pregnant from her second marriage. Maria most of the time does not bother me, but when she does call, it usually involve marriage problems. Her present husband, who was tested negative can sometimes be supportive, but does "explode" from time to time (probably due to the fact that he refuses to talk about Maria's HIV status), causing them to quarrel and making Maria feel unwanted.

I've also written about Nuri, the strong-willed woman. Nuri was the first of my clients who had a HIV+ child. So far her youngest daughter, Farah, is doing okay. Nuri is a very determined woman.

Another woman whom I have not written about is Sha. Like Maria, Sha got HIV from her first husband. But unlike Maria's husband, Sha's husband is very supportive although he has been tested negative. I may write about Sha in my future postings.

Then, there's Noni, another young single woman like Ifa. But Noni's parents are supportive. I've met both of them... they are nice people.

I have mentioned Yah's and Fuzi's welfare woes but I haven't really written much on their trials and tribulations other than their financial problems. I had in fact been following up on Yah's husband, Azman, before he passed away end of last year. I may get to write on that one day.

Then there's Lily, whose death recently was due to complications arising from dengue fever, not long after I wrote her story. Although Lily is no longer around, I still need to follow up on this family as her youngest son, Boboy, is also HIV+.

My newer PLWHA clients include Ani, another woman who got HIV from her first husband. Only in her case, her present husband, Saiful, has also been infected but is very supportive and understanding. I've written about them here.

I've mentioned about Jah and Shila in my posting on the International AIDS Memorial Day. They seem happy but the truth is they had faced tragic incidences in their lives. Two more potential stories to be told here.

Although basically male buddies are assigned to male PLWHAs and female buddies to female PLWHAs, I still get a few male clients. Mainly because the main contact persons are their wives/sisters and they'd feel more comfortable talking to a woman.

The male PLWHAs under my care include Sham, Mr K and Rashid.

Sham is Rose's brother. No, he didn't get the virus from his own sister. He himself was an injecting drug user. Sham is not married, so my contact person is his younger sister, who was very close to Rose.

I've written about the trials and tribulations faced by Mr K's family. But I'm sure there will be updates from time to time on this family, so I may still write about them in future.

As for Rashid whom I had written about here, he is still a new client, and there will more follow ups on this case through his wife who needs all the support she can get.

Some of you may remember Mr X, who had attempted suicide because he thought he had HIV. Well, so far he has been tested negative, so I cannot consider him as a PLWHA client.

I've mentioned 25 HIV positive persons above... men, women and children. One may think I've seen them all. But have I really?

Just when I thought I had seen them all, 2 days ago, my fellow volunteer, who is the coordinator of HIV clinic duties, called me up to inform me that I've just been assigned a new client. Another widowed woman.

Nothing I have not handled before you may think. But trust me, this case is somewhat different. While my other PLWHA clients call me kakak (or makcik to the children), here's one I myself have to call Makcik.

You see, the new PLWHA I've been assigned to, Makcik Minah, is a 74 year old grandma! Curious? Well, so am I...

So there you go... any plain Johns or Janes out there may be HIV carriers. We can't really tell whether or not the people around us are infected, can we? That's why it is very important to create more awareness on HIV/AIDS. We must never take for granted that HIV will not affect our lives or the lives of our family members.

Paid to do voluntary work?

Now... something is not right with the title here... but I do get asked that question sometimes by people who think it is impossible anyone would do anything for strangers without getting paid. Some don't even ask, they assume we volunteers get paid and so it is our duty to carry out whatever it is that we do.

Once a lady called up (got my number from my NGO brochure). She suspected her brother was infected and therefore she needed help to arrange for the brother to get properly tested. So I met up with her at the hospital. At the end of it she thanked me for my help but before I left she asked who was paying for my services. When I told her it was part of my voluntary work, she asked, "Habis tu? Takkan tak ada elaun langsung? Kerajaan tak bagi elaun ke?" When I said no, she looked at me with that amused look. Like, "Biar betul dia ni...!"

Then there was a PLWHA's mother who thought I was actually a hospital staff whose job was to help patients like her daughter... to the extent of running errands! She always told her daughter to call me for every single thing the daughter needed. To her it was part of the job I was paid to do. Thank goodness the daughter had better understanding of what voluntary work was all about so she didn't call me unless she really needed to. One day I was there when the mother was bragging to another lady about this nice hospital staff (that's me!) assigned to take care of her daughter. I took the opportunity to tell her that I wasn't a hospital staff - I was only a volunteer. "Tak dapat gaji?" she asked. She stopped pestering her daughter to call me after she found out I was doing things without getting paid.

Well, I have to admit I'm at the hospital quite often... voluntary clinic duty, meeting up with my PLWHA clients when they have appointments with the doctor (especially those from outstation), visiting the PLWHAs who just delivered babies, visiting PLWHAs who got hospitalised, etc.

But no, I'm not a hospital staff. And neither are most of my fellow volunteers. Only one of the volunteer in my NGO is a nurse. The rest are lawyers, bankers, company executives etc. And the nurse don't get any extra allowance for joining our NGO.

Yes, we do get reimbursed for expenses incurred. My NGO pays for mileage claims when we do outstation house visits or other expenses necessary in carrying out our work. But that's it. No special allowance for clinic duty, no special allowance for outreach work, no special allowance for doing house visits.

Hello people... we're talking about voluntary work here ok? If I needed any extra pay, I'd get myself a part-time job instead....

So, why am I doing this when I don't get anything out of it?

Hey, who says I don't get anything? The self-satisfaction I get and the new things I learn from voluntary work are more precious than all that money can buy. I wish can do this full time, but I can't as I need to earn a living. How am I supposed to help people if I can't even support myself, right?

p/s

Will be joining Daphne and her mom tomorrow to visit Siti Aisya. Will update you people later ok? Or will get Daphne to do the updating... :-)