Tolong kak, saya takut...

I was relaxing at home watching TV on Monday night (I did mention in my previous posting that all I did on Monday was relaxing at home, didn't I?) when a text message came in. The SMS was from Lin - asking me if I'd be free on 22nd April and if I could accompany her at the hospital for her appointment.

Hmmm... she had gone for her hospital appointments for some time already, without needing anyone to accompany her... why would she need someone now?

Well, she was scared she may get a scolding from the doctor. Ahah, she must have been guilty of doing something she's not supposed to do then, right? Indeed...

"Saya takut kena marah sebab saya tak makan ubat."

No wonder lah, she had not been taking her ARV medication. Yes, she went to the hospital, got the supply of medication (expensive ones too!) but all the ARV drugs are left untouched at home. Why? Because she's scared.

Aiyo! Makan ubat also takut... doktor marah also takut... how lah like that?

Frankly, I do understand her fear of taking the medication. If you had read my posting here, you may remember that Lin had started taking her ARV medication last year, but she had severe allergies to the first combination of drugs given to her - resulting in swollen feet and bloated face and lips. It was so bad I almost didn't recognise her when I went to visit her at the hospital. She had to be hospitalised for about 3 weeks, and as a result, lost her job. The doctor stopped her medication for a while and only gave her a new combination of ARV drugs after she got better.

All these while I thought Lin had been taking her new combination of ARV medication religiously. As a matter of fact, during my last visit to her house, I asked her how her body was reacting to the new drugs. She said she was okay and there was no side effects. Now I know she lied. There was no side effect with this medication because she just kept them at home! The only side effect is that she is now afraid to face the doctor!

While I understand her fear of taking the medication, she should still have voiced out her fear - if not to the doctors, she could have voiced it out to me. She usually doesn't keep anything from me when I ask her anything. Then I remembered, when I last went to visit her and asked about her reaction to the new drugs, it was during our Sponsorship assessment visit. I brought along 2 other buddies with me to her house. (One of the criteria for the sponsorship assessment visit is that at least 2 committee members other than the buddy involved, need to come along. This is to ensure there'd be no biased assessments.)

Even when I told her earlier that I'd be bringing along 2 other volunteers to visit her at home, she was already worried. But since she needed the financial help for her children's educational needs, she relented. But to open up when there are 2 other "strangers" around, no way!

Lin came to Ipoh GH for her blood test last week. That was when she started worrying. Since she had not been taking her medication at all, she's afraid of the results of her blood test. If her CD4 is lower than before, definitely the doctors/pharmacists will ask if she had been compliant in taking her medication. She will only know of the results during her appointment.

Yes, Lin knows she's at fault. And she expects to get a scolding. But being the sensitive soul that she is, she is afraid she may break down and cry when the scolding comes. Which was why she asked if I could accompany her during her appointment. As I told her, if the doctors want to scold her, they'll still scold her anyway, with or without me around. Lin is well aware of that. She's hoping that at least she'd have someone around IF she ends up crying. Poor thing!

I already have prior appointments at the office tomorrow morning, so no, I can't accompany her. I told her to simply tell the truth to the doctor/pharmacist, and tell them too about her phobia due to the side effects of the first combination of ARV drugs given to her last year. I also promised to meet up with her in the afternoon, after her appointment. If she needs to talk it over, she can do so when we meet up in the afternoon, insyaAllah.

Let's see how it goes tomorrow...