Sudah baik dengan bini ka?

Remember Zali? The guy who was (still is) on methadone treatment and whose wife left him and their 2 little girls? I first wrote about him here; and then there were a few follow-up stories here, here, here, here and here.

Initially I believed all that he said about his wife. While I understood why his wife left him, I couldn’t for the life of me understand how the wife could have the heart to leave the girls just like that. I mean, even if she could no longer stand their marriage, the least she could have done was to take the girls with her. Surely they’d be better off with her. After all she has a secure job with a goverment department while Zali himself was (and still is) not working and dependent on methadone.

The last time either the doctor and SN asked if I could do anything about Zali’s case was in April this year. The doc was quite concerned because Zali had not been compliant in taking his ARV and his condition had worsened. But since I never got the opportunity to speak to his wife, I couldn’t really find his wife’s version of the story. All the while Zali made it sound as though his wife was the one who didn’t care about the kids, but when asked for the wife’s number so I could speak to her, he always came up with all sorts of excuses not to give me the number.

I did wonder what had happened to Zali and especially his children. My main concern was of course the 2 girls. Although I had his house address, I couldn’t simply visit them at home without permission. I don’t have the authority to check on them.

So when we had the appointment with the state Welfare director and a few of her officers last Wednesday, I took the opportunity to highlight his case to them. They immediately agreed that they needed to interfere if indeed the 2 girls are not being well taken care of. At least they have the authority to check on the family.

Yesterday I was at the welfare department again, for a meeting. The moment I walked in, the lady officer in charge of such cases told me that they had gone to visit, but it seemed the house was in orderly manner. Zali wasn’t home but his 2 girls were there with 2 maternal cousins of theirs. The officers did speak to the children and were told that their mother was staying with them (but she was at work). Children don’t usually lie, and especially in this case when they weren’t even expecting any welfare officers to come and visit, surely nobody could have taught them what to say, right?

However, the officers did get the mother’s phone number from the girls, although their first attempt to call their mother was not answered. They then called Zali, and Zali did answer the phone. He did admit to them that at one time he was a very irresponsible person but he claimed that he has now changed for the better.

The lady officer told me they’d still be monitoring the case. She wants to speak to the mother first to get her version of the story.

If indeed the wife is staying back with them, good for the children. My guess is earlier on it wasn’t that the wife didn’t want to take the kids with her. It was Zali who refused to let them go. He did mention to me once that he was still trying to coax his wife to return to him. After all, the wife had always been the breadwinner and Zali was the one who’s with the kids most of the time, so the children had grown attached to him, even sometimes tagging along with him to the methadone clinic.

The only thing I’d like to know now is, is the wife really able to accept Zali back into her life? Or is she only doing this for the sake of the children?

Whatever it is, I am glad I highlighted the case to the welfare officers. At least I know they are monitoring the children’s well being.

How to help?

Early Tuesday morning, after my subuh prayer, when I was busy reading my emails and text messages regarding Kak Ruby's demise, out of the blue came a text message from Mrs K. Again, she was trying to borrow money - for one last time, she said. Even if it came at the right time, I wouldn't entertain her request; what more it came when I was still in shock over the news of Kak Ruby's demise. So no, I didn't bother to reply, and as of today, she too has been quiet.

Later in the afternoon, just when I was about to reach the junction to arwah Kak Ruby's house, a call came in from SN - causing me to make the wrong turn to the right when by right I should turn in left. Didn't wander off too far though, just stopped by the roadside, and only after I finished my conversation with SN did I make a turn back heading the right way.

SN would usually only call me when there is a problem to discuss regarding any of the PLHIVs. I don't get her calls often. So why did she call me this time?

Remember Zali, the guy whose wife left him and their 2 kids? Well, at least that was what Zali made us believe. I could understand why his wife left him, but I could never understand why she left the 2 girls as well, especially with Zali not having any source of income and still on methadone treatment to add. I've tried asking Zali for the wife's phone number so I could personally speak to her and so that I could understand the situation better, but Zali always came up with all sorts of excuses not to give me the number.

My main concern is the children's well being. And that too, is the concern of SN and Dr Ker at the HIV clinic. Which was why SN called me on Tuesday. Dr Ker had asked her to find out if Zali is getting any help for the children. If Zali himself is not working, how and what does he feed his children? I remember one time he called me, begging for help as he and his children had not eaten for the day and when I met up with him in town to pass some foodstuff to him, he cried and told his 3 year old daughter, "Hari ni kita dapat makan, adik!"

At one time, I did wonder what kind of a mother Zali's wife was... but now, come to think of it, I am not too sure if Zali had told me the whole truth. He did tell me before that he is unwilling to part with his children. And from my sources, I was told that once in a while when he goes to the methadone clinic, his wife was seen as well. Maybe that was the only time the wife could see the children (unlike Zali's earlier story to me that his wife never came back for the children).

And why on earth wouldn't Zali give me the wife's phone number? My guess is he doesn't want me to find out his wife's version of the story.

I do want to help the children, but any financial help would have to go through their guardian; in this case, Zali. But frankly I'm not sure if I can trust Zali with cash. What if he uses the money for drugs and stop going for his methadone? Which was why the last help I gave, I gave them foodstuff.

Nevertheless we did try to arrange to get financial help for the children. I had even got him to sign up the form to apply for Pediatric Aids Fund (under the Malaysian Aids Foundation), but Zali did not give me the copies of supporting documents needed, like his children's birth cert, his IC and his bank account details. OK, so maybe he doesn't have a bank account. But his wife is working with a government agency, sure she has a bank account. I really need to at least speak to his wife but Zali had not been cooperative. I don't even know the wife's name, and neither does SN.

Zali too still has a mother, who stays in another town. Zali doesn't want to stay with his mother as it would be difficult for him to come every day to Ipoh for his methadone. He doesn't want to leave his children with his mother either, because according to him, his children are too attached to him already.

Hmmm... makes me wonder... is he actually using his children to get sympathy and financial help? Aargh!

I am really concerned about the children's well being, but it is difficult to help when you don't get full cooperation.

So how to help?