Sponsorship assessment: Done! Volunteer: Found!

With another unfamiliar territory to go to, I decided that for the sponsorship assessment visit to Ramli’s house, we’d better make a move in the morning.

So we (the vice-chairman, a trainee volunteer and myself) promised to meet up at the NGO center at 9 am. I got there a few minutes before 9 am and was happy to find that the other 2 were already there. I like punctual people!

Off we went, heading towards the highway, exiting Kuala Kangsar and on towards the K.Kangsar-Gerik highway. Unlike the old road which was rather narrow and winding, this new road (well, not THAT new lah, but considering that the last time I headed that way was quite some time back, it was new to me at least!) was a breeze. It didn’t really take that long to get to our destination. However, the new bridge near Lenggong was designed in such a way that we weren’t able to see the lake below. Otherwise the scenery would have been better.

As we got into the junction leading to Ramli’s kampong, we stopped by the roadside and I decided to call Ramli’s daughter, Amy. Their kampong is not listed in my GPS and so I wanted to get proper directions from her. The day before, I called the house to get the directions but Amy wasn’t around and her elder brother wasn’t too cooperative. All he said was, “Ada signboard tu ikut aje.”

Well, Amy didn’t give me directions either. She told me to wait at the junction and she’d ask her husband to meet us there. Based on that I figured it wouldn’t be easy to find on our own.

It took her husband more than 10 minutes to get to the junction where we were. Quite a young chap – must be in his early 20’s, just like Amy. Well, his father-in-law (Ramli) is also young – he’s only in his mid-40’s.

Anyway, true enough, I think if we had tried on our own to find the house, we would have needed more time since their address didn’t have any street name, just no. xxx and the name of the kampong. And there were so many lorongs, we wouldn’t be sure which lorong to turn into.

Ramli has a house which looks quite comfortable to live in. For someone working on his own, he must have earned quite well. Well enough that he  could afford to have 4 wives! As mentioned in my earlier posting here, Ramli was probably infected by his 3rd wife, who eventually died of TB.

Ramli has eight children – 4 children (now adults) from his first wife, and 4 children, still schooling, from his second wife. Now that he is bedridden and his (still living) wives have all left him, Ramli no longer earns any income. No problems about the children from the first wife – they’re all adults and can take care of themselves. Our concern now is the children from the 2nd wife – the wife not only dumped him… she dumped 3 of the kids with him, and only took along the eldest child with her. With no income and he himself needing care, there’s no way he can take care of his children.

I didn’t see Ramli when I went into the house, only Amy and her young half-brothers were there to greet us. I asked where Ramli was, and all Amy said was, “Ayah meragam pagi ni.”

Meragam? Well, ever since her was bedridden, Ramli hadn’t been himself. He talks rubbish, he tears off the adult diapers on him, and he dirties himself and his mattress with his own sh*t.

Worse, the daughter taking care of him is pregnant and is due to give birth anytime. Imagine how tiring it is for her to take care of her father in such condition. To add to that, she’s also taking care of her younger siblings when she herself is financially dependent on her young husband. With a baby coming into their lives soon, things will get more difficult.

With Ramli not even capable of taking care of himself, when arranging for financial help for the children, we definitely couldn’t put Ramli’s name as guardian. My colleagues agreed that Amy would be the right person. But she had not photostated her own IC and neither had she opened a bank account; so we told her to do so once she has settled down after giving birth to her own baby.

While I was getting all the details of Amy’s siblings, a few lady neighbours came over. They frequent the house quite often to see how the children are doing. I had to be extra careful not to mention anything about Ramli’s HIV status. We just told them that we’re from a welfare organisation in Ipoh.

One of the ladies then asked, “Tak ada ke rumah boleh ambik orang sakit macam dia ni? Kesian tengok budak-budak ni ada mak bapak pun tak ambik peduli.” Amy herself had not even mentioned anything about sending her father to a welfare or shelter home, but it seems the neighbours themselves couldn’t bear seeing Amy being burdened by her own father.

We only stayed there for about half an hour or so. After getting whatever details and telling Amy of whatever other documents she’d have to prepare after she has given birth, we made a move. It didn’t feel too comfortable to stay there longer with the neighbours around.

It was still quite early, and so we decided to go to Taiping to meet up with a Taiping doctor who had earlier expressed her interest to become a volunteer. So I called her up to tell her we were just about to make a move and that we’d meet up with her in Taiping town.

And so yes, we met up with the lady doctor who ended up paying for our lunch!

Oops, hope I didn’t scare people from volunteering with our NGO. The doctor volunteered to pay for our lunch, ok? We don’t usually make it a practice to make a potential volunteer pay for our meals… hehehe…

Losing a client...

As I was about to switch off my computer last night, a call came in on my hand phone with the "Beverly Hillbillies" ringtone. (remember Jed & all his friends? ;-))

Just from the ringtone alone, I knew the call came from one of my fellow volunteers. One of a relatively new volunteer (who just got confirmed during our board meeting last month) called to talk about her first ever HIV client.

A few days earlier she called after visiting the client at the hospital in another town. The condition of the client was quite bad and so the volunteer had called to update me about the client, who was in a "semi-coma" condition, so she said.

Last night, the volunteer called again as she had just received news that the client had actually passed on the very same night after the volunteer visited during the day. The volunteer was just informed about it yesterday after the client's funeral.

Last night's call from the volunteer was not just to inform me about her client's death. Frankly I think she needed to talk it out with someone. The call lasted almost half an hour. Apparently she felt sad after her visit at the hospital earlier, looking at the client's poor condition.

She felt she could have done more for the client if only the client was staying in Ipoh, as she could have easily visited the client at home more often. The client was the easily depressed type, keeps things to herself, worries a whole lot about the things happening around her... and the way I see it, she had given up on herself.

The volunteer felt that the client could have lived longer if only there was more encouragement given. She felt the client could have been in a better position if only she was brought to a new environment.

I told the volunteer there are limits as to what we can do as buddies. We can easily say the client or her family members should have done this and that, but we have to remember, many things are easier said and done. And no matter what our religious beliefs are, we all have to accept the fact that the time will come for each of us to leave this world - there are no exceptions to it.

Getting the call from the volunteer reminded me of the time when I had to face the first death amongst my HIV clients. I remember I only had the opportunity to know Rose during the last 2 1/2 months of her life, but during that period I became quite close to Rose... visiting her at home, driving her to the hospital, visiting her kids when she was at the hospital...

When Rose died and I passed the info to my colleagues, the chairperson then was quite concerned as to how I would be taking it. She called to make sure I was okay. Alhamdulillah, I think I took it quite well; and my chairperson then saw it for herself when she went to pay her last respects at Rose's home where I was helping out the family with the funeral arrangements.

Probably I took it better because I have generally learnt to accept death, whether amongst my HIV clients, family, friends or anyone else for that matter.

In addition, for this kind of voluntary work, there is something else we have to keep in mind - don't get yourself too emotionally involved. No doubt we can't help feeling sad or happy for them (whichever the case may be) but getting yourself too deeply involved may result in you yourself needing a buddy! Imagine if I got myself emotionally involved, with the long list of problematic clients that I have, I think I could have gone cuckoo by now...

444

I met up with a volunteer wannabe yesterday. She found Buddies through this blog, called up our hotline number and enquired about being a volunteer. So while I was at the centre yesterday, I decided to give her a call to ask when she was free to meet up. She happened to be on leave from work, and so we agreed to meet up immediately. Within half an hour she was already at the centre.

We had a short chat while she filled in the form to become a volunteer. She asked how long I’ve been the chairperson. “4 years?” she asked. It took me quite a while to recall that I have almost completed my second year as the chairperson, but God! How come I feel as though I’ve been the chair for ages??? Adoiii…

Anyway, as trainee, this lady will have to be under the wing of one of the confirmed buddies – we usually call the senior volunteer as the “mummy” or “daddy” to the trainee… although sometimes the mummy/daddy can actually be younger than the trainee. We will have to wait until the next board meeting to decide who to be assigned as the mummy/daddy to this new trainee volunteer.

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I got rather fed-up with my wired broadband. The line tend to be unstable at times, and although the problem could have probably been solved by filing a complaint, I was too lazy to do so. Towards the end of last year, the phone line was down quite often. I think within a period of 6 weeks, I had to report 3 times and on all 3 occasions, the reason was “kabel kena curi”. Sigh! Well, that one was not the fault of the service provider, but having to pay the same amount every month for the broadband service despite not being able to use it fully, let’s just say I got fed-up. Phone line fixed, suddenly no electricity le pulak. I had been contemplating to “potong” a few times already, but kept giving it a second, third, fourth chance. Then one day, lightning struck, and my modem went kaput.

So I signed up for one of the wireless broadband. With my mini notebook and the USB modem, I can easily access the internet even when travelling now, without having to depend on availability of WIFI.

After I got my wireless broadband running, I went to POTONG my wired broadband. Finally! The officer did everything online there and then and once done she told me that I will still have to pay for my final bill which they would send later.

I waited for that bill to come, somehow I didn’t get any. Being the type who prefers to settle things as soon as possible, I was beginning to wonder whatever happened to that final bill. Yesterday a letter came from the service provider, I thought I could finally settle the bill. But when I opened the envelope, it wasn’t a bill. Instead it was a cheque. You see, they set off the final bill against the deposit that I had paid (and forgotten about). And there was still a balance owing to me and so they sent me a cheque.

YEE HAR!! I got myself a CNY angpow! They paid me 150!!

Yes! 150… sen lah. Yep, the cheque was for the balance of RM1.50. Adoi! Buat penat aje nak pergi bank in. Nak buat duit sekolah pun for some kids it’s not even enough for one day. But I guess the service provider too need to settle their accounts, so I may consider banking in the cheque when I have any other cheques to bank in as well. And when I do, I will be sure to use the cheque deposit machine – am not going over the counter to bank in RM1.50!!! Malufying…

Oh well, my bank charges me RM1.00 for every online transfer to other bank accounts. I guess I can use the RM1.50 to cover the bank charges for 1 1/2 transfers!

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So, what has the title “444” got to do with the above stories?

NOTHING!

This is my 444th posting in this blog. Sei! Sei! Sei!

SEI LOR!!

Let’s just hope this is not my final posting…

Wanna become a volunteer?

Of late I've been getting quite a number of emails from some silent blog readers asking me about my voluntary work. Questions range from how to be a volunteer... what do we need to be a volunteer... what are the do's and don'ts of becoming a volunteer... what kind of NGOs are the best to join... what do I get from my voluntary work etc.

How I wish those who asked were staying in or around Ipoh... I would have coaxed them to join Buddies and offer to give them hands on training.

But frankly, as someone who had only seriously became a volunteer 5 years ago, I consider myself still green to be any sort of "consultant" on the subject of volunteering.

Oh yes, before joining Buddies, I did join a few associations but never really found one that suited my needs. I had been looking around for NGOs where I could offer my service to the community but I didn't really know what kind of service I could offer since I didn't have anything special to offer. And somehow the NGOs I joined before were more "general" - I wasn't really exposed to the trials and tribulations of the people in need.

So when someone told me about an NGO providing support service to people living with HIV, which was looking for more volunteers, especially Malay volunteers, I gave it a shot. And guess what, it had all the ingredients I was looking for - low profile, no glam, no politicking, first hand exposure to the lives of the people we're dealing with.

Of course, that doesn't mean you have to join an NGO like mine. If any of you want to become a volunteer, consider your own needs and expectations. Some people may be better off joining high profile NGOs. Some may not be suitable in NGOs like Buddies where we have to deal with people's emotions. They may not be able to take it.

So think thoroughly before you choose what kind of NGOs you'd like to join. And before you join, make sure you are able to commit some time to your voluntary work. Otherwise you may just end up having to frustrate your fellow volunteers when they expect you to join them for some activities but you're always not available.

Having said all that, if you are interested to do voluntary work like mine, dealing with people first hand, here are some tips for you:

#1. Don't be judgmental. What you see on the cover need not necessarily reflect the contents. There are always reasons why people do what they do. So no matter how wrong you think they are, give them the benefit of the doubt.

#2. Learn to listen, especially during the first few contacts. No matter how tempted you are to advise them to do this and that, make sure you let them open up first. The important thing is to gain their trust. Show some empathy. If you are the one who does most of the talking during the first few contacts, chances are they may not want to contact you later because.... errmmm... you talk too much... ;) Once they trust you, they themselves would contact you later to ask for advise/help.

#3. Don't jump to conclusions after listening to one side of the story. Try to find out the other side of the story. For example, someone may tell her sad story of being discriminated by her family etc, but for all we know, she's the one giving problems to the family. So yeah, try to get to know the family as well.

#4. Be sincere in what you do - give em your heart. When you're not sincere, you'd easily get fed up. Oh yes, sometimes I do get physically and mentally tired when I give my heart to the families needing help, but when the end result turns out well, the feeling is... PRICELESS! Hilang letih! Of course, you have to accept that sometimes when things don't turn out the way you wish they would, you do tend to get frustrated. You will then need to just let go.

#5. Don't get too emotionally involved. Ahh... this is a tough one, I admit, especially when it needs to go hand in hand with #4. It's hard to give something/someone your heart while at the same time avoiding emotional attachments. I myself sometimes find this rather difficult, especially after having spent a lot of time with a particular person/family. (yeah, look what happened when I spent so much time with my little Cek Mek - I miss her already!) You need to be keras hati. For me, when my emotions begin to play, I'd make myself busy with other things - like blogging... haha! (In other words, this blog is not only meant for creating awareness, it's also a place for me to de-stress!) Just like office work - you must never bring home problems at the office. It's the same thing with voluntary work.

5 tips for my 5 years in Buddies... :)

Remember... in whatever that you do, always try to think of the brighter side of things.

As to the question of what I get from my voluntary work - SELF SATISFACTION AND A WHOLE LOT OF LESSONS ON LIFE. You see, my PLHIV clients don't give me problems, they give me lessons (without them realising it, of course).

So, anyone care to join Buddies? We're short of volunteers you know... :)

A double catch!

In my blog posting last Friday, I mentioned about a guy, Majid who called to seek our support service. I mentioned that Majid sounded like a young man, and that he didn't sound depressed. Since I was rather busy last week, I told him I'd call him this week so we could meet up.

Well, I called him on Wednesday asking if he'd be free yesterday afternoon. I intended to go to our center around 3.30 pm and I thought it would be a good idea for him to come to our center as another colleague of mine would also be at the center then. Majid agreed. He has flexi working hours and so it wasn't a problem for him to meet up during normal office hours.

So yesterday we met. Majid actually got to the center earlier than I did but my colleague was already there. No, I wasn't late - Majid was early. (tak nak kalah!)

I was right - Majid is a young chap in his twenties - young enough to call me makcik but he got rid of the 'mak' and called me 'cik' instead... (clever chap!) :) He wasn't depressed either, so yep, I was right again.

Of course, when he first found out about his HIV infection, he felt like dying. But he got over it fast enough, and soon, he was already leading a normal life.

Majid is actually a healthy young chap. He looks healthy, he feels healthy and nobody (not even himself) would ever guess that he has HIV. He was never involved with drugs. Yes, he did have unprotected sex a few times (two or three times he said) before this but those days are over. Even his CD4 count is still very high despite his HIV infection.

So, how did he find out about his HIV infection?

You see, early last year he went to the hospital to donate blood. After tests were done on his blood sample, the hospital authorities called him to inform him about the infection. Imagine how he felt at that time. He didn't want his family to know but he needed to talk to someone. I guess his first appointment at the HIV clinic did not coincide with our clinic duty and so SN did not refer him to us. He did get our brochure though, but wasn't sure how to go about contacting us. Yes, the contact number was there but I guess he simply didn't know how to take that first step.

He finally confided in his boss, who was understanding enough. Until now, his boss is the only one amongst his acquaintances who knows about his HIV status. His family, who stays in another state, is totally clueless. His house-mate (he's renting a house with another guy) doesn't know a thing either.

Well, he looks healthy, not yet on medication - so no reason for anyone to suspect anything. With his flexi working hours there's no need to tell anyone whenever he needed to go to the hospital for his appointments.

Majid is however still very much interested in our services. He wants to know more. He feels it is probably better for him if he gets involved in our activities.

After meeting up and talking to him yesterday, I felt he'd be better off as a volunteer rather than a client. All he wants anyway is activities to keep him busy. So I asked if he'd be interested to join us as a volunteer instead. And he agreed! Yayyyy!!!

So we got ourselves a double catch yesterday. We got a new volunteer - and a PLHIV at that!! Looks like our plan to start a peer support group is on track! I still need to present his application to the board for approval (just a formality really) but that shouldn't be a problem at all.