You know what I did last Raya?

No, this is not a sequel to “I know what you did last raya”. It’s not about anything out of ordinary that I did either.

This posting is about the activity I planned for my PLWHAs for Raya last year. The main purpose was to get them together, let them get to know each other so that when they need to talk, they can talk to each other. Surely they’d feel more comfortable opening up to someone “in the same boat”.

Since it was our first such activity, I decided to start in a small group. So, the raya gathering was held only for the Malay ladies, most of whom were my own PLWHA clients, or the ones who weren’t, at least already knew me from previous meets.

Not all could make it to the gathering, for various reasons. One had to attend a kenduri, one was moving house that day, one couldn’t get permission from her father, one had to take care of her sickly husband and others had some other reasons including a few who were still not comfortable about the idea of exposing themselves to others, not even to fellow PLWHAs.

I finally managed to get 7 ladies and 5 of their children to attend. A small group, but good enough for a start. I was only there as organizer – arranging for all the food and transportation. The good thing was that, since they all already knew me and was already comfortable with me, my presence did not stop them from opening up to each other. They were talking as though I was one of them although they knew I was not!

I didn’t plan any special programs for the day. It was supposed to be an informal thing where I just wanted them to meet and talk to each other. They talked about each other’s experience and a pregnant PLWHA who attended the gathering had the opportunity to ask about the experience of another PLWHA who had gone through the whole thing.

The gathering was a success. At the end of the day, they exchanged phone numbers. It was a good sign. After this they’d probably be calling each other. Or so I thought…

After the gathering, whenever I visited or called them, I asked them if they had been contacting each other. They instead asked me how so and so is doing. When I asked them why they didn’t call each other, their standard answer…. “CREDIT HABIS”.

Ah well, knowing the kind of clients I have, I should have guessed… they can’t afford to sembang-sembang on the phone. They only use their phone when they need to.

While they are comfortable with each other, whenever they need anything, it’s still my number they’d call. Or if they run out of credit, they’d send me a message and they know I’d be calling them.

So I guess this year I will need to organize another gathering for them. I know they do want to meet up with each other again…

Blogging on... Daphne's article in The Star

Daphne Ling writes about bloggers in today's Ole BRATs, The Star. Am honoured to be one of those mentioned. Actually she should also write about her own blog.

Click here for her story.

Managing the dead bodies of the HIV infected

I attended a kursus pengurusan jenazah (management of dead bodies) a few years ago and during the Q&A session, one of the participants asked if it’s okay to refuse to bathe the body of an HIV infected person.

Personally, I thought he should have asked HOW to handle the dead body of an HIV infected person, learn how to do it. Instead he was asking about refusing! It is fardhu kifayah for God’s sake! The ustaz handling the session just told him that if we do not know how to handle the body, then let the hospital people do it. Reasonable enough answer I suppose...

I guess that’s reality. In general people only know HIV/AIDS as an infectious disease. They get scared just knowing that someone has HIV/AIDS. Even under the guidelines provided by Ministry of Health on the management of dead bodies of people with infectious diseases, the same general guidelines were given for all infectious diseases no matter how they spread. I suppose it’s easier for the Ministry to come up with one general guideline rather then coming up with different guidelines for different diseases!

Just to be sure myself, I asked my friend who’s a specialist in infectious diseases, if it is safe to manage the body of an HIV infected person just like any other bodies. I’ve been helping to bathe the dead bodies of quite a few Muslim ladies (non-HIV) and in all cases, I do wear gloves and the bodies are carefully handled. My friend confirmed it is safe.

Though I’ve never bathed the bodies of HIV infected persons before, I still need to be prepared. I have many HIV infected lady friends now especially those in kampongs where the general awareness on HIV/AIDS is very poor.

To me it’s simple. Treat everyone, dead or alive, how I want to be treated. When I die, I don’t want my body to be treated like dump, like the example I gave in one of my earlier postings! So, no matter whose dead body I need to help handle, I must treat them with due respect.

Guilt-driven depression

I was in my office yesterday morning when a call came in from an unidentified number. There was a lady asking for me, she said she got my number from a personnel of MAC in KL. I knew immediately this had to be one of those HIV related calls, and that this was a Perak case, otherwise MAC would not have referred this lady to me.

This lady was actually worried about her husband who thought he had been infected with HIV. She said something about her husband talking about killing himself. Oh dear… not one of those… please…

It’s not easy talking about these things especially on the phone. When you don’t see them you can’t see their facial expression and their body language. As such it was hard to tell how serious the husband was about killing himself. So I asked if it was okay for me to visit them at their home so we could talk face to face. She welcomed the idea, gave me her home address and directions how to get there.

So, after office, I headed for their home. When I got there, one depressed looking man in his late twenties (let’s just call him Mr X) opened the door and invited me in. There was also this sweet smiling boy (about 1 year plus) welcoming me at the door. The wife (Mrs X), who had called me earlier, was inside, clearing up the mess made by their son (yes, that sweet smiling boy).

We sat down, and the wife started to explain to me the chronology of events. About 3 weeks ago, Mr X followed some of his friends for a trip somewhere. Apparently his friends went there with the intention to enjoy themselves with some prostitutes. Pressured by his friends, Mr X joined in the so called “fun”.

Never having been involved in such activities before, the moment he came back, Mr X felt tremendously guilty. The feeling of guilt became even more unbearable when his private part began to feel itchy and some sort of rashes began to develop. The first thing that came to his mind was that he had been infected by HIV as punishment from God for the sin he had done.

Noticing his uneasiness, Mrs X asked him what was wrong. Mr X finally opened up and told her the whole truth. He asked for her forgiveness, and God bless her, she forgave him! To her, if her husband really regretted what he had done, then there was no reason for her not to forgive him. He’s only human, and human makes mistakes in their lives.

His wife’s forgiveness did not reduce the feeling of guilt felt by Mr X. He became paranoid, thinking that every single itch or whatever else he felt was a result of HIV. His wife urged him to see a doctor. So, he went to a clinic and was told by the doctor that it was just a normal infection. He was given some medicine and when the rashes did not subside after a few days, he went to see another doctor. The doctor told him the same thing. Not satisfied, 2 days ago he went for blood tests. The results? Negative.

While for some people it would have been a great relief, for Mr X, he was still not satisfied. He read about the “window period” during which HIV may not be detected even after someone has been infected, and so he was convinced that was the case with his first test results. He was still talking about ending his life.

His wife got worried and got Mr X’s parents to come into the picture. They too were forgiving despite what he got himself into. But it wasn’t easy to calm a man who is pressured from within inside himself! His wife was forgiving, his parents were forgiving, but HE could not forgive himself.

Mrs X began to panic when after the blood test, Mr X brought home a bottle of pesticide he bought… to kill himself with. So yesterday she took emergency leave so she could stay home to make sure her husband did not do anything foolish. And yesterday morning she called MAC so she could get someone with more knowledge on HIV to talk to the husband. But as I said earlier, it was not easy discussing these things on the phone. That was when my contact number was given.

Wow! This was serious. I had better be careful with whatever I was going to explain to him. It is true about the window period and he will need to go for another test after 3 months but at the same time I must also convince him that life is not over even IF he is infected. I had to keep reminding him that in the first place he is not necessarily infected. He kept thinking about all the negative things and kept pressuring himself with all the “what if” questions. I told him about other PLWHAs who are doing fine living normal lives.

Having gotten over the HIV part of our conversation, the next thing he asked was what if God would not forgive him. Ah… I knew then I’d better quickly switch to “religious” mode. No, not the “this is wrong, it’s a sin” kind of talk, but more of the “God is loving, God is forgiving” kind of talk.

At the end of it, he did look a bit calmer but I was not totally convinced he’d be able to get out of his depression yet. I begged him not kill himself as he would lose any chances of seeking forgiveness from God. I advised him to keep himself busy so his mind would not go wandering, thinking about all the negative things. And finally before I left, I told his wife to call me if his depression turns for the worse.

So far so good, I hope I will not get any SOS calls from Mrs X...

Thinking blogger?

I have been named for the Thinking Blogger Award by Kak Teh, Apandi and Raden Galoh. Why did 3 bloggers tag me? No, not so much because I got many people thinking, but because I'm such a slow thinker! Very slow to respond! But then again, if the award came with a prize instead of a price, I probably would have responded immediately... :-)

When Kak Teh first tagged me I had a few bloggers in my mind whom I wanted to name for the award. Before I had the chance to respond, my PC crashed. Hard disk couldn't be saved, so bye-bye to so many files which I haven't had the opportunity to save on my thumb drive... aargh!!

By the time I got back to the blogosphere, all the people whom I wanted to name for the award had already been named by other bloggers. Having lost quite a number of files in my old hard disk, I don't really have the time to bloghop to search for other potential recipients.

As such, I will have to respectfully withdraw from participating. Nevertheless, thank you to those who thought my blog was worthy enough to be named.