THEY WILL ASK thee as to what they should spend on others. Say: "Whatever of your wealth you spend shall [first] be for your parents, and for the near of kin, and the orphans, and the needy, and the wayfarer; and whatever good you do, verily, God has full knowledge thereof." - Al-Baqarah (2:215)

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Nikmatnya beristeri 4?

♫ ♪♫ Senangnya dalam hati… ♫ ♪♫ kalau beristeri empat… ♫ ♪♫ bila dah sakit kini… ♫ ♪♫ hidup merempat!

(To be sung to the tune of P.Ramlee’s Madu Tiga)


Huh? Why am I suddenly going into this madu-madu topic? Is it because of the difficulty to get gula, we now need to use madu?


Actually, I was on clinic duty today. Remember Ramli, whom I had met during one of my clinic duties last year, and I posted his story under case #3 here? You probably don’t remember because I never followed up on that story. To recap, here’s a cut and paste version of my earlier posting.


Ramli came in with a young lady - I thought his wife at first (he was wearing a mask, and he looked quite young behind the mask - hmm... I wonder if I looked young behind the mask too... haha!). Then the young lady introduced herself as his daughter. I looked at Ramli's file, and saw that he's 43. Well, still young, and with a grown up daughter, he must have got married at quite a young age. The daughter who came with him just got married recently.

I then asked how he found out about his HIV infection, and almost choked when his daughter selamba-ly answered, "Sebenarnya masa ayah kawin nombor 4 baru-baru ni kena buat test HIV. Dari situlah dapat tau."

I hope behind my mask they didn't notice my terkejut beruk face. Whoa... in our contact report form which we have to fill up, there is one column for "Spouse's name". Duh, do I now have to change it to "Spouses Names"??

I asked if his family members, especially his wives all know about his HIV infection. Here goes...

Wife #1 (also mother to the daughter who accompanied Ramli): She knows, but has yet to go for testing. 4 children with this wife... all grown up and all know about his HIV.

Wife #2: Also 4 children with this wife, the youngest is 4. All the children are staying with him. I was quite concerned about the 4 year old, but I told them to just get the wife to go for testing, if she's negative, then no need to worry about the kids. The problem is, while the children are with him, the family doesn't know the whereabouts of the wife now. As such, they are unable to get her to go for testing.

Wife #3: No children. It is believed Ramli got HIV from this wife. The wife, a foreigner from a country north of Malaysia, was infected by her earlier husband, but did not inform Ramli about it. She just mentioned she had TB. And she died of TB. Habis cerita.

Wife #4: Of course she knows lah, it was during the mandatory pre-marital testing that Ramli found out he was HIV +ve. But she still married him anyway despite the HIV and the 3 earlier wives...


That was last year. Today was Ramli’s appointment at the HIV clinic again. This time his situation is different. Last time I saw him, he was still able to walk. Today he was on wheelchair (in fact I was told he’s already bedridden at home). Last time wife #1 & #4 still around, wife #2 missing and wife #3 died. Today even #1 and #4 dah cabut lari! I guess when you’re not loyal, nobody wants to be loyal to you too huh?

Today again he came accompanied by the same daughter who accompanied him the last time. Only difference is, his daughter is pregnant and is expected to deliver anytime soon.

SN referred this case to me again because Ramli’s younger children need help. That would be the 4 children from wife #2 – all of whom are still schooling.

With ALL his wives leaving him (except #3 who died, the rest asked for divorce… including #4 who earlier married him despite knowing of his HIV status), and Ramli being bedridden, who’s to take care of Ramli? Worse, wife #2 not only left Ramli, she left the children with him as well. So who’s taking care of the kids?

Thank goodness Ramli’s daughter from wife #1 is willing to take care of him AND her half sisters/brothers. But she’s not well to do herself – she’s not working and is financially dependent on her husband. And she will be having her own child soon, surely she’d need to spend more on her own child.

I will need to visit them at home first to do an assessment before I decide on anything. Whatever it is, the children must continue schooling. Whatever their parents did, they shouldn’t be deprived of basic education at the very least!


Yati Harvey said...

Ini kisah jantan bukan lelaki....I tahu sgtlah sebab dlm my family pun ada yg tergatal kahwin byk, nasib baik takde HIV...lepas kahwin, buat anak, bini tak sanggup, pandai2 hantar rumah my mother being the kakak tanggung segala.
Susah, bila jantan tak guna kepala atas bahu untuk berfikir...

Pi Bani said...

Depa guna kepala lutut ek K.Intan?

Kama said...

tarik nafas panjang saya pi, baca kisah ni. tambah bini senang, buat anak senang, bab bela dan tanggung.. belum tentu mampu..

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Aunty Pi,
Aiyo...this story no fun lah. At least P Ramlee's film got comedy in it. The lesson to be learned - mak bapak punya hal, anak-anak yang susah. Perhaps the children can be put in foster care or something? purrr....meow!

Wan Sharif said...

Salam Pi,
Well said Pi, whatever their parents did, the children should not be deprived of...
Anak anak ni akibat dari kejantanan bapa bapa mereka atau ketidakpandaian bapa bapa mereka menggunakan akal.., merupakan ujian untuk kita Umat Islam.
Orang orang yang meringankan beban mereka akan direngankan beban di sana.. Wallahua'lam

Pi Bani said...

Ramai orang yang buat keputusan tanpa fikir tanggungjawab yang tak tertanggung & tak terjawab...

Pi Bani said...

Memanglah no fun. Tumpang tune lagu P.Ramlee je, but story, story P.Bani...

Actually the sister so far is still willing to take care of them, but you knowlah, belanja sekolah semua tu yang dia kurang mampu.

Pi Bani said...

Wan Sharif,
Nak salur bantuan kat budak-budak ni yang payah sikit, because we still need to do so through their guardians. If their sister ni yang jaga, insyaAllah nampak macam boleh haraplah.

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Hi Pi,

I'm gobsmacked how anyone can cope with 4 wives.I'd already got a handful with just one..kekeke, no lah this Ah Soh of mine is ok lah so in this sense I'm quite blessed :))

It's good u highlight this issue, men should be more responsible & to be made aware that having a wife & kids requires full time commitments to ensure that they are sheltered, clothed, fed, protected & supported to attain the highest standard of education that they r capable of.

It is so sad that this vicious cycle will continue with this guy's children unless some institution take over their well being. I wish them all the best of luck.

Hope I don't sound too mean here,it's just the awful truth, a sad indictment of the society we live in today.

Pi Bani said...

If you pasang 4 sure Ah Soh mengamuk one!

I malaslah nak comment on men with more than one wife; but whatever decision we make, we must consider our responsibilities as well, no?

Anonymous said...

On the train from Prague to Berlin, my (mostly) orang putih classmates discovered I was (and am) Muslim. They could not help but exhibit their amazement that I could have more than one wife. They kept up with the questions etc on the topic until I put a stop to it with a logic that even the bra-burning feminists in the class approved, i.e. "One wife means one mother-in-law; two wives... two mothers-in-law - not exactly a savoury prospect. Anyhow, if one wants to have more than his share of marital fun, why bother with marrying another woman. Just play around - you have the fun, but without the responsibility" :)

Jasmani, Singapura

Pi Bani said...

Some men marry a 2nd, 3rd, 4th wife without taking into consideration the heavy responsibilities that comes with it...