Buddies Family Day 2018

12th August 2018 - For this year's Family Day, we decided to head over to Perak Agrotourism Resort (PATRO) in Tanjung Tualang, Perak. We chartered one bus from Taiping and another bus from Ipoh. The Taiping group (including a few from Parit Buntar) had to start off earlier as they are further away. For the Ipoh group, we told everyone to assemble by 7.30 am, but only a few were around at 7.30 am. But it wasn't too bad, we managed to make a move by 7.45 am.

We were supposed to pick up one family in Simpang Pulai. But as we reached Simpang Pulai, I called up my client and she said she was already there but they wanted to drive on their own and just follow behind the bus. Next stop was Batu Gajah, where we picked up an 11 year old HIV+ girl who was accompanied by her grandfather.

We reached PATRO on time, and I was happy to see some of our clients (who drove on their own) were already there. We had already arranged with PATRO to prepare breakfast as we knew many of them would probably be hungry (some had to leave home very early in the morning), so everyone headed straight to the cafeteria first to have breakfast of fried noodles and cucur udang. The Taiping group arrived while we were having breakfast.

After breakfast we headed off for the farm tour, in trams and buggies. For the kids, the tram and buggy rides were already exciting enough for them. We visited the chilli farm & the duck farm, given briefing about the activities there, shown a demo on how salted duck eggs are made. We passed by the honey farm, and then we stopped by to see the horses. Horse rides are only allowed earlier in the morning before 11 am, so no horse or pony rides for the kids this time. However they were all allowed to touch and take photos with the horses.

Once the farm tour ended, we were all sent back to the cafeteria for lunch, followed by the usual lucky draw (where we made sure none of the children would go home empty-handed) and then brought out a birthday cake to celebrate the birthdays of the August babies.

After that, those interested to go for the paddle-boat rides were given a chance to do so, not just for the kids, but also for the adults. We made a move at 2.30 pm, but before we left the place, we stopped by their kiosk to buy some of the things produced there, including salted eggs, honey, drinks, kerepek, and some other things. Overall, it was a success.

For me personally, I was happy to meet up with some of my clients whom I had not met for quite some time. Once my clients become independent, I usually start distancing myself from them to concentrate on the more needy families. I would only contact them once in a long while, or they would contact me from time to time just to ask how I was doing. But they are always still invited to join the annual Family Day, no matter how independent they've become. It was so heartwarming to see them still showing their appreciation not just by attending the Family Day but also by their sincere hugs whenever we meet. The children, who are now grown-ups and working, even express their interest to become volunteers. And I was also happy to see a client of mine, who was once so weak and needed to use a wheelchair (or at least a walking stick), looking so healthy. She can already walk all by herself without even the need for someone to be beside her.

These are the things which always motivate me to carry on with my voluntary work despite not getting any monetary gains. The satisfaction of seeing the lives of these families change for the better (much much better than before) - PRICELESS!

Reassessing the needs of my clients

A few days ago I bumped into Aini, and old client of mine at a supermarket. Usually whenever  I met her, she'd be accompanied by her daughter. This time she was alone, and she looked good! No wheelchair, no walking stick. I've never seen her look so healthy before.

This family is totally independent now, so I no longer visit them regularly as I used to. I only contact them from time to time just to find out how they're doing (or sometimes they'd call me when they don't hear from me after some time) and only meet them during our Annual Family Day (or when I bump into them like I did a few days ago).

Aini's family is the second family among my clients to become totally independent (after Lin's). I am targetting a few more families to be independent soon. Investing in the children's education is beginning to show results. We have always believed that the way to change their future is through education. Even if they aren't academically inclined, encourage them to take up skill-training courses. I am happy that many of these children took up the challenge (although it wasn't easy trying to coax some of them).

I still have a few cases I need to look into to see how Buddies can help though. Like the 13 year old Orang Asli orphan who was just diagnosed HIV+ recently. She may need to take time off school until she's better.

Then there's another client who lost her job after her boss found out she's HIV+. Other than helping out with her children's education, I did suggest to her to start a small business to enable her to earn some income to support her family.

I need to reassess the needs of my clients. Some may need more help than the rest. And it's Ramadan. Time for my Ramadan home visits.

 

Helping clients to become independent

A client texted me yesterday, asking if Buddies could provide her with monthly financial assistance. Hmm... I always tell my clients that the only financial assistance Buddies may provide is for children’s education, and maybe on a case-to-case basis, for transportation when clients whose hospital appointments are quite far from their homes.

In the first place, financial assistance was not the objective when Buddies was initially set-up. Our main objective had always been (and still is) to provide moral and emotional support to people living with HIV, and their family members, if need be. The idea of the education fund came about only later, when Buddies came across poor clients whose children almost had to quit school because they couldn’t afford to pay for bus fares and other schooling needs.

Despite whatever I mentioned above, from time to time, when I do come across clients who need more, I do try to get help for them, depending on what they need. Those who remember the late Sofie, may remember that I did go out of the way to get more help for her. She was too weak to work. In fact when I was first introduced to her, she was bed-ridden. With 4 school-going children, and they had nothing to depend on, I felt obliged to help. We couldn’t use funds from Buddies’ bank accounts, so I sought for outside help, mainly from my friends. And since my friends were already aware of the voluntary work that I do, thankfully I always get good response from them whenever I mention about these cases. In Sofie’s case, I like helping her, because despite being unwell and weak, she did not want to be too dependent on outside help. Whenever she felt slightly better, she’d go out and try to earn some income of her own. When she mentioned about wanting to sell nasi lemak in the mornings, I had no problem getting donations from friends for the initial capital needed.

Sofie was not the only person who had help, although I must admit I loved helping her because of her attitude. Whenever any of my clients plan to start off a small business as their source of income, I’d try to get help for them, depending on their needs. Those who can sew, I’d get donations to buy sewing machines. Those who wanted to start a home-based baking business; I’d get donations to buy them ovens etc. As long as the donations are used as investments for a better future for these clients, I would help them.

However, for clients who are able-bodied but always using HIV to come out with all sorts of excuses why they can’t work, that’s where I draw the line. If they don’t make any attempts on their part to improve their lives, I don’t see why I should go out of my way to help them. It’s different if they are too weak and already bedridden, and don’t have any support from own family members.

As for the client who texted me yesterday, despite being infected with HIV, she is still able to work if she wants to. In addition to that, she’s staying with her parents who are supportive, and so no worries about having to pay for house rental and utilities. Her one and only daughter is in school, and she does get help from our education fund. Asking us to provide her with monthly financial assistance? No way! I have clients who are in a much worse situation than hers, yet they don’t ask for such assistance.

The main point of consideration whenever we help, is that we must help them to become independent, NOT dependent on us. That’s why we do help with the children’s education, because the best investment for a better future is in their education.

14 years as a volunteer

It is already February 2018 and I have yet to publish a single posting in my blog this year. While I am aware that not as many people read blogs nowadays (at least not MY blog), I do have a small number of donors who aren’t my FB friends (most of my updates are now posted on FB), who deserve to get some updates from time to time. So I can’t abandon my blog altogether.

The Buddies Society of Ipoh will be 14 this year. Although Buddies of Ipoh was formed earlier in the late 90’s as a wing under the Perak Family Health Association (back then known as Perak Family Planning Association), we registered as a society officially in 2004 and since then we were no longer under PFHA. I joined the association the very same year, in 2004, not far off from the date of Buddies’ official date of registration. So it’s easy for me to keep track of how many years I’ve been with Buddies, all I need to do is to take a look at the society’s certificate of registration.

To date I’ve been assigned to over 80 cases, which I believe is the highest number of clients ever assigned to any of our volunteers. During the recent board meeting, some of the male volunteers mentioned that for most of the cases assigned to them, after a few follow-ups, the clients are no longer interested to keep in touch. I guess all they needed were some initial info they wanted to know, after that they no longer wanted anyone to call them to ask how they’re doing etc.

I guess the ladies are different, especially when they are single mothers having to take care of their children and are left with nothing but the virus by their late husbands. Many of them need some sort of support system, especially those whose families aren’t aware of their HIV status.

Of the 80 over cases assigned to me to date, 13 of them have passed on. A few have moved to other states (therefore no longer covered by Buddies) and some I’ve lost touch with (changed phone numbers and never informed me and defaulted hospital appointments as well). I am however still actively in touch with 30 of them. I do reduce my visits/calls to clients who are becoming more and more independent, particularly those whose children previously covered by our Education Sponsorship program, who are now already working and therefore able to support their respective families. That’s the whole purpose of our support service… to help them become independent instead of becoming dependent on us.

Yes, there are some who tend to ask for everything they can think of the moment we start helping them, but I always tell them that our financial assistance is limited to their children’s education. And if they still keep trying to ask for more, I usually just ignore, especially when I know they are actually capable of working.

All in all, my 14 years with Buddies had been an eye-opening experience, and while I do admit sometimes it can get frustrating when some of the clients I try to help aren’t even bothered to put in any effort on their part, I have no regrets whatsoever becoming a volunteer. It was the best decision I made, not only for the families I try to help, but also for my own good.

Back-to-school-shopping 2017

It's mid-December and I'm done with this year's back-to-school-shopping (BTSS). 6 rounds of shopping. 5 different venues. 40 children. 23 families. Close to RM8K spent.

Since I don't visit my clients as often as I used to, I usually take the opportunity to catch up with my clients during BTSS, to find out how they and their children are doing.

Starting off this year's BTSS was Kak Aida. Since Kak Aida had to come to Ipoh for her hospital appointment, I made special arrangements to take her and her son to shop for the boy's schooling needs on the very same day in Ipoh. That way, Kak Aida didn't have to come to Ipoh too often, and I didn't have to drive all the way to her place to take the boy shopping. It was a win-win situation for the both of us. When Kak Aida's case was first referred to me, all her 3 boys were still in school. The youngest boy will be in form 5 next year, so this year's would be the last BTSS for them.

Round 2 of BTSS was also in Ipoh. Since a client of mine, Yana, who stays in Grik needed to come to Ipoh for her hospital appointment, I made arrangements for the other Ipoh group recipients to shop for their schooling needs on the same day. But the Ipoh group is smaller this year, because many of the previous years' recipients are no longer in school. Other than Yana's one and only child, the others were Julia's 2 youngest children (forms 4 and 2) and Fuzi's HIV+ son, Ijam who will be in form 4 next year. Fuzi's youngest son, 11, is still unable to go to school because of his citizenship status.

For round 3 of BTSS, I headed over to Kuala Kangsar. 4 families were supposed to join this round of BTSS, but one of them didn't turn up till the end. Another client almost missed the boat because she totally forgot. She only realised it when I called to ask her if she was coming. Since she was stuck at home having to take care of unwell family members (MIL, SIL, uncle, you name 'em), she quickly told her 2 daughters to get on the motorbike and meet me at the agreed place. Only one of the girls was eligible for BTSS this year since the older daughter just recently sat for her SPM. When I asked what her plans were after SPM results are announced, she told me she was planning to take up form six.

Round 4 of BTSS was held in Batu Gajah. There used to be a big group for my Batu Gajah BTSS, but this year, we only had 6 children from 4 families since many of the children have left school and there were no new clients with school-going children.

BTSS round 5 was held in Kampar, not only for my Kampar clients but also my Sungkai clients who agreed to come all the way to Kampar. 5 families involved this time, but only one child from each family. 3 families with only the youngest child still in school, while 2 others just joined this year's BTSS since their children will start primary school in 2018.

The final round of this year's BTSS was held in Taiping, with the biggest group involving 17 children from 6 families. Yah, who used to "star" in my blog during my early blogging years (remember Yah Ah Ngau & Mr Darling?) this time came with her 2 daughters. Her eldest is now doing her practical training while her one and only son (the ADHD boy) quit school and is doing odd jobs. The youngest girl, who I used to visit when she was still a toddler, will be in year 6 next year. How time flies.

Another client, Dahlia, came with 6 of her 7 children. (Her eldest Adila, the young mom who was raped and gave birth when she was 15, is now studying at a polytechnic somewhere). The youngest is still a toddler, so no school stuff for him. So we had to shop for the schooling needs of 5 of her children, from kindergarten right up to form 5. Still a long way to go for her.

Ok, time to submit my claims. I'm also beginning to get the lists of the children's various fees and workbooks, so yep, will need to start calculating those as well.