Those whose lives have improved…

As mentioned in my previous posting, one way of keeping my sanity after dealing with any complicated cases, is to visit the families whose lives have improved. It helps to keep me motivated to continue doing my voluntary work. Every time I start asking myself why I bother to get involved in the complicated cases, I remind myself that there are those whom we have helped before whose lives have improved by leaps and bounds after getting our assistance. The sense of satisfaction in seeing the improvement in their lives is simply… priceless!

When Lin was first referred to Buddies, she was still married. She wasn’t ready to accept a buddy then, and so my colleagues who were on clinic duty gave her my name and number in case she needed to talk to anyone. It took her a whole year before she decided to make that call. By then she was divorced. All her 6 children were still studying then. Without any working experience (she had always been a full time housewife), it was tough. She worked as an assistant at a restaurant, then due to some allergies she was hospitalised for a whole month and lost her job. After that she started selling pisang goreng to support her children. We Buddies came in to help out with her children’s education. Even though Lin herself only went to school up to standard 6, she really emphasized the importance of education to her children.

Now her eldest and 3rd daughter, both with diplomas, are already working and are able to help her out. Her second daughter, who’s studying medicine overseas, has another year to go to complete her studies. Lin’s 4th, a boy, wasn’t really interested in school, didn’t do well, but he is working now and at least is able to take care of himself without asking for money from his mother. Only the 2 younger ones are schooling now, and they are both still receiving financial assistance for their educational needs.

I used to send groceries to Lin’s family on a monthly basis. Now I no longer need to do that. The family is much more independent now.

Then there’s Fuzi. When her case was first referred to Buddies at the hospital during one of her earlier appointments, she didn’t even have enough money to go home. She just had enough cash to come to the hospital, and was hoping she could hitch a ride with anyone to get back home. She didn’t earn a single thing. She had a small kid to take care of, and so working anywhere far from home was out of the question. She did try to get a job at a nursery near her house, but the other ladies there, knowing that Fuzi was HIV+, threatened their employer that they’d all quit if he hired Fuzi. For food, she had to depend on some neighbours who took pity on her children and so they’d give some food from time to time.

We helped out in getting financial assistance for her. While we Buddies do have funds for children education, Fuzi needed more than just educational assistance for her children. Other than welfare aid, Fuzi is now getting financial aid from an individual donor. Now, she seems to be able to cope. And she seems to be putting the financial aid she’s getting to good use. Her children are all still schooling, and her eldest daughter Wina,  seems to be doing quite well in school. And she’s such a responsible girl too, taking good care of her younger siblings whenever her mother needed to go elsewhere. Fuzi has such high hopes on Wina.

When Aini’s case was first referred to us, her husband was very sick then. Just after 2 weeks, the husband died. Aini was then working at a pharmaceutical shop. After a while, the shop closed down, and Aini was jobless. At her age, and with her poor state of health, it wasn’t easy to get a job. Like in Fuzi’s case, we helped get financial assistance for Aini, while we took care of her children’s educational needs. Aini too seemed to be putting all the financial assistance to good use. And Eira, her eldest daughter, now in form 6, has grown to be a responsible girl. I can get along very well with Eira.

For all the 3 cases above, the children (or at least the girls) do see the importance of education.

There are some other cases as well which didn’t involve financial problem. These are the ones who needed more moral support than anything else. The ones who felt really down when they were first diagnosed HIV+. The ones who didn’t know how to break the news to their spouses. The ones whose family members didn’t know about their HIV status but needed to talk things out with someone.

Nowadays my conversations with them no longer involve HIV related matters. They have moved on.

Of course, once in a while when they receive news about one of them passing on, they start worrying… thinking of when their turn would come. Like recently when Aini found out that Sofie passed on a month ago, she said, “Risau pulak saya dengar.” I told her death was inevitable, whether or not one has HIV. I said for all we know it could be my turn next, to which she responded, “Eh janganlah, harap-harap sihatlah selalu… tempat kami bergantung harap.”

It’s good to know that some of my clients do pray for my good health. But what’s more important is for them to move on with their lives… in a more positive manner. They are already HIV positive, nothing can be done about that already, so they might as well use a positive approach in their lives…

 

Form 6? Matriculation? Polytechnic? Private college? Industrial institutes?

Having visited Maznah on Thursday, yesterday I decided to visit 2 of my earlier clients, Fuzi and Aini. After having to face a complicated case like Maznah’s, one way to keep my sanity is to visit the families whose lives have improved. It helps to keep me motivated to continue with the voluntary work I’m doing. No doubt Fuzi’s & Aini’s problems when they were first referred to us Buddies were different, but still, seeing that they are living a better life now, somehow gives me some sense of satisfaction.

After getting some groceries loaded into my car, off I went to visit Fuzi. It had been quite some time since I last went to visit her. Once upon a time I used to visit her on a monthly basis, but with the financial help she has been getting, her life is more stable now, so I have reduced my visits to her house. But when I do visit, I do make it a point to bring along some groceries for her family.

Fuzi’s eldest daughter, Wina, was getting ready to go for tuition, while Fuzi’s youngest, Iwan, was watching TV. He looks a lot more like a boy now. Previously he had longer hair, and with his dimple and all, he looked oh so sweet like a girl. Now that he has started going to a kindergarten, Fuzi got his hair cut. They seemed to be doing okay. However Fuzi did mention that the only thing that’s giving her a headache now is her 2nd daughter, who is now in form four. For the past 2 or 3 weeks, she had been talking to herself a lot. I told Fuzi to go to the girl’s school, meet & discuss with her teacher to find out if she has any problems she has not been telling anyone.

While I was at Fuzi’s house, Rajan, one of the sponsored children, called me up. He had earlier been offered a place at a matriculation college, and I did advise him to accept it, but the offer was for accounting line, not science. Rajan wants to take up science as he is interested to do engineering. But the results of his science subjects weren’t good enough to earn him a place in science. So he called to ask if he could opt for form 6 science instead. He said he’d go to PPD immediately if I gave him the green light. I had known all along his interest was engineering, and I also knew his science subjects weren’t good enough, but seeing that he seemed determined to take up science, I told him to go and discuss with the PPD officer or with his school teacher. If they agreed to allow him to take up form 6 science stream, then by all means, go ahead.

From Fuzi’s house, I headed straight to Aini’s house. Her daughter, Eira, who had decided to register for form 6 while waiting for the results of her application to polytechnics, needed to use a laptop in school. Since I have an old laptop, which had not been used for some time, I decided to lend Eira my laptop.

I have always felt comfortable visiting Aini at her home. Her boys would usually shy away, but Aini and Eira treated me like family. In fact I can joke around with Eira just like she was one of my own nieces. I found out that she too, like me, loves adventurous activities… so I think we will get along just fine.

Anyway, Eira seems happy to continue doing form 6 even though the results of her polytechnic applications are not known yet. I guess if she is offered a place, whether or not she will accept them will depend on what course she gets. Otherwise, it’s form 6 all the way.

It rained heavily while I was at Aini’s house, so I had quite a long chat with both Aini and Eira. After a while, Rajan called again. He said after speaking to the teacher, he was advised to take up matriculation because the teacher felt that with the kind of results Rajan got for his science subjects in SPM, the boy may not be able to cope with the science subjects in form 6. So, yes, it’s back to matriculation in accounting stream for the boy.

When I got home, Hana called. Earlier this week, when Hana asked my favour to check if her daughter Ayu managed to get a place in any of the IPTAs, I checked and found out that Ayu failed to get a place. So it was sort of decided that Ayu would register for form 6. And register she did, bought the uniforms, paid the fees etc, and suddenly yesterday she received a text message saying that she had been offered a place at a college (a college in affiliation with UiTM) to do Diploma in Accounting. The offer letter would be sent to her soon. Hana called to ask if she should accept it. It was hard for me to give any advice there and then as I didn’t have much knowledge about the college Hana mentioned. But she did mentioned that Ayu was interested to take up the course, and so I told her to just wait for the offer letter to come first.

Meanwhile I decided to find out more info from the internet, and managed to get more info from the college’s website. True enough, the courses there are UiTM courses, and in fact, when students complete the courses, the diplomas will be presented during UiTM’s convocation.

So I guess it’s a safe offer for Ayu to accept.

No more changes I hope. Every time the children call up to seek my advise regarding their choice of further studies, I’m the one who ends up confused.

I still have one more child who has to wait though. Azlan, Sofie’s eldest son, will only know the results of his application end of this month. He didn’t qualify to apply for IPTA or even polytechnic, so I submitted his application for industrial training institutes. The boy has left it totally up to me to decide for him which course he should take up. Well, his interest is definitely in the automotive field, so I do hope he will get one of the courses I helped to apply for him.

Visiting the problematic girl…

Having asked a colleague (fellow volunteer) to visit Maznah (the pregnant girl on methadone I blogged about earlier), and after getting a report from the colleague about the girl’s background, I decided I needed to visit Maznah myself before advising my colleague on what next to do. With so many complicated details, I think she too got confused with all the facts she took down.

So today, after zohor, I drove over to the hospital at the town where my colleague works, and where Maznah was warded. Based on the earlier info we got, Maznah was supposed to be warded until she delivers so that the doctors/nurses could monitor her methadone & ARV intake. So I figured I would have to visit her at the hospital.

Upon reaching the hospital, I had to wait for my colleague to come so that  we could get in easier since it wasn’t visiting hours, and she being a doctor there, would get easier access into the ward. Turned out she forgot to bring her tag/pass and we almost got stopped by the guard upon entering the O&G ward! I took out my HRPB Ipoh special pass (which is actually only valid at HRPB, but at least it helped in explaining why we needed to go in) and the guard finally took us to see the Sister to get permission. Luckily the Sister recognised my colleague. So we were allowed in, only to find out that Maznah had been discharged a week earlier! My colleague couldn’t figure out where she placed the note book where she had earlier on jotted down all the details about Maznah, and so she didn’t have Maznah’s address. Thank God we could dig that out from the hospital records.

After getting some directions on how to get to the address given, off we went to visit Maznah at her mother’s house. First to get to a particular hotel… which I was told, known amongst the locals as a hotspot for prostitutes. Parked the car there, and asked someone at a nearby warong how to find Maznah’s house. The young lady we asked seemed reluctant to tell where the house was. She asked who we were looking for, and when told we wanted to visit Maznah, she asked why. Only when she was told that Maznah had already met my colleague earlier at the hospital, she told a small boy sitting in front of her to show us the way. Apparently the small boy was Maznah’s younger brother! And yes, without him showing the way, we probably would be walking in circles trying to find the house despite having the address.

It was a slum area, and we had to walk through small alleys between the houses to get to Maznah’s house.

As we got there, an elderly looking lady wearing t-shirt and shorts, holding a cigarette in her hand, met us first. She told us she was Maznah’s mother. Later I found out she was only 44. Younger than me. Seriously I thought she was much older. 2 little boys were playing inside a water tub. The house looked like it was built from discarded materials. Frankly speaking, it’s not fit to be called a house.

After a while Maznah came out, with a box of cigarettes in her hand. She recognised my colleague immediately. There was no living room for her to invite us in to, so we had a chat while just standing there – just at the entrance.

I was shocked to find out that 11 of them stayed there, including Maznah’s cousins and their children as well. The young lady we met earlier at the warong, was one of them. Another cousin, 18 years of age, is also pregnant. Apparently, in this family, getting pregnant out of wedlock, is nothing out of the ordinary. It was too sensitive a question to ask, but I believe, by the looks of it, that Maznah’s mother works as a prostitute to support the family.

Maznah’s 13 year old younger brother has stopped schooling as they could no longer afford to send him to school. He now works at a burger stall. Maznah’s 9 year old brother, the one who showed us the way to the house, is also not schooling. According to his mother, the boy doesn’t want to go to school. Maznah also has a 6 year old sister. These 3 younger siblings of Maznah’s, were all born out of wedlock. Maznah herself already has 2 children from earlier pregnancies. One given away to another family, while the other one, a boy, is now 6 years old, same age as Maznah’s youngest sister.

I asked Maznah if she wants to send her child to school. She said she does, but she may not be able to afford it. Likewise I asked her 6 year old sister if she wanted to go to school, the girl just smiled and nodded. I told Maznah we should be able to help out with the children’s schooling expenses, but she must promise to register them for standard one next year. Maznah seemed to appreciate the offered assistance, even though I only offered schooling assistance and nothing else.

With the kind of background they were brought up in, it’s difficult to change their lifestyle. Telling them what should and should not be done will not work. While we see their family as a problematic family, to their family, probably their only problem is financial, and nothing else. For the moment I just told my colleague to be a good friend to Maznah. Let her feel comfortable with us first. Things need to be done in a slow and steady manner.

My target now is so that the 2 younger children goes to school next year. Hopefully that will open them up to a totally different environment. Maznah and her mother both agreed that the 2 should go to school next year. To me that’s a good enough start…

Ahh, the children…

Rozi called me up from her workplace this morning. Yes, the aunt Rozi, new guardian of Sofie’s children. In a way, I was glad she called… at least it showed that she already felt comfortable talking to me. On the other hand, her call could mean there’s a problem she wanted to talk to me about – a problem involving the children.

True enough, Rozi was getting worried about Azman, the culinary boy. The boy did drop by Rozi’s house during last Tuesday’s public holiday, but just for a short while and with a specific purpose. Since he needed to get a new guarantor for his PTPK loan, his aunt Rozi, who previously was the second guarantor, has now become the first guarantor, and so she needed to sign the form again. And the second guarantor which he ended up getting one himself… was his other aunt’s husband. Yep, the aunt whose house he frequents.

However, according to Rozi, she wasn’t too sure herself if the signature of the second guarantor was indeed signed by the uncle, or signed by Azman himself. I remember when I brought the other kids to visit Azman at his college and asked if he had got a second guarantor, he did mention he found one although he refused to mention who. Then when I asked if all the forms had been signed, he said there was no need. Huh? Guarantor need not sign? That’s impossible.

Anyway, Rozi’s main concern was that Azman could be skipping his classes because Azman’s paternal aunt did mention to Rozi that she saw Azman at the other aunt’s house. But I told Rozi I had just met one of his lecturer’s last week and according to his lecturer, Azman is still showing interest in class. And I assured Rozi that I had already told the lecturer to inform me immediately should Azman start playing truant.

And according to Rozi, Azman now has a new girlfriend… no longer his senior at the culinary school, but his own cousin (who is also 2 years older than him). Ahh, no wonder he loves to frequent the other aunt’s house… he wanted to be with the girl! Haiya! And this was the same cousin who got pregnant (out of wedlock) and went for an abortion earlier this year. Sigh…

On the good side, when I asked Rozi about Azlan, the older brother, Rozi said Azlan had changed a lot positively. Before this, Azlan was even more problematic than Azman, not wanting to listen to his mother, always coming home late. His positive changes started when Sofie was still alive, and after Sofie passed on, both Rozi and myself noticed Azlan had indeed become a more responsible person.

Thank God for that. Imagine if both Azlan and Azman gave problems, both Rozi and myself would end up with even more headache!!

Later in the afternoon, Hana called me up and asked if I could check online to see if her daughter managed to secure a place at any of the IPTAs. Somebody told her daughter that the results would be out this afternoon and since she didn’t have any internet or even computer at home, she sought my help. She’s supposed to register for form 6 this week, and Hana didn’t want to buy uniforms etc  only to be using them for a short while should her daughter get offered to any of the IPTAs.

So yes, checked online I did. I have copies of the girl’s certs with me, so I already had her IC number to enter. She wasn’t successful in her application. And since she didn’t apply for TEVT/ILKA (polytechnic colleges & technical/industrial institutes), I suppose form 6 it is for the girl.

I then proceeded to check for Aini’s daughter. Earlier on when I went to visit her at her house, she did enter some details online using my netbook, and so I still had her IC number saved. She too wasn’t successful in her application for IPTAs. She however, did apply for TEVT/ILKA as well, and so she still stands a chance to further her studies elsewhere instead of continuing with form 6. The results for this one will only be known later some time end of May.

I didn’t bother to check for Azlan yet. I was the one who submitted his application online, and based on his results, I didn’t bother to apply to IPTAs. Instead I submitted his application for TEVT/ILKA. Which means the results will only be known end of May.

Meanwhile, according to Rozi, Azlan had gone for a 3 weeks training in KL for his new job. He got a job at a car service centre and will continue to work until he gets a place to further his studies. I do hope Azlan will get a place to further his studies in the field he likes – automotive. I want him to get a qualification better than just SPM. At least if Azman gets his Kitchen Practice certificate, he cannot look down on his older brother.

Did I make the right move?

When at one time I started getting complaints about Azman, Sofie’s son at the culinary school, I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, I made the wrong decision sending him there at such a young age. But then again, had I not sent him there, he would probably end up just working as helper at food stalls. Even when he was in form 3, he missed school quite often, being more interested helping out at food stalls to get some extra pocket money for himself.

When he indicated he wanted to quit school after PMR and work, I could coax him to still go to school at least up to form 5, and only start working after that. But I wouldn’t be able to make sure he goes to school every day. Chances are, just like when he was in form 3, out of every 5 schooling days each work, he’d skip school 3 times a week. And him being one of the children under our education sponsorship programme, I didn’t want to waste his sponsor’s money knowing pretty well he’s not putting them to good use.

But I knew from his late mother that he loves cooking. So when a friend of mine told me about a culinary school which does accept 16 year olds on a case to case basis (usually they only take SPM leavers), I personally asked Azman if he’d be interested to take up Kitchen Practice at this place, he was all excited about it. At least with the skill he gets from this course can help him to get better jobs since the certificate given out is recognised by the Ministry of Human Resource.

So yes, early this year, he joined the culinary school. I personally sent him there as his mother was not only unwell, she had 2 younger children which she had to send to and fetch from school. I have a friend in the management team of the culinary school so I depended on her to report to me if there were any problems involving Azman.

After a while, the complaints started coming. He had been almost daily  chit-chatting with his new girlfriend, a senior 3 years older than him, at the hostel pantry, right up to 2 or 3 am in the morning. The warden/lecturers warned him.

Then when I went to visit Sofie at home, she told me how Azman had been asking for money from her every week. For the record, while waiting for his PTPK loan to be approved, he has been getting monthly pocket money from a donor, banked in straight into his bank account. The amount should be good enough, more than what his mother could afford to give him. So when his mother told me that Azman had been asking her for money too often, I was quite angry with him. He had promised me he wouldn’t trouble his mother, but there he was, even suggesting to his mother to take out money from his younger siblings’ bank accounts!

I gave him a short lecture. Azman seemed to have befriended those from rich families, and so he had been spending just like them. He needed to be reminded how hard his mother had to work despite  her ailing condition just to feed him and his siblings.

The next time I went to visit Sofie, I was told that Azman was no longer asking for money from his mother.

Then when Sofie died, instead of staying with his aunt Rozi, who had been entrusted by Sofie to take care of her children, Azman seemed to prefer going to another aunt’s house… the same aunt who had been badmouthing Sofie earlier. At that house he could do whatever he wanted to do without anyone scolding or nagging, unlike his aunt Rozi who’d scold him just like she would her own children if they did anything wrong.

I had to give Azman another short lecture. He should at least have some respect for his aunt Rozi who I could see, cared about the children.

Anyway, yesterday Azman called me up to inform me that he needed to pay a certain amount for the stamping of his study loan agreement. So this morning I went over to the culinary school and went straight to the office, first to pay whatever necessary, and then I had a short chat with one of his lecturers. It was good to know that this lecturer does keep a close watch on her students, even outside the class. And I felt even more relieved when told that Azman had indeed been showing interest in class.

So hopefully I did make the right move by sending him to the culinary school at such a young age…