A final farewell…

After visiting and delivering another month’s supply of groceries to Sofie yesterday; and then visiting Zalia and delivering milk & diapers for her daughter before heading home, I was planning to just stay home today (other than my Saturday pasar tani routine) and tidy up my messy work table at home.

But when I was at the pasar tani, a call came in on my hand phone from an unfamiliar number. The caller identified herself as Shilla’s sister-in-law and told me that Shila had just passed away about 6 something in the morning. She herself wasn’t too sure what time the funeral would be as the family was still calling relatives and friends.

So after my pasar tani routine, off I headed to Shila’s house. Shila had been staying with her mother (at her mother’s house) ever since her husband passed away about 8 years ago. It’s a kampong house which I had visited quite a number of times even though I am not Shila’s main buddy. Shila’s buddy is for the moment overseas and was not able to visit today.

When I got to Shila’s house at about 10 am, there were quite a number of people visiting. Laila, Shila’s 11 year old daughter, looked rather calm. So did Shila’s mother. I knew Shila’s mother was busy with people always asking her where was this and that to help prepare for Shila’s funeral, but I still managed to talk to her for a few minutes to find out what happened.

After being hospitalised some time last month, Shila’s condition had improved a lot. Other than HIV, Shila also had heart problems. She & Laila did join us for our recent Family Day. I never thought that would be her last Family Day with us. Within the same week after the Family Day, I did get to meet Shila & Laila. Shila had to go to the hospital for some tests and after she was done with those tests, I went to fetch her. Shila was hungry by then (she had to fast before the tests were done) and so I brought both her & her daughter for makan-makan at a fast food outlet at a nearby shopping centre. Apparently Laila had always asked her mother if she could eat there but Shila couldn’t afford to fulfil the girl’s request. So when I offered to bring them there, the girl was all smiles.

That was the last I met Shila alive. And she was doing okay then.

So the news of her death came as quite a shock to me. As a matter of fact, it was a shock to her family as well. Even though they knew of her HIV, but based on her condition, they didn’t expect her to go so soon. According to her mother, the only thing Shila was complaining about yesterday was a backache; and then later at night she complained she felt rather warm and so decided to sleep upstairs which was cooler. Usually she’d sleep downstairs with her daughter. And the next thing they knew, this morning Shila was gone.

I immediately sent a few text messages to a few people whom I thought should know about Shila’s death – including SN. SN immediately called me back – she was shocked too. Apparently the doctor had just asked her to call Shila to arrange for some other tests to be done on her before deciding on the best ARV medication to be given to her.

Anyway, when I got to Shila’s house, the first thing I did was to ask her mother if the funeral arrangements had been made. 

“Jenazah semua dah ada orang uruskan ya?”

“Dah… saya suruh anak saya pergi ambik orang yang selalu uruskan jenazah tu.”

OK, so everything had been arranged for, so I just sat there quietly and I thought probably I could leave early. But after a while, Shila’s sister came back, and the family seemed a bit restless. I decided to ask. Apparently the regular lady whom the kampong folks had always depended on to handle pengurusan jenazah, was not home and nobody seemed to know where she was. A few ladies offered help to cut the kain kafan, but nobody dared lead. I could see Shila’s mother was beginning to worry although she kept her cool. I finally decided to just go and join the ladies helping out with the kain kafan when one of them asked, “Adik boleh tolong ke?” “InsyaAllah boleh,” I said, and immediately they put me as the “leader”.

So yes, from then on I took over the pengurusan jenazah, right from preparing the kain kafan, mandi jenazah and on to mengkafankan jenazah. The other ladies gave full cooperation.

It was during mengkafankan jenazah that Laila started sobbing away. Poor girl. Being the only child, and losing her father when she was just about 3 years old, Laila had always been manja with her mother.

By the time the jenazah was all ready, it was about 12.45 pm. I sought permission from Shila’s mom to leave as I had already done what I could. She hugged me and thanked me for helping her out. Somehow, from the way she thanked me, I get this gut feeling that maybe, just MAYBE, the regular lady could have heard rumours that Shila had HIV and therefore purposely made a disappearing act so that she didn’t have to give any excuses for refusing to handle Shila’s jenazah. Just for the record, during one of the kursus pengurusan jenazah that I had attended before, one of the participants actually asked if he could refuse to handle the body of an HIV infected person. I do hope I’m wrong about this lady though…

I do intend to visit again one of these days to discuss about Laila’s future. No worries about who the girl will be staying with, she’ll definitely be staying with her grandma at the very same house she’s staying now. But other than monitoring Laila’s educational needs, we need to monitor her emotional status as well. Ramadhan will begin on Monday, and one thing for sure is that this coming Raya will be Laila's first Raya without her mother.

More of this and that...

When Sofie called me on Wednesday, she sought my favour to get a referral letter she had asked from SN. SN was too busy to prepare the letter there and then. By 5 pm, SN sent me a text message telling me the letter was ready.

So, yesterday afternoon I went to see SN to get the letter. And as usual, whenever I get to see SN, we'd usually talk about other patients as well.

There was one particular case SN wanted to refer to me - of a Thai lady married to a Malay man. The lady found out about her HIV infection recently when she was hospitalised for TB. This lady actually stays with her husband's family, and the moment they found out that she was diagnosed HIV positive, ALL of them including her father-in-law went for blood tests to find out if they were infected as well! Apa ke hal???

However, the family was understanding enough not to shun her or anything like that - probably because they figured it was her husband's doing. The husband it seems is an active IVDU - but claims that his blood tests showed negative results. The lady claimed her husband went to do the tests privately. SN said she wouldn't believe it until she sees for herself the test results. The husband never came along during the lady's hospital appointment, so it is hard to tell. I don't believe him either. Chances are the whole family except the lady's husband went for the blood test.

I took down the lady's details. She stays in the same town as Sofie, so I thought when I go to visit Sofie this week, I'd visit her as well. But she doesn't have any phone, neither does any of the family members. I cannot simply visit her without even talking to her yet. Like it or not, I'd have to wait until her next appointment at the hospital which is in 2 weeks time - the same day as Sharifah's appointment.

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This morning I received a text message from Shila.

"Kak, saya nak tanya boleh tak?"

Sigh, why lah these people like to waste their money sending unnecessary text messages? She could have just asked me straight away and whether I'm able to answer or not is a different matter lah!

Anyway, her question was...

"Boleh ke saya sambung makan ubat kalau saya dah lama tak makan ubat?"

I had to reread the second message - I had told her time and again not to make her own decision to stop taking her medication for whatever reason. I told her before more than once that she should call SN if there is any problem regarding her medication.

Naturally I didn't answer her question straight away, instead I asked her why she had not been taking her medication. Apparently she was unwell, down with asthma and all, was coughing and had sore throat, and when she eats anything, she'd cough and blurts out whatever she consumes. So she decided not to take her ARV medication temporarily. Hish! This woman! This was not the first time she did this. Dah naik berbuih mulut ni (tak lah sampai sawan pulak) telling her not to pandai-pandai sendiri stop her ARV medication for whatever reason. She has SN's number - just call lah!

I told her while she should continue taking her medication, since she had not been compliant, there is always the possibility that the drugs may no longer have any effect in compressing the virus, and as such, depending on the result of her next blood test, she may need to change to a new regime of ARV drugs. And if that happens, she will no longer get them free. She will have to pay, and the cost will come to hundreds.

Shila replied, still giving me excuses...

"Bukan saya tak nak makan ubat tapi bila makan ubat mesti tersedak habis ubat semua keluar. Macam mana lagi nak buat?"

I told her that while I understood her situation, she still should have called SN first to seek her advise; not decide on her own to stop taking the medication.

Guess what? Shila still had another excuse for not calling SN...

"Saya batuk kuat sangat kak, sampai suara pun dah nak hilang. Macam mana saya nak cakap dengan dia?"

I finally replied with just one short sentence...

"Keluarga pun tak leh cakap juga ke?"

Finally she ran out of excuse.

Shila... Shila... she wanted to avoid talking to SN because she was afraid she may get scolded by SN. In the end she got a few doses of SLS (short leter service) from me instead.

Tak pasal je kena leter pagi-pagi Jumaat...

House visit and outside meet

I was relaxing at home on Sunday night when a fellow volunteer sent me a text message. She received a text message from Shila informing that Laila (Shila's little girl) was taken ill but had not been taken to any clinic as Shila didn't have enough money. My colleague was in Penang then and so she asked if I could help out. Shila is not my client but we do keep in touch from time to time as Laila is under our Education Sponsorship for Children programme.

I then called Shila to find out the situation. Apparently Laila was ill since Friday - she was a bit better when I called but according to Shila, her fever would go up in the middle of the night. Shila had given her some children aspirin. I told Shila I'd visit them the next day (Monday) as it was a public holiday.

So after zuhr prayer on Monday, I drove off to my NGO center to get some groceries donated by some good Samaritans to bring along with me to Shila's house. Managed to grab some noodles, flour, sugar, milk, and some canned food.

As I approached Shila's kampong, I saw this...

 

Notice the pink panther? What on earth was he doing hanging on the gate I wonder... (sorry, took this with my handphone camera so couldn't zoom, and cropping to enlarge resulted in a blurry pic)

 

When I got to Shila's house, they (Shila, her mom & sister, and a few kids) were watching TV. Laila was there too and she looked okay. Shila said Laila seemed much better that day. The day before the little girl was worried she may have to miss school if her fever continues. She may just be an average student in school, but she loves going to school and would feel disappointed if she has to give school a miss for whatever reason.

Before I forgot, I quickly reimbursed Shila with whatever amount she spent to buy Laila's schooling needs at the beginning of the year. It was RM115, but it was such a big amount for her. The moment I gave her the money, she told her little girl, "OK, esok kita boleh beli kasut sekolah."

"Laaa... kasut sekolah tak beli lagi ke?" I asked.

"Belum kak, tak cukup duit. Hari tu ingat nak guna je kasut lama tu, tapi kaki dia dah besar pulak. Ketat kasut tu. Cikgu sekolah ada bagi bantuan sepasang baju dengan sepasang kasut sekolah, tapi kasutnya besar le pulak."

But Shila & her mom were thankful anyway, and they figured they'd just keep the new pair of shoes for Laila's future use.

Shila usually helps out her mother selling kuih at a nearby stall. But her mother had fallen ill recently, causing her to take a break from selling kuih for a whole week, and as such they were earning much lesser than their already small income. I reminded Shila to immediately inform me if she needed anything for Laila's schooling needs as the girl is under our Sponsorship programme.

Later when I got home, I received a text message from Asiah. She was coming to Ipoh GH for her blood test the next day and asked if I was free to meet her. She wanted to apply for our Children Education Fund. I told her to call me once she was done. It's not so hectic at the office at the moment so I could afford to go out for while to meet up with my PLHIV clients.

So yesterday when I received her call, I immediately asked, "Dah selesai?"

"Selesai apanya! Saya tak tau saya kena puasa, jadi saya gi sarapan dulu lah!"

She will have to come another day for the blood test, only this time she'd better remember not to eat first. Since her appointment with the doctor is in March, there is still time for her to do the blood test.

Anyway, I asked if she came with her husband, and when she said yes, I asked if they could come to a certain restaurant near my office as they'd still need to pass this way to go home. I told her to call me again once she got here so I could just walk down from my office. And when she did call and I went down, Asiah was alone. Her husband, as usual, made his disappearing act. Shy or whatever, I'm not sure. I saw him once before - eyes, nose, mouth, all in the proper places. Why he'd avoid meeting any of Asiah's friends, only he knows.

For those who may have missed Asiah's story, Asiah actually got HIV from her ex-husband, who was an injecting drug user. The husband I mentioned in the above paragraph is actually her second husband. Asiah is his second wife - and she still is number 2. When she started losing weight, her friends and relatives thought it was because of her problems being wife no. 2. Her husband, an elderly man, is quite a jealous type. With a wife as beautiful as Asiah (I tell you she's got wonderful complexion) I suppose he just didn't feel secure. So, he wouldn't let Asiah join any of our functions (like our annual family day) and he wouldn't want to join either (even just to meet me alone he avoided, what more to meet the rest of my gang). So, Asiah is in a way trapped in an enclosure set by her husband. Why she married him in the first place I'm not sure. For financial reasons? Asiah still has to work to support her own children. Her husband, an elderly man with no pension (he used to kerja kampong) couldn't be depended on financially especially when he also has his first wife to take care of. For love? She always seem so tensed up if she needs to get his permission for anything. For security reasons? Gee, I don't know. Maybe she just wanted to let go of her "janda" title. There tend to be many jealous wives out there when there is a beautiful janda around. Yeah, maybe that's why she accepted his marriage proposal.

Maybe laa... I don't really know. Oh well...

Worrying about problems...

After coming back from KL on Monday, I got a text message from Shila - this time to tell me that she was warded at Ipoh GH. Then Mrs. K’s daughter sent me a text message telling me about her little sister being warded at the district hospital and asking if I was going to visit (that usually means she wants me to visit). I just paid them a visit last week before the girl got warded and with so many things to do I really can’t slot in the time to visit again that soon. Earlier on Monday when Maria SMS-ed me about her problem, I told her I’d call her when I’m back in Ipoh.

But by the time I got home on Monday, I was rather tired so I decided to get myself a good rest before I started calling/visiting.

Tuesday came, and having taken Monday off, there was additional work at the office. I still needed to follow up on my clients, but with a few of them waiting for me to contact them, I had better prioritize. Shila is actually under another buddy, not me. So, although she likes to “mengadu hal” to me (or whoever else she could get hold of), I shall let her own buddy follow up on her. I have my own problematic clients to follow up with.

I contacted Mrs. K to find out more on her little girl’s condition. Apparently when Mr. K got his pay on Friday, he went to get back their hand phone from the kedai pajak gadai, so this time I could contact them. I was informed by Mrs. K that since her daughter’s condition did not improve, the doctor arranged for a blood test on the little girl. The doctor did ask Mrs. K if anyone in the family had any problems with their blood. Not wanting anyone in the district hospital knowing about her husband’s HIV status, she just said no. Then she started worrying if her daughter had been infected.

I told her that her baby girl would only get infected if Mrs. K herself was infected. But since Mrs. K’s latest blood test showed negative results, I told her that it must be some other problems. The results of the girl’s blood tests are not out yet. I am sure Mrs. K will get back to me once the results are out.

Yesterday morning I also called Maria. Maria usually would only contact me when she really has problems; so when she did contact me on Monday telling me about how depressed she was, I knew it was serious. I didn’t want to call after office hours, as by then her husband would be home and as such Maria would be reluctant to talk. So I had to call during office hours. True enough, only Maria and her 2 year old son were at home. Her other children were at their grandparents’ home during the school holidays.

It seems of late Maria had been feeling really depressed. She tends to get worried over nothing, and with her mother’s passing recently, she seemed to be getting worse. It is school holidays and she doesn’t have to go to work (she’s helping to teach at a nearby kindergarten) and as such, sitting around with nothing much to do, all sorts of worries seem to come to her mind. Having had to go through a problematic family background didn’t help. She said she tried zikir and all, but somehow her mind tends to wander off again. She even asked if she could get some pills from the hospital to help calm her down.

Personally I feel Maria doesn’t talk enough. She’s already the quiet type, and with her HIV, she has even less people to talk to. Amongst her family members, only her husband knows of her HIV status. But her husband is not a good listener. Every time Maria wants to talk things over with him, particularly about her HIV, he’d avoid by telling her to just forget about it and just act as though nothing happened.

The thing is, even when I introduced her to other HIV positive women, she never talked much either. Even Jah complained that talking to Maria was like a one-way communication. I guess she finds it hard to open up to simply anyone – even those in the same boat.

I think Maria’s main problem is that she’s been keeping too much inside her. When she can’t stand it, she’d call/SMS me. Talking to me may solve the problem for the short term. Then after some time, those feelings keep bothering her again.

Anyway, I told Maria to try and keep herself busy with other things so she wouldn’t be worrying too much about her problems. Sometimes the problem doesn’t even exist – it’s her who keeps thinking of all the “what if” questions…

I’m thinking of visiting her one of these days, and probably I’d get the ever so-jovial-Jah to tag along.

I also need to start calling all my clients to ask if they’d like to join this year’s Family Day. We had our Fellowship committee meeting last night to start discussions about this year’s Family Day in August – and the destination this year is the Taiping Zoo. We need to start planning ahead – the plan, logistics, prizes etc.

Last year we had some of my blog readers contributing toys to be given to the children. So, if any of you have got any stuff to be given away to the children… hey, kecil tapak tangan, lori kontena saya tadahkan…

Aaarrghh!!

I was down with flu the past 2 days. And for the past 2 days too I had to finish a tight-deadline projected financial statement for a business client. Wrong timing sungguh!

Shila called me on Tuesday while I was busy with my work. She was at the hospital for her blood tests and had to wait for an hour for another test to be done. So she called me to see if I was free. But obviously I was not, and had to tell her so.

Yesterday, while I was still busy with my work (while enduring a terrible headache caused by the flu AND work), Fuzi called, also from the hospital. She was there for little Ijam’s appointment. She told me that little Iwan’s milk powder was running low. And she thought since she was already in Ipoh, it would be much easier for me to pass her the monthly supply of milk powder and diapers then.

Actually the milk powder and diapers for her son were already in my car when Fuzi called. But I simply couldn’t afford to meet her at the hospital that morning. Although I managed to finish my work by afternoon, and I could go to her house to send the things over, I simply needed a good rest. I went straight home and tried to get some sleep.

Then the hand phone began to ring. The caller’s number was not stored in my hand phone. Usually I’d still answer if the unfamiliar number was a local number (in case it was someone who got my number from a Buddies brochure), but noticing that the number was a KL number, I simply rejected the call. Not giving up, another call presumably from the same person came in, this time from a land line (the earlier one was from a mobile number). Again, I rejected the call. But whoever this person was didn’t seem to give up. Another call came in immediately after that – this time not to my hand phone but direct to my house phone.

I don’t have caller identification for my house phone, but I assumed it was the same person who was trying to call me on my hand phone earlier. OK, since the caller was persistent I thought maybe the call was important. So I answered the call despite feeling rather drowsy. I needed to get this over and done with rather than having my phone ringing all day long.

A lady at the other end introduced herself as a representative of an insurance company which purportedly has a partnership with my credit card provider. She asked if I could spare a few minutes to listen to her. Huh?! She kept on calling just for that? She couldn’t get me when she called from her mobile line; she called from a land line. She couldn’t get me on my hand phone; she called my house phone number. One call immediately after another – as though it was soooooo important! Oh she was persistent alright. ANNOYINGLY persistent. AAARGH!! Last week I received a call from another company purportedly a partner of the bank which provides my other credit card. Do these credit card providers have the right to give out our phone numbers to others?! CHEH! Can’t they just send us their brochures?

Well, I told the lady off. I was not well, needed the rest and there she was persistently calling me despite her earlier calls being rejected. So my mood memang already not too good lah. To add to that, I think some menopausal signs are beginning to show in me so perhaps I can also blame it on that as well… hahaha!

Well, today I’m feeling a lot better. So after work today I went over to Fuzi’s house to send the milk powder and diapers. When I got there, as usual, I just honked. Usually, the kids would just excitedly open the door. This time however, it took quite some time before somebody opened the door. It was Fuzi’s second child who opened the door telling me that her mother was not home. The girl was probably told not to open the door if anybody came. But when she took a peek through the windows and saw me, she opened the door anyway.

Fuzi was actually at Ijam’s kindergarten as they were having a coloring competition or something like that. I had actually wanted to ask Fuzi about the outcome of Ijam’s hospital appointment, but I guess that will have to wait. I just left the things with the girl.

I will have to follow up on Fuzi later. If I recall correctly, her case at the Mahkamah Syariah is on next week. I am more interested in the outcome of that one…

Desperado...

As I was about to go to sleep on Monday night, a call came in on my hand phone. The call came from one of my aunts, telling me that my 94 year old grandma just passed away. So, off I went to my grandma’s house (which is less than 200 meters away).

Then as I was about to make all the necessary calls to relatives, I noticed there was a message on my hand phone that I had not read. The message was from Lin…

“Saya nak minta pendapat. Bekas suami datang tadi nak rujuk balik. Tolong bagi nasihat kat saya.”

Haiyo!! Mr. Darling now approaching Lin direct instead of going through their children to get her to remarry him…

Well, I was not about to crack my head thinking of the Yah-Lin-Dah-Ling drama that night. My own family comes first. I ignored that message and proceeded with whatever that needed to be done in relation to my grandmother’s death. I didn’t get even a minute of sleep that night.

The next day was another busy day with the preparations of my grandma’s funeral. Alhamdulillah, everything ran smoothly.

That night another text message came in; this time from Shila. She had just started a new combination of medication for her HIV and was feeling really weak. Although by then my grandma’s funeral was over, I was feeling really tired as I had not slept for more than 36 hours. I ignored that message too, as I did with Lin’s message. But unlike Lin who didn’t pursue further when she didn’t get any reply from me, Shila on the other hand sent me another message 15 minutes after her first message – asking me where I was and whether I received her earlier message. This time I replied her message telling her that my grandma passed away. And she then replied, apologizing to me.

Shila is not under my care, but her assigned buddy is on holiday overseas, while her co-buddy is celebrating CNY, which was why Shila decided to get hold of me instead. Too bad, wrong timing…

Actually I didn’t ignore Lin’s and Shila’s messages altogether. I just postponed responding to them. I had my priorities. Later when my family matters were settled, I decided to call them both to find out more.

Shila was feeling weak due to the effects of her medication. It is quite normal for those who just started taking their medication to feel weak, dizzy, nausea, etc. I told Shila not to worry. I know whenever she falls ill, Shila always start thinking that she’s dying soon.

Anyway, when I re-read Lin’s message, many thoughts crept into my mind.

Did Mr Darling manage to coax Lin to get back into his life? I thought Lin has made up her mind never to remarry him?

If Lin remarries Mr Darling, what would happen if Yah keeps on stalking him?

Will Mr Darling still look around for HIV positive candidates if Lin agrees to remarry him?

Alamak… peninglah ini macam!

So I called Lin to get the whole story.

That day, our Romeo went to visit his ex; asking her to go out with him to a coffee shop somewhere. He wanted to discuss some things with her. Thinking that the discussion would involve their children's well-being, Lin agreed. Her children were teasing her, “Fuyoo… mak pergi dating!” I’m not sure if they would still tease her like that if their mom went out with someone else instead of their father…

While on the motorbike on the way to the coffee shop, Mr D asked Lin if she’d like to follow him to his rented house (where he stays alone!). Lin’s first reaction was, “Buat apa? Buat dosa?!” So no, Mr D didn’t bring her to his house.

At the coffee shop, Mr D asked Lin to remarry him – under the pretext of “for the children’s sake”. He even told her he’d bring her to jalan-jalan to Thailand. THAILAND?! Lin smelled something fishy. All their married life, he never brought her holidaying anywhere, now he wants to bring her to Thailand?! Mau kawin lari ka??

Mr D kept on pleading, telling Lin that he’d follow whatever conditions set by Lin as long as she agrees to remarry him. Our Lin is quite cunning I must say. She told our Desperado Darling that she’d remarry him, take care of him, cook for him etc as long as he agrees NOT TO TOUCH HER! She knew that was THE one condition he couldn’t live with, and true enough, Mr D’s answer was, “Kalau syarat yang tu, beratlah!”

Since he didn’t agree to the condition, Lin’s answer was a clear NO. And our pathetic desperado’s response was, “Jadi tak ada harapan lah ni ya?”

First he wanted her to follow him to his rented house where he stays alone… then he wanted to bring her to Thailand… then he couldn’t agree to Lin’s condition that he shouldn’t lay his hands on her. It is obvious all he wanted was “that thing”.

Actually Lin and I were chuckling away while Lin told me the whole story. Thank goodness Lin was firm with her decision. The only reason she asked for my opinion and advice was that she didn’t have anyone to talk to on this matter and she was afraid she may have made the wrong decision.

After telling me the whole story and getting my support, she felt a whole load of burden off her shoulders. She said although she was determined to get on with life without him, she just needed someone to talk to about it, and she then thanked me for the few minutes I spent talking (actually more of listening) to her.

No problem at all… she can talk to me if she wants to… although sometimes (like this time) I may have to postpone my response.

I'm beginning to think about what would happen between Mr double D (desperado darling) and Yah now that Lin is firm with her decision not to get back into his life. Since Yah is also a desperado in her own way, will their relationship move on to another episode? What if Mr DD manages to get to know any of my other female clients and starts tackling them too? Will I have additional heroines in this mollywood movie?

Oh dear God...