When I was confirmed as a buddy back in… errmmm… 2005… I think… immediately I was assigned 4 clients – Ifa, Zainab, Cikgu Maznah and Nina. Other volunteers were earlier on assigned to these 4, but since I was confirmed, and my fellow volunteers then thought a female Malay would be more suitable for these 4 cases, I was their only choice, being the only female Malay volunteer then.
I have written about Ifa and Zainab from time to time. But Cikgu Maznah and Nina? Unfamiliar names I’m sure, even to those who are regulars to my blog.
There’s really not much I can tell about Cikgu Maznah. Until today I never had the opportunity to meet or even to speak to her. According to my colleague assigned to her earlier, she had always been reluctant to talk. Although during our clinic duties when we introduce ourselves and offer our support service to them, we always ask them first if they agree to be assigned a buddy, there may be times when some of the PLHIVs didn’t really want a buddy but simply didn’t know how to say no. So they’d just say, “Boleh jugak” out of courtesy but when the assigned buddy tried to call them, they came up with all sorts of excuses.
In Cikgu Maznah’s case, although I never had the opportunity to get to know her better, I’ve heard stories about her, from my colleague and also from SN. And from the stories relayed to me, I’m not really sure if her reluctance to have a buddy was because she really didn’t want to talk to anybody else about her HIV… or because she was scared of her husband. Her husband was known as a rather bad-tempered person. Once he even shouted at SN at the HIV clinic – scolding her because he had to wait so long for his wife’s number to be called. If the reluctance was because of the latter, then poor her.
For us Buddies, we always need to get their consent before we can visit them. And since Cikgu Maznah is always accompanied by her husband when she goes for her hospital appointments, meeting up with her at the hospital is out of the question too. As such, until now I have not had the opportunity to talk to her. But I have sent her Raya cards before, giving my number as well, so if need be, she should know how to get hold of me.
As for Nina, I did manage to speak to her only once. My colleague who was assigned to her earlier told me that Nina would usually be reluctant to talk and would refuse to meet up, be it at home or at her work place. Her excuse then was that since she stayed and worked in a Malay community, having a non-Malay to visit may cause curiosity amongst the neighbours. When my colleague told me about this, I felt that Nina was just coming up with excuses. Even if she was genuinely concerned about nosy neighbours, she shouldn’t mind getting phone calls if she had really wanted our service.
But I still tried my luck. My first 2 calls were answered by her mother who, although she spoke nicely, didn’t sound too receptive. I did manage to get some basic info about Nina. She found about her HIV infection after her husband passed away and they have one child, who at that time was about 7 or 8 years old. Alhamdulillah the child was spared from the virus.
Nina was always not home when I called because she worked every day from 10 am to 10 pm. I didn’t want to call her after 10 pm as I was sure she’d be tired by then and would need some rest. So for my third try, I called her at 8.30 am. She did talk, but she definitely didn’t sound too happy getting that call. I was right when I suspected she was just coming up with excuses when my colleague tried to arrange to meet up with her earlier. When I managed to speak to her on the phone that one and only time, Nina just answered with “ya”, “tak”, “ok” or “takpe lah”. The message was clear – she was not interested to talk to anyone outside her family about her illness.
So I left her at that, leaving my number in case one day she’d need help. Besides, she had family support and there can be no better support than your own family’s support.
Nina never called me back until the very end. This morning I found out from SN that Nina had passed away last Thursday. I believe her parents will be taking care of her one and only child.
I have written about Ifa and Zainab from time to time. But Cikgu Maznah and Nina? Unfamiliar names I’m sure, even to those who are regulars to my blog.
There’s really not much I can tell about Cikgu Maznah. Until today I never had the opportunity to meet or even to speak to her. According to my colleague assigned to her earlier, she had always been reluctant to talk. Although during our clinic duties when we introduce ourselves and offer our support service to them, we always ask them first if they agree to be assigned a buddy, there may be times when some of the PLHIVs didn’t really want a buddy but simply didn’t know how to say no. So they’d just say, “Boleh jugak” out of courtesy but when the assigned buddy tried to call them, they came up with all sorts of excuses.
In Cikgu Maznah’s case, although I never had the opportunity to get to know her better, I’ve heard stories about her, from my colleague and also from SN. And from the stories relayed to me, I’m not really sure if her reluctance to have a buddy was because she really didn’t want to talk to anybody else about her HIV… or because she was scared of her husband. Her husband was known as a rather bad-tempered person. Once he even shouted at SN at the HIV clinic – scolding her because he had to wait so long for his wife’s number to be called. If the reluctance was because of the latter, then poor her.
For us Buddies, we always need to get their consent before we can visit them. And since Cikgu Maznah is always accompanied by her husband when she goes for her hospital appointments, meeting up with her at the hospital is out of the question too. As such, until now I have not had the opportunity to talk to her. But I have sent her Raya cards before, giving my number as well, so if need be, she should know how to get hold of me.
As for Nina, I did manage to speak to her only once. My colleague who was assigned to her earlier told me that Nina would usually be reluctant to talk and would refuse to meet up, be it at home or at her work place. Her excuse then was that since she stayed and worked in a Malay community, having a non-Malay to visit may cause curiosity amongst the neighbours. When my colleague told me about this, I felt that Nina was just coming up with excuses. Even if she was genuinely concerned about nosy neighbours, she shouldn’t mind getting phone calls if she had really wanted our service.
But I still tried my luck. My first 2 calls were answered by her mother who, although she spoke nicely, didn’t sound too receptive. I did manage to get some basic info about Nina. She found about her HIV infection after her husband passed away and they have one child, who at that time was about 7 or 8 years old. Alhamdulillah the child was spared from the virus.
Nina was always not home when I called because she worked every day from 10 am to 10 pm. I didn’t want to call her after 10 pm as I was sure she’d be tired by then and would need some rest. So for my third try, I called her at 8.30 am. She did talk, but she definitely didn’t sound too happy getting that call. I was right when I suspected she was just coming up with excuses when my colleague tried to arrange to meet up with her earlier. When I managed to speak to her on the phone that one and only time, Nina just answered with “ya”, “tak”, “ok” or “takpe lah”. The message was clear – she was not interested to talk to anyone outside her family about her illness.
So I left her at that, leaving my number in case one day she’d need help. Besides, she had family support and there can be no better support than your own family’s support.
Nina never called me back until the very end. This morning I found out from SN that Nina had passed away last Thursday. I believe her parents will be taking care of her one and only child.
9 comments:
Kak Pi,
Sometimes it is difficult to know where to draw the line. Especially so in your line of work where it requires a lot of strength -mental and emotional.
PakKaramu,
Terima kasih kerana sudi menziarah.
Naz,
There is no manual to teach us where and when to draw the line because perangai manusia lain-lain. I guess it has to come through experience.
Komen Pak Malim kucing ray yg alim.
Kadang2 orang yg sakit dia tak mahu bercakap dengan sesiapapun, kata Pak Malim sambil memakai selipar jepun. Terutama sekali sekiranya penyakitnya itu boleh membawa kepada kematian. Akan tetapi, oleh sebab Pi telah memberi nombor telefon kpd mereka, mungkin suatu hari ada yg bersedia utk bercakap, kata Pak Malim sambil makan ikan siakap.
Hai Pi.
Sedih dengar nasib Nina.Also sad for Cikgu Maznah.Once they have HIV brapa lama is their life-span before they succumb to the disease?
How did Cikgu tu dapat HIV?
Al fatehah. It is so difficult when thy have put up a barrier like this. And it is not as if you didnt try.
Pak Malim,
Memang ada yang dah lebuh setahun baru menelefon, kata Pi Bani sambil memegang handphone. Terpulanglah kepada masing-masing samada mau meluahkan isi hati ataupun tidak, kata Pi Bani sambil memakai bedak.
Mamasita,
HIV doesn't kill, it only weakens your body's immune system. So we can't really say anything about their life-span. Some tu a few years aje, ada juga yang dah lebih19 years diagnosed, sampai la ni still leading a normal life. Terpulang pada diri masing-masing. It will be good if they are positive thinking people. Tapi kalau diri sendiri asyik rasa down aje after diagnosed, their condition will deteriorate faster.
Kak Teh,
I suppose some people find it difficult to trust people, especially when talking about sensitive issues like their HIV status. If they want to put up that barrier, we just have to respect their decision.
salam singgah... nice blog!! ade mse, singgah ke blog mar pulak yer.. tq..
Mar aka Ungu Violet (fav. color purple eh?),
Thanks for dropping by. InsyaAllah, nanti I gi menyinggah your blog. :)
Post a Comment