THEY WILL ASK thee as to what they should spend on others. Say: "Whatever of your wealth you spend shall [first] be for your parents, and for the near of kin, and the orphans, and the needy, and the wayfarer; and whatever good you do, verily, God has full knowledge thereof." - Al-Baqarah (2:215)

Friday, 23 November 2007

Oh my darling, oh my darling...

Remember the fellow PLWHA Yah met at the HIV clinic who asked Yah to marry him despite that being the first time they got to know each other? Didn’t read that posting? You can read it here.

Remember how the same guy tried to call Yah in the middle of the night and when Yah didn’t answer, he sent her text messages calling her “darling”? Remember the conversation Yah had with her daughter who disliked the idea of Yah befriending this guy for fear she may end up marrying him? And remember after the Deepa-Raya gathering a male friend fetched Yah, and I somehow suspected that the friend was actually this very same guy? If you missed all these, you can read the posting here.

Guess what? Yah called me this morning.

And guess what? All the things I was afraid might happen… HAPPENED!

Yes, my earlier suspicion that the friend who came to fetch Yah was actually this guy (oh well, let’s just call him Mr. Darling… *chuckle*) was right.

Yah: “Kak, 29hb nanti hari apa kak?”
Me: “Hari Khamis, kenapa?”
Yah: “Saya kena pergi Ipoh ambik ubat. Entahlah kak oi… sekarang ni saya dah tak ingat apa dah. Asyik teringat kat dia je.”
Me: “Teringat kat siapa?”
Yah: “Teringat kat xxx (Mr. Darling’s real name) . Hari tu yang lepas perjumpaan raya tu saya pi keluar dengan dialah. Malam tu saya tak balik pun, takut mak saya marah.”
Me: “Habis tu malam tu tidur kat mana?”
Yah: “Kat rumah mak dia. Balik dari situ lah, saya asyik teringat kat dia aje.”

WHAAAAAT??? She spent the night at his mother’s house instead of going home?!

Whoa… wait a minute! Did I get the wrong script here? Takut mak marah? Tidur kat rumah mak dia? Sounds like orang muda bercinta

I asked if Mr. Darling had kept on bugging her, causing her to lose concentration on other things. She said no, but her problem now is that she herself can’t stop thinking of him ever since their last “date”.

Remember Yah told her daughter that she’s entertaining this guy’s phone calls “saja seronok-seronok” but her daughter said, “Seronok-seronok lepas tu terus suka!” Well, looks like her daughter was proven right. And it didn’t take too long for that to happen.

Hmmm… I’ve heard of quite a number of opportunistic diseases related to HIV – hepatitis, tuberculosis and whatever else. But this time the opportunistic disease is of a different kind. Well, the opportunity arose when they met at the HIV clinic… so it is HIV related. As for the name of this opportunistic disease… I’d simply call it … ANGAU (lovelorn)!

Aduuuh… this was what I was afraid of. I was afraid that if she encountered any problems with regards to this relationship she’d come back to me. I’m not a counselor, but if anyone needs HIV counseling, I’m game. Try my hand at leterology (the art of berleter), I can. But angau-logy is definitely not my area of expertise!

Frankly I’m not sure why Yah told me about this. Maybe she just needed to let it all out. Maybe she just needed someone to listen and that’s it. No problem, I can be the listener. But on the other hand, maybe she wanted to hear me telling her to just marry Mr. Darling. Maybe she wanted me to suggest a way to make her family (particularly her mother and daughter) agree to let her marry this guy. No, Yah didn’t mention anything about marriage, but if she says she can’t stop thinking about him, what do you think is the next possible action? What am I supposed to advise her? See a doctor? Which doctor? Witch doctor? Which witch doctor? Oh never mind…

No, I’m not going to get myself involved in her decision whether to remarry or not to remarry… but if Yah and Mr. Darling does decide to get married, I will still have to advise them on safe sex despite them both being HIV positive. Oh boy…

For the time being, I am not going to crack my head thinking of what she should do.

On another note, and this had nothing to do with Yah’s buayafriend/gilafriend relationship with Mr. Darling, Yah’s 2 daughters – Kak Long and Kak Ngah, said that they want to stay in an Asrama Anak Yatim. Their reasoning? So that they will have a proper time table for their studies… so there will always be someone to help them with their studies…

Yah had told me about this earlier and I told Yah to have a slow talk with them to ask if this was what they really want. Now Yah says the girls insist they really want to go as they don’t want to burden their mother at home. As a matter of fact they had asked their teacher at school to arrange for them to be placed at an Asrama Anak Yatim and the teacher had already made all the arrangements. The girls will be going when school starts next year.

If that is really what the girls want, I guess there is no point stopping them. But I will try to visit them before the end of the year to talk to the girls myself to find out what’s really in their minds.

And what is Yah’s reaction to this? Well, she said, “Takpe lah kak, kurang sikit masalah saya kat rumah… dengan mak saya sakit… dengan Abang Chik lagi nakal…”

Yeah, I understand, she has lots of problems at home. But hey! What about Mr. Darling? Isn’t he going to be a problem too?

What do you think?

24 comments:

Athene said...

orang angau mana boleh larang! lagi dilarang lagi macam disuruh2. well, we just have to pray that it'll blow over soon before things get out of hand, but they do, nak buat macam mana? kan dah larang...

Daphne Ling said...

Hi Kak Pi,

Hmmm...Sounds like disaster waiting to happen...

But then again, they're both PWLHA, which means they're both going through very similar problems, which means they can be of great support to each other? We should be just happy for Yah, I guess...And hope she doesn't get bitten or something...

Kerp (Ph.D) said...

come on la kak Pi, who could forget about this little yah's love escapade. it made 2 grown-ups giggling like a bunch of preteen kids.

so anyway, they're both adults and i cant really see why they should be stopped. besides, like daphne said, they would be of great support towards each other. so i say let them be. just dont forget to carry a weapon. hihi...

Mat Salo said...

Actually kan.. I hope their union will work la Pi.. Any happiness in this sometimes dark, empty and hostile world (to some, that is) is good.
So you can guess my motto then: Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

And I'm speaking from experience, of course ;)

Pi Bani said...

Athene:
Actually I tak lah larang dia pun, although I did tell her not to simply trust people especially when you've only met them once or twice. Kalau dah lama kenal tu lain bab lah jugak!

Pi Bani said...

Daphne:
Now Yah will have problems whether or not she marries this guy. If she does, she's gonna have problems with her family. If she does not, she's gonna have problems with this guy.

Angau-ism doesn't necessarily makes a person happy you know... makes them pening, yes... :)

Pi Bani said...

Kerp:
I'm not stopping them, although I am bit worried that every time she faces any problem in the relationship she's gonna start calling me. Aiyo!! And I am a bit worried about the children too... takut nanti angau punya pasal pulak she sanggup leave the children behind. Masuk asrama anak yatim tu Yah macam lega aje with the arrangement.

Pi Bani said...

Mat Salo:
Actually I still can't get over the fact that he proposed to her straightaway the first time they met. Love at first sight or simply desperately wanting to get married?
His wife left him, and he also admitted he got HIV pasal "main perempuan". He wants to marry Yah because he feels they can support each other or because he simply wants to fulfil his sex desires?

Takut nanti lepas ni frust menonggeng le pulak...

Typhoon Sue said...

problem besaq nih

is she having real feelings or just guna-guna feelings? why don't u just baca some jampi serapah (and spray a whole lot of spit while at it) at her so she can snap out of it.

Pi Bani said...

Typhoon Sue:
Adoi... nak kena bukak buku jampi le pulak! And kalau nak sembur kat muka dia, lagi baik kalau I kunyah sireh kan? Biar merah air yang disembur tu... :)

Frankly Sue, I think she is easily lead into this because of her own frustrations in life. Tak pikir panjang dah!

winniethepooh said...

logically? i think they should just remain great friends and support each other (as daphne mentioned, they go through similar prb and can be great support to each other)

However, with marriage, there is bound to hv sex (whether they practice safe sex or not, only they themselves know) it is also true that this guy might just hv a need for fulfil his sexual desire thats y he wanted Yah to marry him..

well, if they do get married, hope that they do practice safe sex and not make the others in the family worry for them.

I know sometimes it can get worrying for u, just pray hard that all will be well..

take care Pi Bani..hv something for u on my blog, hop over when u hv time yeah! :)

U.Lee said...

Hi Pi, Have not followed the previous chapters as was hibernating, but reading this, I guess they're adults, both eyes open. I'm sure they know the circumstances, consequences.
Find a person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them, and you have found a lover for life.
You keep well, Pi, UL.

kina said...

Kak Pi,
When it comes to angauism- ni part susah sket ni...

Tido tak lena, makan tak lalu.

Hope Yah will do what is best for her daughters and herself. The daughters sound like marajuk je... or is it just me?

Pi Bani said...

Winnie,
I don't know, I think things are just moving too fast. Yah should slow down a bit and get to know this guy better if she really wants a long term relationship.

Will hop over to your blog in a while...

Pi Bani said...

Lee,
Oh they have their eyes open alright. I'm just not sure if they have their minds intact...

I've known some of these clients for quite some time. Many, because of the frustrations in their life, simply jump at the opportunity of being "loved" without thinking of the consequences that may arise. Then they get themselves tangled from one problem to another. That is my main concern.

Pi Bani said...

Kina:
Bab tido tak lena makan tak lalu ni memang Yah mengaku. So memang confirm lah she is diagnosed as angau.

Actually her eldest daughter was already talking about going to asrama anak yatim even before Yah got to know Mr Darling. So I'm not too sure if it's a case of merajuk.

NaNa said...

Kak Pi,

Some people are like that. They fell in love at the first sight .... many many times... :) That's why he can propose to yah the minute he saw her. :)

As for Yah and her Darling, just let them lah. See how far it will go. They are both adults anyway and they are having the same problem. We just pray that they know what they are doing.

The Pisces Man said...

Eh, gambar Kak Pi sekarang bukan main posing lagi... hehee.... anyway, for some reason when this Yah said she couldn't get him out of her head, I kind of think like she had been guna-guna or something.

But then 'tak baik' to be suspicious and tuduh orang kan Kak Pi..

Pi Bani said...

Nana:
The only similar problem that they have is that they are both HIV positive. They may face the same stigma and discrimination from the public, but other than that, their problems at home memang berbeza.

Yah used to be a tough lady. She used to face tougher problems when her husband was still alive and she was staying in the same kampung with her in-laws. Her in-laws wanted to take her children away from her, she stood up for the children. No problem was big enough for her.

Semenjak dijangkiti penyakit angau ni, ada problem sikit kat rumah, dia dah tension. She can't even think straight. Pergi appointment pun silap hari (padahalnya bukan dekat dia nak datang for her appointment in Ipoh). Frankly I wonder if she's taking her medication religiously.

I'm all for it really if this relationship can give her the strength she needs, but so far all I see is the opposite. Hopefully things will change for the better - and that better be soon!

Pi Bani said...

Pisces Man:
Gambar tu memang I tengah posing pun... dengan member-member masa dinner - tu yang sikit punya toleh tu. Tapi I crop gambar tu keluar muka I ajelah.

As for the guna-guna part, I pun tak tau lah apa nak kata. Yang I tau, asalnya dia ikut balik ke rumah mak mamat tu pasal dia rasa tension dengan problem anak-anak di rumah...

zaitgha said...

i rasa for the adults tuh, biarkan jer la and for the daughters yg nak dok asrama tu elok jugak.....ada daily routine nyer....

Pi Bani said...

Zai:
For the two adults, biar tu memanglah biar... but I still have my concern. Yah is getting a fixed amount of contribution from a anonymous donor (I know who lah)every month; direct into her bank account - meant for her children's welfare. I still need to monitor what she does - I don't want her to start using the money for other purposes!! Kalau dah ter over angau and tak nak fikir panjang in whatever that she does, must start thinking of other arrangements to make sure the money goes to her children.

PrincessJournals said...

Pi, sounds like infatuation to me. but dia faham ke apa infatuation tu? or would she even stop for a min, take a long breath and ber-isgtifar and re-think the situation w Mr.D?
if only she'd realise (and accept the fact) tht she has enuf problem of her own to add another big one. sigh.

Pi Bani said...

Princessjournals:
I rasa Yah ni bukan apa... dia syok Mr D layan dia macam tu. Her late husband dulu, dengan mental problemnya lagi, memang kasar orangnya. I sendiri pernah terkejut dibuatnya bila dia sergah anak dia. Memang bukan kaki perempuan lah like Mr D ni. Kaki perempuan ni kan pakar bab mencairkan hati perempuan... so apa lagi, Yah pun cair lah..